Author's Note: Hi. (meek wave) I received all of your reviews (death threats) and decided that it was horribly unfair to leave you on a cliffhanger. (glances behind her at the torches and pitchforks) So, in light of this, here is the next installment. I hope you all enjoy.
"I told you he wasn't ready yet." Paul told Joe as the pair of them rushed down the hallway after Harry. Paul shook his head and looked around for his patient. He had expected something of an emotional reaction, but not this running away. He and Harry had talked about barriers earlier that week. It seemed like Harry was just not ready to give them up.
"I didn't think that he would react in such a way to the presence of his aunt." Joe said as he and Paul turned the corner. The two therapists and Petunia had talked about how they were going to break down some of Harry's barriers since he wasn't opening up like he should. In fact, both Joe and Paul had noticed the boy withdrawing. Breaking one barrier would give them a foothold they desperately needed. "I thought he would trust her enough to at least walk near her!" Paul and Joe looked down two separate hallways to see if they could find Harry. "Let's check his room." Paul nodded and pointed to the stairs.
"You know what this means?" Paul asked as he climbed to the third floor.
"We're going to have to start having more than one session a week if we want them to get anywhere." Joe answered, puffing behind Joe on the stairs. He needed to work out more often. "He's not in his room." Joe said as he checked the room. Paul slid past him and looked under the bed, in the closet, and the bathroom, especially behind the shower curtain.
"Where could he have gone?" Paul asked the air around him. Joe jumped and started for the door.
"Sensei!" He threw over his shoulder. Paul considered it. Harry could definitely be with the man as he seemed to feel very safe near the taciturn instructor. He had found Harry just sitting in Sensei's office more than once. They reached the gym only to groan in disappointment. Harry was not there, and Sensei had not seen him.
"Deshi is missing?" He asked once he saw the frantic faces.
"We think he is somewhere in the school." Paul told him. "He was a trifle upset." Sensei's eyes narrowed and his face blanked. If Paul hadn't seen Harry do the same thing before the kid had met Sensei, he would have sworn that Sensei had passed on that particular trait. Maybe Harry had shown Sensei how to do it?
"If you have hurt deshi…" Sensei trailed off as he went through the door, his voice promising methods of pain Paul never wanted to experience. "Deshi likes to be alone. Checked his room?"
"Just now." Paul answered. Sensei merely grunted.
"You, the theater." Sensei told Paul. "You, the art room." He told Joe. "I will look in the library. Meet in the main stairwell afterwards, with or without the boy." He ordered. Joe and Paul scampered off to follow their instructions. They needed to find Harry.
Harry clung to his tree, trying to figure out what he should do. Snape was right there. He could catch the man, and even though Snape did not like him, he would take Harry back to Hogwarts, no questions asked. He waited too long. Snape disappeared into the building, leaving Harry in the tree and alone with his thoughts. If he wanted to go back to Hogwarts, why had he hesitated when Snape appeared? Why didn't he show himself, instead of staying in the tree? Why was he so confused? He leaned his head back against the tree and smirked a bit as he remembered his rule from childhood. They never look up. He knew that Paul was probably looking and he knew he should go back, but he knew Petunia could handle herself if she did see Snape. The man wouldn't stand a chance against her.
"Harry?" Harry opened his eyes and looked down to see his aunt standing beneath his tree. "Will you come down, please?" She asked. Harry rubbed his eyes, cursed as his contact slipped, and sighed.
"How did you know where I was?" he asked. The contact finally slid back into place and he blinked a few times. Petunia gave him an odd look before giving him what Harry called her 'I raised you' smile.
"You always ended in trees when you were younger." She told him.
"Only because Dudley chased me up them." He snapped at her, a little of his anger from before coming to the surface.
"Point." She told him. "Dudley, however, was always jealous of your ability to climb trees." She said. Harry shifted his position so that he could dangle from the branch and look at her at the same time. She stared up at him with an odd look. "Please come down." Harry secured his book bag and slid down the branches until he came to the last one (He had no idea how he had even made it up to the branch to climb the tree) and dropped down.
"I'm down." He told her, holding out his arms to his sides, as though he was trying to say 'here I am, now what?'
