1 9 9 5, September 1st
The train's bathroom compartment shifted as the Hogwarts Express advanced to it's final destination.
Elowen gripped the edges of the lavatory's porcelain as she attempted to steady her nausea. Out of all the summers she had spent away from Hogwarts this had certainly been the most interesting one.
She looked at her reflection with a small frown, she didn't even recognize herself anymore. Her pre-mature graying hair now colored most of what used to be dark brown. It reached just below her shoulders with thick white and silvering streaks. Her brand new Slytherin uniform (courtesy of Sirius Black) hadn't been ironed properly by Kreacher.
And her face… She couldn't even look at it anymore. She felt ugly knowing the constellation of beauty marks on her face was a brand- an ugly mark she had been branded with as possession of You-Know-Who.
It didn't matter if the others didn't know, she knew, and it would forever be a grim reminder. She wondered if Harry felt this way about his scar- perhaps it was different, his scar was a reminder that he had lived, that he had triumphed over the Dark Lord, hers was of subjugation.
'"Don't you want to know more about them?" Harry had asked over the summer.
"About who?" She retorted mindlessly.
"Your parents?"
"Does it matter?" She finally looked at him. "They were Death Eaters and Voldemort killed them. That's all there is to know."'
She really didn't want to know more about them. Not after what Sirius had said. It did, however, make her feel better knowing she hadn't been abandoned.
Summer had been tedious. Sirius Black had been a welcoming home, however, he wasn't well. Perhaps he had survived 12 years at Azkaban but his sanity certainly hadn't. He hated his home, his family, and their beliefs. Most days he would drink himself to numbness. Nel could hear him from the room she was staying in. She could hear him shouting and arguing with the portrait of Walburga, his hateful dead mother. He would also fight with Kreacher and throw bottles at the walls. Most mornings when Nel was alone with him, she would wake to find Sirius slouched on a sofa, the dinning room or on the stairs. Sometimes he smelled like urine, other times like vomit.
"James!" He would howl remorsefully at night. "James!" His painful screams echoed the empty rooms of the Nobel House of Black as he called for his dead best friend.
Nel constantly avoided him. She would tiptoe down the stairs and around the corners of the house, heart in her throat, praying Sirius wouldn't notice her when he was in his inebriated state.
One night he caught her.
'"It helps with my pain," he said from the kitchen table as he nursed a bottle of fire whiskey on his hand. Who knows how many he'd had tonight…
Too stunned to speak Nel quickly grabbed her cup of water and lowered her head hoping to make a swift escape.
"Are you looking at me?" She heard him move as the chair scraped against the floor with movement. "Are you judging me?" He walked around the table and lowered his head to try and hold her gaze.
"You should really stop drinking, it scares me," She peeped quietly.
"Scares you?" He laughed loudly tossing his head back. "You know what's scary? Your best friend dying," he spat through gritted teeth. "Your little brother dying."
"And no matter what you do- every week, more news of deaths, more disappearances, more torturing…" He paused to look at her pale face and held her jaw with a clammy hand. Nel winced moving her head back, his hot alcoholic breath pungent. "Now that's, true terror," he finished letting her go.
Nel said nothing and inched away, carefully not to make any sudden movements.
"You remind me of my mother Elowen, you look like her," Sirius sighed returning to his sea. "I hated my mother!" He said resentfully raising a hand in the direction of the portrait that hung at the foot of the stairs.
"Nobody owes you anything Nel. Don't be an entitled brat. The sooner you learn that the better."'
She didn't tell anyone about Sirius. Although, she suspected Snape knew. He always knew… Things got a lot better when the others arrived, the so-called Order of the Phoenix. The situation vastly improved when Harry moved in towards the end of the summer, Sirius cut his drinking, it seemed to her that Harry was fulfilling a role Sirius needed in his life, his best friend, James.
The Order of the Phoenix was a secret society that Dumbledore started the first time they fought You-Know-Who, or so Hermione had explained to her. The members of the Order were secretive, especially around her, she would've known more if it weren't for Mrs. Weasley constantly reminding Sirius and Mad-Eye Moody that they were just children.
