Summary: Cana pushes Lucy into making another move….it fails again.

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, Lucy/Cana friendship, Gajeel/Gray friendship, Happy/Lisanna friendship, implied Happy/Charle, and Natsu/Happy if you look at it like that…. (Please don't)

Author's Note: Warning – my head lives in a gutter. Very high T, bordering onto M.

It took fifteen drinks to get Lucy to agree to do it.

Which was five more than the last time, Cana was impressed. Lucy was finally building up a tolerance to alcohol that would make her competition for Cana in the future.

"So I just say those words," Lucy slurred slightly, "and it'll definitely work this time."

"It bloomin' well should!" Cana cried out. "It worked for me enough times and crude, coarse, slang is apparently the only language these guys seem to understand."

"I resent that."

Cana and Lucy chose to ignore Freed. "Okay," Lucy said determinedly, "I'll go right up to him and say those words right now!"

"Good!" Cana gulped her drink. "You go girl!"

"Yes," Lucy stood up, "I'm going and I'm saying…what am I saying again?"

Cana rolled her eyes. "Would you like me to write it on your hand?"

"Yes please," Lucy said meekly. Cana sighed and rolled her eyes again, exasperated that her best friend can turn into a complete bimbo when drunk, as she pulled out her eye-liner and wrote the words down on Lucy's palm. "Oh my God," Lucy breathed, "I can't say that!"

"Trust me," Cana smirked, "after I make you another drink, you will."

It took two more drinks which was both good and bad. It might mean Lucy would be good competition in the future but it also meant it would all the more difficult to get Lucy drunk enough to make her do embarrassing things.

Cana eagerly turned to watch Lucy stagger her way towards Natsu. "This," she murmured excitedly, "is going to be good."

"Natsu!" Lucy slurred as she threw her arms round Natsu's waist. "Natsu! Natsu! Natsu!"

"Yeah, Lucy?" Natsu blinked sleepily. He too had been drinking though definitely not as much as Lucy this was mostly because he, Gajeel, and Gray were more interested in beating each other at arm wrestling than actually drinking…..and they didn't have Cana pouring drinks down their throats. "What's up?"

"Natsu," Lucy took a deep breath, held up her hand so she could read the words on her hand, and then said; "Lick my pussy."

"…"

Everyone's jaw dropped at that. Not a single sound could be heard…..apart from Cana cackling at the bar.

"Okay," Natsu grinned.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Everyone jumped, screamed, or sort of lost the will to live. Did Natsu even know what it was he just agreed to?!

Evidently not as Natsu suddenly grabbed hold of Happy and gave him a great big, long, lick up his back.

"EEK!" Happy screamed. "I HAVE BEEN VIOLATED! AGAIN! NOW I'M NO LONGER PURE FOR CHARLE!"

"Natsu!" Lucy cried out horrified. "What the hell did you do that for?! You know how sensitive Happy is! He kept bathing his mouth in bleach for weeks after you kissed him!"

Happy sobbed helplessly as Lisanna took him into her arms and petted him comfortingly.

"Jeeze," Gray said disgustedly, "do you have a kitty fetish or something?"

"What?" Natsu asked bewilderedly. "You said to lick your pussy! That's what I did! You don't really own one so I had to lick mine instead!"

"…."

"…."

"….Gihihihihihi," Gajeel sniggered. Gray then couldn't keep it in anymore and he too began to laugh, the pair of them had to cling to one another as they howled with laughter like little children. "Christ," Gajeel choked out between snorts of laughter, "you're a moron."

Natsu naturally took offense to that and punched Gajeel hard in the face. Gajeel, of course, couldn't take that lying down and retaliated, and soon enough most of the guild were fighting one another, apart from Lisanna who was trying to comfort two sobbing people – Happy, who was distraught because he had been violated by Natsu AGAIN, and Lucy because she will never be violated by Natsu.