Chapter Three

Kyoko sighed as she placed what she was hoping was a calming hand on Kuon's back. Kuon had been moving around the house a little more these past few days but he still seemed absent. He was doing the things he usually did including cleaning – since no one trusted his cooking skills – helping with Aurora by putting her to bed and giving her her bath, and other household tasks but it was almost as if he was a ghost.

Kuon usually cared about his fashion and appearance even when he was relaxing but it didn't appear that he gave a damn anymore. According to Kuu, he was wearing clothes that were more reminiscent of his fourteen/fifteen year old self than the man he had grown up to be. His hair was long and although he forced himself to at least shower daily, he hadn't bothered to get rid of his beard or pay attention to how messy his hair was. The only parts of his life he obviously still cared about were her and Aurora. Kyoko also knew that when talking with Lory, Lory would use Aurora as bait to get Kuon to have a reaction. She hated it but Lory's methods had worked for as long as she had known the man and she was giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Now that a psychiatrist was coming to their house, she wondered if Kuon was ready for this. When he was on a phone call with the woman she had accidentally stepped in to hear the interchange: "So, I just want to make sure that you've read through the forms and you've filled in the box that says profession in correctly." "I did." "You put unemployed." "Yes." "You don't want to put actor or model or talent or…." "Unemployed. Retired." "This is asking about your career, Hizuri-san, what you do." "Father and Husband then. That's all I can do now."

"Are you okay?" Kyoko asked as she leaned forwards to study his expression. It was completely numb. It wasn't like one of the Tsuruga-san smiles or the way he would act neutral to cover up his anger, it was just numb, tired, exhausted.

He nodded again and they heard the bell at the gate. "Sit with me?" he asked her and Kyoko opened her mouth to speak but she just nodded, caught off guard by his request.

"Why don't you go and get the tea poured and I'll go and meet her at the gate and you can bring in the tea for us," Kyoko said as she kissed his cheek hoping that this would be the easier way in which to do things. Kuon nodded and walked into the kitchen. He stared vacantly at the cups on the tray and removed one of them before making sure that the water was hot enough for the tea. He didn't want to drink any. He didn't mind making any but he really didn't want to sit there as if life was normal and drink tea.

As the woman entered the house, he poured the water out and lifted the tray to bring to the living room. He stood in the formal living room before bowing, "Hello," he said with a pained expression. "You're Honda-san, correct?" he asked and the woman nodded as she took him in. "Please make yourself welcome," he tried to smile but it was just a tiny fragment of a smile, the kind a lost and wandering spirit would have.

"Hizuri-san, I've always wanted to meet you in person," she said and saw Kuon look through her. "You can call me Honda-san or Maiko-san, up to you," she told him and Kuon only nodded. He looked her over. Maiko was in either her late forties or early fifties, she had a small and almost fragile body, she was put together in a combination of stylish and professional clothing, and she just seemed to be radiating with positivity. Maybe a little too bright for Kuon in this state.

"Honda-san," Kuon said before gesturing to Kyoko, "I want to ask if my wife could be allowed to join us. I just feel a lot more comfortable when she's present,"

"That's certainly fine with me," Maiko said as Kyoko gestured for her to sit down, "As long as that is okay with you Hi-"

"Kyoko-san or Kyoko is fine," Kyoko said quickly. Kyoko looked at the teacups and glanced at Kuon puzzled. "I thought that I set thr—"

"You two can drink," he said and Kyoko stared at him before turning to face Maiko. She bowed in a traditional manner of apology, "I'm going to be right back, please start without me, I'll be back as quickly as possible."

Kuon looked after her before looking away, he took steady breaths as he sat down opposite the psychiatrist with his hands on his knees and waited for her to speak, she just looked back at him as if waiting for him to make the first move. The two of them were just sitting there in silence when Kyoko came back with a cup of water and handed it to Kuon. He took it and placed it down on the tray in front of them.

"You've got an amazing house," Maiko tried to compliment them but Kuon just stared through her. "Okay. So, let's just treat today as a way for us to get to know each other. Of course, I want to present you with all the agreements for client contracts and confidentiality agreements. So, if you want to review those and then sign them."

Kyoko nodded as she saw a copy being given to her and to Kuon as if Lory had already told Maiko to expect Kyoko's involvement. Kyoko skimmed it before signing it and tried to hand the pen to Kuon who ignored it.

"Tell them whatever you want," he said and Maiko stared at him before taking a sip of the tea.

"Maybe later might be best, I just want to make sure that it's taken care of before the end of our time together today," she said and Kuon stared at her. He bowed his head and looked at her again. "So, what are you hoping to get from our time together? I can be a truly great person to vent to."