"Thank you." She said. Harry nodded. Well, this is kind of awkward. "I just want you to know that the pillow was my idea." He eyed her in a 'so what?' way.
"Why?" He asked. He leaned back against the tree, one foot actually on the trunk and the other on the ground. He crossed his arms and stared her down.
"Barriers." Harry understood what she meant by that. He, Paul and Joe had addressed that topic several times.
"I like my barriers where they are, thank you." He told her evenly. "Please stay away from them." Harry wondered when would be a good time to tell her that Snape had entered the school building. More importantly, how had Petunia come out without Snape seeing her?
"I understand that, dear." Harry froze at the term of endearment from his aunt. That just wasn't supposed to happen. Had he slipped into an alternate universe? "Let's take a walk?" She gestured towards the trees. Harry extended his senses, but felt nothing. There were no malicious intentions in the suggestion of a walk. He liked being outside. This could work. He nodded and fell into step with his aunt, always keeping two feet of distance between the two of them. He could run if need be, but then his aunt had never really hurt him beyond the smack of a hand for getting into something he wasn't supposed to be into. True, he had more of them than Dudley, but even Dudley's hand had been smacked once or twice while they were growing up. They walked in silence for a while. Harry wasn't about to make the first move here.
"Perhaps we've been going about everything the wrong way." Petunia mused aloud. Harry didn't answer her. "We've been trying to repair something we've never really had." Harry gave her a look. She walked for a few more minutes before stopping. Harry noticed that she was chewing her bottom lip, something Harry had never seen her do. It reminded him a bit of Hermione. "Don't you have anything to say?" She asked him.
"Not really." He told her.
"You must have something you'd like to say without an audience." She returned. Oh, if only she knew! "You do. I can see it in your face." She gave him a smirk. Harry blanked his face before returning her stare.
"That doesn't mean you'll ever hear what I would like to say." He told her, voice impassive and expressionless.
"I wish you would tell me." She said, reaching out to take his hand. Harry pulled back a bit and she dropped her hand. "I wish you would scream at me, yell, or something. It would have to be better than this mask you have." She allowed her frustration to leak through in her voice.
"Maybe I don't want you to know how I feel." He stopped and looked at a plant his science teacher had shown him just the week before. "Besides. –" Harry cut himself off. He didn't want her to know!
"Besides what?" She had noticed that he was about to say something and pounced on it.
"Nothing." Harry walked forward a little bit. His aunt's next words stopped him dead in his tracks.
" 'Besides, you don't care anyway?'" She asked. It wasn't quite what Harry had wanted to say, but it was close. Scarily close. He was going to say 'besides, you wouldn't care anyway. You never did before.' before he stopped himself.
"You never did before." He growled at her. He decided that this little family jaunt was getting a little tense and he needed to go back to the school. Snape was there, after all. Harry needed to protect his floor mates from the snarky language. Petunia didn't answer him. It was just as he thought. She didn't really care about him. She was just doing this to make herself feel good. He snorted and started walking again.
"Where are you going?" She asked.
"Away from you." He answered before striding towards the school building, trying to cut through the undergrowth. He could fix any tears in his clothing with wandless magic. The next thing that happened shocked him so badly he couldn't speak for a few seconds. Petunia reached out and grabbed him around the waist, almost bodily picking him up. He knew he was scrawny, but he had gained a few inches and put on some weight since he had been at St. Jude's. This was ridiculous! "Let go!" He commanded. His statement was ignored as Petunia dragged him back into the little clearing in the trees. She dropped to the ground, pulling him down with her. He immediately tried to get to his feet, but she held onto him. "Leave me alone!" Petunia pulled him closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Harry found that his aunt was stronger than she looked as he repeatedly tried to pull away from her. This was not fair! He just wanted to go back to the building. "Let go of me!" He felt a familiar sensation creep into his stomach and throat. The last time he had felt this way was when he broke down about Sirius. "Just…just." His throat closed up and he gasped for air. His heart started racing and his chest hurt. Why did this hurt?
