Summary: Part of the Hoarding Lucy 'verse. Fairy Tail tries to give Natsu and Lucy the Stag and Hen night they never had….

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy! Gray/Juvia, implied one-sided Freed/Laxus, Cana/Booze, all girls' friendship, all boys' friendship, and lots and lots more Natsu/Lucy.

Author's Note: first….HAPPY ONE HUNDRETH CHAPTER! This is dedicated to ALL of you who have continued to inspire me to write. I want to thank you all for your lovely reviews, ideas, and constant support. Special thanks to everyone who first reviewed Hoarding Lucy because quite honestly I almost gave up before I posted that chapter because my response had been so bad, but you wonderful people made me want to continue and now look at us! One hundred chapters! Extra thanks to everyone because we are also now over ELEVEN HUNDRED reviews! I can't believe it, really I can't!

"I still can't believe Natsu is married."

It was a few days after everything happened with that weird clock, and Lucy and Natsu were now hold up in Natsu's house (doing what, they didn't want to know), and everyone else was relaxing in the rundown guild building with some drinks when Bickslow blurted that titbit out.

"I know," Freed agreed as he shook his head, "I can't shake the feeling the world is ending…"

"No we've been to the end of the world," Laxus grunted. "Tenrou remember?"

Everyone shuddered or flinched at the reminder. None of them were going to get over that particular gruelling series of battle that were painful in more ways than one. They had been in a lot of near-death experiences but never before had they been so certain that they were all going to die.

"Oh my God!" Mirajane freaked out breaking the morbid atmosphere Laxus' accidentally created. Several people jumped at that, Erza accidentally knocked her drink, Cana choked a little, and poor Freed almost ended up in Bickslow's lap he had jumped back so far. "I can't believe Natsu and Lucy have been married for seven years and never celebrated an anniversary."

Cana blinked and then her eyes bugged out in horror. "Oh my God!" she shrieked. "I can't believe Natsu and Lucy have been married for seven years and neither of them had a bachelor party!"

"That's the bit you focus on?!" Macao and Wakaba yelped.

They were ignored.

"Does Natsu even know what a bachelor party is?" Gray scoffed. "He probably thinks its hunting or fishing non-stop."

"Be fun," Laxus muttered.

(Several of the men rolled their eyes apart from Freed and Bickslow who stared at their best friend in worshipful adoration.)

"It would be fun to have a hen night for Lucy," Lisanna piped up, "In Edolas we had one for the Edo-Lucy….it erm, didn't end very well….Knightwalker almost killed us all," she shot an apologetic look to Erza who shrugged. "But before it was fun. We had strippers, booze, and games."

"Well we don't need a stripper with this one around," Cana jerked a thumb at Gray who was in the middle of taking his boxer's off much to Juvia's happiness.

"Crap! Not again!"

"But Lisanna does have a point though," Cana drained the rest of her drink and slammed the glass down onto the bar, "we should totally throw them a bachelor party."

An evil, dark, gleam entered everyone's eye while Wendy looked up in confusion, she then sweat-dropped as she had a terrible feeling Natsu and Lucy were going to be in a world of trouble.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Lucy was alone, Natsu and Happy had gone fishing, and she wanted some time to enjoy her book and do a little cleaning. They had been gone for so long that some mould had started to grow in both the bathroom and kitchen, weeds slipped in through the cracks, and they had been robbed. Repeatedly. Thank God Lucy had the foresight to hide her valuables in the Spirit World before she left. She never once thought the lock on the front door would be enough to keep burglars out (especially since they always left the front window unlocked for Happy).

Anyway, she was in the middle of a very gripping part of her novel when she suddenly felt an arm grab her, she tried to scream when a hand covered her mouth, and she tried to fight back, but a strange smell filled her senses and she rolled her eyes back into darkness.

Her very last thought was simply Natsu. Because she knew that he would find her and save her no matter what (if she didn't escape first).

She woke up, incredibly disorientated, to find herself sitting up on a fake leather sofa in between Mira who was wearing a low cut top, and Juvia who was wearing a indecently short (for her, it was above her knee) skirt. "Eh?" she blinked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She shuddered in disgust when she inhaled and caught the scent of something revoltingly sweaty, musky, and….well a night club, that boozy, hot, badly lit, filthy feel to it. It was horrible and she could never imagine the likes of Mira, or Lisanna, or Juvia, or Levy in a club like this (though it looked like it would be Cana's second home and she had no doubts that Erza and Evergreen could be at ease out of sheer self-confidence if nothing else).

"Wh-where are we?" she choked out. "And why did you kidnap me?!"

"It isn't a kidnapping," Cana said disgusted, "it's a surprise. We're going to have fun."

Why did Lucy feel like this meant something bad? She shuddered even more at the thought as her mind conjured dozens of bodies beaten by the girls and lots of chaos caused by Cana's drunkenness. This was so not going to end well.

