Summary: I heard some cheesy Christmas chat-up lines on the radio and wondered what would happen if Natsu was the one uttering them…

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, implied one-sided Jet/Levy/Droy, implied Gajeel/Levy, implied Elfman/Evergreen, implied Gray/Juvia, Macao/Wakaba friendship, and lots of other family and friendship feels amongst the guild.

Author's Note: thank you all so very much forgiving me over TWENTY SEVEN HUNDRED! Reviews.

It was a couple days before Christmas, and already most of Fairy Tail was in the Christmas Spirit. Mirajane was happily decorating the bar, Cana was enjoying a festive cup (or thirty three) of mulled wine, Asuka was gleefully chatting away about Father Christmas coming tonight while Laxus (surprisingly) listened with great patience, and Erza was definitely enjoying the Christmas Cake Kinana baked earlier.

"God!" Levy shouted in disgust all of a sudden, "If you're going to say something say something that isn't obviously a sleazy, cheesy, chat-up line! You're supposed to be my friends not some douchebags in a bar!"

"LEVY-CHAN!" Jet and Droy wailed tearfully as Levy stormed off towards a smirking Gajeel. "THI IS YOUR FAULT!" they accused Macao and Wakaba tearfully.

"Hey," Macao smirked behind his tankard of beer, "we didn't say they would work."

"We just said they were Christmas themed," Wakaba finished. "You didn't have to accept the dare. Gajeel didn't."

"Though Gajeel is never fun," Macao complained.

Fun or not, Gajeel was now the one that had Levy's attention while Jet and Droy became a sobbing mess on the floor that Elfman accidentally trod on as he eagerly ran towards Evergreen with some 'manly' eggnog (that will later end up on his head but that is another tale altogether). "Dare?" Natsu asked cheerfully having just literally walked in the door. He looked eager and excited to do any sort of dares, in fact truth and dare was one of his favourite games. "What sort of dare? I want to do a dare! I just had to spend all afternoon fishing for salmon for Mira's Boxing Day meal, I want to do something awesome and fun, come on!" he whined childishly. "I'm all fired up now."

Macao and Wakaba swapped evil grins and turned to face Natsu. "Alright, kiddo," Macao said, "we dare you to say these things," he shoved a piece of paper into Natsu's hands. "To…."

"Lucy!" Wakaba jumped in as his eyes landed on the blonde who was enjoying a hot chocolate at the bar. Lucy was guaranteed to have a hilarious reaction to the chat-up lines they had given Natsu, he could just see the kicking and screaming now…. "We dare you to say them to Lucy."

Natsu gave them a weird look and then shrugged. "Alright then," he said, "easy-peasy. I'll totally win this dare, you'll see."

"Oh," Macao said with a fake solemn look on his face, "I'm sure we will."

As Natsu left, both Macao and Wakaba collapsed into snickers and eagerly leaned forwards to watch Natsu epically screw up another chance with Lucy.

Again.

Natsu tapped Lucy on the shoulder which caused the blonde to turn and look at him. "Hey," she said cheerfully enough, "What's up?"

"Erm, nothing," Natsu mumbled slightly thrown off. Lucy wasn't usually this cheerful especially when he interrupted her from reading a book and enjoying her 'quiet, peaceful, time'. He decided she was more cheerful because it was Christmas. After all you had to be the Grinch or Laxus to hate Christmas. "Em…." He fumbled with the paper and then finally found the first line to read out. "Shouldn't you be sitting on top of a tree," he frowned at that, what sane person at all would want to spend time just sitting on top of a tree? It's much more fun to hang upside down on a branch. "Angel?"

Lucy's cheeks turned a faint pink but aside from that she only blinked in reaction to Natsu's terribly cheesy pick-up line. Not that Natsu noticed, he was too busy struggling to read out the next line. "What's the diff-diff-difference between you and the Grinch?" he asked. "The Grinch stole Christmas, but you've just stolen my heart."

"Oh!" Mirajane cooed. "How sweet!"

Lucy's cheeks reddened at this point and her hands curled round her mug tightly. "She's gonna chuck it at him," Wakaba whispered excitedly. "Five jewels."

"I raise it to ten," Macao said confidentially, "that she'll pour the drink over his head instead."

"Can I take your picture?"

"Why?" Lucy asked confused with Natsu's sudden switch from a chat-up line to a normal, if weird and unusual, question.

"Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas," Natsu said quickly, his own cheeks had turned pink at this point. When Lucy didn't reply to this chat up line, she once again blinked as her face now rivalled Erza's hair, Natsu then hurried into the next one. "I think I might be a snowflake – shut up Gray!" Gray had burst into hysterical laughter when he heard Natsu say that and had hollered a witty one-liner how Natsu would be the worst snowflake ever. After Natsu firmly told him to button it, Gray opened his mouth to say something else but was completely ignored as Natsu kept his eyes solely on Lucy. His cheeks and ears bright red, as he continued with the line, "Because I've fallen for you," he said quietly.

"Awwww!"

Natsu took a deep breath and then blurted out the last line; "You can unwrap me if you like."

Everyone held their breath at that. Mira looked dismayed at what had been an adorable, sweet, and romantic confession of feelings quickly turned into something crude and sexual, while Cana spat out her wine and Erza her cake, and they both eyed the situation with interest (Cana looking for amusement while Erza was assessing if Lucy needed her virtue defending), all the other girls looked disgusted as did some of the guys, Happy was confused (why would Natsu want Lucy to unwrap him?), while the likes of Macao, Wakaba, and Gray had tears streaming down their cheeks out of hysterical laughter.

"Okay," Lucy replied cheerfully.

"WHAT?!"

Much to everyone's shock and horror, Laxus quickly covered Asuka's eyes while Wendy and Romeo wished someone would do the same for them, Lucy then pushed Natsu onto a barstool, straddled him, and began to unzip his one-sleeved jacket.

As her hand dragged up and down against his abs – Natsu was stammering and blushing at this point – Lucy swooped down and kissed him passionately before pulling away and resting her forehead against his. "You make it feel like Christmas," she said breathlessly.

And then they started to kiss again.

"I….I…..I…."

"I know mate," Wakaba said at Macao's speechlessness, "I don't get it either. They were the worst lines we could have picked out. They hadn't worked on anyone no matter who delivered them."

"Hey!" Gray snapped indignantly. "They worked for me!"

"Please," Wakaba snorted, "you used them on Juvia. You just have to blink in her direction and she'll turn into a puddle."

"Oh yeah," Gray said sheepishly.

(As if to prove his point Juvia had awoken, caught Gray's sheepish, adorable, smile that was sort of facing her way, and fainted into a puddle once more as she blissfully thought; Gray-sama is smiling at Juvia! This is the best Christmas ever!)

"This makes no sense!" Macao shouted. "Lucy is violent and quick to anger! Why isn't she kicking Natsu?! These lines never work on anyone else! What's going on?!"

"It might be that Natsu just delivered those lines with more sincerity that you could ever hope for your pink finger to have," Cana drawled rather amused. "Or it might just be, just maybe, because I spiked Lucy's hot chocolate with this all afternoon."

And at that point Cana lifted up a half empty bottle of mint liqueur.