Summary: Why isn't there a boys' dorms for Fairy Tail? My answer to that question.

Pairings: Mira/Laxus, a brief mention of Elfman/Evergreen, some implied Juvia/Gray, parental Macao/Romeo, Erza/Bickslow friendship, Mira/Lucy friendship, and lots and lots of other implied friendship and family feels.

YouTube Prompt: Crack tribute for Minerva to 'Cruella De Ville' from Disney's 101 Dalmatians (come on, we were all thinking it…)

Lucy had been sitting by the bar with a milkshake as she vaguely listened to Mirajane give a detailed plan to how Laxus would be moving in with her and her siblings….though not for long because Elfman will be moving out with Evergreen (not that many knew that) and Lisanna was thinking about trying Fairy Hill for her own independence. It was then when a thought occurred to Lucy and her curiosity got the better of her.

"I've been wondering…" she said suddenly, silencing Mira's squeals over the cute set of his and her towels she had recently brought. "It's obvious that the girls have their own dormitories but I have never heard of the boys having one. Was there ever a boy's dormitory?"

It was as if someone cast a time freezing spell or something (in fact Lucy even glanced around for Ultear wondering if she had suddenly come back from the dead) as everyone froze and went deadly silent, and then the weirdest thing happened….

All the boys (apart from Gajeel who didn't give a fuck, Wakaba and Elfman who had their own homes, and Natsu who was far too cheerful for his own good) huddled into a corner as a dark, gloomy, blue aura spread across the room.

"Erm…?" Lucy frowned in confusion.

"Err," Mira said a little hesitatingly and a little sheepishly. "We don't talk about it…..ever."

"Why?" Lucy asked a little fearfully. "What happened?"

"IT WAS HIS FAULT!"

This outburst came from Natsu and Gray who both pointed at one another childishly as they screamed their defence.

Lucy sweat-dropped. "Of course," she muttered, "why did I even bother asking? Of course it was their fault."

"The boys' dormitories, Sprite Manor, was a lot smaller and in the middle of town," Mira explained, "when it half burnt to the ground and half froze, the council refused to let Master rebuild. All the boys had to find new homes."

"The horror, the horror," Jet and Droy rock back and forth.

"It wasn't easy," Levy mumbled, "Virtually no one wanted to rent out to them. Everyone refused Natsu and he had to build his hut."

Lucy sweat-dropped even more. That made total sense. It really shouldn't but it did. "My books!" Freed wailed. "My rare collection of runes burnt forever by that brat!"

"All my vintage guns… melted," Alzack said sulkily.

"Mr Snuffles is still frozen," Romeo glowered at Gray.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, KID!" Gray exploded. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL YOUR PET GUNIEA PIG!"

Even Juvia stared at Gray in horror at that one, and that was really saying something. Wendy looked like she was going to have nightmares later that night, Gajeel shot Gray a disgusted look, but Macao, shockingly enough, actually smacked Gray in the face with a fireball.

This, of course, started another brawl….not that it cheered many up.

"My poor original babies," Bickslow sniffled, "ashes and icicles now. And my favourite armour, gone, and my childhood best friend is liquid plastic now."

"There, there, Bickslow," Erza patted him on the back, "I too know the hurt to lose a favoured armour and a childhood friend."

Bickslow wailed something that Lucy could barely make out. It sounded like a girl's name appropriate for some frilly-dressed doll (she had millions growing up she knows what sort of names they have) and she decided it was best to leave that one alone and never go near it even with a mile long broomstick.

"Never mind that!" Laxus barked. "What about me?! I lost a whole fucking house! I lost an ancestral home for Fairy Tail that would have been the future male members of our guild's home, and now all boys are expected to find their own because someone won't let Fairy Hills be co-ed."

"Like I'd trust any of you with my girls," Erza scoffed.

"Laxus lost…?" Lucy turned her confused face to Mira for the explanation.

"He was the dorm father, so to speak," Mira quickly filled her in, "Master gave me the duty as a test of responsibility, wisdom, and leadership….needless to say he failed the moment he decided Natsu and Gray should room together."

Lucy choked on her milkshake. "He made them room together?!" she screeched horrified. "Was he temporarily retarded or something?!"

"Hey," Mira shrugged and smiled saucily, "no one said I was dating him for his brains."