"It's okay, Harry." A voice said somewhere near him. That was not Paul. Harry only shook his head. "It's going to be okay." A strange feeling surrounded him. What was it?
"It's not going to be okay!" He pushed at the person holding him. She looked vaguely familiar. His aunt! It was his aunt! He tried to get up, but he felt drained and couldn't complete the attempt. "Why are you doing this?" He could hear the plea in his voice. He just wanted her to let go.
"Because I care about you." She told him. He laughed a bit, which sounded hysterical to his own ears. He wondered if it sounded the same to her.
"You've never cared about me!" He pushed at her, trying to get some space to move, but that only allowed her to pull him in closer. "You hated me! You didn't want me! You weren't proud of me. You kept me in a cupboard. You made me a slave. You treated me like a burden. I certainly didn't ask to be born! I didn't want my parents to die, I didn't want Voldemort to return and try to kill me, and I certainly didn't want this!" He gestured towards his scar. "I hate being famous. I hate being a wizard sometimes, because of the way they all look at me. I hate being Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Won't-Die, the Savior of the Wizarding World, Dumbledore's Little Pet. I hate living with you, because you don't understand me, and you have never tried to understand me. I hate myself for trying to get your approval all these years, just hoping that you would love, because you have never loved me!" Harry was losing his steam at this point and stopped fighting against the arms that held him in place. "My family doesn't love me. No body loves me." He whispered. He gave a final token push before collapsing against the body next to his. He knew, intellectually, that it was his aunt and not a good person to lean on, but he couldn't bring himself to care. She could move him if she wanted. She had proved that just a few minutes ago. He brushed at his face, angrily pushing away the tears that had somehow emerged. Three breakdowns in one day. He figured that it must be some kind of St. Jude's record.
"It's going to be okay." She whispered to him. He shook his head. "It's all going to be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. Not anymore."
"Even Uncle Vernon?" He asked in a timid voice. His aunt had never really hurt him aside from the hand slaps that even Dudley had received, but Vernon had a heavier hand than Petunia. Petunia stiffened next to him, causing him to tense, getting ready to run.
"Has Vernon hurt you?" She asked, reaching up to stroke his hair. Harry didn't bother to tell her that Rick would be upset if it was messed up.
"Once or twice. Not too hard." Oh, that felt nice. His eyes closed in pleasure. His aunt could keep that up for the rest of the day if she wanted. It was different from the way that Voldemort had stroked his hair before the lessons started.
"He will never hurt you again. Neither will Dudley." His aunt told him. Harry was doubtful.
"You're not mad?" He asked. He didn't realize that he could have easily gotten up if he wanted.
"No, Harry. I'm not mad. Why would I be?" She said as she reached down to pick up his hand.
"I said all those things…" He reminded her. She shrugged.
"I asked you to." She said with a smile.
"That was a dirty trick!" He whined a bit. Petunia only smirked at him.
"It worked, didn't it?" She asked. Harry had to concede that it had worked. That didn't mean he liked it. "Some of your statements I agree with. We never did try to understand you. We did treat you horribly. You didn't ask to be born, and you didn't ask for everything that has happened to you to happen to you." She told him. Harry nodded. He knew that he was right. "But," Harry knew that she would have a 'but'. "I wish I could ask for your forgiveness. I can't bring myself to it. I don't deserve it." Darn right, she didn't deserve his forgiveness! "I'm not asking you to forget everything I have done to you. I couldn't." She squeezed his hand a little bit and continued stroking his hair. "I only ask that you give me a chance to try and fix a very large mistake I have made. You don't have to give me this chance. I only hope you will." She stopped there, as though gauging his reaction.
"What?" He asked when he realized she was waiting for him. She turned his head to face her.
I hope that you give me a chance to show you how much I love you." Harry looked into her eyes and saw a few scenes he knew he shouldn't be seeing. He had not even thought of a spell! He saw her smiling down at him when he was a baby, a memory of Vernon telling her what they would do, and her watching him sleep. He was young then, he wasn't sure how young, but older than a baby. Could she really be telling the truth? Could he trust her? He looked around, desperate for someone to rescue him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't open up and let her in, only to allow her to destroy him later. Could he? She was still waiting for an answer. He nodded, tears appearing in his eyes. What was with his emotions? He was all over the place today. Petunia pulled him towards her and Harry buried his face on her shoulder.
