Summary: A job request from Bisca and Alzack causes a big fight between the boys and Erza…just who exactly is the most charming prince of Fairy Tail?

Pairings: Implied Alzack/Bisca, Erza/Cake, implied Elfman/Evergreen, Laxus/Thunder God Tribe friendship, Gray/Juvia, implied Natsu/Lucy, Happy/Charle, one-sided Loke/Bisca, parental Alzack/Asuka, parental Bisca/Asuka, and lots and lots of general friendship feels.

YouTube Prompt: Tribute to Fairy Tail girls to 'California Girls' by Katie Perry.

It is always a rare and curious thing when a Fairy Tail member puts their own job request on the board.

After all, why hire someone else when you can do the job yourself? Or more importantly, why risk hiring Natsu when you can do it yourself with half the damage bills to pay?

But one bright, early, morning, everyone watched with confused interest as Bisca and Alzack pinned up a request, and unfortunately didn't turn away in time when they turned round, which left the married couple to sweat-drop embarrassedly as they realised they had everyone's attention.

After five, long, painfully awkward, five minutes, Mira deemed it appropriate time to have a snoop at what Bisca and Alzack wanted. She tugged the request off the board, held it up, and raised an eyebrow slightly. "Wanted," she read out loud, in a clear voice for everyone to hear, "A Prince Charming for a child's birthday party. Reward: thirty jewels and all the cake you can eat."

"Cake?" Erza repeated eagerly. "Do you really mean all the cake, I can eat?!" she turned to Bisca and Alzack with sparkles of hope in her eyes as she clasped her hands under her chin.

"Erm…..yeah," Alzack sweat-dropped, "of course we do," he laughed nervously, "We might have to buy more cake!" he hissed fearfully to Bisca.

"You can't take the job!" Elfman burst out. "You're not a man, it says they want a Prince Charming, not a Princess Charming. As one of the manliest men in the guild I ought to take the job."

"I'm not man enough?!" Erza growled, she transformed into her Prince Fredrick costume (which she apparently always kept nearby in case someone wanted to reprise her role) and glowered at Elfman. "I can not only be man enough but I can be so charming I would put real princes to shame. You," she jabbed a gloved finger at Elfman's chest, "are nothing but a great big slobbery beast, and I challenge thee, Sir, to a duel of honour."

"I….err…..it is unmanly," Elfman blustered as she tried to not let the words 'great big slobbery beast' get to him (it wasn't working, even Wendy who was on the other side of the guild building could see the tears in Elfman's eyes), "to hit a woman and therefore I must decline."

"That has never stopped you before!" Erza yelled as she swiftly kicked Elfman hard enough to send him flying across the room. He smacked his head, hard, against the table edge, and was immediately knocked out. "How pathetic, you could never be a Prince Charming."

"Erza is right," Evergreen fanned herself, looking unbothered by the fact the 'great big slobbery beast' of Fairy Tail was now drooling all over her lap. In fact several people blinked and rubbed their eyes as they tried to remember when Evergreen had moved from her table to check on Elfman and exactly why she was letting him rest on her. "Elfman could never be a Prince Charming but neither can she!" Evergreen glared at Erza. "She has already taken the title of Queen of the Fairies, which she is definitely unworthy of! She does not need another title that she is equally unworthy of, if you need a Prince Charming you need to look no further than Laxus!"

Alzack and Bisca turned a sceptical look at the scowling, grumpy, Dragon Slayer, who was sitting in the corner with his headphones on. He took one look of them staring at him, scowled even more, and muttered; "I don't care."

"Yeah," Gajeel scoffed, "very charming. Even I can be more charming than that, and that's not saying much," he smirked, "but then again no one in this guild is particularly charming. So that just leaves me, gihihihihihihi."

"LIES!" Jet bellowed. "There is nothing charming about you."

"Yeah!" Droy barked. "You're definitely not prince material, unlike us. We are the princes for Levy-Chan!"

"Please," Gajeel rolled his eyes, "you two pathetic idiots can't get passed a thorny bush without becoming sobbing wrecks. Meanwhile I'm a Dragon Slayer, and can rescue a princess from her tower with my hands tied behind my back, on top of that I'm also a Rock Star, and therefore have double the charm."

