Summary: Based on my favourite Avatar episode ever. After being reunited the guild stumbles on a play based on them…..turns out it's the worst play ever written.

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, Gajeel/Levy, Gray/Juvia, implied Elfman/Evergreen, implied Erza/Jellal, implied Mira/Laxus, brotherly Elfman/Lisanna, Laxus/Thunder God Tribe, Lucy/Gajeel, Lucy/Loke, Lucy/Bora, Gray/Lucy, Lucy/Erza, Lucy/Dan, and a few other friendship and shipping feels.

Author's Note: This is for Dark Shining Light, who literally read my own mind when she requested it.

They discovered it while gathering supplies.

The girls were in the market (because the boys, especially Natsu and Gray couldn't be trusted) when Lucy stumbled across the flyer. "Hey," she called out to Levy, "Look at this, we have a play named after us."

"Really?!"

Lucy suddenly found herself squashed between Erza and Mira as they tried to read over her shoulder, Cana stood right up against her back, while Levy and Wendy were at either arm, and Charle flew over their heads.

"Actually Lu-Chan, it's about us!" Levy cried out excitedly. "Listen to this Fairy Tail and the Celestial Maiden. The epic and true story of a Celestial Maiden's journey with the most notorious guild of all time; Fairy Tail."

"Wow, Lucy," Mira said, "it sounds like you're the star of this play."

Lucy grimaced at that. She had been all for the fame and glory of being in magazines and having people write stories about her when she had been younger, but now, after everything she had been through, she really didn't care for it.

"I'm curious to see how the rest of us are portrayed," Erza piped up, "I do hope they capture the depth of our characters."

"Juvia merely wishes to see her love story with Gray-sama, and how Love Rival tried to steal him away, told correctly."

"Juvia," Lucy sweat-dropped, "Gray and I are not-"

"Love Rival!"

"I think it would be hilarious," Cana said, "last time we went to the theatre was entertaining as hell. Natsu blowing up the theatre really made the night."

"Yeah…" Lucy seat-dropped even more, "but hopefully that'll never happen again. Especially since we're strapped for cash as it is. Let's just get the supplies and get out of here."

"Come on, Lu-Chan!" Levy whined. "All we do is wander from town to town, train, and search for the others, we need a break, and this would be fun."

"I'd like to see it," Wendy agreed quietly.

"Juvia wishes to ensure Gray-sama's character is played to perfection!"

"I do enjoy a good play."

"Eh," Charle shrugged uncaringly, "What harm can it do?"

"True…" Lucy agreed. "Oh what the hell?" she snapped decisively. "Let's go and see a play. Like you said, there's nothing better to do right now."

"YES!"

And with that the girls made their way back to camp, persuaded the boys (i.e. dragged them by the ear kicking and screaming) to join them, brought tickets for the afternoon show, and settled down to watch what would hopefully be a good play about their lives.

Apart from Natsu, who scowled, crossed his arms, and muttered under his breath.

"Christ sake, Salamander!" Gajeel snarled quietly. "If you want to sit next to Bunny Girl then quit sulking and just ask me to swap seats with you. God knows I'd rather the Shrimp next to me than you."

"Shh!" Levy hissed as she pressed a finger to her lips. "That play is starting!"

A sexy, blonde, woman stepped onto the stage in a tight, low-cut top, and the tinniest mini-skirt. "Ah!" she sighed loudly and melodramatically. "I am in so much trouble. Not only have I been running from my kidnappers these last eight months, and still nowhere near home, but I have spent my last twenty thousand jewels on a new key. Father will kill me! Oh what am I to do!"

Lucy, and several other people, looked pained at this. "I am not like that!" Lucy whispered furiously. "And they have it completely wrong! I ran away from home, not been kidnapped, and I was trying to get stronger for Fairy Tail not go back to my cage, and at the time Father didn't care what I spent my allowance on as long as I didn't bother him for more."

"Really?" Happy titled his head. "I thought they got your character spot on. You've always been a – EEK!"

"Shh!"

Happy whimpered pathetically as no one seemed to care that Lucy had pulled a whisker out. Without a second thought he flew far away from her as possible.

A dark haired guy appears and grabs Lucy's hands. "Don't worry baby," he purred as he pulled Lucy towards him, "I, Bora, the true Salamander, will save you. I will take you home and ask for your father's blessing and we'll have thirty three babies."

"Oh my love!"

