—Let's talk about our feelings, at this hour?

This will be a very interesting conversation. I know what my feelings are for him. But I would like to know what level of commitment we are at.

How committed is he to this relationship?

What is he willing to do to make it work?

Well, I know he has some commitment, and he's going to make it work. Otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to this afternoon's appointment with the psychologist.

But it would be better if we could make it clear to each other where our relationship stands. And if there are possibilities for the future.

—I think it's a good time to make everything clear between us, don't you think?

—I'm fine with that. —I tell him and without being able to help it, I get nervous.

I have no idea what he will say to me, his next words can either make me the happiest woman in the world, or the most miserable.

—You don't have to be jealous, Ana.

—It's the first time it's ever happened to me. —I confess.

—No, it's not. I've seen this reaction from you before. —he says with a smile.

—I mean, this is the first relationship in which I feel this way.

—Jealousy is a reflection of our insecurities. You don't have to feel insecure with me, not after everything we've shared.

—That's the point Christian. Until just two weeks ago I wasn't like that. —and that scares me.

It scares the shit out of me. I was very confident about everything, but Christian and his knowledge and teachings of sex have turned me into a completely different person. One I barely recognize in the mirror.

—I don't know what might have changed, but yes, I remember you were very daring when I started training you in the art of knowing yourself.

—And now I am full of doubts, jealousies, fears, worries and insecurities.

—Not to make you feel better, but in a way, I feel the same way.

—Really? —this is new

—Of course. We're more alike than you think, Ana. We haven't been in a relationship for a while and we've developed that confidence in ourselves. And now to start dating someone, it makes questions and concerns flood your mind.

—I didn't know you were a psychologist.

—I went to a lot of therapy. —he answers with a smile. —The point is, we shouldn't rush things between us. What I told the journalist is true, I want to take things slowly. One day at a time.

—However, that still doesn't give me the answers I'm looking for. —I say very quietly.

—What do you want to know Ana? —I look up into his eyes.

I want to know many things. But there's something I need to know right now. Something much more important than knowing about his past.

—Your feelings for me. —I answer in a whisper.

—I thought you knew how I felt about you.

—You never confessed it to me.

—Ah, that's it then. You want me to express it to you.

I can't answer him. Just nod my head. Christian takes my face in his hands and presses his forehead to mine.

—I haven't done this for a long time, maybe I'm not expressing myself properly. Or say something I shouldn't say.

—Just try. —I want him to try, even if he doesn't know how to express himself.

—Actually, I have not yet come to understand the depth of my feelings for you. But I hope to discover them over time. For the moment I can tell you that I want you, and I don't want you to go away from me. Being by your side makes me want things I haven't wanted in a long time. —this confession is moving me.

—So you do have feelings for me.

—Definitely, I just don't want to label what I feel for you with a name, when I'm still not quite sure of the difference between one thing and the other.

A thing? Did he just refer to love as a thing? I know it's a complicated thing to fall back in love with someone and give your heart to them. But it's not like to refer to love that way. Which makes me wonder, what was his intimate relationship with his ex like?

—What do you think you're frowning at? —he says, sliding his finger across my eyebrows.

—I wonder...— I stop mid-sentence and stare at him.

Would he answer me? Mmmm.

—Yes. You can ask anything you want.

—Have you ever been in love before?

—That's a good question. —he says while smiling at me. —I think so.

—You think so? Didn't you marry for love?

—My relationship with Francis was something that started by accident. And our marriage was something of a mutually agreed upon and mutually beneficial arrangement.

From what he's telling me, I get the impression that this man has never been in love. He definitely does not know the feeling or does not know how to differentiate love from affection and friendship. Although, he did know how to recognize that I was in love with him. Which means, if he has been in love, it was a long time ago, and he hasn't done it anymore. Or he doesn't want to.

—So you have been in love, but not with your ex-wife. — I ask curiously, because I don't understand anything at all.

—Do you really want to talk about this?

—I want to get to know you. —or at least manage to decipher this beautiful and complicated man.