This felt…different. He wondered if this was how his mother would have held him, had she been alive. A warm feeling settled into his chest as he cried. She rubbed his back, something only Mrs. Weasley had done when he had woken from a nightmare once at the Burrow. Something inside him told him that this was what had been missing his whole life. His tears calmed as the warm feeling grew. Breakdown number four done now. Would he get a plaque for the most number of breakdowns? He hoped so. It had been hard work. He pulled away and she let him go this time. "Better?" She asked. Harry nodded a bit. "Good." She stood and brushed herself off before reaching down a hand to help him up. Harry looked at it a second before reaching out and taking it. He pulled himself to his feet and looked anywhere but his aunt. He was only slightly embarrassed by what had happened. Okay, he was extremely embarrassed by it! "Let's get back to Paul. He must be frantic. He's lost two patients now." He snickered at the image of a frantic Paul. Paul went frantic if the cafeteria ran out of spaghetti.
The two started back towards the building. "Aunt Petunia?" She looked at him. "You won't tell Uncle Vernon about this, will you?" He knew he looked like he had gone through a mud puddle at this point, between crying more than once and the woods.
"I won't tell him, so long as you don't tell him how my bum got dirty." Harry stared at her.
"You said 'bum'." He said incredulously. She only shook her head.
"What did you think I called it when you were little?" She questioned. "When I was potty-training you?"
"What would I have to do to make sure you never mention such an embarrassing topic in public ever again?" He asked. "Especially around my friends?" He added. She gave him a grin that reminded him of Hermione when she was feeling particularly mischievous.
"I'm not sure." She told him. "Hmm." She appeared deep in thought. "How about we make a deal? If I do something that upsets you, no matter what it is, you'll tell me. In return, I won't mention anything from your baby days to anyone."
"Make that childhood and you've got a deal." He told her.
"I don't know." She hedged from agreeing. "There was that one time you turned your teacher's hair blue. I think that is a particularly amusing story. I'm sure Hermione would love it."
"Hermione's just a friend. Besides, my teacher looked better with blue hair, anyways." Harry thought about Petunia's bargaining attempt. She had said anyone. He guessed that included the press. "All right. I agree. I'll let you know what I'm feeling, but you have to do the same if I do something that freaks you out."
"Does your use of slang count?" She asked. He shook his head.
"No way. You can't touch the slang." Petunia nodded.
"Deal." She gave him a smile. He opened the door for her and allowed her to go in first. Harry waved at the desk attendant, who looked shocked to see Harry so dirty. So the underbrush had layer of mud on it. Big deal. His aunt looked almost as bad. Voices coming down the hall made him freeze.
"Quick!" He told her as he pushed her towards the empty cafeteria. Petunia allowed him to lead her from the main hall and hide her before she asked him what was wrong. "I forgot to tell you that Snape arrived a few minutes after I climbed the tree." Her eyebrows rose, but she said nothing
"Deshi!" Harry whirled at Sensei's voice. The man came dashing out from the kitchen with a tub of Harry's favorite ice cream, mint chocolate chip, in his hands, and an irate kitchen worker on his heels. "It is for deshi!" The man explained, avoiding the snarling man. "Deshi! Catch!" Sensei lobbed the container at him and took off for the main hallway. The kitchen worker, whom Harry remembered as Richard, simply raised an eyebrow at Harry. Harry surrendered the ice cream.
"Barmy old codger." Richard mumbled under his breath. Harry snorted and moved to the window. Snape was now walking down the path away from the school building. Phew. That was close.
"Is he gone?" Petunia asked. Snape Disapparated at that moment.
"Yes. He just left." Harry relaxed his shoulders the slightest bit and turned to face his aunt.
"Good." She said. "I would have a hard time visiting you at Hogwarts." She told him with a smile. "Let's go find Paul, shall we?"
