One Year Later
Spring came and went with the colored change of the leaves to darker shades of orange and brown. Winter came with the fall of the leaves.
Winter reminded the Great Prince of the Forest of the human who had died to protect the forest. It was on one of those winter mornings that he found himself at the stand where he was almost shot as a young buck during the start of his patrol in the morning hours. He looked up at it recalling when he would see the Great Hunter sitting there with a huge smile on his face as he watched the deer passing on the trails.
He thought of the human that the Great Hunter called Darby. Darby had been the human who saved Faline from the mountain lion. When he turned to return to his morning patrol, he noted something odd about the snow leading down the path the other humans had come from to find Darby's body. He walked over cautiously unsure of what he would find. He stopped before what looked like tracks, which looked like the ones he had followed to find The Great Hunter last winter, however, there was a circle in the snow that accompanied one of the prints. He was unsure of what the circle could be, but his curiosity led him to follow the prints from the side being wary enough to watch the sides to not be surprised by anything. Once he was able to be assured that the prints led to the dark road, he turned back to continue his patrol.
The prints and circle stayed with him longer than he cared to admit and usually found himself at the stand just to see if the prints were there. To his disappointment, they were not there. A small part of his heart broke. His hope that maybe the young human hadn't died as he thought shattered.
Spring came again without a trace of the prints on the snow, with it went the hope of seeing the human named Darby.
By this time, his son grew into a young buck with three points on each antler. He couldn't have been prouder of Bambi when he fought Ronno, the self-proclaimed rival, for Faline and won both the fight. It was this spring that Geno and Gurri were born.
It was upon one of his patrols, however, that his hope came back.
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It had taken a long time to recover.
From what the doctors told her; she had been dead and should have still been dead. They were able to start her heart again after the miracle of her heartbeat still being there despite the amount of blood she lost. According to them, her mother called her boyfriend in a panic, and he put together a search party to look for her. When they found her, she had a very faint heartbeat, but she died on the way to the hospital.
She knew what they were talking about. She met a beautiful female doe in a bright, beautiful meadow even though she had expected to see her father. When the deer had spoken and Darby about jumped out of her skin, the doe explained that she was meeting Darby to tell her how thankful she was to her for helping Faline. She wanted Darby to know that this meadow was the place between life and death and that she was there to guide Darby to life or death. She told Darby that if she chose life, she would live for many years but would not be able to live the same as she did before the mountain lion attack. If she chose death, she would be with her father but leave many mourning her. Darby thought about what her father would want her to do. She remembered ranting to the buck about how she was jealous of him for the attention her father gave him. She remembered her father's letters she received when she was in Afghanistan. They detailed how a buck reminded him of her and how he quit hunting due to him. She had thought it was the entire buck that reminded her father of her, but upon recalling the words of the letter, she realized that it was the buck's eyes. The fear of the man that would end his life. She realized as she died that her father had been thinking of her and not of the buck at that point. She knew how her father felt. She had looked at many men in the scope of her rifle when she was patrolling the base. The many times she had to contemplate taking the shot when an enemy got to close also came to mind. She remembered the fear she felt just having someone in her scope. She knew numerous times that she had been in the scope of many enemy rifles especially since one instance ended in her being sent to the hospital with a bullet wound in her leg. She knew what her father would have wanted for her during that time and thus understood what he would want now.
He would have asked her to live.
She told the doe her choice. When she closed her eyes, she found herself in a bright, white room with a nurse at her side looking at a clipboard. Her whole body felt like it was on fire. Her leg and arms felt like she was being stabbed. She recalled whimpering due to the pain which prompted the nurse to look up at her and a barely audible yell filled her ears before the nurse ran out of the room taking the muffled shouts with her. She saw doctors rushing in. One came to her side to look at her face. His eyes were green, and his hair was full of brown hair. When he turned his face away to speak to the nurse at his side, she noted a bald spot on his head. His mouth moved but she was barely able to hear it. As she caught up with her surroundings, the words became easier to understand.
She replied with her name and age. She told him she was in the hospital as she felt cold in her veins. She recognized the cold in the veins from when she was shot in Afghanistan and thought nothing of it but was happy to start feeling the pain going away. She could finally without the pain obstructing it. She continued saying that she was attacked by a mountain lion while in the woods looking for her father.
The doctor introduced himself as Dr. Taverts.
She knew that name.
Before she could realize she said it out loud, he told her he was her father's primary doctor. The weight of never seeing her father again made her cry before she could stop herself. The escalating sobs that filled the room were unrelenting. Dr. Taverts put his hand on her shoulder and the nurse put hers on her leg that she could feel, but all that she could do was grieve. Grieve for her father. Grieve for herself. Grieve for her mother.