"Now, let's go on a yacht ride to celebrate our love."

"Well," Mira said blankly, "that was fast."

"Seriously, Bunny Girl?" Gajeel scrunched his nose up in disgust. "That guy?!"

"I was under a love spell!" Lucy protested.

"Juvia knew Love Rival was a Love Rival!" Juvia suddenly burst out from behind Lucy. "If Love Rival happily ran off with Juvia's ex-boyfriend then Love Rival would more than happily take Gray-sama away too."

"I was under a love spell!" Lucy repeated much louder. "And I'm not going to take Gray away!"

Lucy was ignored as Gray scowled at the stage. "Seriously?" he growled. "You dated that prick?!"

"Juvia had poor taste in men until Juvia was swept away in the majestic arms of Gray-sama," Juvia reassured Gray as she snuggled into his shoulder. "Juvia has never looked at another man since as they pale in comparison to Gray-sama."

"If you ask me," Gajeel muttered into Natsu's ear, "Juvia's taste in men still sucks."

Usually Natsu would agree, but like Gray, he was too busy scowling at the stage to care.

The scene abruptly changed to look like they were on a boat, the very fake Salamander cupped the Lucy on stage's face and leaned in to kiss her when there was a sudden crash, and a pink haired person landed on the boat.

"AHA!" A woman in a pink wig shouted. "I, Natsu Dragneel of Fairy Tail, am here to wreck destruction and chaos. You!" she pointed at Lucy. "Will come with me and be my slave."

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

"OH MY GOD!"

"SALAMANDER IS A WOMAN?!"

"Explains a lot, if you ask me," Gray snickered, "no man can be that much of a pain."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! FIRST I DID NOT MAKE LUCY MY SLAVE, AND SECONDLY I AM NOT A-"

"Natsu!" Erza hissed in a dangerously quiet voice that instantly silenced Natsu and made him freeze in fear. "Will you shut the fuck up?! These people have worked hard to put on this play and you are ruining their creative attempts in performance and the audience's enjoyment of their performance with you big, fat, loud, mouth. If you do not summon up enough honour to zip it, I will be forced to cut your tongue out. Am. I. clear?"

"Aye…" Natsu whispered quietly as he trembled, "Sir…"

"Good!" Erza said, satisfied, and she then nodded to the actors apologetically. Not that they noticed as they had decided, quite professionally, to ignore the Fairy Tail members on the balcony seats and continue acting.

"Noooooooooooooo!" Lucy wailed. "I won't let you!" she pulled out a key and waved it in the air. "Aquarius, I summon thee!"

There was a sparkly magical noise and a bucket of water splashed over everyone.

"Yeah…." Lucy mumbled sheepishly, "that sums it up accurately enough…"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! You can never beat me."

And with that Natsu punched Bora, the boat collapsed round them and everything 'went on fire' and Lucy is suddenly hoisted over Natsu's shoulder.

"GET HIM!"

"You'll never catch me!"

And that was when Natsu ran off stage with Lucy while being chased by magical council guards.

"Is that really how Natsu and Lucy met?" Charle asked Happy.

"Pretty much," Happy shrugged, "they left out the bit where Lucy brought us lunch and wouldn't shut up but that was really boring."

Charle and Lily sweat-dropped. They were in the guild where some of their members had been kidnapped into joining….oh good God what have they gotten themselves into?!

Everyone was fighting, a brunette girl that looked a bit like Cana was comatose due to alcohol consumption, and the stage looked rather destroyed as it was while Lucy was cowering in a corner.

That was when a naked guy with a sign reading 'censored' hanging over his private parts appeared and bowed over Lucy's hand. "Excuse me, madam," he purred seductively, "May I borrow your underwear?"

"….Did that really happen?" Wendy whispered.

"More or less, yeah," Romeo replied sheepishly.

"You know," Lisanna murmured to Mirajane, "maybe getting a sign like that for Gray wouldn't be a bad idea."

Mira was inclined to agree as Gray had already unbuttoned his shirt and his hands kept reaching for the zipper of his jeans.

"Gray-sama asked for Love Rival's knickers on the very first moment they met?!" Juvia said tearfully. "Gray-sama! How could you?!"

"It wasn't like that!" Gray protested. "Natsu had stolen my boxers!"

"Gray-sama asked Love Rival for her knickers after performing great carnal acts of boy love with Natsu-san?!"

"What the hell goes on in that head of yours?!"