"We just wanted to have fun, Lu-Chan," Levy pleaded with her big hazel eyes, which looked even bigger and a bit glossy with tears, and….oh crap. Lucy was going to give in, wasn't she? "We just wanted to surprise you with a Hen Night!" she pouted.

"But I'm married!" Lucy protested. "Aren't Hen Nights meant to happen before the wedding?!"

It never occurred to Lucy to have a Hen Night….well before she joined the guild her only female friends consisted of Aquarius and Lyra, so even if she could have one, and wanted one, it wouldn't have been so much fun with Aquarius trying to drown her and Lyra singing them both to sleep….

"Who cares?" Cana shrugged. "We're Fairy Tail. We do things our way."

True…

"Besides," Lisanna smiled, "you said you were considering a renewal of vows, think of this as a pre-celebration."

Lucy blushed at that. This was something she hadn't even discussed with Natsu yet. She admit she thought about it. She really, really, really wanted a proper wedding with Natsu, one with their very best friends there to watch, so they could share their love with the people they loved more than anything in the world.

She could never regret marrying Natsu but that didn't stop her regretting marrying him without Fairy Tail. Despite the fact she knew none of them on her wedding day….

"Relax and have fun with us, Lucy," Mira spoke up. She smiled beautifully and just looking at her made Lucy want to relax and join in the fun. Mira had that effect on people. "If you don't want a Hen Night then think of it as a girl's night out. We'll have drinks, see if we can beat Cana at her own game, and failing that enjoy ourselves until we're kicked out or Erza accidentally kills someone."

"What makes you think I'll be the one to kill someone?" Erza raised an eyebrow. Everyone just looked at her in reply. Everyone was a type of drunk, Juvia was a clinging, crying, drunk, Levy laughed…..a lot, Lisanna would curl up and go to sleep, Cana got lewder, Evergreen….disappeared somewhere, Lucy got quite flirty and affection, and Erza…well she got violent. Very violent. "Okay, fair point," Erza sweat-dropped, "but I vow not to ruin Lucy's night and if I do so, she has permission to punch me as retribution!" she added passionately.

"Err….no, that's all right," Lucy sweat-dropped, "I'd be much happier if you just don't kill someone."

"All right then!" Cana stretched out. "Let's get this show on the road!"

Lucy won't talk about the show, because it was mortifying as hell and there was no way she was even going to think about things that were so-so-so smutty! The show was a bunch of big, muscled-bound, strippers that all came out wearing nothing but thongs to begin with. Lucy almost curled up and died (as did Kinana and Erza seemed to be suffering blood lose from her nosebleed), Cana made it ten times worse by having some give them dances and luring them all in by shoving money in her mouth.

Honestly the less they talk about it, the better. All you need to know was several of them ended up very red in the face, Juvia almost flooded the place when she thought enjoying the sight of these men was cheating on Gray, and there was a lot of drinking to get past of the mortification….well, okay, not Lucy. She didn't particularly want to drink and she needed to keep her wits about in case Natsu burst in in an attempt to rescue her….she really wouldn't put it past him.

"Presents!"

Lucy smiled warmly as suddenly all of her friends showered her in brightly wrapped gifts. "Oh you guys!" she sniffled a little as she tried to hold back tears of joy. "You didn't have to!"

"I think you'll find," Cana smirked filthily, "that we most certainly had to."

And that was when Lucy's night got a hundred times worse.

Cana brought her a set of yous in a variety of colours that almost caused Lucy to die in shame ("Can't trust Natsu to know how to satisfy you," Cana grumbled, "the boy is a fucking moron!"), Mira and Lisanna brought her a pretty, pale pink, lingerie set, Kinana and Laki also got her a similar blue set, Bisca got her a pair of handcuffs ("Alzack likes to use them and I thought you might enjoy the extra spice," she winked as Lucy almost curled up and died), Erza brought her some sort of weird, armour like, BDSM thing that had them both blushing and not looking at each other, Juvia got her something more wholesome – new crockery for the kitchen ("How boring!" Cana bemoaned. "I won't create another Love Rival with smutty stuff that Natsu-san will have no idea to use but Gray-sama would!" Juvia said stubbornly), Levy got her an instructional manual on all the different positions ("It has pictures so you can show Natsu," she smirked as Lucy's head almost exploded), and Evergreen got her a new whip….which was probably intended for kinky stuff but Lucy could tell it would be pretty good in battle.

Lucy's face was bright red, mortified, and she really did consider calling Virgo to dig her hole for her to die in but she suspected Virgo would add to her mortification by dancing on the pole or asking the strippers to punish her or…..Lucy really needed another drink just thinking about it.

It was when the night came to a close (with Cana drunk on the floor, Erza having beaten three guys up, and Levy laughing so hard she almost wet herself) that Lucy realised that Natsu hadn't burst in and made things even more awkward

"Hey," she said softly to Mira, "where's Natsu? I would have thought he would have torn up all of Magnolia by now."

"Oh," Mira smiled innocently (though it fooled no one), "the boys kidnapped him for a Stag night."

Oh dear God!

