Summary: Inspired by How I Met Your Mother. Levy and Lucy discuss the possibility of becoming lesbians and raising a child together….
Pairings: Levy/Lucy friendship, Natsu/Lucy, Gajeel/Levy, implied one-sided Jet/Levy/Droy, mentions of Elfman/Evergreen, Mira/Laxus, Gray/Juvia, Erza/Jellal, and other family/friendship feels within the guild.
YouTube Prompt: Couples tribute to 'Someone to Love' by Queen.
While everything is blissfully happy at the guild, with all the threats gone, Jellal free from being on the run and now courting Erza, Gray and Juvia were finally dating, Mira and Laxus were engaged, and Elfman and Evergreen now had their own baby (much to the shock of everyone), while Lucy and Levy were still perpetually single.
It was incredibly depressing.
"Men suck!" Levy exclaimed, finally fed up.
"Not men," Lucy muttered darkly as she shot a glare in someone's direction. "Dragon Slayers."
Levy nodded in agreement. After all Jet and Droy had enough brain cells to recognise that Levy was a girl, why couldn't Gajeel? She even kissed him and he still hasn't had a fucking clue of what she'd like him to do to her. "Is it really that much to ask to be noticed?!" she bemoaned over her drink.
"Perhaps it would be better if we were lesbians."
It was a sign of just how much Lucy had to drink for her to be the one to suggest this…..and just how much of a bad influence Cana is on her. Lucy would have never suggested this normally.
"We would be amazing lesbians together." And there was the sign that Levy may have drank a bit too much as well. Though it was true, she and Lucy would make the ultimate couple. "Imagine, instead of having to talk about fighting and that crap we could just talk about books all the time," Levy added dreamily.
"And there would be no forgotten birthdays or anniversaries," Lucy said happily, "or terrible dates because we would know what each other would want."
"Speaking of knowing what each other would want…" Levy smirked filthily.
It was then when Natsu punched Gajeel, who crashed into Gray, who tripped Elfman over, and that, for reasons they couldn't work out and never will, resulted into a shirtless wrestling competition.
Levy and Lucy couldn't help but watch, Levy's hazel eyes darkened as she couldn't quite take her eyes off of Gajeel's bulging biceps, and as much as Lucy would like to deny it, she was definitely drooling a little at the sight of Natsu's abs.
"We're not lesbians, are we?" Lucy asked sadly.
"No," Levy sighed. "Stuck with boys. Worse than boys, stuck with Dragon Slayers."
They sighed.
"It's not fair," Lucy moaned, "I really wanted to be a Mum, but how can I without a guy to put one in there or a woman to adopt with?"
"But we don't have to be straight or lesbians or anything to be parents," Levy said suddenly as a thought occurred to her. "Adoption is for everyone, not just for couples."
"I rather not do it by myself," Lucy mumbled. "I don't think I would be able to cope."
"You wouldn't be by yourself," Levy reassured her best friend, "you would have your spirits for a start."
"And you would have Jet and Droy."
"Yeah…" Levy grimaced at the thought. She loved her friends, she really did, but they weren't parental material. They would fight more than her children would. "Not entirely sure they would be good parental material."
"What?" Lucy snorted. "And you think Aquarius, Loke, and Virgo, and the others would be? I can just picture how traumatised my kid would be after bath time with Aquarius." Levy had a suspicion that Lucy could picture it very well because she was speaking of experience but didn't press the issue. "But you're right we don't have to do it alone," Lucy said as she finished her drink and instantly ordered another one. "We could do it together."
Levy brightened up at that suggestion. She could imagine it easily, her, Lucy, and their little girl (because it would have to be a little girl, so they could dress her up in pretty clothes from the spirit world, and educate her in the best romance novels) sitting by the fireplace, reading books, and nothing to disrupt the peace. Not one single whiny boy to ruin it all. "With the sacred bond of sisterhood we would be awesome parents together!" she enthused.
"Our children would be the best at reading," Lucy said instantly.
"And the best dressed."
"And we would spend nights by the fireplace-"
"-And long walks in the afternoon with a picnic-"
"- And we will be able to live our lives as well, taking turns for going on jobs-"
"- and there would be no grown man child to take care of either! It'll be perfect!"
"Oh Levy-Chan!"
"Lu-Chan!"
They clasped hands and were on verge of agreeing to do this, to adopt together and spend their lives being the awesome best friends and co-parents they were (going to be), when suddenly a dark shadow loomed over them and they looked up from their flowery, sweet, world of books and babies to see Gajeel and Natsu standing over them.
"EEK!"
They both screamed, pulled away from one another, and threw their arms round their faces. Levy could feel her cheeks burn brightly as she wondered just how long Gajeel had been standing there and listening.
"If you want a brat so much just ask," Gajeel grunted. Oh God, Levy slumped into her chair as she died slowly, and painfully, of humiliation, he had heard everything! "I won't have any problem putting one in you."
"Why you-"
"NATSU!" Lucy shrieked interrupting Levy's growl. "LET ME GO!"
Levy turned to see that Natsu had grabbed hold of Lucy and had swung her over his shoulder….how very caveman of him, Levy couldn't help but think dryly. "No!" Natsu snarled as he shot a glower at Levy. "You're mine! I'm not letting anyone else have you. Especially not Levy!"
Everyone had turned to watch this at that and much to Levy's embarrassment she could feel everyone's eyes on her. Cana, Macao, and Wakaba were all leering at her in a disturbing way that made her want to shower, Mira looked upset that her favourite ships had been ruined, and everyone else was just plain curious.
"Well, Bunny Girl can't have the Shrimp," Gajeel declared loudly as he glared at Natsu, he grabbed Levy's shoulder and pulled her towards him. "She's mine!"
"LEVY-CHAN!" Jet and Droy instantly burst into tears at that.
Levy almost died of embarrassment. Unfortunately her heart was stronger than that and she was still alive though she did wish Lucy would just summon Virgo so she could dig them holes to hide in. "Come on Shrimp," Gajeel snapped, and Levy almost screamed when he suddenly scooped her up into his arms. "Let's go make a baby."
Mirajane squealed happily at this (and also at the fact that Natsu and Lucy were long gone now as Natsu muttered something about keeping Lucy to himself), several people spat out their drinks in shock, Elfman roared at how manly that was (and got beaten by Evergreen who was not softened by motherhood), Jet and Droy were now rivalling Juvia with their tears and drowning people, and Cana, Macao, and Wakaba were still fucking leering!
"I am going to," she hissed between gritted teeth, "kill you!"
"Gihihihihihi," Gajeel snickered, "no you won't."
(Sadly he was right. As much later both she and Lucy were far more satisfied having got their men finally realise they were women. If they knew all they had to do was make their dragons jealous, they would have done it years ago.)