Author Note - 07/12/22. Hi everyone. Firstly, apologies for the complete lack of updates lately. I've been in and out of hospital lately so that's giving me little time to sit down and do some proper writing. Not really in the frame of mind. I'm getting better but some things won't be the same. My updates will be a little bit longer between chapters. Thanks for bearing with me.
But I want to thank Chapter 32 for helping in my recovery. When I played the so-called 'reunion' between Kiana and Mei along with them going through Kiana's psychological lock I felt more unwell than when I was in hospital. It was the sort of pandering soft-yuri pap rubbish that had me seething. These two have such a history and you just sweept it all away with a happy walk through the school and them then sharing a (barely) handful of words on Chiba Academy. What crap! I'm not expecting some Naruto vs. Sasuke level shounen cringe. But they had some real issues that needed to sorted out. Instead we got a cop out and a weak one too. Made me so angry I think I healed faster . . I have at least enough motivation and energy to write, at least in my very humble (heh) opinion a better way the two could have explored Kiana's psyche with Mei along for the ride. I hope you like it.
This is set along the branch of the Imaginary Tree where the main game takes place. As such certain elements that are present in my branch won't be present. So Himeko is the one that died, Benares is dead and Otto's new branches that he created are untouched... oops that's spoilers for another time.
- Bubble Universe, The Moon –
The trio followed the Doctor to some apparently randomly chosen location in the bubble universe. The… Mei was looking for the right word in Japanese… the kuuki, atmosphere, was uncomfortable between her and Kiana. Not quite electric. That was too much of a [Honkai God] awful pun. It was simply very awkward. Tense. Itchy beneath the skin. The moments when the two communicated were often adjudicated and mediated by Bronya. As usual the youngest of the three was easily the most mature of the three. Ever since the Sea of Quanta reunion they had been able to function. But not like before.
"Here will do," Dr MEI announced.
Arbitrary. Mei was certain of that. The dust of the moon puffed beneath her feet. It was curious how the gravity matched Earth at sea level. But a question for later. Right now, they needed to solve a greater problem. The seeming psychological lock that mysteriously been placed upon them. One that prevented the usage of their Herrscher abilities.
'What possibly has the power to disrupt my connection with the Tree? My core remains intact. I can draw on Honkai energy. Yet any attempt to summon any Herrscher Power is negated. A hand simply cut off. The sensation that I was never even born with a hand.
So how the hell does this doctor know what our problem is, let alone a solution? With so little to infer, and I don't care how intelligent she seemingly was, taking what little data we have and conjuring an answer falls into the realm of impossibility. Which leaves me with the more uncomfortable conclusion that she knows what has been done, who was able to inflict it upon us and also how to undo such effects.
Someone is playing a game with us. A game I do not like.'
"What do you think the answer might be?" DR MEI curiously asked Bronya.
"Kiana-chan is most logical with Mei as psychological back-up," Bronya replied before Kiana or Mei could get a word in edgewise.
"You are the Herrscher of Reason," Mei countered. "Surely your ability to create anything at will as well as logically deduct is more useful when supporting Kiana"
"My reasoning has not dissipated along with my Herrscher powers. And to be honest the Bro… *ahem* Bronya is not as strong as Kiana-chan or Mei-nee-san. Objectively the awakened Herrscher of Thunder will be better able to support Kiana."
Mei wanted to mentally kicked herself. Bronya's assessment was sound and rational. One she should have come to. Ever since meeting the other two in the Sea of Quanta she had been off balance.
"In the case Kiana please stand there."
The Doctor pointed at an unremarkable small crater.
"Mei. Stand up against her back."
The two women stood back-to-back. The crater's bottom was just the right size for the two of them to stand with flat feet. And gave them no option other than have their backs pressed against one another. The warmth from Kiana's back was a distraction that Mei… couldn't quite articulate. Did she like being so close to her? Or loathe it? The dichotomy was not one she could rationalise.
"The two of you, close your eyes."
The pair did as instructed.
"I believe that you are familiar with entering the mindscape within your Herrscher core. This will be a very similar experience. But this time, Kiana, you must draw Mei into yours too. Physical contact will assist and reduce the mental strain.
Mei recalled when she had mentally communicated with Kiana previously. Hopefully this did not have such a burden.
"Synchronise your breathing. Deep, full breaths. In. Out. In. Out. In Out. Feel the warmth of the other person. Let your heartbeats contemporise. Breath. In. Out. In. Out."