(Meanwhile in the front row Lucy was banging her head against the balcony, Levy was trying her hardest not to laugh while Jet, Droy, Warren, and many others had no problems with laughing, and both Gajeel and Natsu looked a bit like they were stuck on a train with motion sickness they had turned so green at the mental images Juvia had created for them.)

"LET'S SACRIFICE LUCY TO THE GIANT MONKEY BEAT IN THE MOUNTAINS!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"That's not what happened!"

"Might as well be," Lucy muttered as she crossed her arms, "considering how you treated me the entire time we were together that day."

Natsu stiffened at that. He didn't remember much about that day just that he was really pissed off that Macao was missing and then extra pissed off that Lucy got kidnapped. He didn't know whether or not he treated Lucy badly when he was focusing on rescuing his friend but he did know that this wasn't the first bitter comment to come out of Lucy's mouth about him in the last few months and it was beginning to really hurt…

"Lucy!" A sparkly, handsome, man appeared, "my niece! You have come home at last!"

"Uncle Everlue! Virgo! Oh how I missed you!"

"…"

"…Was that horrible duke really your uncle, Lucy?" Natsu asked.

"NO!"

"Shhhh!" Erza hissed from behind, she was entirely enraptured by the play.

"But he used celestial magic," Natsu argued, "like you."

"So did Yukino and Angel, but that doesn't mean I'm related to them!"

"Oh no you don't!" Natsu jumped in, punched Everlue, and suddenly the house set fell to the ground in a loud thump. "She's mine. You can be mine too, toots."

"As Master Natsu wishes," Virgo bowed. "Perhaps you will then punish me, and then Hime will also punish me, and then we could all punish each other."

Lucy couldn't help but sweat-drop at that. Apart from the disturbing innuendo at the end, that was entirely like Virgo.

The play continued to drag on for a bit as Natsu destroyed the mansion (which made Natsu whine because it was Lucy that had destroyed it – not that anyone believed him – and this was beginning to get boring, Natsu wanted a fight to happen) and then burned all the books in celebration of ruining Duke Everlue's life and keeping Lucy to himself.

Happy complained tearfully about the lack of his own character so far in the play, Gray grumbled about his sign (which Lucy was seriously considering buying him for Christmas), and Erza kept trying to shut people up so she can pay attention to play in peace.

"I am Erza Scarlet!" A man in a skirt, wig, and armour, shouted. "I am the strongest! The toughest! And the most beautiful of Fairy Tail!"

"…"

Everyone turned in their seats to look warily at Erza. Gray and Warren, who happened to have been seating next to her, instantly started to shift away from her as quickly as possible in order to avoid whatever involuntary, violent, movement of her arms

Instead she clasped her hands under her chin as her eyes sparkled with tears. "What a wonderful portrayal!" she exclaimed. "And such an amazing actor. He is so brave to play the opposite gender with such passion as well. I, too, know the difficulties of playing a different gender."

"What do you mean difficulty?" Gray mumbled. "You've never had problems being masculine."

He was ignored, which was probably for the best, while everyone else watched either amused (Mira, Natsu, Laxus, and a few others) or feeling incredibly disturbed (Wendy, Romeo, Lily to name a few) at the portrayal of Erza.

It was eerily accurate.

"MANLY SCARLET ATTACK!"

"That's my thing!" Elfman complained. "I'm the manly one not Erza. Me! I'm manly!"

"Elfman," Evergreen rolled her eyes, "Shut up. No one cares."

"But-"

"Nii-san," Lisanna interrupted, "she's right. Now hush, I want to see what happens."

Elfman fell into a state of utter dejection as the three most important women in his life leaned forwards, ignored his pain, and focused entirely on the bulging biceps on the male Erza that was fighting on the stage.

"Oh my!" Lucy fluttered a hand in her face. "I think I have fallen in love!"

"….WHAT?!"

"SHH!"

"You fell in love with Erza?!" Natsu shouted in a whisper. "Tell me," hr growled out between gritted teeth, "that that's just more bullshit from these lousy actors."

"Erm," Lucy flushed, "I was really new at the guild at the time and…."

"Lucy!"

"Oh my," Erza flushed with embarrassment, "I didn't realise that I had such an impact on you Lucy. I must confess, while I am flattered, I do not swing that way, my heart belongs to Je – err, I mean no one, as I am a warrior and honour bound to my guild only."

