Summary: Fairy Tail punishes Ichiya for experimenting near their town.

Pairings: One-sided Ichiya/Erza, some implied Erza/Laxus friendship, some implied one-sided Bob/Ichiya, implied parental Bisca/Asuka, and some mentions of Alzack/Bisca.

YouTube Prompt: Fairy Tail tribute to 'Born This Way' by Lady Gaga…..because that would definitely be their anthem.

After seeing the headlines in the papers all about Ichiya's face making an appearance in Magnolia. Literally, and also literally everywhere, Bob-san was not at all surprised when a delegation of Fairy Tail mages came to Blue Pegasus.

"Erza-san!" Ichiya instantly swooped in. "I could smell your sweet and beautiful perfume from miles away. What can I do for you? Men!"

"Well first," Erza's eye twitched, "you can stop sniffing me," she instantly pushed Ichiya as far away from her as possible. Unfortunately that gave him the greatest advantage of sniffing her palm, she barely got it away in time from his attempt to kiss it. "Secondly you can explain exactly why you had chosen Magnolia to perform your experiments."

Bob-san instantly face palmed. "Ichiya," he groaned, "you didn't?!"

"Oh trust me," Laxus growled, "he did."

"You always ask permission from the guild when you want to use their territory for something that doesn't involve a job request," Erza snarled, "your violation and lack of honour in this is enough cause for us to give you a brutal beating."

Ichiya gulped. "My apologies, although I occasionally caught the sweet scent of your perfume on the wind, I had never realised Magnolia was the home place of Fairy Tail," he said nervously. No looked as if they believed him, not that Bob-san blamed them. He didn't believe Ichiya, after all Ichiya had taken Fairy Tail home a couple times, and Fairy Tail was the most gossiped about guild, everyone knew where they were and tended to immediately avoid that area just in case. "I had been banished from experimenting in my own town due to several accidents and Magnolia was perfect to be far away enough to not cause any damage but not too far that I wouldn't – EEK!"

Laxus had snapped entirely, grabbed Ichiya by the lapels of his jacket, and hauled him right up to his face. "We don't give a flying fuck for your reasons!" he shouted. "What we care about is that your fucking stupid experiment had infected our town. Do you realise that for one whole day everyone looked like you?!"

"Oh how lucky!" Bob-san clapped his hands. "Ichiya is such a fine, and handsome, gentleman. What I wouldn't do for a piece that beefcake!"

"Well you can have him," Laxus spat out disgustedly, "because no one in Magnolia feels the same. Now. Personally I think this fat moron here could benefit from an electric shock but I've been persuaded that that's too merciful for the bastard."

"M-m-men?" Ichiya stammered.

"We are in our right to have vengeance for our town," Erza said sternly, "so many of our people are now traumatised-"

"Juvia won't fucking stop flooding the place with her tears-"

"So," Erza continued through gritted teeth, "we took a vote and it was decided who would punish you from inflicting such horror on our town."

"A-a-and they chose you?" Ichiya asked. "Men! I can withstand any torture thrown at me as long as it is at your white, soft, sweet perfumed, hand, Erza-san!"

Erza shuddered and Laxus' hand twitched in a manner that suggested he would quite like to punch Ichiya now. "No," Erza spat out, "not me. Someone much worse than me," Erza then smirked, "we'll leave you to it then."

"What?!" Ichiya cried out. "I do not understand. Who is to administer-"

"DIE YOU MOTHER-FUCKING BASTARD!"

Bob-san blinked as a green-haired blur suddenly kicked Ichiya into a wall. He sighed heavily as he noticed the Ichiya-shaped hole. This was so typical of Fairy Tail, they leave wanton destruction everywhere….this is exactly why Bob-san didn't invite Makarov round for tea more often.

There was a loud clicking noise, and the green blur stopped to reveal herself to be a stunning cowboy, armed to the teeth with guns. She held two directly at Ichiya's heart. "Frist," she spat out, "You choose to experiment near my baby girl. My precious little child. You harmed my kid!"

At that she began to shoot at Ichiya's feet causing him to dance across the guild building. As soon as she ran out of bullets, the girl flung her guns to the floor, and pulled out two, bigger, guns out.

"And then you had to go and fucking ruin my sex life!" she shrieked as she began to shoot at him again. "Do you know my husband can't touch me because every time he looks at me, he sees your face?! Whatever erection I can get instantly deflates the moment he glances at my face. And you know what? I'm struggling to see his beautiful face beyond your ugly mug as well. Maybe it'll stop if I put a bullet through it!"

"MEN!"

"I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!"

Bob-san might not enjoy the destruction Fairy Tail was causing but he must say, he did admire how they kept their word, by the time the Magic Council came to arrest Ichiya, the battered mage literally ran into their arms weeping.

(And was instantly pushed into a cell with great disgust. Honestly, some people really don't know how to appreciate true beauty, Bob-san despairs at the state of the world.)