The monotonous orders had a lulling cadence. Mei relaxed her body. Let it lean against Kiana as she did the same. Her chest thumped. Thumped harder than it normally did. It was then that she realised her chest was pulsing in tune with Kiana's. Unconsciously she drew on the Honkai energy that was hers to command and let it suffuse her body. Let it permeate Kiana much as her Honkai energy infused her…
Ozone. That was the first thing. Tickled the nose. Your sense of smell is always the first sense that triggers memory. Then touch. The faint pitter-patter of moisture, little more than an echo of a memory pretending to be rain. Mei opened her eyes. Thunder crackled in the distance. She took a step forward. Of all the places to be, it had to be this. This was the centre. This was where the psychological lock was. The rooftop of Chiba Academy spread out before her. An angry grey sky crackled high above, bubbling grey clouds hiding a crimson storm of emotions that no doubt was at the core of everything. It was just as Mei remembered it. The shattered bench. The chunks of concrete torn out of the roof where lances had pierced. The hole in the chain-link fence where Kiana had been punched through it.
"Heheheh."
Kiana's laugh was self-deprecating. Mei gave a quick glance. Just who was Kiana? What was she to her? In this place Mei had declared that Kiana was her world. That she would choose her over the world. Yet that idea was being challenged. It had been easy to say those words, strike Kiana down and walk away. It had been another to walk that thorny path. To do things for World Serpent that she might never be forgiven for. World Serpent. The people that had helped save Kiana. The people that had hurt Kiana. The sort of people that were indescribably cruel and monstrous. Mei had served them. Done as they had commanded. Her hands had dipped into tainted water that would never wash off.
"It makes sense you know, Mei-senpai."
Mei turned and faced Kiana.
"This is where it all started. You and I. We met here at Chiba Academy. The fancy O-jou-sama that kept everyone at arm's length."
"Coming from the boorish brat that picked fights the moment she arrived, that's rich."
"You still came up to the roof every lunch to eat your meal with me."
It was a bittersweet memory. Mei recalled Kiana's boundless energy and her own soft patience as Kiana would ramble on. They were so contrary in nature yet naturally connected.
"I never understood why they treated you so badly. It's not like you chose for your father to break all those laws," Kiana grizzled, a little bit of the older, more emotionally reactive girl surfacing. "Cruel children. Blaming you for something you never did."
"Children don't always understand," Mei replied in a detached toned. "But I had one friend and that's all I needed."
Kiana sniffed. Some emotion tinging that little reaction.
"This is where it all started," Mei agreed.
Mei walked over to the chain link fence and curled gloved fingers around it. Stared out over the ghostly school.
"Everything twisted when I awoke as the Herrscher of Lightning. Our strange little life fell apart. Then St Freya, the Selene, Wendy, Schicksal, Arc City…"
"Until we arrived back here."
Mei nodded, unable to face Kiana.
"I'm sorry, Mei."
Those were the words Mei knew were coming. But sorry for what? Sorry how? She couldn't face Kiana. Right now she was too much of a coward to… No.
No.
Mei was better than this. She had not forged her own path to become a coward again. She would face Kiana and give her the respect she deserved. The dignity she deserved. Mei spun around and locked eyes with Kiana. The silver haired girl looked so strong right now. She wasn't simpering or looking ashamed. Confidence shone in those features.
"I'm sorry for not talking to you about my fears and doubts. I'm sorry for not trusting you. I should have been open. I should have known that my friends would have my best interest in my heart. Ever since the Herrscher of Void I had been wallowing in a pity, fear and shame. I blamed myself for all that death. For the millions that died because of me. For Himeko.
I thought I could atone for all that life with my own. Work myself to death. Save as many lives as I could before I spent my own. I had a saviour complex. It was my mission and my mission along. I was self-destructive. I was suicidal."
A self-deprecating smile touched Kiana's lips.
"Enough," she quoted more to herself rather than Mei, "Why is it always like this? Trading sacrifices for so-called victories. It's unacceptable"
Kiana nodded to Mei.
"Then I saw what Hua was willing to do. At that moment when she sealed the Herrscher of Sentience I finally understood how much of a hypocrite I was. I began to find my resolve. Talk to others and ask for help. To face my past. To acknowledge that I was Sirin, that I was her and, in that mirror's reflection, was the Herrscher of the Void. I took ownership of being me.
When I fought the Herrscher of Domination I realised something. If our battle had been before, if it had been just after the Herrscher of the Void, or after Arc City, or after you left. I would have lost. But it was because I found the strength to be helped by my friends, to admit that my past had hurt, had pain, had loss but that I wasn't defined by it, that pointlessly sacrificing myself would achieve nothing, that I won. I would not shoulder everything alone."
