Summary: I honest to God thought I heard a woman say this to her husband while I was in the shop today and then I thought what if Natsu makes the same mistake as I did and he thought Lucy had said it, how would he react…

Pairings: Implied Natsu/Lucy, implied Lucy/OC (all in Natsu's head) implied Natsu/Happy/Lucy friendship, implied Happy/Fish

Author's Note: Thank you all so very much for giving me TWENTY FIVE HUNDRED! Reviews. You have no idea how happy I am.

Lucy and Natsu were doing the food shop. Natsu hadn't wanted to come but Lucy pointed out the reason her fridge had been empty for the last five days had been because he ate everything and then made it hell for her to get any money from jobs with his destructive behaviour, and therefore he had to come and help her carry everything home.

They were finally at the till when Lucy frowned lightly at something and then turned to him, "I'm just going to go fuck in the next aisle," she said casually before she walked away.

"Okay," Natsu shrugged, not really paying attention, and then it sunk in all of a sudden what exactly Lucy had said and his eyes almost popped out of his sockets. "Wait, what?!" he cried out horrified. Lucy was going to what in the next aisle?! "LUCY!" he abandoned the trolley (and Happy who had been drooling all over the fish that was in it) in order to stop Lucy from making such a big mistake. "LUCY DON'T YOU DARE GO OVER THERE!" he roared furiously before he leaped across the aisle and grabbed Lucy's shoulders.

Lucy blinked up at him bewilderedly. "Natsu?" she asked a little worriedly.

"Who is he?" Natsu demanded to know as he shook her slightly. "Who is the man you were going to fuck?!"

Lucy's face turned bright red at that. "WHAT?!" she screamed horrified.

Natsu snarled wordlessly and then his eyes landed on some guy with glasses and red shirt with the supermarket's logo on it. "Is it him?" he let one of Lucy's shoulders go in order to point at the arsehole. "It's him isn't it?!" he spat out. "Is he forcing you to do this?" Because she was such a prude! She got all embarrassed if Natsu draped an arm round her and there was nothing sexual about that. So she couldn't have been casually going to fuck someone in the middle of a shop unless they were forcing her to do something. Lucy wasn't that kind of girl. Lucy was a lady (as she kept telling Natsu each fucking time she kicked him out of her bed) and therefore she had to be forced into this-this-this disgusting act! "He is, isn't he?" he pulled Lucy into a tight hug and patted her head soothingly. "Don't worry Luce, I'll sort it out."

"Natsu," Lucy hissed, "what the hell are y-"

He didn't hear the rest of whatever it was Lucy said because he burst into flames at the point and the roar of his favourite substance blocked everything out (as did his fury that someone dared make his Luce do something like this) and he let out a thunderous roar himself as he marched towards the sales clerk.

The sales clerk took one look at him before he suddenly turned and ran down the aisle screaming and crying.

Natsu ran after him with a fireball at hand ready to throw at the bastard when Lucy suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder and smashed him against the shelves. Boxes of toothpaste were beginning to dig into his back uncomfortably. "Natsu!" Lucy shrieked furiously her cheeks red with embarrassment and anger, "What the hell has gotten into you?!"

"You said you were going fucking in the next aisle," Natsu growled, "I was going to stop you from making a mistake."

Lucy's forehead twitched angrily at that. "I said I was going to look in the next aisle. Not fuck!" she snapped furiously. "You idiot!" she added quite nastily if you ask Natsu. "You need to clean your fucking ears out, there now I said the word, God, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!" she all but screamed that causing quite a few people to stop and stare at them. "What kind of woman do you think I am?!"

Now that Lucy had pointed this out he realised how stupid he had been. And how overactive his imagination had gotten, of course some creepy sales clerk didn't force his Lucy into performing sexual favours between the toothpaste and the shampoo, he had allowed Lucy's weirdo thoughts rub off of him. He tried to explain this but was unable to get more than sheepish; "Well…" out before he was suddenly punched in the face.

The next five minutes had been perhaps the most excruciatingly painful of his life (and he had been tortured, and beaten up by Erza, and almost killed a couple times) as Lucy proceeded to literally beat the living shit out of him. God! Erza needed to stop teaching Lucy's fighting moves because he knows that last throw over her shoulders (which caused him to land face first into tampon boxes) was definitely an Erza move. He had been victim from it before.

Lucy then marched out of the shop righteous indignation, head held up high, and her hands still curled in fists….and covered in Natsu's blood.

"Natsu!" Happy shrieked as he flew across the shop towards him. "What on earth did you do to make Lucy all weird and upset this time?!"

Oh yeah, blame Natsu…well okay, it was his fault this time, sort of.

Natsu explained it all as he struggled to get up from the floor, unfortunately he tripped over a bottle of shampoo, and immediately crashed face first again, into the shelves containing toilet paper.

Oh well, at least it was soft.

"She's…..really pissed at me," Natsu croaked as he tried to get up from the floor, "I've really screwed things up this time. She's going to dump me as her partner now, isn't she?"

"Natsu," Happy said looking mortified, "I'm going to dump you as my partner."