Summary: Something about Fairy Tail fanfiction that I can't get my head around….

Pairings: A little implied Elfman/Evergreen.

YouTube Prompt: Juvia/Gray video to 'Mercy' by Duffy.

"Mavis," Gajeel snorted, "You are a moron."

It had been a typical day which of course meant that Natsu screwed up on about five levels with his stupidity and had been kicked right into the wall again by Lucy, and so of course, Gajeel couldn't help but comment on that.

He did not expect, when he turned around, to have the first master stare at him with a demented, ghoulish, look reminiscent of Juvia at her most insane.

"HOLY MAVIS!"

Everyone jumped at Gajeel's scream (which was very manly so shut the fuck up, Salamander!) and screamed themselves at the shock of seeing Mavis right there and then in the guild.

"SHUT UP!" Mavis thundered furiously. "I have come here to put an end to this once and for all."

Everyone exchanged nervous, hesitant, looks. "Put an end to what, Master Mavis?" Master decided to speak up on everyone's behalf.

"The abuse of my name!"

"A-abuse?!"

"Yes!" Mavis glowered at them all. "I'm sick and tired of being used as a swear word or a deity. I'm the founding Master of this Guild not God or Merlin. Please stop using my name like I am. You know none of the other dead guild masters have their guild members using their name casually like that. They don't get invoked whenever someone is angry or frustrated or dryly amused," at that point she shot a glare at Gajeel who had been the recent 'evil-doer' of this crime. "And they most certainly do not get their name shouted out in bed!"

"…"

"Zeref," Mavis spat out, "has evil cults that literally worship him like a God (which I also want to point out that none of you do that to me, if you want to shout my name out like a swear then I want you to sacrifice five hundred chocolates a day at my alter and celebrate a Mavis Day first) and none of them constantly invoke his name the way you invoke mine. I can tell you right now that none of the evil Satanists go 'Oh Zeref! Right there! Harder! Harder! Zeref! Zeref!' The way some of you do with my name!"

Half the guild looked really confused. Bisca had to quickly cover Asuka's ears before she heard anything too damaging, Wendy and Romeo both wished that they had taken a job today instead of staying around in the insanity they called home, Erza looked like she was going to die at the mental imagery running through her head, some of the guys looked awkwardly embarrassed, while Natsu opened his mouth, obviously to ask a stupid question, which Lucy had to quickly stomp on his foot to prevent.

They did not need to add the wrath of the ghost of their founding master on their list of adventures.

What no one else noticed was both Elfman and Evergreen trying to melt into the wall behind them as their dirty laundry was literally aired out for the whole guild.

(Not that they knew it was them but still….the shame!)

"If you so desperately need to use a Guild Master's name for you swearing, and exclamations, and to cry out while shagging each other's brains out, then I suggest you use the name of your current Master!"

Everyone looked incredibly disturbed at that, Laxus in particular shuddered at the thought of being in the middle of sex and his grandfather's name came out.

Urgh.

"I thought as much," Mavis sniffed disdainfully at their reactions, "let this be a warning. Next person to abuse my name will suffer severe diarrhoea for a week, I can do that you know, and the next person to say my name while they're in bed I will ensure they will be incapable of sex for months on end."

It was then Mavis vanished, leaving everyone greatly disturbed, or in great fear of their bowels or sex lives.

"Mavis," Natsu snorted, "that was the weirdest, most stupid, thing I ha – Crap!" Natsu suddenly clutched his stomach. "I need the bathroom now!"

Everyone sweat-dropped as Natsu ran for it to the bathroom. Lucy face-palmed and looked incredibly embarrassed while Happy sighed exasperated.

"….Idiot."