"You're about as charming as a pile of dung!" Freed suddenly retorted. "How dare you try and steal Laxus-sama's title. He is a true Prince Charming!"

"Yeah!" Bickslow agreed. "Though…after Laxus, I'm probably the next one. I do have the looks after all."

"Bickslow?!"

"What?" Bickslow shrugged. "It's free cake."

"Free cake! Free cake! Free cake!"

"I think," Mira said thoughtfully, "if you were to consider the qualities of a Prince Charming, then Freed would make an excellent candidate."

"What?" Gajeel choked on his laughter. "That guy?! There's nothing Charming or heroic about that love-sick nerd. Me, however, I am-"

"Definitely not Prince Charming material," Gray said coolly, "after all you have a face that would make little children cry."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"You heard me," Gray said uncaringly, "I think we all need to face the obvious none of you are exactly good looking enough to be Prince Charming while I am the best looking one and therefore I should be Prince Charming."

"Gray-sama is right!" Juvia cried out as she stared at Gray adoringly. "Gray-sama is the most handsome Prince Charming in the room! Oh!" she swooned. "Gray-sama! Juvia shall be your princess!"

"No one wants a perverted stripper at a child's party!" Natsu yelled. "It would scare all the children! I would make a better Prince Charming."

"…."

There was a moment of awkward silence and suddenly, Gray snorted, Gajeel sniggered, and everyone else began to laugh hysterically.

"What?" Natsu asked as he blinked in confusion. "What's so funny?"

"Natsu," Gray gasped between laughs, "you have as much charm as a gnat. You're disgusting-"

"- Rude, destructive, childish," Freed interrupted as he began to count them on his fingers, "have no consideration at all, no manners, have no idea how to treat a lady-"

"Lets' face it," Erza said calmly, "You're always going to be more dragon than a prince."

"That's not fair!" Natsu whined childishly. "I can be charming! Tell them Lucy, tell them I'm charming!"

"Erm, well….." Lucy said nervously, "you definitely have your own unique, sincere, charm," she said eventually. "….I like it," she mumbled quickly and quietly, her cheeks pink.

"See!" Natsu boasted. "I'm so charming that I'm unique."

"No," Loke's voice echoed as he appeared into the guild, "Gray had it the first time, you have as much charm as gnat. I, however, am the most charming man in the guild. Women love me. My lady," he took Bisca's hand and pressed a kiss on it, "may I say you look radiant as ever?"

"There's nothing Princely," Alzack scowled as he slapped Loke's hand away from his blushing wife's, "about a womaniser. We're not hiring you."

"What about me?" Max asked. "I can be charming."

"And me!" Warren yelled.

"Oui!" Reedus piped up, "I have the French Charm."

"Please," Freed snorted, "everyone knows the French Charm is exactly the same as the charm of a womaniser."

"…."

Everyone stared at Freed in confusion and bewilderment. "….you do realise," Cana coughed awkwardly, "that you're talking about Reedus, right? Not Loke."

"Ah," Freed flushed with embarrassment, "well perhaps the stereotype is not always true. Apologies Reedus."

"Hmmph!"

"WHAT ABOUT US?!"

Everyone jumped when Macao and Wakaba suddenly screamed at them. "What about you?!" Bisca retorted, sick and fed up with the petty bickering which was getting in the way of her making her child's birthday party perfect. "You're a pair of lecherous, perverted, old men, there's nothing charming and princely about you!"

Macao and Wakaba sunk into depression as they huddled over their drinks and moaned quietly to themselves…..no one seemed to really care.

"What about you, Romeo?" Wendy asked curiously. "Would you try and do the job?"

"No thanks," Romeo muttered, "I'm not really prince material."

"It's good to know that there's one boy in this guild that doesn't have delusions about how charming he is," Charle said, "rather refreshing actually."

"I can be charming!" Romeo protested.

"So can I," Happy boasted as he held out a fish to Charle, "for you, My Lady," he bowed awkwardly and wobbled slightly.

Charle sniffed and turned her back on him. "No thanks," she said rudely.

Happy's crushed expression was ignored in favour of the screaming match that was still ongoing between the boys.

"I'M A BETTER PRINCE CHARMING!"