Kuon looked away. "Aurora, I have to get into a better psychological state for Aurora, our daughter, she turns four soon."

"It sounds like being a good father is very important to you," Maiko smiled in what usually would be a pleasant and calming manner but Kuon just stared at her.

"Are you married?" he asked and Maiko nodded, "with a kid or kids?"

"I have a little boy who is just starting middle school," she told him and Kuon nodded.

"So, are you married to his biological father?" he asked and Maiko nodded with a smile before seeing the lack of life in Kuon's expression. "So, you would prefer his father to be there with the two of you. You think that your son's life would be better if he was able to have his father to hold him and love him and play with him and support him. See, the thing with kids is that at a young age they don't see the things their parents do wrong as crimes. All they want is to love them and be loved by them."

Kuon gestured to Kyoko who just watched him unsure what he was leading to. "If I were to kill myself then Kyoko would understand that it's because I caused the death of someone else, that I'm a murderer even though I never meant to be, manslaughter charge or whatever. Well, if I killed myself to get rid of myself then she would be upset and angry but she'd come to terms with what happened and even if she never forgave me she could come to an understanding that I felt that I needed to do it. Aurora can't connect that information. I don't want to ruin Aurora's life by selfishly taking my own despite not wanting to live any longer."

Maiko took a slow inhale and Kuon leaned forwards, he looked away before turning back to her. "I guess you're thinking that's selfish and why should a person live with such bad intentions, well, I've always been cursed to bring harm to others, there's nothing to be gained by pretending that's not the case. Still, Aurora, if I can help that girl have any happiness in her life even though she's burdened by the fact that she has me as her useless, deadbeat, twisted, cursed father, then I want to do it for her."

"I don't mean to sound harsh, Hizuri-san," Maiko said respectfully, "But you don't really have any idea what my thoughts are and it's not my place to judge."

"So…" Kuon said as Kyoko tried to brush away a few tears that were threatening to fall.

"I don't know what I can say or even if there is anything which I can say to change your mind and I only work to allow my clients, the people I see, to make their own decisions on if their minds should change but in my opinion you are doing better than most would in this situation." Maiko saw Kuon look down and avoid eye contact with her. "I might be one of many who can tell you that I don't believe you are guilty of manslaughter or murder but if you don't believe it yourself, that won't matter anyway. What I do hear you saying is that you have rationalized how your death would hurt your daughter and even if you're just afraid of hurting this one little girl, you want to put yourself in a state of mind where you can be effective and beneficial to her in your role as her father. I think that's a very brave thing to say you want to achieve. I have no doubt that you're capable of doing so but it's brave to want to help yourself so that your daughter receives help as well."

"So, I hope we do get to meet again because I think one of the first steps we have to take is to change the self-talk you give yourself. I doubt anyone truly sees you as a murderer but hearing other people say it isn't going to do anything if you don't stop saying it to yourself." The psychiatrist took a deep breath in before closing her eyes and humming. "What do you think your wife thinks of you?"

Kuon looked towards Kyoko who turned back to him showing both her love and concern for him. "You want the truth or what she wants me to say?" he asked and Kyoko blinked hard.

"Kuon, I -" she said but Maiko shook her head suggesting to Kyoko that she remain silent to hear Kuon's thoughts.

"She…she's delusional." Kuon bowed his head. "This love she thinks she has for me is false. In her mind she just sees me how I used to be before I became twisted with a dark heart and a dark nature. She sees me as some magical fairy who brings happiness and protection to others. In a way I pity her for not realizing this beforehand. She's stuck on her childhood imaginings and maybe I felt I could play that role for her again but the curse will always come around and honestly, I don't know what she's doing here any longer."

"I'm here because I love you, you dumbass," Kyoko whispered between gritted teeth as she attempted to calm herself.

"So, you think that your wife is delusional?" Maiko asked and Kuon sighed.

"I don't think that she sees it as that. I think that she very honestly believes that she loves me but…I don't know if it's just her belief in fairies or it's the fact that she can't see the flaws in some people like with her past relationship, I don't think she's doing it intentionally," Kuon shrugged.

"What I had with Shotaro was not a relationship," Kyoko told him before standing up and shaking. She didn't want to hear this said about her and she was considering whether to hit Kuon across the back of his head but this was a meeting with a psychiatrist and she had to remain calm. She knew all of his flaws and had married him knowing about those things. She took a deep breath in before sitting down again and keeping her formal posture as she tried to get the anger out of her body.

