I know that my mouth has been left open and that my eyes are wide open, completely open from the impression. Besides, I have raised an eyebrow. Of all the indecent things he could propose to me, this never crossed my mind.

—Are you going to share me with someone else? —I'm not very excited about this unexpected turn.

—It's something you should have done a long time ago. And the sooner we get through this lesson, the better.

—Sooner? Did you have anything else in mind for today?

—Yes, but better if we get this step over with once and for all.

From the look on his face, frowning, I see that he is not very happy about this. And I'm even less so. I don't want to sleep with a stranger.

—I've never done anything like this, Christian. —I confess.

—Before you go any further, you must do this, since you have never done it.

—But it's just that I...

—Don't think so much, rest now. —he says to me as he picks up his clothes from the floor, the camera with him on a tripod and walks to the door.

—I thought you couldn't see me while I was with someone else. —I yell at him, making him stop at the door.

For a moment he stands there frozen. He leaves the camera on the floor again and also his clothes. And then he turns to me slowly.

—I won't see you while you're with another Ana.

—Then why do you do it?

—Because you need to experience it. —I can see a smile appear on his face as he walks back to me.

And suddenly, he takes my lips with burning passion and despair. He sucks and pulls them, making me surrender to his passionate assault by briefly wrapping my hands around his neck to pull him towards me. And so, suddenly he separates from me.

—Good night Ana. —he says as he leaves the room, picking up his things again and leaving me with heavy breathing.

I drop into the black satin sheets that now decorate my bed and my entire room. I still can't believe he just proposed what he just proposed. Christian is changing everything about me. Until the other day I never would have imagined that I could achieve an orgasm. In none of the ways that I have done so far. And only now am I realizing how much I didn't know about my body. How much I didn't know about everything.

I have never in my life been interested in sex toys, for God's sake I don't even have a dildo. And the fact that he has shown me what can be felt with different toys inside me has only made me curious.

I get out of bed, put on a T-shirt and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I lie down on the counter, lost in my thoughts as I slowly drink.

—What are you thinking about? —I stare at him as he walks in my direction.

But I don't answer him. He has wet hair, apparently he has showered in his bathroom. Which means he won't need my anymore. That's a shame. I used to love to watch him come out wet of my bathroom. He comes in shirtless, only wearing a pair of pants hanging sensually from his hips, leaving the sensual v that gets lost in the waistband of the pants in plain sight. And I watch him all the time. I even turn around when he goes to the fridge for something and leans over and opens it.

—Mmmm. —I moan as I continue to admire his body.

He suddenly straightens up and turns towards me.

—Do you want more? —he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Only then do I react. I am stunned to see him. And it is not the first time. It happens to me too often every time I see him. I stare at him and decide to tell him the first thing that comes to my mind.

—I wouldn't mind being taken in again right here.

—Very tempting, that idea. —he says as he smiles at me. —But I won't take you anywhere but your bed.

—Why? —is the only thing I can think of to ask him. —Why do you always have to have everything planned out? Why can't you be spontaneous?

—Because I'm afraid of losing control. —he says, taking a step in my direction. He stops in front of me and takes my face in his hands. — I already lost control once, Ana, and the thing did not end well, I do not want to lose it with you, if I hurt you I would never forgive myself. —he tells me, getting lost in my eyes.

He brings his lips closer to mine and kisses me sweetly. He moves away from me and returns to his room. His answer has left me pensive.

I go back to the room and fall into bed. What happened? Who did he hurt? Why is he afraid to hurt me?

It's Saturday and I don't feel much like getting out of bed. I have to do my laundry. I hate doing laundry. When I look around my room, I remember the photo session last night and then I start wondering things I didn't ask myself last night while he was possessing me and taking me pictures.

Why the photos? Are he really going to hang them in his room?

I get up and start picking up all the black satin that covers the room. I don't know where to put it after I have it picked up, so I fold it up and put it on one end of the bed. And then I pick up the clothes to do the laundry. As I leave the room, loaded with clothes towards the laundry room I look in all directions. I see no sign of Christian anywhere. Even the door to his room is open.

