This is for DeviantArt user Daniel-Wresch's Sidonniecoln Week. I just chose to do all seven days at once and write something instead of drawing something. I hope nobody minds me posting it a couple days early.

September 12th, 2052

MELBOURNE'S GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! That is all. Okay, this vlog's over.

No, wait. It isn't. Adelaide just walked into my hotel room and it looks like she wants my help with something. This'll be good. She has to perform Mel and his fiancé's favorite song tomorrow and it's a really hard song to play, especially on guitar. I'll bet that's what this is about. "Sid, I'm really excited about being the maid of honor tomorrow, so will you please do something to bore me?" she asks. Guess I was wrong. Either way, I really wish excitement hadn't been outlawed in 2049.

Time to help my sister out. "Right away. Let me tell you a story from when I was 14," I say.

"Perfect!" exclaims Adelaide.

August 31st, 2021

I climbed a ladder up to Lincoln's room and knocked on his window. After he let me in and I told him I wanted his help with something important, I explained my situation to him by saying "I'm pretty sure Clyde's been cheating on me with your sister." To this day, I am still so glad it turned out to just be a misunderstanding.

After a second to let the news sink in, Lincoln said "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Which sister?" while pointing at me. I was gonna answer him and let him know that I didn't know which sister, but then he said "Oh, wait. No. I shouldn't be making this about me. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Now, here's what we gotta do. There is an ancient vampire ritual called The Sidonniecoln Week," I explained.

"Hey! That word sounds like..." Lincoln said before I interrupted him.

"I know what you're gonna say, but I assure you it's just a coincidence," I said, angrier than I care to admit. "It goes on for seven days, like the name implies, and can be used to find out if someone's being cheated on. It's rarely ever used because the steps that need to be taken to make it work are extremely specific. The potential cheating victim, that's me, must be joined by two people. The first person I need has to be a white-haired medical professional who has a positive relationship with the potential cheater. You're the only person like that I know," I told him.

"Okay, so far so good," commented Lincoln. "But why go through all this ridiculousness? Why don't you just ask Clyde if he's cheating on you?" he asked.

"Because what if he isn't? Then I'll be the person who accused her perfectly innocent boyfriend of doing something horrible," I answered. And I most certainly didn't start freaking out and jumping to conclusions about other bad things happening to me like Clyde getting mad and dumping me. I didn't start to worry that I would once again have to deal with being sad and lonely. I was way past those emotional issues by this point in my life. Like so far away that you could fit two oceans in between me and those emotional issues. Actually, no. You could fit an infinite amount of oceans. I was doing just fantabulous.

...

...

...

What was I talking about? Oh, right. I could tell Lincoln was starting to get intrigued because he stroked his chin and asked "Who's the third person gotta be?"

"It needs to be someone you have a positive relationship with and once broke my heart," I answered. "However, we know absolutely no one who fits that description. Not one single person," I stated.

Then Lincoln got annoyed with me. "Sid," he said in a judgmental way. "Denial can never accomplish anything. You and I both know that there if in fact someone who fits that description," he continued.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said while crossing my arms and turning away from him.

"Glad to see my message got across," Lincoln said sarcastically. "You should know that you have no good reason to hate her anymore. She regrets all the bad thing's she's done to you and wishes she could be friends with you," he said, but no part of me believed he hadn't been lied to. "If you don't give her a chance, you're no longer the victim," he stated.

There was still nothing in the world I wanted less than to spend time with her, but Lincoln had convinced me. "Fine," I said. It was the right thing to do. I even agreed to call her her real name for once. "Call Ronnie Anne and ask her to come here," I continued, but calling her that felt oh so wrong.

"Now you're talking!" Lincoln exclaimed while grabbing his phone. Oh my gosh. Remember phones? I haven't seen one of those in a long time.

When Ronnie Anne arrived, I immediately put on a sleep mask because I didn't wanna have to look at her. "Look. We're gonna do The Sidonniecoln Week and then this temporary truce is going to immediately end and everything between us is gonna go right back to the way it was. Got it?" I said. And, wow, I can't believe I said that.

"You're being a selfish bitch," an angry Lincoln commented.

"Well, you're gonna have to deal with it because I am not ready to be nice to her yet," I growled. I gotta say. I do not like 2021 me.