"Oh please," Happy snorted, "we all know you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike Jellal and want to be all kissy kissy with – EEK!"

"SHH!"

Lucy chose to hide her fact out of complete and utter embarrassment while Mira complained loudly that she had been replaced by Erza, Erza kept insisting she had no feelings for a certain blue-haired mage, several of the guys kept making really lewd comments that weren't worth discussing, and Natsu was totally sulking.

They were all caught up over the fact that Lucy once had a crush that they completely missed the rest of the Team Natsu's first adventure, and Erza's imprisonment at the Council where Jellal had been introduced in an attempt to redeem her, or even Galuna Island, in which Lyon had apparently tried to stop Gray from resurrecting the demon and not the other way round.

Their attention was dragged back the stage by a sudden appearance of a blue-haired girl dressed in a very low cut blue dress trimmed with fur.

"My Lady Lucy!" Juvia shouted as she jumped out behind a bush prop. "Juvia is here to rescue you from the evil clutches of Fairy Tail!"

"Oh thank God!" Lucy ran to Juvia and they clasped hands. "My dearest and best-est friend!"

"Juvia is honoured!" Juvia said dazed. "But Juvia still feels you are a Love Rival, best friend or not."

"But I'm really not!"

"Bunny Girl," a well groomed Gajeel greeted Lucy with a guitar, "I have written a song to serenade our love."

"WHAT?!"

"SHH!"

Natsu shot a deadly glare in Gajeel's direction who returned it with defiance. "Don't give me any shit, Salamander," he snarled, "It's obvious to anyone with a brain that this play is a load of shit. The only feelings I have for Bunny Girl is admiration that she can put up with your stupidity for so long."

"Never mind that!" Jet wailed. "The guy is about to sing! We all know how bad that'll be."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Gajeel retorted. "I have you know that I have a very fine singing voice. I'm incredibly talented and artistic, isn't that right, Shrimp?"

"Erm, well, you see," Levy stuttered, "….you make a really good effort and it's very sweet," she finished lamely.

"Heh," Gajeel snickered smugly, "you see. She thinks I'm sweet."

"LEVY-CHAN!"

"SHH!"

Gajeel began to play on the guitar and opened his mouth.

Surprisingly, he sang beautifully.

"My God," Gajeel said breathlessly, "they have captured my awesome, talented, incredibly beautiful singing voice to perfection."

"What the fuck?" Natsu laughed. "That's not what you sound like. You sound like mmph!"

Levy had quickly used a spell from her pen to gag Natsu. His mouth was literally covered in a woollen, three letter word, while Levy immediately stomped on his foot, hard, with a high heeled shoe. "Ruin his dream," she hissed in his ear, "and I'll ruin yours with Lu-Chan."

Natsu kept quiet after that.

Sadly, though, his stage self did not.

"DEATH TO METAL!"

Gajeel collapsed on the floor and once again Lucy was swept up in stage Natsu's arms. There were then brief, boring, scenes where Erza beat more 'innocent' Phantom Lord Members up, Elfman was called a murderer, and Natsu destroyed some more things.

Then suddenly Juvia appeared on stage, looking innocent and sweet, while Gray appeared behind her, still only wearing his censored sign, and strangely enough, a weird swirly moustache.

"What the fuck is on Gray's face?" Bickslow cackled. "It looks like a black, curly, worm."

"Shut up, Bickslow!"

"Juvia is a good girl! Juvia is a virtuous maid! Juvia will not give into this evil!"

"Hush, my love," Gray trailed a hand up Juvia's thigh, "you know you want to. You know you will love it. To feel my rock hard abs, to have me thrusting-"

Gray's hand grabbed Juvia's breast and Juvia sighed before sinking backwards into Gray's arms. "Juvia is Gray-sama's!"

"Yes," Juvia said unable to take her eyes off the stage, "that is exactly how Juvia remembers her first meeting with Gray-sama."

"What?!" Gray squeaked as Erza turned her deadly glare at him. "That's not what happened at all!"

"Yes it was," Juvia said dreamily, "Gray-sama just leaped at Juvia in his naked glory and touched Juvia's breast and before Juvia knew it she was in love…"

Gray was unable to make much of a protest as he was left in a puddle of his own blood while Erza decided to stand guard of Juvia's virtue against such a dirty pervert.

