Summary: Lucy gets sacrificed to a demon….

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, implied Gray/Juvia, and lots of general friendship feels.

Author's Note: After the miserable ending manga chapter and the solid fact that none of the chapters till probably the end will be unhappy and angst-filled, I decided to take some facts from the manga (A. Natsu is END, B. Gray will definitely fight him, C. One Magic is love, and D. Only Lucy seems to know this in the guild) and write something funny and enjoyable (hopefully) to cheer everyone up. So I hope this all makes you smile because I reckon we're all going to need it.

"Anything?!"

A twitch appeared in Levy's eyebrow at the whinging tone that left Gray's lips. "You asked me that three thousand six hundred and eighty two times in the last half hour," she growled, "and for the three thousand six hundred and eighty second time, no. I haven't found a blasted thing!"

Gray flinched, and not just because Levy sounded terrifying like Erza, but because Juvia was tending to his wounds with disinfectant, and it hurt like hell. "Natsu has gone bonkers," he said for the millionth time, "he's END now. A demon. And the only thing that can defeat him is this one true magic nonsense, so we need to know like last week to kick his ass and bring Natsu home."

"Gray-sama," Juvia murmured softly, her eyes watching Lucy warily, the blonde had been in a ghostly state since they lost Natsu completely to the evil that was END, and she seemed to wander from room to room with Happy bundled in her arms, not seeing a single thing. "Hush. Lucy-san-"

"Knows what the one true magic is," Lucy finished firmly.

Everyone fell silent and turned to look at Lucy which made her flush in embarrassment.

"YOU DO?!"

"Are you telling me?" Levy growled as she flung her glasses onto the ground. "That's I've been reading every book in the library for nothing!"

Lucy shrugged and clutched Happy tighter (causing him to gasp and moan about crushed ribs). "No one asked," she mumbled.

"How?!" Levy shrieked. "How do you know?!"

"Mama told me," Lucy said quietly, "and after Tenrou I asked Capricorn and he confirmed it."

"….should have known," Gray shook his head, "of course you'd know. You knew all about Lullaby and anything else to do with ancient magic."

Levy, having spent days in the library getting frustrated, lost all self-control, and grabbed Lucy by the collar of her shirt and shook her. "WHAT IS IT?!" she screamed in Lucy's face. "WHAT IS THIS BLASTED ONE TRUE MAGIC?!"

"I-I-it's love!" Lucy stuttered. "Love is the one magic in the world, how do you not know that?"

Levy, stunned, let Lucy go and stepped back in silence while everyone else were unnaturally quiet out of shock, and then….

"Well that's it, then," Gray declared, "Natsu will have to be stuck as a demon forever. There's no way in hell I'm snogging him."

"Juvia is glad to hear that," Juvia smiled happily as she pressed a kiss on Gray's naked shoulder, "Juvia would not be happy if Gray-sama decided to kiss Natsu-san."

Lucy stared at Gray in a deadpan manner. "Why does everything have to be physical with you?" she said. "Love comes in a lot of forms. You don't need to kiss him, just love him."

"Look, the power of love is nice and all," Gajeel spoke up, "but the naked pervert has a point. You can't do anything with it without an action, and that action usually takes form in kissing and other crap. And there's no way in hell I'm going to shag Salamander. Find someone else."

"No one asked you too," Lucy muttered, slightly disturbed, "Happy," she spoke up, "you'll do it, won't you? Bring Natsu back with-"

"Oh no," Happy interrupted as he flew out of Lucy's arms, "I've been molested once by Natsu, I have no plans to go through that again."

"….I half want to know just to tease Natsu, and I half really don't want to know how desperate he must have been," Wakaba spoke up finally, voicing the thoughts of nearly everyone in the guild.

"Aye," everyone else mumbled in agreement.

"Well what are we going to do?!" Lucy asked desperately. "We got to bring Natsu back somehow!"

"…."

It took a couple minutes but Lucy soon realised that everyone, and she means everyone, was looking at her as if she was some sort of new special, shiny, coin. "What?" she asked nervously. "Have I got something on my face?" she hadn't put much thought in her appearance since the battle against Zeref and when they lost Natsu for good. "I have something on my face, don't I?"

"Is everyone thinking what I'm thinking?" Laxus spoke up finally.

"I think so Laxus-sama!" Freed trilled worshiping-ly. "Though how anyone can think at your level of brilliance, I don't know."

"What are you thinking?!" Lucy shrieked.

"Ain't it obvious?" Gajeel smirked. "You should be the one to shag Salamander back to his senses."

"WHAT?!"

"Makes sense."

"The obvious answer really."

"Better you than me."

"Ho, ho, ho, Lucy, you're finally going to get laid!"

"Sex isn't the only way to show love!" Lucy wailed. "Surely we can do this as a family and our bond as a guild."