"Go ahead and be mean to me then. I don't care! The only reason I wanna be friends is because I thought it would make you happy. I didn't need you in my life when we first met and I only need you even less now. I hope Clyde IS cheating on you!" Ronnie Anne yelled at me. She's no 2021 me, but I'm not the biggest fan of 2021 her either. And Lincoln was a pretty big ass that day too. Since I didn't see you for most of 2021, I gotta ask. You weren't an ass that year too, were you, Adelaide? Actually, don't answer that.

Back to the story. I completely ignored what Ronnie Anne said and just got to explaining what The Sidonniecoln Week calls for. "I want the two of you to meet me at the shoe store tonight. We have to set foot on Wresch Island on the planet Daniel at the stoke of midnight and stay there for 168 hours except for when we come back to Earth temporarily on the sixth day. Each day requires us to do a different task," I instructed. "It's a massive planet with barely anyone living on it, so we'll basically be isolated for a whole week. Once we've completed all the tasks, Clyde will be magically compelled to do one of two things. If he's cheating on me, he'll come clean about it. If he isn't, he'll make me some pancakes," I went on.

"How do I get out of this?" asked Ronnie Anne.

"She's got a point, Sid," said Lincoln. "We can't just abandon our families and lives for an entire week. You're just gonna have to swallow your pride and talk to Clyde," he added.

"Hey, that rhymed," Ronnie Anne said with a smile.

"So did that!" Lincoln shouted. He then held up his hand and Ronnie Anne high fived it.

We're gonna have to skip ahead quite a bit because I can't for the life of me remember how I convinced them to still help me after that. It didn't involve Izzy mind controlling them. I know that much. I wanna say I promised to share the pancakes with them, but that doesn't make sense because I didn't know for sure I was gonna get any pancakes in the first place.

Whatever. Let me just move on to the first day.

Day 1 - Holding Hands

When we woke up the next morning, the island was covered with hundreds of disembodied hands. As you know, this is what always happens on Day 1 of The Sidonniecoln Week. Just like the ritual requires, the three of us each collected every single hand and each held an equal amount of them for the rest of the day. I think we each had about 600.

"Glad your broken arm healed so you don't have to do this one-handed?" Lincoln asked Ronnie Anne.

"What you just described isn't not doing it at all, so no. I am definitely not glad about it," answered Ronnie Anne. Lincoln laughed at that, but I was irritated by it.

With so many hands to hold, we didn't have much of a choice but just sit on the beach and wait for midnight. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne chatted all day, but I stayed far away from them and just half listened. I couldn't stand it because I wanted to join in on the conversation, but not when one of the people in it was her. Easily the most boring day of my life.

Day 2 - Video Games

While we waited for the video games to arrive on Day 2, I couldn't help but notice that Ronnie Anne and Lincoln were still having a ball talking to each other. I could not repeat the unbearable boredom from Day 1, so I had no choice. I forced myself to join their conversation. "What are you guys talkin' about?" I asked with a lot of fake happiness.

The possibility of it converting into real happiness went straight down the crapper when Ronnie Anne answered with "How much better my life was before I met you," with an angry expression I still remember the exact details of to this day.

It took me a second, but I quickly realized that she might be kidding. "For real?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, but yes," answered Lincoln. "It's all we talked about yesterday too," he added.

The video games had arrived at that very moment, so I was able to cry without either of them noticing. Not for long though because Ronnie Anne said "You said it only works if all three of us play. Do you wanna do this ritual thing right or not?" To this day, I still don't understand why she called it a 'ritual thing.' I just don't get what that means.

Regardless, I did what I had to do and started playing the games. I hoped that would cheer me up, but it didn't at all. I was having that tough of a week.

Day 3 - Pranks

Like the instructions for the ritual state, we binge watched Impractical Jokers literally all day. That's it.

Day 4 - Adventure

We woke up with just barely enough time to complete The Day 4 Adventure. We started digging in the sand and made our way to Deep-Fried Oreo Land. On the way there, there was nothing to do but talk to each other. I was ready to try to join in on it again.

The conversation started with Ronnie Anne retelling exactly what happened on the day I met her and I was suddenly no longer ready.

Once we got to Deep-Fried Oreo Land, we found The Golden Bicycle Tire and threw it into The Bathtub of Intense Heat so it could melt. Once that was done, we crawled back through the tunnel we dug after accepting The Golden Daffy Duck Statue from Mr. Streetfighterisbetterthanmortalkombatbyacountrymilebutmortalkombatisalsoawesome.

