Summary: Sheer crack nonsense. Instead of it being Lucy who always ends up losing items of clothing (or Gray) it's Natsu….
Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, Natsu/Happy/Lucy friendship, Gray/Natsu (purely in Juvia's head), some implied Gray/Juvia, some implied one-sided Laxus/Freed if you squint, and lots and lots of friendship feels.
Author's Note: This is a dedicated to Sapphire no Bluchiha who had inspired the idea.
It started randomly on a job.
Natsu had just finished defeating some sort of snow monster that required lots and lots of fire when he turned round triumphantly to his team only to be greeted with horror, anger, and weirdness. "NATSU!" they all shouted in unison.
Erza and Gray had instantly covered Wendy's eyes while Lucy did the same for herself, Charle turned her back to him, and Happy looked sickened.
"What?" he asked confused. "What is it? What did I do? Did I destroy something valuable?"
"Sort of…" Erza mumbled uncomfortably, "Natsu," she coughed, "you're naked!"
Natsu looked down and realised, much to his eye-popping horror, that Erza was correct. Every stitch of his clothing, apart from his scarf, had incinerated into ash – even his sandals! He was standing in front of his closest friends with nothing on but a freaking scarf.
"WHAT THE HELL!" Natsu screamed as he fumbled to move his scarf from his neck to his….well you know. "HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!"
"I know," Gray agreed, "I didn't even think you could get uglier."
"Shut up you icy moron!" Natsu barked. "I meant how is it possible for my clothes to have gone up in flames?! They're fire resistant! Gramps had them specially made."
"Never mind," Erza said briskly as she pulled out some spare trousers, "fortunately for you. I've come prepared thanks to Gray. Speaking of which, Gray," she threw a pair of trousers at Gray, "put these on."
"Ah crap!"
Natsu grimaced at thought of wearing Gray's clothes but one dark, terrifying, look from Erza suggested that if he argued, she'll put them on for him…..after she brutally murdered him. With a heavy sigh, he started to put the trousers on, and that was when he caught sight of something really weird….
It sort of looked like Lucy was perving on him from behind her fingers.
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
After knocking out the last bad guy by elbowing him hard in the nose, Lucy whirled round triumphantly to Natsu. She opened her mouth ready to celebrate only to feel it drop open as her eyes widened and her cheeks burned.
"Erm…" suddenly Lucy felt really hot, and her heart did a weird jumpy beat like that time she thought Natsu had fancied her, and she had a really strange urge to go over and touch – no! She screamed to herself silently, bad Lucy! "Natsu!" she yelled out loud instead.
Natsu blinked. "What?" he asked bewilderedly as he tilted his head.
The sudden movement made the last shreds of Natsu's clothing fall onto the floor with a light flump.
"Natsu!" Happy shouted horrified. "What's happened to your clothes?!"
"What?!" Natsu squeaked. He ducked down to see that what had been his usual outfit was surrounding him in tiny shreds of cloth. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"I know that mercenary boasted his sword could cut through metal," Lucy said slowly as she drank in the sight of Natsu's strong calves, his muscular thighs, his very beautifully carved abs, gorgeous chest, and the – okay! She really needed to stop drooling before Natsu and Happy noticed! "But this is ridiculous," she said after an awkward cough.
"Lucy!" Natsu wailed as he yanked his scarf to cover his private parts up. "Don't look!"
"What?" Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Like you didn't look whenever this happened to me."
"Yes! No! I don't know!" Natsu looked rather distraught at this. "Just help me find some clothes, please!"
"Please Lucy," Happy jumped in, his eyes widened pleadingly. Like a cute puppy. "We can't go home with Natsu like this. There's no forest path and the moment we go near a town he'll be arrested for public indecency."
"Well lucky for you," Lucy rolled her eyes as she held up a key, "I have the best seamstress in the Spirit World here."
"…."
"…."
"…"
Natsu and Happy slowly exchanged a confused look after what felt like an age had passed. "Well," Natsu pressed, "aren't you going to call Virgo out?"
"What?" Lucy shook her head. "Oh….right….yeah….that…."
"….Lucy," Happy said hesitatingly, "are you drooling?"
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Gray was enjoying a nice, quiet, day (well, quiet as possible with Juvia muttering darkly each time a female came dangerously close to him) when he was suddenly attacked by a nude Natsu.