Mei nodded and walked forward. Close enough to reach out and touch Kiana, though instead she folded her arms and gave Kiana a cool look. It was her turn to talk
"I hated being weak. I always saw myself as weak. The one to be saved time and time again by everyone else. I could never find the strength everyone else had no matter how much I trained. The Selene. Cocolia. The Herrscher of the Void. Rita. Raven. Durandal. Time and time and time again I was weak. I lacked resolve.
World Serpent made an offer to me. A chance for me to gain power. Real power. Agency. But I needed the resolve to see it through. For the first time in my life, I made a real choice. With real consequences. I embraced being a Herrscher and arose as the Herrscher of Thunder. I left with them. Took everything I could from them. Learnt how to master my power. How to live my life. To have agency and chose my own path. To make hard decisions and see through the consequences."
It was Mei's turn to smile, no warmth, more wry.
"One day I'll tell you the story of the 13 Flame Chasers."
Mei sighed.
"But I didn't communicate with you. I should have explained my frustrations and anger. I should have told you what I was feeling and why. How I was hurt by everything you kept doing to yourself. I would have left with World Serpent regardless. You know that?"
Kianna nodded once.
"But I should have given you the dignity of a proper explanation rather than lashing out in anger. For that I am sorry."
Mei gave a low bow.
The two sighed. The kuuki between the pair had eased. It would take time for the pair to repair what had been damaged. Though those torn seams were being slowly being sewn together with newer thread and stronger bonds.
"If this is the core of your psychological seal then just what exactly are we meant to do?" Mei mused.
Mei turned and walked over to the hole in the chain link fence she had smashed Kiana through. Kiana's was laugh back. Nothing self-deprecating about it. Much more the brat from Chiba Academy. Mei turned to see Kiana clutching the hilt of Surtr. Swinging it about. She looked up at Mei. Then winked.
"This is where it ends. I think the two of us have aired our grievances. But to remove the lock everything on my heart needs to be gone."
Kiana levelled the blade at Mei.
"This is where we began. This is where we parted. This is where we end it. Win or lose, this is something that still irks me. Unconsciously I'm still hurt by what happened. The almighty Herrscher of Thunder beat up a girl who had barely a month left to live and still wants to be smug about how powerful she is."
"What!"
"I bet at full strength you couldn't even lay a finger on me now, Mei-senpai."
Mei's hand was at the hilt of her katana. Her thumb clicked it out an inch. Then she closed her eyes and realised the situation. Chuckled.
"You never change, Kiana-chan."
Kiana shrugged. The impish smile never left her face. Kiana began to circle the edge of the rooftop carefully. Mei watched the footsteps. Discerning. Assessing.
"Hua… Fu Hua has been teaching you. And someone else. An odd mixture of very many fighting styles. Including the Raiden branch hokushin itto ryu."
"Fu Hua has been teaching me some of the Edge of Taixuan. Apparently, I'm very good at Eminence. And Durandal is a harsh instructor."
Mei made a face.
"I'd rather go to a stand-up comedy hosted by Kalpas that train under Durandal."
"She is the best for a reason."
Mei kept her katana in its scabbard and watched warily, shifting her feet to keep Kiana within her sight. Kiana nodded her head.
"Your footwork is much smoother too. If I summoned a pistol and shot you could easily step aside. You trained with someone who was a master at ranged fighting techniques."
The memory of a bubbly laugh and cheery greeting touched Mei's mind. That was all she needed. In less than a breath Mei was on Kiana, committed to the Iajutsu, drawing her blade and attacking as one. Kiana was far better than expected, angling the shattered greatsword just enough to turn away the strike and leave Mei vulnerable. Mei conjured two Bunshin, directing the clones to attack Kiana as one. Kiana void blinked backward, a swirling vortex drawing the Bunshin into its wake. Kiana dropped surtr, the shattered weapon disappearing into void space. She summoned her twin pistols and fired off several quick shots. Just as Kiana had assessed, Mei was versed in dodging arrow and bullets, light feet carrying her forward. She launched into a series of quick slashes, all aimed at disabling Kiana. Who knew what the consequences of physical injuries in this mental realm would be. It ended with Mei's katana at Kiana's throat.
"Beat me at full strength without laying a finger on me," Mei taunted.
Kiana's smiling eyes never left Mei's. Su in the Elysian Realm had taught Mei to anticipate the impossible and react without thought. She leapt back just as three void lances pieced the ground where she had been. Kiana clicked her fingers in disappointment.
"I'd hoped if I pretended to be weak, I could lull you into dropping guard. You really had good teachers."