There was some loud knocking on the restroom's door which grounded Nel back to reality and out of her memories from the summer.
"Merlin's Beard! It's in use!" She shouted angrily. Fixing her hair one last time she pushed the door open. Pushing out with a frown ready to make a snarky reply she stopped when instead of a stranger, was a friend.
"Daphne," Nel spoke after the moment of surprise.
She wanted to throw her arms around her and hug her, but the blonde looked angry. Standing beside her was her younger sister Astoria, who seemed to be the one that needed to use the restroom so badly.
"Elowen," Daphne said curtly as if they were strangers.
"How was your summer? I'm so happy to see you!" Nel threw her arms around her, however, her chamber mate did not return the embrace.
"I should ask," She said stepping away. "How was yours?" She asked pointedly.
Horrid.
Nel had a feeling Daphne's irritation stemmed from this. It was what she had been fearing all this time. "It was fine."
Sensing the storm that was coming, Astoria stepped into the restroom.
"You never wrote back! All of my owls returned. Where were you?"
How do you explain to your friend that you were living in the streets as a runaway half of the summer and that the other half you spent rooming with an escaped convict from Azkaban Sirius Black?
"Daph, it's... Erm, it's complicated," Nel began nervously. She racked her brain for ideas of what to say- the truth, lies, anything she could say to make the situation better. "I wanted to write, really, I didn't mean to-"
"You know what Nel, with you everything is complicated," Daphne snapped. "And then, we see you walk in and board the train with the Gryffindors? With Potter and his friends?"
"Daphne," Nel racked her hands over her face in frustration. She could feel her eyes beginning to sting with tears of anger at her situation. "I can't tell you-" She sighed in defeat. "Please, trust me. It's better if you don't know."
Astoria stepped out of the restroom and gave her a side look before walking away.
"Have a good rest of the year," Was the last thing Daphne said to her before looking at her as if she were dirt and walking away until out of sight.
Nel cursed and kicked the wall of the train before following after.
She rushed down the corridor trying to find Tracey, but peeking into in through the door's window of the compartment Daphne had walked into, she saw she Tracey sitting across from the Greengrass sisters. Theodore was there too as was Tracey with her girlfriend. Leanne was taking a photo of Theodore and Daphne and all of them were sharing smiles, laughing. Hurt, Nel went away, distraught she didn't look before opening the door of the second compartment.
She opened it and her eyes scanned the crowded compartment landing on Draco Malfoy's face. She smiled remembering the last time she had seen him, when she kissed him standing on the stairs that led to the dungeon. He didn't return the smile, in fact, his silver eyes were hard, jaw set stiff. Her smile fell from her face as she noticed Pansy Parkinson's hand in his, her head resting on his shoulder.
"There's no room here Saintday," Goyle's voice made grounded her back to reality.
She didn't bother closing the door. Without a response, she turned away and stalked down the corridor wiping the single angry tear that had escaped her eye.
"Fuck!" She cursed loudly.
Daphne was mad. Tracey was hurt. Theo understood, however, he didn't have the balls to go against Daphne's word.
It hurt Nel to see her friend's together. She had survived the trip to Hogwarts by stamping an "Out of service" paper outside the restroom and locking herself in there the rest of the trip. Upon arrival she had attempted to apologize but they wouldn't have it, who knows what Daphne had said to them after their conversation.
"Why can't you just tell us?" Asked Tracey hurt more than anything.
"I just can't," Nel cried out through gritted teeth.
"Your owl should be in the owlery," was the last thing Tracey said to her.
Theodore shot her an apologetic look.
It was in moments like this that Nel wished Cedric was here, or well- Lucy, now but a ghost from her past. Someone that could provide any wisdom to her in her loneliness.
That night, Nel skipped the welcome back feast. She thought nobody would mind her absence or even notice and instead spent her evening in the greenhouse catching up with Nathair.