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Natsu didn't know what a Stag Night is but it was really boring. He was expected to look at girls do a Gray, and none of them were anywhere near a pretty or nice smelling as Lucy, and he had to laugh at jokes that he didn't understand, and drink boring beer (he would much rather have a fire whiskey). It honestly wasn't worth being kidnapped for (Happy the useless jerk just flew off and left them too it) and he really would much rather be home with Lucy, where she might give up writing, let him rest his head on her lap, and read to him before they go to sleep….

"For God sake Natsu!" Gray snapped. "Stop being such a pansy and enjoy your night."

"Who the fuck are you calling a pansy?!" Natsu barked.

"You!" Gray snarled back. "You fucking pansy! You can live one night without your wife. Lord knows she needs the break from you!"

"What was that, you asshole?!"

It is needless to say that they ended up in a fight which somehow included Elfman, Laxus, Bickslow, and Gajeel. Freed stood aside, face-palmed, and wished he was anywhere but here (despite being in such close proximity of his Laxus-sama!).

So almost immediately after the fight broke up they got kicked out for brawling, and banned from the strip club for life.

Honestly….it surprised absolutely no one. This was normal for Fairy Tail. In fact so normal that they were running out of night clubs, strip clubs, bars, and supermarkets (don't ask!) that they could go to….

This pretty much happened everywhere they went to but later and later they were able to have a few drinks before they got kicked out, and soon enough Natsu escaped from his boring, irritating, kidnappers, and made his way home to his Lucy.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTTFTFTFTFTF

Lucy wasn't drunk drunk (trust her, you'll know when she is) but she was definitely giddy. She had managed to avoid Cana's attempts to lure her into a drinking competition and the multiple attempts of spiked orange juice in which both Cana and Mira were culprits of, and then soon enough everyone else was too drunk to notice Lucy wasn't which allowed her to give them the slip and sneak off home.

She barely made it through the door when she crashed into Natsu and the pair of them almost fell to the floor if it wasn't for the fact Natsu was quite quick on his feet and he held her up by the waist.

"Lucy, Lucy, Lucy!" Natsu cried out. He sounded and looked delighted to see her, and it was then Lucy realised (a little disappointedly) that Natsu was completely out of his head from drink. "Lucy!" he repeated as he nuzzled her neck. "I missed you! Gray and those other bastards just kidnapped me and made me look at other women. They weren't at all pretty! Not like you," his nuzzle turned into an open mouthed kiss and he then danced further down her neck to her collarbone.

Lucy blushed brightly for the millionth time that night only for a different more meaningful reasons. "Natsu…." She gasped as he pulled away to look at her. His eyes were intensely dark and Lucy felt her knees almost give away, thank God he was holding her up! "I-"

He interrupted her with his lips. They firmly pressed against hers and she lost all reasoning and rationale as her husband very thoroughly kissed her. Oh God yes! She thought ecstatically as she wound her arms round his neck and tried to scramble closer to him. She wanted to be closer and closer until they were virtually one person, and then she never wanted to let go. He drove her mad with love, and want, and obsession, she wanted him to do this with her forever.

The need for air caused them to break apart and Lucy found herself panting for breath as Natsu continued to stare at her with a burning passion that fitted with his fire magic. "Natsu," she repeated, her face was going to be permanently red as Erza's hair she had been blushing so frequently this night. "I lo-"

"I'm going to be sick," Natsu interrupted her with a groan.

And then he promptly vomited all over her brand new shoes.

Lucy shuddered as the sick splattered her bare legs.

Natsu groaned pathetically and proceeded to vomit even more, and still on Lucy's feet.

All love, cherishing, and caring for sicker or poorer, had been forgotten from Lucy's vows as she lost her temper and promptly kicked him hard into a wall.

"LUCY KICK!"

This did not do anything to help Natsu's hangover. In fact it would make it ten times worse as he will suffer both a hangover and a concussion.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Once Natsu recovered from his Stag night, which took fucking forever because Lucy just had to kick him in the head and out of their window, he and Lucy were able to laugh about it….sort of, he didn't like the fact that she spent a night looking at other men, and she still hadn't forgiven him for ruining her shoes, but still they had a laugh about their friends kidnapping them. It was just so typical of them!

"You should have seen the things they brought me," Lucy beamed over her cup of tea, "it was so humiliating."

"Why what's wrong with them?"

Lucy flushed as she wondered how to tell her child of a husband that their friends brought her sexy lingerie and sex toys.

"She's got kitty toys!" Happy burst out as he flew up onto the table clutching one of Lucy's vibrators. Oh dear God! Lucy hide her face behind her hands. "Look at this Natsu, it's so funny and gives massages on the belly."

"Awesome! Let's play with it together!"

Lucy sort of died at the breakfast table with a mixture of hysterical laughter and sheer embarrassment as her husband and his cat played with two sex toys thinking they were swords.

This was probably not what Cana intended for them when she brought them for Lucy….oh well! It could have been worse….she thinks….nope, she's wrong, it couldn't….