The first margaritas pass quickly. By the fifth one I am more uninhibited and I start to feel hot. I'm not drunk. At least I think so. I just forget why I came to this place. I think I am ready to go to the dance floor for a while. And that's exactly what I do to the rhythm of Rita Ora and Alan Walker's Lonely Together.
I start to move my body to the delicious rhythm of the music, letting myself go while I close my eyes. I open them suddenly when I feel some hands on my waist. Instantly I know it's not him and quickly turn away from him because of his daring.
I stare at him. He is tall, with black hair and a penetrating look. He wears a blue shirt that fits his body and brings out the color of his eyes.
As I stare at him, I recognize him as the one sitting at the end of the bar who was watching me.
—Do you mind if we dance? —he asks me now, reaching out to me.
I stare at his hand and then look up from it into his eyes. My brain keeps telling me it's a bad idea. My body, which he wants, is Christian. But he is not here. So while my brain is falling asleep from the injected alcohol, I stretch my hand out to his as I listen to the first chords of The Bangles' Eternal Flame. I take his hand and let myself be carried away by the new song that is beginning to play. He places his other hand on my waist as we begin to move slowly across the dance floor. I look up and lose myself in his blue eyes and his sincere smile.
—I have been watching you since you arrived at the club. —he says to me as he moves sensually with me in his arms.
—Really? —I'm curious.
That's what I noticed. He kept looking at me while I was at the bar.
—Yes, I couldn't wait to hold you like this in my arms. Do you come here often?
—No, not really.
—Then it's a coincidence of fate to have you in my arms, this is the first time I've come here.
—I don't usually do this much. —I confess to him as he slowly turns me around on the dance floor.
—Dance? —he raises an eyebrow and smiles at me from the middle.
His way of smiling, for a brief moment reminds me of someone. But I don't know who.
—With a stranger. I don't even know your name.
—I don't know yours either, but I don't care to know it.
—Don't you?
—No. All I care about is dancing with you.
—Just that? —I ask him boldly.
I think the margaritas are getting on my nerves and I'm getting bold.
—Did the margaritas go up on you? —he asks, smiling at me.
—Maybe. —I answer by smiling back.
—Why did you come to the club tonight? —he looks at me as he moves his hand down from my waist.
I don't turn him away. I don't know why. His look has me captivated. Or maybe it's his voice. Or the way he smiles at me. Or the way he holds me firmly against him that makes me feel safe. I feel safe in his arms as we move slowly to the rhythm of the song.
—I came here for a little fun. —I answer him finally.
—I came looking for exactly the same thing. —he says without looking away from me. —Do you want us to have fun together?
—So far I haven't complained. —I tell him while he smiles even more.
He raises a hand to my cheek and pulls a hair from my face. The touch of his finger on my cheek makes my whole body react immediately. Did I think I could only feel this with Christian? I guess I was wrong.
—I'm sorry for being so forward. Can I kiss you? —I didn't expect this.
This is the first time someone has asked me for permission to kiss.
—I thought that at some point you would do it. —I tell him as I place my hand on his shoulder.
And without thinking about it, he brings his mouth closer to mine. Despite his request to kiss me. The kiss is not slow, nor is it sensual. It is an ardent and passionate kiss. A kiss that reflects what he wants from me. I cling to his back while he wraps his hands around my waist without stopping kissing me for a moment. His tongue gets entangled with mine and I enjoy the kiss as I let myself be carried away by the burning kiss.
His hands hold me tightly at the waist as he now presses me against his body. As soon as I feel his erection, I groan against his lips. And that only makes him slightly separate from me. I can see the desire in his eyes. He takes me by the hand and pulls me off the dance floor to a dark end of the club. And he puts his lips back together with mine, now fiercely. He corners me against the wall as he presses his body against mine. And I surrender to that possessive kiss. I raise my hands to his neck and tangle my hands in his hair. I slide my tongue into his mouth and delight in his taste. I bite his lips earning a groan from him.
He reaches down from my neck and squeezes a breast over my dress, I pant, I moan, but I don't stop him.
—God! You are exquisite! —he whispers against my lips as he savagely devours my lips again.
I do not know if we are giving a show to other people. I am not interested. All I can think about is this moment. His possessive lips on mine. His erection pressing against my body.
—Do you want us to continue elsewhere? —he asks me, separating his lips briefly from mine.
I cannot speak. I can't get the words out. I am excited and all I can think about is feeling his body over mine. I nod while I give him a smile. He quickly takes my hand.
—Come on. —he says as we walk through the crowd and quickly leave the club.
Outside he signals to a cab that stops immediately. He opens the door and gently extends a hand to me so that I can enter first and he can enter later. He points out the direction to the cab driver and asks him to hurry.
He turns to me again and brings me closer to his body as he joins his lips to mine again. The ride is only 10 minutes long. Ten minutes that pass quickly as we touch and kiss ardently in the back of the cab. He pays for the cab and we get off so quickly that I am barely conscious when we meet inside the elevator. The doors close and I am cornered against the wall as he caresses my body and starts kissing my neck.
—Delicious. —he says to me as he squeezes the grip of his hands on my buttocks.