—And we're getting to know each other. Haven't I answered everything you've asked me?

—Yes, you have.

—Which reminds me that we have a pending conversation. One that doesn't involve talking about my exes, I don't think you'd like me talking about that. Am I right?

He's right. I don't want to talk about his exes. I don't think it's a subject I want to know about. Just like I imagine he doesn't want to know about mine.

—Then let's talk about your accident. —I tell him with a smile as I settle down on the couch.

—My accident. Well, I still don't understand today what happened. The car was in perfect condition when I left for the promotional event that afternoon.

—And what happened?

—The car lost its brakes and steering on the way home.

—I imagine the police investigated the accident.

—They did. And they also did a lot of tests on me because they said I was drunk. But that night I hadn't even consumed a line of alcohol.

—And what was the result of the investigation regarding the accident?

—I'm still not convinced by the result. According to them it was a malfunction of the car and it went out of control.

—I can't even imagine what you must have suffered in that accident.

—I think that's why I still have nightmares. Because I remember everything in detail. —he says to me while he remains thoughtful.

—Don't tell me any more. I don't want you to remember that moment again. —I tell him in sorrow.

I know how painful it can be to remember something from the past. Let alone something that must have been very hard for him.

—Then you'll have to do something to make me forget. Because talking about the accident makes me remember everything all over again.

—Are you trying to seduce me? —I ask him, squinting my eyes.

—Not at all. —he said as he grabbed me by the waist and straddled me on his legs.

—Aren't you tired from training?

—You can't call that training. When I was competing I trained more than 8 hours a day.

—Do you miss competing? —I asked him as I stared at him and rested my hands on his shoulders.

—The truth?

—Always.

—Yes. I miss it. When you get into this world when you're young. When you see that you go where very few have been able to go. It's very hard when you have to retire prematurely.

—If you could compete professionally again, would you do it? —I ask intrigued. This is something I'd like to know if we're going to be in a relationship.

—Without hesitation. Would you like to see me compete? —he asks clinging tightly to my waist.

—I've never seen an MMA fight. But if you're the one competing, I'd definitely be by your side supporting you. —I answer with a smile.

—MMA fights are exciting, I won't deny that they're violent and that you end up sore, especially if the blows are to the face, but there's nothing like that adrenaline rush.

—I imagine there is. —and I stare at him.

—Come with me. —he stands up and pulls me off his lap.

He entwines his hand in mine and leads me to the gym. When we are there he leaves me in the middle of the gym and disappears into a doorway. He returns a few minutes later with several things in his hands. He brings some gloves, some mittens and a women's sports outfit.

—What is all this for?

—I told you we would have a physical exchange later.

—This is what you meant by physical exchange?

—What did you think?

—I thought you meant sex.

—I'm not always thinking about sex Ana. —he tells me as he starts to take off his black T-shirt. —Get dressed.

I look towards the open door. Is Elizabeth going to interrupt us? I think I'd better change somewhere else.

—There's a dressing room over there if you want to use it. —he points to the door where he left a few minutes ago.

I gather everything and head there at a brisk pace. I undress and put on my clothes as fast as I can. And then I put the bandages on my hands before heading out to the gym.

—I hope you're ready. —he says with his back to me.

—Almost, I'm only missing my gloves.

Christian turns to me and walks over to where I am. He puts the gloves on my hands and adjusts them before putting his on.

—Ready!

—As ready as I can be to fight a kick boxing champion.

—Ex-champ. —he says with a rapturous smile.

My heart beats a thousand beats per second. I feel it pounding intensely in my chest. Memories inevitably return to my mind. And I can't help but look down at his leg. Where he has the scar. The one I kicked him with. And suddenly he starts to move. And I do the same, following his beat.

And as if it were a dance, we start throwing synchronized blows that we both dodge. This is very exciting indeed. Every moment my heart increases its cadence as I throw punches trying to hit him. But I know that this time, I'm not going to make it. I don't think I'm going to hit him this time. He's too focused on what he's doing.

And I smile to myself as we move around the gym.

At least this time I'm not mad at him.