Everyone had turned to watch in morbid fascination, and therefore missed entirely the last bit with Phantom Lord, as they turned back the actors had moved onto a new scene apparently depicting Lucy's rescue of Loke.

"Lucy," Loke cried out, "Your pure soul and true love has restored me back to the spirit world. And though we can never be as we were, I will always love you with my heart, and will come at your beck and call. Always."

"Oh Loke! My heart and soul will be empty without your love. Please….one last kiss."

Loke and Lucy leaned in for a kiss.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, SALAMANDER?!"

"SHH!"

"GIVE ME LOKE'S KEY!" Natsu bellowed as he tried to climb over Gajeel and snatched the keys from Lucy's belt. Lucy immediately leaped away and almost fell into Cana's lap as she did her level best to avoid Natsu's hand. "GIVE ME THE KEY, DAMNIT!"

"No!" Lucy snapped. "Why do you even want it anyway?!"

"So I can fucking kill him!"

"LUCY-KICK!"

Instantly an usher finally gathered enough courage to try and scold the guild for the amount of noise they have been making. Unfortunately for him one deadly glare from Erza nearly made him wet his pants and after providing some first aid (with Wendy's help) to Gray and Natsu, the usher somehow ended up paying for them all to have ice cream.

As soon as they finally settled down with their chosen tubs, and Lucy stopped looking as if she wanted to kill Natsu for threatening her spirits, and Erza no longer thought Gray was a threat to Juvia's virtue (well….no more of a threat than usual), they had managed to miss all the parts with Erza and Jellal, though it looked as if Jellal had been stopping Erza and not the other way round, and soon enough Laxus made an appearance.

"I, Laxus Dryer, will no longer follow Fairy Tail's evil ways. After just rescuing my home town Magnolia from their evil brawls, I have come to the realisation that I am better off traveling the world in order to do good!"

"That's our Laxus-sama!"

Laxus grunted and sunk further down his seat. Humiliated, that his friends were swooning over the really fake, melodramatic, version of him, and guilty that he was banished because he had been the danger to Magnolia, forcing his guild to brawl in the streets, and was not the hero people obviously thought he was.

"Pfft," Gajeel snorted, "Him? A hero? Yeah right. The guy is a fucking dick."

Laxus raised a hand to electrocute Gajeel but Mira suddenly snatched his hand and yanked it down. "Don't you dare!" she growled. "I'm not letting you ruin the first nice day out we have had in a long time because Gajeel is a prick."

"…Fine," Laxus scowled.

The alliance between Fairy Tail and Blue Pegasus and Lamia Scale was completely skipped over with a quick scene of Lucy getting her new keys through the power of love ("Someone kill me now!" Lucy groaned into her hands) while Wendy seemed to literally appear out of nowhere.

"Look at the little runt," Erza grunted, "she's a cutie. Let's kidnap her and make her one of us."

Gray and Natsu obey her by picking the small blue haired girl and carrying her of the stage. "ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" they chanted.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Wendy wailed. "My innocence!"

"Eh," Charle shrugged, "Seems accurate enough to me."

"You really don't have a high opinion of us, do you?" Cana said amused.

"You tried to get Wendy drunk on her first day in the guild!"

"Yeah….fair enough."

"Yes," A strange, zombie looking, girl said monotonously, "after a dark ritual, my brother and sister brought me back from the dead."

"What?!" Lucy blinked rapidly. "Didn't they just miss a really huge chunk of our adventures?"

"Why are you surprised?" Happy asked. "They've been missing things all the time."

"It makes sense that they missed out Edolas," Levy said, "it's not exactly something we advertised."

"And I suppose since I came back without an explanation they would come to that logic….." Lisanna shuddered.

Elfman edged slightly away from her. "You're not really a zombie, are you?" he asked fearfully.

"Idiot!" Evergreen slapped him over the head. "Don't say crap like that to your little sister."

"Lisanna! I'm sorry!" Elfman shouted ("Shh!" an irritated audience member hissed). "I had been unmanly in my behaviour! Forgive me!"

Lisanna just decided to ignore her brother though it meant some people had to cover their ears as he began to sob loudly and Evergreen had to slap him again.

Meanwhile, Natsu was beginning to get agitated again, as the Lucy on stage was stripped down into her bikini by the Cana on the stage, and was being prepared for a virginal sacrifice.

"And now," Master said solemnly, "we'll summon Acnologia in order to overthrow the Magic Council!"

"Hurrah!"

