Summary: Laxus didn't look comfortable with his fans in the latest episode which makes me think that he has never encountered them before, and why wouldn't he? I think someone is running interference….

Pairings: Laxus/Thunder God Tribe friendship, some implied one-sided Freed/Laxus, implied Mira/Laxus if you squint, lots of friendship feels, Gray/Juvia, and Loke/OCs.

YouTube Prompt: Crack video for any pairing to 'Welcome to the Family' by Little Big Town because the descriptions of the family members fit Fairy Tail to the letter.

"LAXUS-SAMA!"

Laxus had faced many terrifying things in his life. His father, several fearsome monsters, Erza on a sugar withdrawal, his grandfather when he was pissed off, and sharing a room with Juvia who was obsessing with Gray the entire fucking time, have been some of them.

But none of them, none of them, was a terrifying as the sight of hordes of insane, giggling, girls trying to rip his clothing off.

"SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Ever," Freed said coolly as he whipped out his sword, "Protocol five."

Laxus blinked dumbly as he was suddenly protected by Freed's runes as Evergreen terrified the fangirls back with her powers and deadly, non-magical, glare. Slowly, but surely, the girls edged back towards their houses and left.

"It's a shame that Mira and the others aren't here," Freed said, "They're way more effective in dealing with rabid fangirls."

"They are – wait, what?" Laxus blinked rapidly, "are you saying this is a normal reoccurrence."

"Oh yes," Freed straightened Laxus' coat for him and then dusted off the shoulders, "You, Jellal, Gajeel, Elfman, Natsu, and Gray have an incredibly large fan base of insane woman who wish to rip your clothes off, drag you to their bed chambers, and-"

"Yeah," Laxus interrupted uncomfortably, "I got the picture. What do you mean Mira and the others are more effective in dealing with rabid fangirls?!"

"Well," Freed smiled sheepishly, "I've set some rune traps for anyone that thinks certain thoughts about the boys. On the girl's requests, of course!"

"Of course," Bickslow snickered, "it has nothing to do with the fact you want to protect Laxus' virtue."

"Exactly," Freed glared at Bickslow. "And then the girls take it from there."

"The girls?" Laxus scoffed. "What can the girls do?"

"Aside from the fact that Mira and Erza are terrifying without their magic?" Freed raised an eyebrow. Laxus almost smiled sheepishly at that, Freed was correct. Those two were insanely terrifying. "Well, for starters, there's Juvia." Freed shuddered.

"Juvia is an unnatural force of her own," Bickslow paled, "Not only does she drown her victims but she gets right up in their personal space with a freaky face like this," Bickslow leaped into Laxus' personal space, his face suddenly darkened, his eyes seemed soulless, and Laxus had to try and remind himself that he wasn't anywhere near the real Juvia. "She then says in a really creepy voice; Stay away from my Gray-sama, Love Rival!"

"Love Rival! Love Rival! Love Rival!"

"You can stop that now."

"Oh," Bickslow went back to his normal self. Well….as normal as he can be. "Sorry. You get the point. And then of course Lisanna is awesome in terrifying people with her bird forms, and Laki has her wooden torture devices, and no one knows what Kinana actually does-"

"Every encounter with Kinana leaves the girls shaking in fear" Freed agreed with a slight shiver. "And the Cana tends to drink the girls under the table, Bisca shoots at them, Levy is just as good at runes as I am, and she knows other spells to keep the girls away, and Wendy somehow ends up taking them out for tea."

"They like Wendy," Bickslow said sagely. "They think she's adorable."

"Adorable! Adorable! Adorable!"

"But the most effective one in dealing with the fangirls is Lucy," Freed concluded.

Laxus raised an eyebrow. "Lucy?!" he said disbelievingly. "What the hell does she do?"

"She summons Loke," Bickslow said.

"And that's effective?"

"Extremely," Freed replied, "Loke charms all the girls away and we don't see him for days."

"Huh," Laxus blinked, "that is effective. I and the other guys tend to deal with rabid fan boys by just beating the fucking crap out of them, tossing them out of town, and leaving their bruised and broken bodies for the Vulcans to play with….."

"…."

"You know," Freed sweat-dropped, "it's a wonder we have any fans at all."