"All right," Laxus nodded, "we'll put this to a vote. Hands up if you want to save Natsu by showing him family love in some impossible manner that might get us all killed."

Lucy hesitatingly put her hand up (it didn't sound good the way Laxus had worded that) and much to her dismay and horror she realised she was the only one that did. Even Wendy kept her hand down, though they might be because Charle was covering her ears with her paws and glowering at the lot of them for using words like shag in front of her charge.

"Okay then," Laxus smirked viciously, "and all those in favour of doing the easy thing once and make Lucy a virgin sacrifice?" Everyone's hand shot up at that point which made Laxus smirk even more. "So we're in agreement then, Lucy will shag Natsu back to normal."

"DON'T I GET ANY SAY IN THIS AT ALL?!"

"Of course you do," Laxus raised an eyebrow. "You were just out voted."

And that was how Lucy ended up tied to a stake, in the middle of Magnolia, for END to come and pick her up.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Everyone gathered round Lucy and scrutinised her critically which only caused Lucy to shift uncomfortably, and then scowl at the lot of them. It had taken a lot but eventually Erza had managed to tackle Lucy to the ground, pin her down, and allowed the others girls to drag her into the bathroom for a makeover.

Now Lucy really look the part of a virgin sacrifice, with her hair, loose and blowing round her shoulders, a tight, breezy skirted, white gypsy dress, and her feet completely bare.

"Hmm," Cana hummed critically, "she doesn't seem sexy enough. Hold on," she reached out and suddenly tore open the top buttons of Lucy's dress revealing her cleavage. "Ah," she smiled satisfied. "Much better."

"Are you sure?" Mira said doubtfully. "Perhaps we should have Juvia soak her dress a little to make it cling on to her a bit."

"Try it," Lucy spat out, "and I'll make your life a misery, and remember I keep my promises."

Juvia faltered and took a step back. "Lucy-san can be scary, how did Juvia not notice this before?" Juvia murmured to herself.

"I can't believe you guys!" Lucy shouted. "You're actually going to abandon me here on a stake for END to do whatever he pleases."

"Lucy, I am a terrible friend to you and you are right to punch me in retribution," Erza said in her usual formal manner, "but this is a necessary evil. It's not like we want to do this to you."

"Speak for yourself," Mira said tartly, "I've been trying to get Lucy and Natsu together forever!"

"Mira-nee," Lisanna sweat-dropped. "Perhaps now isn't the right time…."

"And you, Laxus!" Lucy snarled as she glowered at the brooding blonde. "You're supposed to be our Master now, how can you condone leaving one of your members in this sort of situation without any protection?!"

"You're right," Laxus nodded, "it would be wrong of me to leave you alone without something to protect you."

Lucy sighed in relief and for one, beautiful, moment thought he was going to return her whip or keys…..instead he dumped several packets on the floor at her feet. Several, familiar silver foil packets…..

Lucy's eyes bugged out of her sockets. "CONDOMS?!" she screeched.

"The best protection against babies and STDS," Laxus smirked, "apart from….you know, not having sex at all."

"This is your idea of protection?!"

"Don't be ungrateful!" Evergreen snapped. "It's very thoughtful of Laxus-sama to give you his condoms."

"Laxus-sama is so thoughtful!" Freed said dreamily. "Always considerate of others and their needs!"

"And they're really good ones as well," Bickslow praised, "You'll have a great time, Lucy."

"Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!"

Everyone else couldn't help but grin and joke and laugh as well until they sensed a dark, evil, aura…coming out from Lucy. "When all of this is over," she said in a deathly quiet tone, "I'm going to murder you all."

Several members tittered nervously. "No you won't," Mira said with great certainty, "because you'll be too busy shagging Natsu to care."

And with that, everyone abandoned Lucy to her fate.

Fortunately though she didn't have to wait long (it would have been so humiliating if she had been left there for days on end with everyone walking by and probably stopping to watch her), within fifteen minutes, END swooped down from the rooftops, and glowered at her.

Lucy swallowed and wondered just how she was supposed to seal away this demon and free Natsu with the One Magic….

"What the hell, Luce?!" END snapped. "What did those weirdoes do to you?"

And that was when she realised he sounded exactly like Natsu, childish and all indignation, and not all demonic and evil. "Natsu?!" she cried out as she blinked rapidly at him. "Is that you?"

"Of course it's me, you weirdo!" Natsu scoffed. "Who else will it be?"

"I don't know, END," Lucy rolled her eyes, "You haven't been acting yourself recently."

"What are you talking about?" Natsu blinked dumbly. "I've been me!" he added indignantly. "Name one thing that isn't me."

"You killed Zeref."

"He wanted to die, it was cruel to keep him alive."