"….what the fuck did we do to get such a nasty reputation?" Cana blinked.

Everyone shrugged as the most dreadful sound effects echoed across the hall and the actors on stage were once again acting in the most awful, melodramatic, manner.

"SHIT!" Natsu yelled. "ACNOLOGIA IS ATTACKING US!"

It was then when the curtain feel down on them and a hand randomly appeared out of the curtains to hold up a sign reading;

INTERMISSION!

"Right," Gray said as soon as everyone escaped the lobby, "I vote that we all just walk out of the theatre now and not ever come back. Who's with me?"

"Actually," Lisanna said sheepishly, "I'm really curious to see what they're going to do next."

"So am I."

"And me."

"I really want to see if Lucy will ever escape us."

"I," Erza said loudly, "also want to see what happens next, and," she shot a deadly glare in Gray's direction, "it is incredibly rude to walk out mid-way through a play. People have worked hard to put this piece of art on. It would be dishonourable to ignore that and walk out because they have some of their facts wrong. Haven't you heard of artistic licence?!"

"Easy for you to say," Gray grumbled, "You're not portrayed as some perverted, moustache twirling, seducer wearing a sign."

"Hey!" Laki barked. "At least you're actually in the play! We," she indicated to herself, Macao, Wakaba, Warren, and may others, "are stuffed mannequins in the background. That's how insignificant we've been deemed."

"I'd rather be a stuffed mannequin," Laxus muttered, "than have that portrayal. If anything it has reminded me of all my mistakes by literally rubbing it in my face."

"Laxus-sama!" Freed cooed. "Don't be so hard on yourself!"

"Yeah, Laxus-sama!" Bickslow agreed, "You are the hero they had portrayed you as."

"We are honoured to be in your presence Laxus-sama!"

Laxus merely sank deeper into depression (and humiliation. God, can't his friends just shut up for once in their life?!), and released an aura of dark gloominess, when a guy dressed in a similar coat, blonde wig, and a scar painted on his face passed by with a grin. "Awesome Laxus costume, mate," he said with a thumbs up, "though you got the scar on the wrong side of your face."

"IT'S ON THE RIGHT SIDE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

It took the strength of the Thunder God Tribe, Elfman, and Gajeel to hold Laxus back from murdering the idiot that had just indirectly insulted Laxus. "Jeeze calm down," Gajeel grunted, "it doesn't fucking matter."

"Like you enjoyed your depiction?" Laxus spat out.

"Actually," Gajeel smirked "I thought they had captured my amazing talents on the guitar perfectly."

Several people sweat-dropped and some opened their mouths but thought better and merely closed it again.

Let Gajeel have his delusions for now. It's not like they have to listen to him sing right now and if he tries another campfire sing along then they'll get Erza to break his guitar and use it for firewood.

"What I don't get," Gajeel continued, "is why they're making a big deal about Bunny Girl. I mean, yeah she's cool but so are we, why are they making her out to be some heroine?"

"Hmmm…." Levy hummed thoughtfully, "it's likely because after we separated, we," she indicated to everyone around her, "had gone our separate ways and slipped into a private life. We took low-key jobs, trained in distant, faraway places, or joined unsavoury groups," Gray smiled sheepishly at that but no one smiled back. In fact a couple glared at him, Gajeel especially. Fuck he hated cleaning up that mess. "But Lu-Chan didn't. She stayed in the public eye. She was a favourite model, a celebrated journalist, and only Fairy Tail member they could see…it kinda looked like we abandoned her, and that makes her a victim of us, and therefore-"

"Yeah, whatever," Gajeel interrupted, "let's just get this play over and done with before Salamander incinerates the place."

"Hmmph!" Levy puffed her cheeks out, infuriated with being interrupted. "Perhaps Natsu wouldn't be prone to setting things on fire if someone let him sit next to Lu-Chan."

"Heh," Gajeel chortled, "if he wants to sit next to Bunny Girl then he needs to man up and actually say something."

"Fine!" Natsu snapped behind them, making them all jump, they turned to see that he, and Lucy had returned from what appeared to be a private and unsettling conversation, and Natsu looked as pissed off as ever. "I'm sitting next to Lucy. You can go sit on the floor for all I care."

"Whatever."