Kiana conjured Surtr again and levelled the blade. This time waves of boiling heat warped the air around it. Both women nodded once.
Greatsword met katana. Again and again. Mei's strokes were light enough to cut silk or bone. Kiana's were deft in technique and strength, using the wide blade as much to attack as to defend. With one hand Kiana angled the greatsword and pinned the katana to the ground for a moment. With her free hand she punched Mei in the face, sending her reeling.
"KIANA!"
Kiana stuck her tongue out. Mei pressed a hand against her cheek and glared in shock
"You punched me through a fence. I think it's fair I get a little payback."
Mei dropped the blade and got into a close combat melee just as last time. Yet she could not complete a strike. Her reflexes were finer than before, honed by countless weeks in the Elysian Realm. Kiana, though not as fast, could read each action and break any grip, deflect any strike or turn aside any kick.
The sky above rumbled, the thin mist turning to lonely fat raindrops. Lightning crackled across angry clouds. The two friends fought as hard as ever had. The last threads of pain etched onto their hearts burning away with each blow.
Mei got the upper hand, pinning Kiana's arm behind her back and readying to strike her unconscious. That had been the goal. A gold aura surrounded Kiana, inverting gravity before slamming both hard onto the ground. Kiana blinked through another void portal, conjuring dual pistols and letting loose a quick volley. Mei rolled across the ground before kipping up and charging, reading the trajectory of each bullet ahead of time, keeping out the line of fire. She moved to finish with a knife hand, only for Kiana leap off the ground, bouncing upwards between several temporary void platforms. She stood on a stable one a few metres up in the air.
"That's just cheating!"
"You can fly, little miss Herrscher of Thunder. Come up here and get me."
Mei laughed at the sheer stupidity of it. A curious thought bubbled up. She let her mind settle. She could recall what each of the Signets had meant. The powers that they bestowed upon those that would claim them. Mei had to defeat Kiana no matter the cost. Break this psychological seal. Even if it meant hurting the ego or outlook of the one she cared about. The Signet of Deliverance, to see through a decision no matter the odds, rose up within her. The smell of ozone was overpowering. Lightning rippled over Mei's body. The power that was hers. The birthright. It pulsed in her veins. Weaker than it should be. Yet still there. Haloed in lightning, Mei stepped out the crackling incandescence flanked by two great ogre arms holding a nodachi. The Herrscher of Thunder raised her eyes to where Kiana stood high above, smirked and let a thunderclap wash over Chiba Academy.
"You did ask," Mei taunted.
In the wake of the thunder clap Mei flickered through the air, hovering above Kiana, hand drawing katana, arm drawing nodachi. A repetition of the past. Kiana looked up in surprise as Mei repeated the iajutsu from last time. The Nodachi struck Kiana.
The silver-haired girl flew downwards and hit the rooftop hard. Concrete dust and grit filled the air. Mei sheathed her sword and shook her head. As the dust cleared Kiana stood defiant, surtr in hand, no doubt drawn at the last moment to catch the blow. The rooftop where she stood was cratered. The silver-haired girl showed no signs of harm, only a layer of concrete dust.
"Is that the best you have?" Kiana taunted.
A crimson bolt hit the ground. Mei, even in her reduced Herrscher form, was still far faster than before. Kiana had no time for trickery with her pistol. Surtr was used to block attacks from katana and nodachi alike. Her blue eyes with their curious iris followed each of Mei's attacks, read them for what they meant and countered appropriately. Between Fu Hua and Durandal's training was a truly potent fighter. Even at such a disadvantage she managed a taxing retreat. The deciding factor was endurance. Mei could now draw on Herrscher as well as Honkai power. She empowered each and every attack. Kiana lacked the ability and stamina.
"Enough fun and games," Mei declared.
Lightning haloed either of her weapons. With her katana she knocked the greatsword far enough away to leave Kiana gravely open. The nodachi lifted overhead and dropped down with a hiss of finality. Kiana caught the mighty blade in one hand. Mei dropped her cool act. She couldn't help it.
"WHAT!"
The rebellious smile of that irritating silver haired girl returned. It bugged Mei something awful sometimes. That manic grin Kiana could conjure up at moments like this.
"I did say Durandal was a ruthless instructor"
Kiana followed her 'instructor' with another pulse of gravity, the air turning black limned in gold, knocking Mei off balance before forcing her to one knee. Once the gravity field ended Mei withdrew a step, watching Kiana carefully.
"Do you really intend to fight me as you are and defeat me? What's that proving, Kiana? We're here to remove the psychological lock that is sealing your Herrscher power."