The elevator doors open. He pulls my hand towards his apartment. He reaches for his keys quickly and opens the door by turning on the light. As soon as the door is closed, he pounces on me. Our kiss is hot, possessive. He lowers his hands again over my body and then begins to quickly pull my dress up. And a few seconds later he's pulling it out over my head. He stares at me.
—I like what you're wearing. —he says as he admires the black lace outfit I'm wearing.
I watch him as he starts to unbutton his shirt and quickly pulls it off by tying it to the sofa. His body is perfectly toned. And as I slide my gaze across his naked torso I notice the bump on his pants. I approach him, raise my hands to his chest and slowly slide them down to his pants.
—You still have clothes left over. —I tell him in a sensual voice as I unbutton his pants and lightly brush his erection.
He throws away his shoes and quickly throws away the pants as well. Now we are both in our underwear. He pulls my body against his and begins to devour me once again. I let myself go with desire as he pushes me down and I fall on the couch.
—I don't think we'll make it to bed. —he says to me with a smile as he kisses me again.
He starts to come down kissing my neck and all my skin. His warm lips slowly slide out as one of his curious hands slips into my tightener and squeezes one of my breasts. A moan of delicious pleasure escapes me as he pulls on the nipple.
—Ahhh! —I moan as I bite my lower lip.
I wrap my hands around his hair as he now kisses my belly.
—I love your smell. Vanilla?
—Coconut. —I answer ecstatically.
—Well, I love the delicious smell of coconut you bring.
I open my eyes and my hands freeze in his hair. My brain has just awakened from its numbness. What am I doing?
—Wait! Stop! —I ask him when his lips are reaching into the lace thong.
He stop kissing me.
—Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong? —he says, pulling away from me to look at me.
—No, I'm sorry. It's not your fault. —I tell him as I pull him aside to sit on the couch covering my face with my hands for a moment.
—Was it something I said? —he asks as I watch him reach for his pants and quickly put them on.
I see that he has taken the hint.
—I'm really sorry. I shouldn't be here. I don't know what happened to me. —I confess as I get up and pick up my wrinkled dress from the floor.
—I do know. —he says to me as he finishes buttoning his pants. —We're attracted to each other.
—There's no doubt about it, but I shouldn't have let it get this far. —I confess to him as I quickly put on my dress.
—There is someone else.
It's not a question. It is a confirmation. And I know deep down that he is right. But I cannot explain to him the strange nature of my relationship with Christian.
—It's a complicated thing to explain.
—You're in love with him. —I look at him in surprise at what he just said to me. —There is nothing more powerful than love to make you avoid doing something stupid. —he says to me with a smile.
I fix my clothes as best I can while I watch him put his shirt on.
—I'm really sorry.
—We weren't meant to be after all. —I see him walk over to the fridge and come back with two beers in his hand, offering me one.
—I don't know why I did it. —I tell him again as I sit on the couch.
—Because your brain was trying to fill a need in your body. —he says, sitting in an armchair in front of me.
—Are you a psychologist?
He just smiles at me.
—You'd like to talk about it.
We exchanged phone numbers and I waved goodbye to the not-so-strange man from the club, as I looked back to the front. In the end he never told me his name and I never told him mine either. Although we have talked for a long time. I kept his number as a psychologist. I fall against the back of the cab as I think about what he said to me in the apartment and our conversation.
"You are in love with him"
I didn't realize it until he told me. Our conversation made me realize the reality. A reality that I have tried to hide with planned sex assaults. Something deep inside me was telling me that what I feel for Christian is not just an attraction. That what he makes me feel when he touches me, when he looks at me, when he smiles at me, I will not feel it with anyone else. And only today, when I was about to commit the stupidest thing in my life, I realized that.
I need to confess to him how I feel and finish this stupid deal that I have agreed to. I don't want to know me anymore, I want to know him. I need him.
The cab ride is too long. The anxiety is killing me. All I want to do is get out of here and meet him.
By the time I get off in front of the building it's past 11:00 pm. I don't know if he will be here. I walk quickly to the elevator and press the button desperately, as if it would make the elevator react faster. My breathing is fast. I am anxious.
When I open the apartment door I can only think of one thing. Christian.
—Christian! —I shout, but get no answer.
I look for him in my room. Nothing. I go to his and open it without even touching.
—Christian! —I shout again.
I get no answer and continue walking to the bathroom. There is no trace of him. I go back out into the room. I wait for a while, but after an hour I decide to go to bed. He is not here yet. I go back to my room. The best thing is if I rest and tomorrow I face him with a clear mind and ideas.
The black satin sheets have disappeared from my room, but I don't give it a second thought while I take off all my clothes and look for my sleeping ones. While I change my clothes an idea passes through my mind.
I'm ready to sleep, I leave my room for Christian's room and I lie down on his bed. I close my eyes. The pillow has its smell, delicious and intoxicating. I hug the pillow as I cover myself with the comforter.
I have slept better than ever. I have never slept so peacefully in my life. I stretch and squeeze the pillow more, which still has its smell. I open my eyes. The bed next to me is still empty. Didn't Christian come to sleep last night? I get out of bed ignoring the slight headache, too many margaritas, and go in search of him. The apartment, just like the night before, is completely empty. I go back to his bedroom.
Then something catches my attention. His closet is ajar. I walk towards him quickly and open it completely. I take a few steps back and drop down sitting on the bed.
It is completely empty.
Christian has gone.