I take a look inside.

Christian is not there.

I decide to go into his room and go into the bathroom. I pick up his dirty clothes and take them to the washroom too. I start checking his clothes and without even realizing it, I'm pulling his shirts up to my nose to smell them. I love his smell. I have no idea what cologne he wears, but it drives me crazy. I can't wait to go to sleep hugging him and wake up with his smell stuck to my body, on my sheets, on the pillow. Why doesn't he sleep with me? Because I'm one hundred percent sure he doesn't. My sheets don't smell like his shirts. So far I've been so exhausted that even my brain hasn't had time to process this. But it's something I plan to ask him as soon as I see him. I need to figure this out. And along with what he told me last night that he were afraid of hurting me if he lost control. This just makes me much more curious about his past. I hardly know anything about this man and I have already given him my body entirely.

It is too early to be thinking about this.

I put on the first load of clothes and go to get some breakfast. I'm already getting used to seeing the plate covered on the counter and the sticky note on it. Even though I said I would do it. I take off the note and read it:

I'll be back to go to the club. I have some business to attend to. Enjoy your breakfast.

Christian

I will certainly enjoy it. I'll unveil it. He has prepared waffles for me, just the way I like them. He even put the strawberries on top. I smile like an idiot as I start to eat breakfast. The day has started well, I just hope it ends better.

I just got out of the bathroom. It's been a well-deserved and relaxing hot bubble bath. I'm walking out to the room wrapped in a towel when I feel the front door. Christian has been late coming back, he has been out all day. I have dinner ready. I have no idea where he's been all day and I don't intend to ask him. That's not in our agreement. I'm just finishing getting dressed when I feel the door to the room again. I finish getting ready and head out to the living room. Christian's room is empty. I don't even hear the shower. Did he leave again? I go to the kitchen. Apparently, just like lunch, I'll have to eat dinner alone.

In the fridge, there is a sticky note:

I had to leave again. I've already eaten dinner. I'll see you at the club at 9:30 pm. Say your name at the door and they'll let you in.

Christian.

He had dinner already?

I'm checking what I've prepared. He hasn't touched it so he hasn't eaten here. Apparently he just came to change his clothes. Or so I think. Why is he acting so strange today? Is it because of tonight?

I'm having dinner without much desire. I had hoped that Christian would accompany me, that he would talk to me, but instead he has left. I don't know what to expect tonight. I know what he asked me to do. But I also know that I'm going to need several drinks. Some to uninhibit me and others to dare to do what I have never done in my life.

I go to the club and stare at the door from the car. It's exactly 9:30 pm. As I look through the windshield I wonder what I am doing. I don't want to do this, I don't want to sleep with a stranger. Actually, I don't think I can do it even when I'm drunk. And it's not something I want to experience. Semi-conscious sex, it's not something I want to know about. I see people coming into the club. I look at the clock. It's barely been five minutes.

I don't know what to do.

I keep looking at the clock for what seems like an eternity.

Five more minutes go by.

I'd better get this over with once and for all. I get out of the car and walk with a determined step towards the door of the club. I stop in front of the security guard who looks at me from top to bottom.

I give him my name, and he instantly lets me in. I quickly find myself caught up in the music and neon lights. I look for him with my eyes, but I cannot locate him so I go to the bar and sit down while I call the bartender and ask him for a margarita.

Although I think I'm going to need something stronger than that tonight. I feel strange, out of place. It's the first time I've been in a club, alone, without company. I would give anything for at least Beth to be here with me. At least then she'd tell me what an idiotic thing I'm doing.

I look in all directions.

I can see a man watching me from the end of the bar as he drinks his drink. He doesn't look away from me and I'm aware of why.

I've dressed up more than usual. I'm wearing high heels and a dress that fits my body. I've dressed up to meet Christian, but he's nowhere to be found. Where is he?