Summary: I had a customer today whose name was 'David Manley'…..I had to write an Elfman story.
Pairings: Elfman/Evergreen and little Natsu/Lucy.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for giving me over thirty five hundred reviews!
They went on a job together because Laxus was busy, Bickslow was insane, Freed was researching some new runes, and Evergreen refused to be short on rent by a couple jewels just because they couldn't be bothered to help her. Meanwhile the Strauss sisters were going to have a day just the two of them, and Elfman severely needed a distraction from the fact he had blatantly been left out.
There was nothing romantic about it!
Never in a million years!
They did not make out on the train journey there.
(Never believe Cana – she lies!)
The job was simple enough, all they had to was defend a village from a ferocious beast. Evergreen could freeze it with her eye magic while Elfman sucked out its soul for his magic, and Bob's your uncle (though not actually Bob-San, who played their gay uncle one time too many, and now Evergreen had the occasional nightmare where everything was pink. Urgh!). Even better, Evergreen was going to get the whole reward money because Elfman didn't want her to be out of pocket for the month.
"IT IS UNMANLY TO LEAVE A LADY UNABLE TO PAY HER RENT!"
"See Natsu," Lucy scowled, burns and bruises covering her body from her most recent attempt to earn rent money, "Elfman understands. Perhaps I should get a job with him instead."
….and thus started the twenty-eight brawl that morning as Natsu jealously punched Elfman in the face (children), thus making Evergreen and Elfman a little late.
"We apologise again that we are late," Evergreen said humbly to the mayor of the village, "we had an unexpected delay. What can you tell us about the beast, Mr….erm….sorry, what is your name again?"
"David Manley," the mayor shook her head, "please call me Dave."
"You…." Elfman said slowly. "Have…..the. Most. Awesome. MANLIEST. Name in the whole wide world! MAN!"
Evergreen stood there horrified as Elfman now had tears of pride running down his face and patted Dave Manley so hard on the back that the guy almost fell onto the floor.
"You are the MAN!" Elfman continued. "Bravely defending your home in a MANLY manner and doing whatever it takes to protect your people, LIKE A MAN! IT IS UNMANLY TO STAND IN YOUR PRESCENCE!"
"Nonsense," Dave said cheerfully as he patted Elfman's bicep, "You're an incredibly manly man's man, just look at all those rippling muscles," Evergreen must not tear this git's head off. Evergreen must not ruin her job because a man is touching her not-her-boyfriend in an inappropriate manner…..Evergreen must remember those breathing exercises Freed taught her…. "You even reek of what my friend Ichiya would call, a beautiful, but strong and masculine, perfume of MEN! You are a manly man, Elfman!"
"MAN!"
"MEN!"
"WE ARE MANLY MEN!"
Evergreen stared at the two weirdoes who had sparkles and flowers circling them as they kept chanting how manly they were and what men they were…
Oh hell, no money was worth this.
"That's it," Evergreen turned her back to them, "I'm dumping you."
"Ooh," Dave said warily, the sparkles disappearing, "dating your co-worker? That's not exactly professional is it?"