Fortunately it was then when the ushers started to call the audience back in for the second half of the play, and therefore whatever fight that might have been started (Natsu looked close to punching Gajeel which was something the Iron Dragon Slayer would have never stood for) was prevented as they all shuffled back to their seats and Natsu firmly ensured he was sitting between Lucy and Gajeel this time, though he still slunk back in his seat, sulking and scowling like a three year old.

The curtain lifted up and the stage had been set up to look like Magnolia….

"Welcome to Magnolia, the home to Twilight Ogre who had kindly rescued us and freed us all from the tyranny that is Fairy Tail. We have had seven years peace and-"

"Those arseholes?!" Macao, who had suffered plenty at the hands of Twilight Ogre, "kind?! Did the writer of this play ignore the fact all the muggings, beatings, and harassment of women picked up AFTER those creeps took over our town?!"

"I don't know if you noticed this," Wakaba said dryly, "but we've been painted as the bad guys in this entire play."

Natsu and various other guild members jump out, attack the Twilight Orga members, destroy several of the props, and terrorised several audience members. "We're back, bitches!" Natsu cried out.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the Mayor wailed. "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!"

"Lucy opened up a portal to the spirit world, we all jumped in before she could close it."

"….you know," Levy mused, "that is a reasonable explanation."

"Don't applaud their logic!" Natsu snarled. "It gives them more credit than they fucking deserve!"

"Oi!" Gajeel barked. "Don't snap at the Shrimp!"

Natsu ignored Gajeel in favour to glower at the stage. He really fucking hated this play….

"The spirit world," Lucy whispered horrified, "is in ruins. Loke and the others shall never forgive me. Oh my Love! My friends!"

"Don't worry, my dear," the Mayor patted Lucy's arm, "The king has heard of your plight and has come up with a devious plot to rescue you. All you need to do is get to Crocus."

"How do I do that?!"

"Let me handle this," the Mayor straightened up and bellowed across the stage, "HAVE YOU HEARD? THERE'S A COMPETITION TO PROVE WHO IS THE STRONGEST GUILD IN THE COUNTRY AND SABERTOOTH ALWAYS WINS!"

"We're going to Crocus," Natsu said immediately, "and we're going to beat the crap out of these Sabertooth losers."

"I don't know," Master said suspiciously, "this could be a trap."

"THE PRIZE IS 30 MILLION JEWELS."

"We're going."

Everyone sweat-dropped at that. They really weren't off the mark at Master's sudden change of heart of allowing them join the Magic Games….

Quickly though their sheepishness wore off into scowls as the games were depicted with each Fairy Tail member (excluding Lucy and Wendy) cheating in the games.

Raven Tail's innocence, Laxus' brainwashed state to explain why he came back, Minerva's sudden sweetness, and Lucy's longing to be away from Fairy Tail, slowly pushed everyone into a burning fury that almost matched Natsu's.

"Cousin!"

"Cousin!"

Hisui and Lucy embrace one another before they pull away and hold hands. "It is an honour to be finally reunited with my cousin, the Celestial Maiden, Princess Lucy," Hisui said in a melodramatic, tearful, voice, "and to be able to save her from the evil Fairy Tail in the most impossible manner gladdens my heart even more."

"…What?" Lucy snapped as she realised half of the guild was staring at her. "What is it?"

"Are you related to the princess?" Happy asked.

"Of course I'm not. We were rich not royalty," Lucy rolled her eyes, "haven't you learnt by now that nothing in this play is right."

"Well they got a lot right as well," Happy pointed out, "and the princess can do some celestial magic."

"I'm not related to every celestial mage in the world!"

"Arcadios, the greatest and bravest of all the knights, told me that you managed to create a time portal."

"Yes, the Eclipse Gate. The plan is to go back in time using Celestial Magic, prevent the founding of the Dark Guild Fairy Tail, and therefore saving the world of generations of destruction and violence. Can you imagine, Cousin? A world with all our beautiful buildings, the towns' actually thriving, good people able to live, and you, you would have never been held captive for so long. You can be home with us, and Uncle Everlue, and our dear friends such as Flare and Minerva."

"….they make a valid point" Max sweat-dropped, "without us a lot of things would still be standing."

"Still," Laki sniffed, "they don't need to be so rude about it."

"THE FUCK?!" Natsu bellowed. "How the hell are the two people that beating the living shit out of Lucy considered 'our dear friends' while we're the 'Dark Guild Fairy Tail'?!"

