Summary: Natsu does know how to behave like a gentleman….he just chooses not to.

Pairings: Some implied Natsu/Lucy and lots of friendship feels.

Author's Note: This is for UnitedOsprey1991 who had waited patiently for this.

"Oi, Lucy!" Natsu called out. "Let's do a job!"

"Sorry Natsu," Lucy shook her head apologetically. "I can't."

"What?!" Natsu cried out. "Why not? Did someone make you promise to go on a job with them instead? They did, didn't they?" he yelled. "I bet it's Gray, he would love to piss me off by blackmailing you into working with him instead!"

"I can't do a job with you Natsu because I'm going on one by myself," Lucy snapped irritably, "Not because anyone else blackmailed, bribed, or coerced me into going with them. And can I add none of them have to do that because I'd go if they asked nicely."

"Why are you going by yourself?!"

Typically, Natsu ignored everything after Lucy said 'by myself'.

"An old dear wants someone to accompany them for a High Society tea," Lucy explained, "and entertain their friends with stories."

"WE CAN DO THAT!"

"High Society, Natsu." Lucy stressed. "You have no manners, you have no idea what is the correct way to address anyone, and undoubtedly you'll destroy something."

"I so do have manners!" Natsu protested. "I say please and thank you unlike Gajeel!"

Gajeel grunted and flipped Natsu off, proving him right that he had no manners at all.

"I suppose you do," Lucy relented, "but you don't have etiquette-"

"Erm," Macao interrupted, "actually he does. They all do."

"What?!"

"Yeah," Wakaba puffed on his cigar. "We put them through a class years ago."

"Really?!" Lucy gasped. "What happened?"

Natsu laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. Oh dear, Lucy thought, this is not going to end happily. "Well you see…."

No one could believe Gramps just did this to them.

After another meeting with the Magic Council he came back quite cross (because Natsu destroyed another building, Erza terrorised half a village, Gray accidentally froze another one, the Strauss Siblings destroyed a forest, and less said what Cana did after tasting her first vodka the better…) and told them they were going to learn manners and if they don't like it they could leave the guild forever.

So with that ultimatum hovering over their heads, they sat there sulkily in a pristine, unnatural, classroom cluttered with pictures on how to bow and curtsey correctly.

"This is stupid!" Natsu moaned.

"You said that a hundred times already!" Gray complained. "Will you just shut up, Ash Brain?"

"What was that Snow Fairy?!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!

"YOU HEARD ME!"

"Natsu, Gray," Erza said coolly, "am I hearing bickering?"

"No!" Gray shouted in alarm. "We're the best of friends, aren't we Natsu?"

"Aye, Sir!"

"…..idiots."

It was then when their teacher finally decided to enter the room. She was as pristine as the room. Not a single hair out of place from her tight bun, her dress perfectly smooth and wrinkle free, and not a single of speck seemed to be on her. "Good Morning class," she said calmly, "Oh dear. I already see that you are indeed in need of a lot of tutoring in etiquette. When your superior walks into the room you should all stand up."

"Well you're not exactly our superior, are you?" Laxus sneered. The teacher responded to such cheek by rapping his knuckles with her ruler. "Ow! What the fuck?" this resulted into another smack with the ruler. "You bi- ouch!"

"We can do this all morning, Mr Dryer," the teacher said coldly, "One way or another I shall teach you proper manners. Now stand up all of you, we shall go through proper greetings today." Her eyes fell onto Mirajane and narrowed in disapproval. "Tomorrow dear," she said in a sugary sweet voice, "I would like you to come dressed properly. Not as a Lady of the Night."

Mira shot her a venomous look but didn't say anything. She learnt her lesson by watching Laxus make his mistakes. She did, however, silently swear to have revenge and poor Levy and Elfman who had been sitting either side of her edged away fearfully as an evil aura seeped out of her.

The following few hours were hell. And so were the next couple days as they were taught to sit up properly, walk properly, and speak properly. Natsu, and a few others, finally lost it when they had their hands smacked repeatedly for picking up the wrong fork (or eating without one since Natsu was a pig when it came to food).

"I must have revenge!" Natsu roared the moment they left the classroom. His body literally went up in flames. "I hate that woman. She's so mean to all of us. I hate that bloody stupid ruler. I hate the Magic Council. And," he let out a fearsome growl, "I hate Gramps for putting us through this."

"Natsu," Lisanna said worriedly, "Calm down before you get us into trouble."

"Yeah brat," Mira whacked him over the head, "don't give them even more excuses to keep us locked in here."

"I agree with Natsu," Erza said, "we deserve justice for this atrocity. We already have our manners and it is unnecessary for us to know how act like nobility when we are going to be fighting monsters, demons, and bandits. This is a nonsensical punishment."

"You're just upset because Miss Prim and Proper in there wouldn't let you eat the cake." Gray rightfully accused her. "Getting revenge isn't going to help. We'll just be stuck here forever and if I have my hands tied to the desk one more time-"

"Well keep your clothes on you pervert!" Natsu snapped. "We just left three seconds ago and already you're naked!"

"Oh crap!"

"Everyone is right," Laxus announced taking leadership, "we need our revenge but we cannot be forced to keep taking this stupid class. Therefore I've come up with a different idea."