Kiana closed her eyes, Surtr hanging by her side, her red, white and black battlesuit giving off waves of heat.
"It proves nothing. But unconsciously I still feel the pain of having the person I cherish the most hurt me without explanation. I fought against the person who means everything to me, who ate lunch with me everyday, who trained with me everyday to fight the Honkai, who explored the Selene together, who tried to save Wendy together, who tried to save me when I was the Herrscher of the Void, who stood back-to-back as we fought Raven. World Serpent cut me open again and again. Jackal. tortured me. Vivisected me. And you went and joined them. Agreed to be another member of World Serpent. You have to admit that is pretty messed up."
Kiana opened her eyes. There were tears. Not effusive. Just little ones. Her face wasn't anguish. It was acceptance and open admiration. It looked so mature on Kiana. Mei couldn't believe this was the same Kiana Kaslana from 6th months ago. Did she look so different too? Was Raiden Mei so alien and strange to Kiana now?
"You were so strong to walk away for what you believed in. You did it for me. I was so angry that we fought. But we were going to fight. We were going to choose different paths. We have different values."
Mei hated it. It felt so incredibly stupid. But little tears pricked the corners of her eyes. The words she was speaking before conscious thought.
"I hate that you just ran away. Pushed away everyone that cared about you. Pushed ME AWAY! You shouldered everything and kept trying to kill yourself for no other reason than foolish guilt. Not once did you ask what I felt. Not once did you ask for help. You had to do everything. It wasn't a saviour complex. It was ego, misplaced guilt and stupidity. Yes I was going to leave anyway but what little choice did you give me anyway? I couldn't talk to you because you're so stubborn and stupid!"
Kiana, nodachi still clutched in one hand, nodded in agreement.
"I was an idiot. I guess that's why I love an idiot too"
"Can we agree to disagree?" Mei proposed.
"As long as you promise to be right by my side until we save this world, Mei-senpai."
"You mean more to me than the world, Kiana. Where else would I be, stupid? And you didn't answer my question."
"Agree to disagree," Kiana said with an exhalation of frustration.
"Thank you, Kiana-chan."
Mei could feel the tilt. The world turning 90 degrees to one side. And with that tilt was how Kiana saw the world. What they had felt was burnt away by cleansing fire. Kiana gave a guilty shrug. Her voice was a soft whisper laded with emotion.
"Thank-you, Mei-senpai."
Surtr appeared in Kiana's free hand, blade down, and shimmered. Something replaced it A shimmering greatsword with unfamiliar gems. A moments reflection inferred the meaning. The yellow gem was the Void, Kiana. The Blue was Reason, Bronya. The Purple was Sentience, Fu Hua. And the red gem, the greatest sacrifice, with Fire, Himeko. That Mei had no presence was a reminder of her absence and lack of influence on Kiana in the past few months. The two had walked different paths to achieve their present goals. Kiana lifted the sword and set it on one shoulder, though she easily had the strength to carry it all day long. The smell of ozone was overwhelmed by that of heat, of fire, of a crackling hearth in snowy mid-winter.
"I was holding back because I was afraid of hurting you. Perhaps that was part of the lock. My fear of the two of us confronting each other, rationally and emotionally. Of hurting each other again, of not listening to one another and parting on the worst of terms. We've done that once already. I think DR MEI could read the mood between the two of us and Bronya certainly knew. We needed the privacy to get this off our chest."
Mei admitted hearing hearing Kiana be so introspective was quite the contrast to the girl she had known in the past. The sort of confidence, maturity and self-awareness that was both refreshing and also sad. There had been something infectious and buoyant about the previous Kiana. But time and circumstances wait for no-one.
Golden fire washed over Kiana. Her Void outfit had been replaced with the silver, white and black highlights of the Herrscher of Flamescion. Those intensely blue eyes with their curious irises stared up at Mei. She clenched her hand and shattered the nodachi. Mei warily withdrew. Kiana spun the greatsword before resting it on her shoulder.
"I won't let us make the same mistake twice," Kiana announced. "We've said what we need to said and done what we needed to do. Besides, beating up a girl a month from death isn't my style."
Kiana stuck her tongue out in a very old-Kiana fashioned way.
"When you're at full strength we can finally decide who is the better. Until then—"
Kiana walked over to Mei and offered her free hand. Mei sheathed her blade and stared at the offer. Her normally cold eyes warmed. Nodded and accepted everything it meant. She would pay the consequences for her choices later. Right now they had to work together.
"I'm back," Mei announced and took the hand.
"Welcome back."