Summary: For a short time Bickslow owned a puppet called Pinocchio….Gray remembers it as a disturbing afternoon.

Pairings: General friendship feels.

YouTube Prompt: A tribute to any couple to any cover of 'Time After Time'.

"What the hell is that?!"

It was a normal day at the guild, and Gray had only just walked in to be assaulted with the hideous sight of the most disturbing puppet laying on the bar as Bickslow worked on it. It was made from gnarled wood, the nose stuck out disturbingly, the weird grin on its' face creeped the hell out of Gray, as did the creepily carved detail of a human….

"It was part of our reward," Evergreen explained as she scrunched her nose up in disdain, "we tried to throw it in the bin-"

"But Bickslow wouldn't let us," Freed finished dismayed. "I'm going to have nightmares for weeks now."

"It's a beauty!" Bickslow cried out in his toy's defence. "I'm hoping to transfer one of my baby's souls into it and-"

He was immediately cut off as a spark of neon green magic caught their attention and suddenly the puppet sat up abruptly.

"At last!" the Puppet cried out. "I'm a real boy again! So long suckers!" he shouted as he leaped off of the bar, and ran out of the guild building.

"WAIT!" Bickslow yelled after it. "Don't leave me, my baby! Daddy is here to protect you, guide your soul, and totally use you to creep his enemies into submission and freak Freed out. My Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby!" he wailed as he left the guild building. "Don't leave Daddy so soon, you were only just born!"

"…."

"Let's pretend that never happened," Freed said slowly, "and instead we all got drunk and Bickslow was not arrested for being a pervert towards a puppet."

"….has that actually happened before?" Gray asked disbelievingly.

"We don't talk about it," Evergreen said harshly, "because it never happened. Just like Bickslow going nuts and chasing after a puppet while calling himself its' Daddy also didn't happen, got it"

"Yeah," Gray said awkwardly, "got it. You know, I think I might just go home now."

Gray would like to say that was the end of the very weird, mildly disturbing, afternoon but unfortunately he caught sight of Bickslow still chasing the puppet, while a couple of men chased after him while shouting things like 'pedo' after the insane knight.

And to think, Gray thought he had it bad with Natsu destroying everything every two seconds. At least Natsu never got himself arrested for chasing after what looked like a little boy down the street.

This almost made him appreciate his pain in the ass teammate.

Almost.

(And if you dare actually tell Natsu that then Gray will make your life a living hell.)

Omake:

"So how did you get out of being arrested this time?" Mira asked rather curiously. Everyone had now gone home apart from Cana, who was unconscious over her barrel, and Bickslow who slunk back in a few hours ago and started to drink heavily no he still had a long time to go before he reached the level of drunkenness Evergreen and Freed had been until Erza knocked them out and dragged them home. "After all, by the sounds of it, you came across quite the pervert."

"Well," Bickslow slurred slightly, "the authorities caught up with us both, and Pinocchio tried to tell them that I was a pervert kidnapping him for the child slave trade, when his nose started growing."

"His nose started to grow?!"

"Yeah, I think he was cursed or something," Bickslow mumbled, "well, he kept at it, and the more he lied the bigger his nose got, and then suddenly he toppled over into the canal. I tried to catch him but I managed to only get his nose which snapped off, and he then fell and drowned."

"….Can puppets actually drown?"

"Yes!" Bickslow whimpered. "And now all I got to remember my baby from is this!" he then slammed down a long piece of wood that was slightly pointy at the end. "I'm a terrible father!"

Mira struggled to say anything as she was unable to keep her eyes off of the piece of wood. Eventually, after what felt like hours, she said; "It looks like a penis, doesn't it?" she tried to muffle a giggle (she failed), "talk about phallic symbols!"

"DON'T BISMIRCH WHAT IS LEFT OF MY BABY'S INNOCENCE!"

Mira instantly stopped giggling and sweat-dropped slightly. God, she hoped Master will lift Laxus' banishment soon, only he could prevent this madness.