"Too late." Paul said from the doorway. "I found you." Paul came into the room and dropped to one knee in front of Harry. "I didn't mean to upset you, Harry, or make you feel like I didn't like your…" Paul froze and looked around. It was only him, Joe, Petunia, and Harry. "magic. I'm quite intrigued by it. I just don't know how to help you if something happens to you while you're using it." He explained. "I don't want anything to happen to you." Harry looked at Paul a second before answering.
"You're just going to have to trust me." He told Paul. "I'll translate my book so you know what I'm reading, if you want. I won't try anything like Diagon Alley again. Anything I will do is going to be small. I know you won't believe me when I say this, but I hate the hospital wing." Paul smiled a little bit.
"Alright. I'll trust you on this. Just please don't make me have a heart attack again like you did…" He stopped and looked Harry over. "What happened to you?"
"Err. Woods. Trees. Dirt. Nothing big." He answered Paul. Paul looked between him and Petunia.
"Alright, Petunia. How did you find him?" he asked. She only shook her head.
"Our secret." She told him. "Mine and Harry's." Paul shrugged and spread his hands helplessly.
"Who am I to stand in the way of your secrets?" Paul asked. "Harry, why don't you clean up?" Harry nodded and started away. Petunia gave him a short hug when he passed. This affectionate version of Petunia was going to take some getting used to. He gave her an embarrassed smile and moved away. It was going to take a lot of getting used to. The warm feelings were back. He smiled to himself and dashed up to his room. He wondered if his aunt knew how to play chess. He opened his door and froze when he saw a roll of parchment lying on his bed, tied with a green ribbon. He reached out a shaky hand and picked it up, pulling the ribbon to release the roll.
Potter,
I promised the headmaster that I would bring you back to Hogwarts if I saw you. Congratulations on not being seen. I can only guess that we have just missed each other. You can rest assured that your sanctuary among the Muggles has not been revealed, nor shall I reveal it unless there is a case of emergency. In fact, if it had not been for the lone spell book left on your desk, I never would have known this was your room. Luckily, the tour guide left me a moment in the hallway, which I prolonged with a handy little charm to enable me to write this note. Hogwarts is so peaceful without you there to cause trouble. The Weasley twins, however, have been replaced by a rather good group of students, whose identities are as of yet unknown. This group of students managed to have classes cancelled for an entire day due to the pranks they set. I'm sure you already know all about it. Please tell Miss Granger that the fireworks in the dungeon were perfect and I will not dock her grade since none of my ingredients were contaminated. I shall have to find another way. Do try to stay out of trouble. I have a lot of important experiments coming up and I don't want them interrupted.
SS
Harry couldn't resist not answering the letter. He grabbed a pen and wrote a short little message.
-Trouble usually finds me. I don't look for it.
He got the shock of his life when the letter answered back.
-I am well aware of that.
Harry's eyes grew wide at the answer.
-Professor Snape?
-No, Potter. It's Father Christmas.
-That's a disturbing image.
-Now I know what will give you nightmares.
-Actually, no. I know a better image. (Shudder)
-What?
-Voldemort in a tutu.
-You have a damaged mind, Potter.
-Must have been all the potions fumes.
-Har, har.
-I think I just died. Professor Snape just laughed.
-Oh. I have accomplished the Dark Lord's dream. I managed to kill the Boy-Who-Lived.
-Since when have we been able to have a civil conversation?
-You have very low standards of conversation.
-Well, what would you call this?
-Witty comments on my part, mindless dribble on yours.
-You already said I have a mind.
-My mistake.
-Hey!
-Ah, teenage indignation. I knew you had it in you somewhere.
-Why did you leave this parchment here, charmed like this?
-In case you needed a wizard. Now, as dazzling as this conversation is, I'm afraid I have other matters to attend to. Do NOT use this for anything but an emergency.
-Yes, sir. Thank you. You know what this means?
-You are capable of following simple instructions?
-Well, that and you were kind of worried about me.
-I did not say that.
-I know.
Harry rolled up the parchment and placed it in his desk drawer. In case of emergency. That was a great idea. Snape had a great idea. Harry glanced up, just to make sure that the sky wasn't falling. He was safe. The sky was still in place.
Author's Note: I may just have to hide now. (Checks for passport.)