"Can we switch subjects?" Kuon asked as he looked over at Kyoko and bowed his head. He glanced over the table as if looking for something. "Must be imaginary," he said and sat back before staring at the ceiling. "There was a box or something, Pandora's box, that's not where the chicken came from though or he was a rooster, well whatever it was, that's not in Pandora's Box."

Kyoko bit her lip as she looked over at him and shook her head. She felt tears in her eyes before turning back to Maiko who was extremely confused on what was going on between them. "He's telling me that I should hate him. Sometimes he doesn't say things that normal people understand."

"That's because I'm not normal," Kuon told her. "I'm cursed. I've told you before that I'm cursed. I can't have important people in my life because I will only cause for them to suffer but that damn rooster didn't believe what I told him." Kuon finished with a dark laugh and Kyoko bowed her head again.

She looked to Maiko, "If you've looked over our work histories, you should see that when I retired from Bo, a couple years after that, when people already knew me as Momiji and Mio and then also as Natsu, I listed that I was the mascot Bo for the interview show Kimagure Rock. Kuon and I, well Ren at that time, met secretly and he told me that he had a problem where he had hurt someone in the past and he couldn't have people of significance in his life because of that. I was dressed as a rooster because I was in costume, that's what he's referring to."

Maiko looked at Kuon who was turned away from the both of them and just staring at his hand before she hesitantly bit the top of her lip and nodded. "Kyoko-san, can I have a word with you in private?" she asked and heard Kuon laughing at that.

"So you can talk about where to put me? Where to put the demented twisted murderer? I've told you to lock me up, are you actually going to listen to me now," Kuon asked before wrapping his arms around himself and dropping to his side half laughing and half crying. Kyoko nervously let her fingers go through his hair before she kissed his forehead.

"I'm going to be right back, Corn," she whispered. "Just take some deep breaths and try to relax."

Maiko closed the door as she looked at Kyoko who had her arms wrapped around herself as she tried to hide from the world. She looked like a small girl who had gotten in trouble because she dropped an expensive vase and didn't know what to do. "Kyoko-san," Maiko said as she looked at the pained young woman. "I want you to answer some questions for me honestly."

"He does NOT need to be committed," Kyoko stated with a challenging look in her tear-streaked eyes. "Just because he's not ready to talk doesn't mean you can put him somewhere until he's ready. His father, Hizuri Kuu, will be coming in a couple of days so maybe he'll be able to help. The two are very close to one another."

"Kyoko-san, what my recommendation is right now is based on a lot of information but I need you to be honest with me, okay," Maiko said and Kyoko took a nervous breath and nodded. "Do you feel safe here? Do you feel Aurora is safe here?"

Kyoko glared at Maiko but remained calm in her words. "Kuon Hizuri would never intentionally hurt another person without it being out of self-defense or if he was cast in a role. Kuon is not acting right now so I don't have a fear of him turning into one of his characters or thinking this is a scene from a drama. I also know that Kuon would not consider anything that I do and especially nothing that Aurora does as any kind of attack on him. What you saw of my husband was a very short period of time when he is at his most defeated. I am sorry that this happened and I will understand if you don't want to return here but I trust my husband with every part of my being. I am not in any danger here. I have more reasons to fear that you'd try to attack me right now than he will. So don't you dare think that you know Kuon because trust me, however dangerous he might appear to you, he's not. It has taken me years to understand him and only because he's allowed me to. If you want me to go on record then I will because I won't have you misrepresenting my husband."

Maiko stared at Kyoko who had her chin raised after she said that. She nodded, looking at Kyoko again and knew that these weren't just rehearsed words, no matter the state of the man in that room, Kyoko trusted him with every part of her heart. The best thing to do would be to trust her too.

Kyoko took another deep breath in before she walked into the room where Kuon had now fallen asleep. She walked over to him, feeling his forehead and he continued to sleep. "Can we try this again another time? I think that it was too soon for him," she said as she grabbed a blanket and covered Kuon with it. "He truly is a good guy but he has his problems and they've come to the surface at this time."

Maiko shifted awkwardly, "I do have to give something to Takarada-san so that he knows to push back any press conference. Something about Kuon not being available to answer questions at this time or about his mental state.

"Takarada-san, Lory-san, is like a second father to Kuon so as long as he okays it then it's okay with us," Kyoko said. She looked over her husband, she was annoyed at what he had said about her delusions of love but she knew that wasn't really the true him. She smiled weakly. There were a lot of women who said they liked Hizuri Kuon from what they saw on the TV and internet. There had been many many Tsuruga Ren fangirls when he was still going by that moniker.

What only a few people realized was how complex and what a wreck Kuon really was behind the cameras. Still, all of those bad things always looked like nothing when he was happy. She really did have to fall in love with the most complicated guy. She always had loved a challenge.