By that point, Ronnie Anne and Lincoln had gotten through everything that had happened between me and her that was worth talking about. Since they were done looking back on the past, now was finally my chance to be a part of their chat. Unfortunately, I was too tired, so it would have to wait until the next day.

Day 5 - Sleepover

But that of course wouldn't happen either. Since Day 5 is the day you sleep for 24 straight hours to make up for the lack of sufficient sleep you've been getting throughout the week, there was no way to talk to them. I didn't even have a dream about talking to them. It was just a dream about you standing on the Space Needle and playing 2-on-2 Tic Tac Toe with Michael Jordan against Mrs. Claus and Donkey Kong.

Day 6 - Reference (TV Show or Movie)

It was no longer just the three of us on Day 6. A blonde man wearing a suit who reminded me of Clyde's uncle approached us. "Daddy's home!" he said. He then started playing an electric guitar while standing in front of two hot women in bikinis. That man was Barney Stinson.

"We have to pretend we think he's lame and start walking away. It's part of the ritual," I whispered to Lincoln and Ronnie Anne. "Good bye, lame blonde man!" I yelled before turning around. The others did the same.

"I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid," Barney said.

"The what?!" I exclaimed while quickly turning my head around to look at him.

"I said, I guess you're gonna miss the panty raid," Barney repeated.

I got a bit closer to him and said "Panty raid?" Then I asked "You're talking about girls, right? 'Girl' girls?"

"Yeah," Barney said slowly.

"And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"Oh yeah!" Barney said so slowly that there could only be one possible meaning behind it.

"Well, count me in!" I exclaimed. "If this works, I'll take back what I said about you being lame," I added.

Barney shouted "Self Five!" and then gave himself one. "You other kids are coming too, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, neither of us have any interest in looking at someone else's underwear," Lincoln said.

"But I'm guessing we have to?" Ronnie Anne said to me.

I answered with a simple "Yep." Then we returned to Earth, got a ladder, and Barney took us to the house he had planned to go to. I really wish I had known at the time what house it was.

We leaned the ladder up against the house and Barney said "Give me some credit, kids. I'm a panty professional! I score here all the time," before we all went through the window.

We quickly found a dresser and I opened its underwear drawer. "Frilly things! We hit the jackpot!" I shouted while taking out a pair of panties.

"Oh, yeah, kid in blue shirt whose name I don't know!" Barney cheered in a high pitch voice. "Other kids, why aren't you getting psyched?" he asked.

"You and Sid are the only ones here who like girls," responded Ronnie Anne. "Lincoln's gay and I'm aroace," she added.

"There's also the fact that ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS IS OKAY!" Lincoln screamed.

Then the night was ruined. While I held up a pair of her underwear, the oh too familiar voice of the person the underwear belonged to said "Sidney?" and completely took away all of my attention.

"Grandma?!" I shouted in fear.

"What are you doing with my bloomers?" asked Grandma.

"Your name is short for Sidney? Since when is that a thing?" asked Ronnie Anne. After that, I was reminded of this moment every time I heard someone say that something is 'a thing.' I recovered from that after not too long, but I'm still glad people don't say that anymore.

Ignoring Ronnie Anne's question, I turned to Barney and asked "Why didn't you tell me this was my grandma's house?!" very angrily.

Barney's unhelpful and rude response was "I didn't even know your name. How could I possibly know your grandmother's address?"

I then faced Grandma and said "But it was all Barney Stinson's idea!" after I figured out how furious she was.

"Go to your mother's room, missy! You're grounded for the rest of the night!" she shouted at me.

With my head down, I said "Yes, Grandma," while heading upstairs. "Great! So the past six days were a complete waste of time!" I thought to myself. Luckily, I would find out that wasn't actually the case the very next day.

Day 7 - Anything

Lincoln and Ronnie Anne visited me in Mom's old room the next morning. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted. After I threw a pillow at them and missed, I noticed Ronnie Anne was helping Lincoln carry a bucket of sand.

"Just hear us out," Ronnie Anne said, which was gutsy. "We looked up this ritual of yours and we found out..." she said before I rudely interrupted.

"It doesn't matter what you found out!" I screamed. "The only time you're allowed to return to your home planet during the ritual is on Day 6. You have to go back before midnight or you fail the entire thing," I explained.