"You tried to kill Gray."

"The bastard attacked me, and when don't I want to punch that icy pervert's face in?"

"You have horns."

"Yeah…." Natsu scratched the back of his head sheepishly at that. "I've been trying to get rid of them all week. Haven't figured out how to do that, or why they're there."

Perhaps it's because he's horny, a voice that sounded a lot like Cana leered in the back of Lucy's mind…..oh dear God! She was spending way too much time with Cana! That's it, as soon as Lucy was out of this situation, she was going into a nunnery or something for some time away from the dirty mindedness of Fairy Tail….

"If that's the case, why didn't you just come home?!" Lucy asked exasperated. "We would have helped!"

"You would, and some of the others might," Natsu agreed, "but Gray was determined to kill END for his Dad, remember? As much as I enjoy beating the shit out of the Popsicle, I'd rather do it because he's begin annoying not because he was trying to kill me."

Huh…..that made sense.

"Well," Lucy coughed, "we might have found a way to help you return to normal."

"Yeah?!" Natsu said eagerly. "What's that?" Lucy hurriedly mumbled the answer which made Natsu blink dumbly once again. "I'm sorry Luce, I didn't get that at all," Natsu said confused, "can you repeat that?"

"We figured the One Magic will cure you," Lucy said louder and more slowly, her cheeks steading getting hotter and hotter, "And that's love," her cheeks were definitely as pink as Natsu's hair, "so the others thought that I could….shagitoutofyou," she finished hastily her cheeks now definitely the shade of Erza's hair, she wondered if it's possible for her head to explode.

"What?"

Lucy would like to believe that Natsu didn't catch that at all, and that he was asking that in order for her to repeat herself…..but she could see his smirk as clear as day, and knew he just wanted her to repeat herself for his own amusement.

She suppressed the urge to growl. "I'm a virgin sacrifice," she said loudly, "for you."

"….awesome!"

"What?!"

Lucy had no time to gather her senses when Natsu burnt the ropes off of her and then suddenly swung her over his shoulder, before he began to march down the street.

"Natsu, wait!" Lucy screeched.

"I'm not stopping," Natsu said cheerfully, "You're mine now. The guild said so."

"No not that, you arrogant twit!" she snapped. "You left the condoms behind!"

"Oh, right."

Quickly Natsu doubled back, snatched up the condoms, and then he ran off with his virgin sacrifice to do whatever he pleased.

FTFFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

It had been five days since Natsu had carried Lucy off as his virgin sacrifice. Five, very long, sleepless days as everyone began to get rather worried. Erza, Juvia, Gray, Gajeel, and Levy did a few search parties, Cana kept reading her cards, and everyone else was on a look out for any sign of Lucy, but so far nothing.

Juvia had begun to wail, Levy was beginning to let the guilt really eat at her, Erza kept muttering how someone should kill her for being a terrible friend, and Laxus shifted uncomfortably as he felt he had failed being Master of Fairy Tail before he really began….

And then Lucy and Natsu walked in.

Well…..walked in was an overstatement for Lucy. She hobbled in and leaned heavily on Natsu (not that he minded, actually he seemed really smug about it) for support, but they were back, safe, and sound, and one hundred percent completely them.

"LUCY! NATSU!"

Instantly everyone crowded them and tried to hug them. Unfortunately most of them didn't get far when Natsu suddenly punched them. "What were you thinking?!" he bellowed "Sacrificing Lucy?! You're lucky it was just me and not an actual demon out there!"

"Are you sure?" Macao mumbled as he rubbed his jaw. "You punch like a demon."

"We're sorry, Natsu," Levy said, tears in her eyes, "but we were desperate."

"And don't act like you didn't enjoy it," Gajeel scoffed, "We know you did."

Natsu blinked and smiled sheepishly. "Well of course I enjoyed it," he mumbled, "Lucy does this thing with her tongue that-"

Lucy suddenly slapped a hand over Natsu's mouth. "Shut up, you idiot!" she hissed. "It's none of their business what I – urgh!" she tore her hand away from Natsu's lips and rubbed it against her skirt. "You licked me!" she accused him childishly. "Natsu's, that's disgusting."

"I don't get it," Natsu said innocently, "how is that more disgusting that when I was licking your-"

Desperate times call for desperate measures, Lucy shut Natsu up instantly with a kiss, and much to the guild's disgust Natsu instantly responded by deepening the kiss, and threading a hand through her hair, pulling her closer, as her arms winded round his neck, and then –

"Oh God," Gray turned a sickly green, "do you guys have to do that in front of us?"

"What?" Natsu said dazed, his lips slightly swollen from the kiss, and his eyes heavily lidded, "I thought you wanted me and Lucy to play The Demon and the Virgin Sacrifice."

"NATSU! SHUT UP!"