"NO WAY! I AM!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME NATSU, THERE'S NOTHING CHARMING ABOUT YOU!"

"STOP TRYING TO STEAL LAXUS-SAMA'S PLACE IN THE WORLD!"

"WE CAN BE CHARMING TOO! WHY DO YOU KEEP IGNORING US?!"

"AS A MAN THAT WOOED SEVERAL PRINCESSES IN HIS TIME I THINK-"

"SHUT UP LOKE!"

"ENOUGH!" Bisca and Alzack screamed in unison. "That. Is. Enough." Bisca added between gritted teeth. "The next person to say a word about this job will have a bullet placed in their crown jewels, you got it?"

The boys all gulped and nodded hastily, some mumbling a yes.

"Good," Bisca said satisfied, "Now I am pleased to see all of you are willing to do this job and it is such an overwhelming choice that I think it's only fair if we ask the girls to vote on who they think is the most charming prince, and that person will get the job. Is that fair?" the boys were silent and Bisca glowered at them in a very Erza-like manner. "I said," she repeated in a deadly voice, "is that fair?"

"Yeah…"

"I suppose so…."

"Yes!"

"Of course!"

"Very well then," Alzack smiled, "ladies if you will."

The girls instantly huddled up with one another, apart from Erza as she was also a candidate and it would be unfair if she voted for herself, and they whispered so quietly that the boys could barely hear a word…..well that wasn't entirely true, Juvia had spent the whole time jumping up and down demanding they would all vote Gray-sama, and her shrill voice was so loud that it blocked the whispers from all the Dragon Slayers.

Eventually they all straightened up, "We have come to a decision," Mira announced, "the most charming prince of Fairy Tail is…." The boys all leaned in eagerly. "Erza Scarlet!"

"ERZA?!"

The boys all collapsed. Gray then immediately jumped back on his feet. "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!" he yelled. "She's a girl, not a boy!"

"True," Evergreen sniffed, "but every boy in this guild is rude, ill mannered, and aggressive, has terribly habits, like stripping," she glared at Gray, "and are unable to treat a lady like a princess."

"Tell you what, Ever," Bickslow grinned, "if you ever see a lady point her out and we promise to treat her like a princess."

Unsurprisingly Bickslow ended up unconscious on the floor…..outside of the guild…..a good ten miles away as every girl kicked him for that particular comment.

"I," Erza said tearfully, "am honoured by this decision and vow to be a true Prince Charming and treat Asuka as the little Princess she is…while eating all the cake," she added quickly and quietly.

The boys were now all huddled in the corner as a blue aura of depression seeped out of them (apart from Laxus, because he didn't care)…..Erza is more princely than they are…..a girl is more princely than they were…..the girls preferred a girl over them….

"Excellent!" Bisca clapped her hands together. "I can't wait to tell Asuka this."

"Yeah," Alzack agreed, "though we're definitely going to need to get more cake."

"Mummy! Daddy!"

"Asuka!" Bisca beamed. "Wonderful timing, we have good news! We have found you a Prince Charming for your party."

"Eh?" Asuka tilted her head in confusion. "Why were you looking?"

"Because…..because…." Alzack and Bisca bother stammered as they exchanged bewildered looks. "You wanted one, didn't you?" Alzack managed to ask. "A Prince Charming to attend your party was what you said….wasn't it?"

"No!" Asuka cried out. "Of course not, don't be silly Daddy!" Asuka scolded Alzack. "I asked if I could invite my Prince Charming, and you said yes."

"Y-y-your Prince Charming/!"

"Yes!" Asuka grinned. "And he said yes!"

"Ara!" Mira cried out. "And who exactly is Asuka-Chan's Prince Charming?"

"Why," Asuka said as if Mira asked the silliest question in the world, "Panther Lily, of course!"

The boys, Alzack, Bisca, and Erza all slowly turned their heads and took in the sight of Lily hovering mid-air, his arms crossed, and looking fiercer than ever as the lighting of the room emphasised his scar….

Now the boys and Erza were huddled in the corner rocking back and forth as the blue aura of depression deepened and continued to leak out of them…..a cat…..a cat was more charming than them…..a cat was considered more princely…..

(Laxus still didn't care. He was now just glad he can now enjoy his new CD in peace.)