It was a long time she had to be in the hospital. She had to lay in that bed for weeks. When she left, she didn't know how long she was there for. What she knew was that her mother hadn't visited her. Her mother's boyfriend did though. Each time he did he apologized. He didn't know that his girlfriend was married when they started dating. She was not surprised by that. It wasn't a secret that her father hadn't spent much time with her. It did surprise her though that her mother's boyfriend visited her.
It left odd not to be shocked when Dr. Taverts told her that she would never be able to use her leg the same again. A permanent limp, he said. She would need to use a cane, he said. She knew all of it from when she was discharged from the hospital after getting shot. The pain was indescribable on both occasions. It couldn't be described by English words. Grief of that magnitude could be described. Pain could not. The brain just shuts down and all you can focus on is survival. At least, that is what she experienced.
It took shorter than she expected to walk into the woods. She never blamed the cougar. She never blamed the fawn. She didn't blame anyone. If anything, she couldn't believe she didn't bring a weapon. Then again, she expected to find her father safe in his stand, but she should have known better. Her therapist told her the blaming was called survivor's grief. She understood what it meant. It meant the nightmares. The constant blaming oneself for coming back alive when someone else didn't. That blame taking over your entire body and mind until it was all you could think about. It was real. She lived it when she was discharged. The PTSD was worse. The nightmares were something she would never forget.
The snow was cold against her legs, but she didn't care. She wanted to see the stand. After one nightmare, she was seeing the mountain lion as she tried to get up to the tree stand for the gun. Dr. Taverts wanted to go with her, but she declined. She needed to see it for herself. She needed to know that she could do it. The cane was terrible to use in snow, but it worked.
She thought seeing the stand would bring back all the horrible memories and thoughts around her father. How frightened he must have been. How terrified of never coming home. But all she could think about was when she showed her this stand for the first time. She recalled his stories of seeing the deer and other wildlife of the forest. All the good memories were coming to her mind.
Before long, she knew she needed to leave. If she didn't, Dr. Taverts was sure to come into the forest after her. Ever since she was released, he and his wife started to come to her house to give her dinners and assist her with living again. His wife took on the role of helping her get to her doctor's appointments and other places. Dr. Taverts made it his mission to attend every one of her physical therapy appointments. Sometimes, their presence made her yell and fight them. But they knew it was the guilt and the PTSD. They chose to still stick by her. Her mother, upon hearing over the phone about the physical and mental therapy she would need to do, didn't return her calls nor texts. Her mother's boyfriend kept her number in his phone for emergencies. He would call Darby sometimes asking her how she is. He told her that his brother returned home to divorce papers. He told her his sister-in-law couldn't take how hard it was after his brother returned. The nightmares, he said, were the worst. She understood what he said. There was a time she walked around her house with a kitchen knife in her hand looking for enemies, thinking she was back in Afghanistan. Other times, she flinched when she heard a firework. Now, she flinched when she heard a snarl, even lion roars, on youtube during therapy.
While she was walking back to where Dr. Taverts was waiting in his car with his wife, she was disappointed that was no sign of the deer that stayed with her that day. The trek back to the truck was worse than coming in and the pain was beginning to heighten. She knew she would have to wait until spring or summer to come back when there was less for her cane to get stuck on.
Spring came months later and still no word from her mother. She couldn't blame her. She knew it was tough on the family when she came back from Afghanistan. She had expected phone calls at least, especially for her birthday. However, Dr. Taverts and his wife brought over a birthday cake for her birthday and the sadness surrounding her mother was gone. She was 26 years old. She honestly did not think she would make it to this age especially with the war.
She told Dr. Taverts and his wife that it was time for her to head into the forest again. Dr. Taverts and his wife never asked her why she would go, but she knew that they already knew. The stand was a reminder of her survival. A reminder of her resilience and dedication to live. It was a reminder that despite all odds against her; she lived.
Stepping onto the grass that led to the forest where her father's stand was felt almost like she was meeting her destiny. Like this was where she was meant to be. It was almost dream-like with all the lights and the breeze moving her hair along her shoulders. Waving goodbye for an hour or so wasn't hard to do when the couple sat down on the grass with an outdoor blanket under them to enjoy the sun for themselves, but they knew to give her space.
The grass was easier to use her cane in. The ground was a lot flatter. Even the sticks that broke under it didn't trouble her. When the trees lessened and the branches thinned and her father's stand came into view, she smiled.
Before her stood a deer so magnificent that it drew her breathe away. When she last saw him, it was winter, so it was more dreary, cold, and dark. But now in the spring, bucks were getting new antlers, shedding the old for anew.
If a deer could be surprised, she figured he would have been by the widening of his eyes. He didn't run away, only stared at her. She thought she would have been plagued by her death since it was his eyes and fur that was the last thing she saw and felt, but nothing did. Looking at him made all guilt and sadness go away in that moment.
She nodded, smiling gratefully. And he seemed to nod back.