Summary: In which the morning after is a very awkward and chaotic time in the Strauss household….
Pairings: Laxus/Mira, Elfman/Evergreen, Bickslow/Lisanna, Laxus/Thunder God Tribe friendship, and Strauss Sibling feels.
YouTube Prompt: Crack tribute to the Guild and the Guild building in general to 'Master of the House' from Les Mis.
Laxus knew he had to do this quietly or he would have a whole house of irritating pesks screaming at him all morning.
As much as he loved Mira, she wasn't worth the never-ending rants from Elfman about how unmanly sex before marriage is, or Lisanna poking her nose in where he didn't really want it to be.
And he really didn't like it when Mira got all upset about him not staying in the morning.
Therefore as gently and quietly as possible, Laxus slid his arm out from beneath the sleeping beauty that was his girlfriend, and climbed out of the bed.
Carefully, he got dressed, leaving his shoes off as past experiences told him they made too much noise and always woke up one of the Strauss siblings. He pressed a kiss on Mira's forehead and then began to creep out of the bedroom.
With all the carefulness and quietness of a child trying to sneak out, Laxus closed Mira's bedroom door and turned….
….only to crash right into Evergreen.
She too was shoeless as she held her stupidly, ridiculously, high heels to her chest as well as her cardigan.
She gasped, he immediately pressed a finger against her lips and hissed; "Don't say a fucking word!"
Evergreen nodded. "He's a ridiculously light sleeper," she whispered as she indicated to Elfman's bedroom door with her head. "What are you doing here?!"
"What do you think I'm doing?" Laxus raised an eyebrow. "And seriously? Elfman? You can do better than that."
"I have you know that despite being a thick-headed, muscle-brained, moronic, idiot that loves being manly a bit too much," Evergreen fumed, "that Elfman is an excellent lover. He is very considerate, sweet, rather romantic (must be Mira's influence), and boy," she fanned herself, "he knows all the right spots and has a big enough-"
"That," Laxus interrupted as he turned green at the thought of Elfman, all sweaty and panting, on top of one of his best friends, "is more than I ever needed to know about Elfman's ability as a lover."
"Men," Evergreen rolled her eyes. "Now come on. Let's get out of here before Lisanna or Mirajane wakes up. I really don't want to deal with their questions."
"And before Elfman wakes up," Laxus agreed, "no one wants to deal with that shouting first thing in the morning."
"Amen to that."
Laxus would have pointed out how odd it was for Evergreen not to defend her apparently amazing lover (Oh God, Laxus felt like he was going to puke again) but just as his opened his mouth –
BANG!
CRASH!
"Shit!"
Laxus and Evergreen whirled round to find Bickslow looking rather naked in only a pair of trousers and a shirt as his armour, helmet included, was scattered across the hallway.
"What are you doing here?!"
"Did you just come out of Lisanna's bedroom?!"
"Bickslow!" Lisanna hissed. "What are you doing? If Mira-nee and Nii-san wake….Laxus?" Lisanna blinked. "Evergreen?!"
"Lisanna," Elfman yawned, "What is that noi…..YOU!" Elfman bellowed as he pointed at both Bickslow and Laxus. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO UNMANLY SCOUNDRALS DOING IN MY HOUSE?! HAVE YOU BEEN VISITING MY SISTERS IN THE COVER OF NIGHT?! HOW UNMANLY! IT IS UNMANLY TO TAKE A WOMAN BEFORE MARRIAGE!"
"Hypocrite," Laxus snorted, "I don't see a wedding ring on Evergreen's finger."
"Yeah….well…erm," Elfman floundered a little, "I'm not the one that defiled a sweet, innocent, child!" he shouted as he pointed an accusatory finger at Bickslow.
"Elfman-nii," Lisanna dead-panned, "I'm eighteen. I'm hardly sweet and innocent."
"Yeah," Bickslow agreed, "if you could see what she can do with her tongue you really wouldn't call her-"
"Bickslow!"
"FOUL, UNMANLY, CORRUPTER OF MY LITTLE SISTER!" Elfman bellowed. "I ought to break your neck, rip your intestines out, and sacrifice your-"
"What," a dark, sinister, voice snarled from behind them, "the hell is going on? Do any of you know how early it is?"
Everyone stiffened as they slowly, tremblingly, turned to face Mira. Her face was dark with fury and her eyes glinted with a promise to murder them all.
"I was having a nice, peaceful, sleep with beautiful dreams of my favourite pairings going on romantic dates," Mira growled, "only to be disturbed by an awful racket, my boyfriend missing from my bed, and some perverts trying to creep out of my baby brother and baby sister's beds."
Evergreen squawked indignantly while Bickslow merely smiled sheepishly.
"Nee-san!" Elfman protested. "I'm not a baby!"
"Are you sure, Elfman?" Mira snapped. "Because you most certainly been thundering about like a two year old this morning. In fact you've been so…" Mira froze and sniffed the air curiously. "Do you guys smell bacon?" she asked bewilderedly.
Startled by the sudden change of topic everyone stood there stupidly until the delicious, savoury, smell of bacon filled their nostrils.
They all looked at one another in confusion.
"But…." Lisanna pointed to everyone, "We're all here!"
"…."
"Oh my God!" Mira cried out. "There's an intruder in my house!"
Quickly, everyone sprinted towards the kitchen. Laxus prepared a lightning bolt, certain that it was Natsu and Happy being their usual invasive, food-stealing selves (though strangely enough they had stopped raiding everyone's fridges after Lucy joined the guild….hmmm….), when they turned the corner, and suddenly the static died at his fingers as his mouth dropped open in surprise.
"Good morning!" Freed beamed cheerfully. The pink, frilly, apron flounced in greeting as well as Freed waved a spatula at them. "Breakfast is almost ready. I don't suppose one of you could set the table?"
"How…." Laxus coughed, "How long have you been here?"
"Oh," Freed waved a dismissive hand, "all night. I slept on the sofa, well I wouldn't call it sleeping, it was highly uncomfortable and then there was the fact that you all kept me up with your screaming. I don't know how any of you were oblivious to the other, you were all as loud as each other."
Breakfast quickly became the most awkward moment of Laxus' life…..and not just because Freed had cut his bacon up and hand fed him tiny pieces like he usually does.