"No, that's not true," Lincoln said, but I thought he was full of it. "The website we looked at said you just have to do the challenges or whatever while standing on the island's sand. It doesn't say anything about having to stay on Daniel or anything," he went on.

I wasn't convinced. There was no doubt in my mind that they hadn't looked at a legit website. But I still wanted to take this opportunity to finally have that chat I had been trying to be a part of all week. "Alright, fine. Let's do this," I said. We each stuck our feet in the bucket of sand and I explained to them that you can do whatever you want on Day 7.

"Okay. So, what do you wanna do?" asked Ronnie Anne.

The reason I had been having a hard time getting into their chats was because they were all about the past. I figured changing to the opposite subject might help with that. "What do you think our lives will be like in the future?" I said with a smile, confident it was the right idea.

"How far in the future?" asked Lincoln.

"I don't know. Let's just say 10 years," I answered, but we used that number very loosely. "What careers do you guys expect to have when you grow up?" I added.

"I'm gonna be a director," answered Ronnie Anne. "I'd say that pro hoverboarder would be what I'd fall back on, but it really seems like I'm the only hoverboarder in the entire universe, which is just ridiculous," she added. "What about you, Linc?" she asked.

His answer to that question was "Hashtag nurse life," Looking back on this makes me realize that 31 years have gone by since it and yet people still use hashtags. What are the odds?

"Good answers, guys," I commented. "I'm not so sure about me though. I expect my mom to want to pass the zoo down to me when she retires, but I also wanna be a stay-at-home mom. But, then again, Clyde's cheating on me, so maybe that can't happen," I elaborated.

"Don't say that!" Lincoln exclaimed. "No one knows Clyde better than me and I can guarantee you that you will be eating pancakes when you go home tomorrow," he continued.

"Tomorrow? Are you saying we have to stay in this damn sand for 24 hours?!" Ronnie Anne whined. To this day, I still think it's really dumb that she didn't see that coming. I nodded to let her know her assumption was right and then she whined some more by saying "This is worse than looking at your face!"

I had spent six tortuous days with her and that was the final straw. "Stop being a piece of crap, you piece of crap!" I yelled.

"MY PERSONALITY WAS NOTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE I MET YOU!" The Purple Heart Pain screamed right in my face. Sorry. I tried to get through this without calling her that, but I just can't help but despise her again when I think back to that moment.

I couldn't take it anymore. Completing the ritual was no longer worth it in my eyes, so I took my feet out of the sand. "I want both of you out of here," I said. The two of them silently left the room as I laid back down in bed. After a few minutes that felt like much longer because of all the crying I was doing, I suddenly felt a horrible physical pain in my stomach. I screamed the loudest scream of my whole entire life.

I looked up and saw The Purple Heart Pain had dropped a box of kitty litter on my belly. "You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that. Feel lucky you're on a bed instead of a pile of rocks," she said. I could hear the years of frustration I caused her shooting out her voice all at once.

Immediately when she finished talking, I said "What you just did hurt so much that I'm..." I didn't finish that sentence because the pain was making it hard to speak. But I was able to build up the strength to say the other thing on my mind. That was "But it was still a 100 billion times less painful than what you did..."

She must've known I was gonna say 'on my birthday,' because she yanked the kitty litter off of me and grabbed me by the neck.

September 12th, 2052 Again

"Oh my god, stop!" Adelaide shouts. "I can't listen to this story for one more minute. Carl and I are gonna go have sex while skydiving again," she says before running out of the room.

So, yeah. As you can see, I didn't have the happiest childhood. I'm so glad it's all behind me now.

Oh. Adelaide's back.

"I almost forgot. You don't seriously think The Sidonniecoln Week is real, do you?" she asks. I nod my head to tell her I do and then she face palms. "It's a myth! What the hell is wrong with you?!" she shouts before leaving again.

Okay. Apparently my 40's aren't the best either.

Adelaide may not want to hear the rest of the story, but I'll still tell it to all of you.

The Continuation Of Day 7 - Anything

Lincoln ran back into the room with Grandma when he heard The Purple Heart Pain and I beating on each other. "ENOUGH!" he screamed.

And then we all just went home. Okay, I guess I didn't need to tell you the rest after all.

In one of Sid's upcoming vlogs, She's a Wonderful Sid, a Chang and a Santiago are going to become friends. That's a promise.