"Oh?" Mira raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"We'll play their game," Laxus decided, "we'll become perfect ladies and gentleman. No more brawls, no more drinking, nothing uncouth or rude. We'll become perfectly boring."

"How will that help us?!"

"How do you think?" Laxus smirked at everyone's indignation. It didn't bother him at all that they had all shouted at him because he knew this was going to work. "We'll be so boring and perfect that it'll freak Gramps out and he'll pull us out of this stupid class and beg us to turn back to normal."

"WHAT?!" Macao and Wakaba interrupted Natsu. "I knew it!" Macao continued. "I knew you were playing us along. How could you?!"

"How could you send us to that class in the first place?" Natsu retorted back. He then turned away from them and grinned at Lucy. "So we agreed to do Laxus' plan which wasn't easy at all. We were all still a bit clueless, so Levy did the research, and we all practised in the woods until…."

Makarov couldn't believe his eyes.

His children were behaving. And not just behaving, they were acting like perfect ladies and gentleman. Dressed neatly in suits and long flowing dresses as they sat round a table having a tea party of all things.

"Will you please pass the finger sandwiches, Gray-kun?" Natsu asked politely.

"Why certainly, Natsu-san," Gray said pleasantly as he passed a plate over to Natsu, "and could you please pass me the sugar, Levy-san?"

"This…..this….this…." Makarov stuttered. "I need a drink," he instantly turned to the bar and was horrified to find there was no booze to be seen. "Where did all the booze go?!" he wailed.

"Why Grandfather," Laxus said in a shocked tone, "it is far too early to drink alcohol. I do wish you used the correct term, booze is so…."

"Crude," Levy finished for him.

"Exactly!" Laxus agreed warmly. "Besides it is uncouth to drink at all."

Makarov stared at them all as they smiled sweetly back at him. "I knew I shouldn't have sent you to that class," he muttered before he marched out of the guild, determined to find a drink for his nerves.

Not long after he left, everyone broke out of character and high-fived. They could smell victory coming close.

This continued for days and they were gleefully enjoying the fact everyone around them was getting more and more creeped out by the day...well, apart from their teacher, she just sang their praises and hit them less with the ruler, which was a welcomed change.

By the end of the week, they did such a good job that their teacher arranged a social tea with the Magic Council for a test while Makarov, Macao, Wakaba, and Reedus all seemed to have developed twitches in the eye.

"I must say," one of the Councilmen said, "your members do clean up nicely."

"Y-y-yes," Makarov stammered as Natsu neatly wiped his mouth with a napkin, Gray had still to take off any item of clothing, and Mira had yet to start a fight with Erza. Unnatural, unnatural, unnatural... "They have become so well-behaved."

"I consider this experiment to be a success, then!" another Council Member said cheerfully. "Good manners are the key into preventing unruly behaviour."

"Of course, of course."

It was then when fate decided to hand the children exactly what they wanted on a silver platter. The doors suddenly blew off as a dark guild that had been giving the council some problems swaggered in, within seconds the members were all pinned to the wall, Makarov as well, and the Master of the dark guild posed to blast them with his magic –

"AREN'T YOU GOING TO RESCUE US?!"

"Pardon?" Laxus said loftily. "We are in the middle of high tea. It is consider incredibly rude to leave the table until all persons have finished."

"WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!"

"I cannot say we have noticed," Cana spoke up, "we have been so busy discussing the weather and other small talk to pay any attention to such lowly, uncouth, and filthy people."

"FOR GOD SAKE! IF YOU HELP US NOW, I PROMISE YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO ANOTHER LESSON ON MANNERS EVER AGAIN!"

"Really?" Erza raised an eyebrow. "Even if someone was to accidentally destroy something?"

"EVEN IF YOU DESTROY A WHOLE TOWN, WE WON'T EVER MAKE YOU TAKE THESE LESSONS EVER AGIN!"

There was a moment of silence, Laxus slowly put his tea cup down, lifted his napkin up and gently wiped his lips….

And then he smirked. "Let's do this," he ordered.

Everyone instantly leaped into battle. Gray ripped off his clothes and punched the nearest dark guild member. Mira transformed into a demon and instantly had three pinned to the ground while Lisanna transformed into a bird and made their life hell in another manner altogether. Erza cut many down to size, Laxus sent lightning bolts everywhere, and Natsu gleefully began to set everything on fire.

Within two minutes the dark guild was over powered and the children celebrated with cake while the Magic Council wept as their shiny, extravagant, tea room was now utterly destroyed.

"….and that's how I know how to behave properly," Natsu concluded. "So I can come to this job with you! And I promise I won't start anything unless bandits or another dark guild comes along!"

Lucy, who was still in shock at the whole story, suddenly found herself unable to make an argument under Natsu's blinding grin. "I suppose you can then," she agreed numbly. She really couldn't see Natsu wearing the correct suit and sitting up right, and not devouring everything in sight but by the sounds of it he had done it once and can do it again…..then suddenly something popped up in her mind. "Wait a minute!" she yelped. "If you all had etiquette lessons, and know how to behave in High Society situations, then why did I have to teach you about social dancing?"

"Erm," Natsu suddenly turned sheepish and nervous. "Well, you see…."

"Natsu wanted to dance with you," Happy giggled above their heads as he nibbled on a fish. "He liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes you!"

"SHUT UP, HAPPY!"