Natsu appeared out of nowhere with several 'dragons' destroying Crocus and the gates. "NOW YOUR PLAN WILL NEVER WORK! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Natsu on the stage then grabbed Lucy. "Come on Luce, you have to help me wash my back now!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Don't worry Cousin! I will find another way!"

Natsu scowled even more and grumbled under his breath. As the play continued, with Flare attempting to rescue Lucy and take her to the Sun Village (only to fail) and then the Tartarus demons made out to be superheroes or something, Natsu began to get more and more agitated to the point he could feel his shoulders shaking.

He was going to kill the fucking playwright for this shit.

Then he'll burn every last copy of the evil thing.

And then he might just murder the actors for good measure to ensure this play could never be put on again.

Yes, that's what he'll do….

"Finally," Doranbolt sighed, "after all these years, with the help of you, Celestial Maiden, and the kind-hearted demons of Tartarus, Fairy Tail is now officially disbanded and imprisoned. You are now free!"

"It's like a dream come true! I can now finally go home and marry my one true love!"

"WHAT?!" Natsu, who was being dragged off in handcuffs, screamed. "But I thought you and me…." he trailed off hopelessly.

Natsu shifted uncomfortably as a topic he really didn't want to talk about made an appearance on stage. How did they know?! He thought wildly. He wasn't entirely sure himself, right now! So how could these morons know about this?!

He slowly glanced at Lucy, and was incredibly disappointed that she seemed entirely unaffected by this and was watching the play intently without looking back at him.

Damnit.

"Natsu," Lucy smiled sweetly, "I have come to think of you fondly, far less than my kidnapper, and more like a brother, and I would very much like to be your friend, and only our friend, when you finally finish your sixty years to life sentence in prison."

Everyone word that came out of the Lucy on stage's mouth hit Natsu in the stomach hard, like real punches, especially as Lucy said absolutely nothing to contradict the actress. Or give any indication that the actress was wrong, like look at him!

Natsu was suddenly made to feel a billion times worse when a very familiar face appeared on the stage. "No…." he breathed horrified, "not that idiotic arsehole!"

"Urgh," he could hear Romeo groan.

"Lu-Lu!" There stood Dan Short in all his armoured glory. He immediately fell to his knee and took Lucy's hand. "I have been trying to find my way back to you my love but great tragedy had befallen you on Tenrou and I was called away to stop various evil guild members from assembling the infinity clock. Thankfully I managed to stop them all before they reached to your beautiful presence. Now, we can be together at last. Will you consent to being my wife?

"Oh Dan-Dan!" Lucy cooed. "Yes! Of course! A thousand times yes!"

Dan scooped Lucy up, twirled her round, and they kissed.

Suddenly the entire cast steps on stage, and together, hand in hand, they bellow;

"AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!"

"…."

The guild sat there in silence, Lucy looked as if she had died out of sheer horror, while Natsu had smoke coming out of his ears.

To rub salt into the wound, the audience was screaming, cheering, and applauding, as if this was the best play ever written.

"…."

"SCREW THIS FUCKING SHIT!" Natsu suddenly roared as he leaped out of his seat and suddenly let out a blast of fire down onto the stage. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

It was absolutely no surprise that Natsu's outburst instantly sent people into a panic and now the stage and certain parts of the theatre were in flames.

"OH MY GOD!" one audience member screamed as they pointed up at the guild members. "IT'S FAIRY TAIL! THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY HERE TO STOP US FROM KNOWING THE TRUTH!"

"WHAT TRUTH?!" Natsu bellowed back. "THIS WAS A LOAD OF CRAP WHERE THE ONLY THING YOU GOT RIGHT WAS OUR NAMES!"

"Natsu," Lucy gasped as she tried to grab hold of Natsu, which was proving very difficult as he had now burst into flames and just being near him, was making her clothes peel off slightly, "Natsu! Stop it!" she ordered as she managed to grab his arms and pull him back before he dived over the edge and punched someone. "It's just a play! It doesn't mean anything. Don't give into them or you'd be playing right into their perception of you and proving them right!"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE!"

In the end everyone had to be evacuated and Fairy Tail were instantly chased out of town. Not that Natsu actually cared not with Lucy in his arms as he legged it, making him the victor in his opinion.

(Sadly this just made many people just think Natsu Dragneel had escaped prison and had kidnapped Lucy Heartfilla once more.)

"You know," Lily said as he watched the theatre burn down the ground, "it's no wonder why people hate us so much to write crap like that."

"Aye Sir."