He barely dodge the fireball in time and just as he got his bearings, Natsu lunged at him and attempted to throttle him. "This is your fault!" he snarled furiously.
"The fuck, you Ash Brain?!" Gray gasped as he elbowed Natsu away from him. "Why are you fucking naked?!" he yelled.
"YOUR FAULT!" Natsu screamed, his face bright red. "YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING STRIPPING DISEASE! I'VE CAUGHT IT NOW!"
"…"
Gray struggled to find the words to describe how stupid Natsu was. His mouth opened and closed several times before he opened it only to hear a distressed, strangled, wail of devastation. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Juvia sobbed tragically. "Gray-sama and Natsu-san are now in the throes of hot, sexy, boy love, and Juvia will now forever be a nun as she is unable to be with Gray-sama!"
"WE'RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP!"
"Then, then," Juvia sniffled, "why are you naked together?!"
"What?" Gray blinked, he looked down and realised, much to his irritation, that he too was naked. "Crap! Not again!"
"See!" Natsu persisted. "This is your fault!"
"It is not!" Gray barked. "You flaming moron!"
"It is so!" Natsu yelled back. "You idiotic snowflake!"
"Not!"
"Is!"
"Not!"
"Is!"
"Not!"
"Is!"
"Not!"
"Is!"
"Not!"
"Is!"
"Not!"
"Is!"
"Shut up the pair of ya!" Gajeel snapped. "You're getting Juvia all upset again."
Natsu and Gray stopped arguing but only because their brains were now being currently traumatised by something even more horrific.
"What?" Gajeel grunted.
"WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!"
"Wha…." Gajeel trailed off as he stared down at his body. "The fuck?"
"Laxus-sama's naked body puts yours into shame!" Freed said hotly. "Isn't that right, Bickslow…..why are you naked too?!"
"No idea," Bickslow shrugged as he continued to eat his sandwich, "because you are?"
Freed went bright red and decided to hide behind a pillar to protect his modesty. Laxus hadn't noticed as he had his music on full blast and was following his strict policy of ignoring the annoying brats around him and Bickslow remained where he was because….well he was shameless.
"BEING NAKED IS MANLY!"
"Cover up!"
This was almost every male's response to Elfman jumping on the table, standing in a heroic pose that showed everything, and shouting how manly he was.
"This is unfair," Droy whined, "you're all naked but for some reason my clothes refuse to come off!"
"And mine," Wakaba moaned.
"Me too!" Macao cried out.
"Personally," Romeo muttered, "I'm glad mine haven't disappeared."
"It's not fair though!" Droy, Wakaba, and Macao all wailed, "We can be sexy too!"
"No," Cana smirked as she held up a camera, "you really can't," she then directly looked at the naked members in the eye, "now boys," she purred, "smile for us girls."
The boys all sweat-dropped instead for some reason they strongly suspected that the girls had something to do with their nakedness…
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Natsu and Lucy had been in the middle of taking down this mad experimental mage who had apparently been combining spells with weapons illegally ("Whatever you do, don't ever mention this guy to Erza," Natsu muttered to Lucy with a shiver. He can just imagine what horrors Erza could inflict with this stuff) when the guy suddenly zapped Natsu with a clothes destroying machine and then sent him flying with a blast gun that seemed combined with a wind spell.
Natsu instantly crashed into Lucy and they flew across the room clinging to one another. They smacked into a wall and crumpled to the ground, Natsu on top of Lucy, and the pair of them groaned in agony.
Lucy gently placed a hand on Natsu's shoulder. "Natsu, are you…." Lucy's eyes bugged out comically as she realised his state of undress. She immediately flailed beneath him until she was able to accidentally knee him in the groin (Natsu whimpered pathetically at this) and sent him rolling on the floor. She immediately leaped to her feet and pointed at him accusingly. "WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!" she screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Natsu sobbed. This had been the five hundred and….oh you know what? He lost count! It happened too many times and he was getting thoroughly fed up now. He doesn't know how Lucy managed it all those times before this. "BUT IT WON'T STOP!"
Lucy's face melted into a sympathetic expression and she moved to help Natsu stand up before she pulled him into a comforting embrace. "There, there," she murmured soothingly. "Don't cry. It's all right."
"….Lucy are you groping my arse?"
"….No!"
Natsu would find it easier to believe Lucy if it wasn't for the fact he could feel his left bum cheek being squeezed just as Lucy said that.