My heels echo across the floor as I make my way to the living room. Christian is standing in front of the panoramic windows, his back to me. As soon as he senses my footsteps he turns and gawks at me. I stop a few feet away from him. He is wearing a light gray shirt with the top buttons undone, no tie. The three-piece suit is dark gray and like everything he wears, it fits his body elegantly.
—You look very beautiful tonight. —he says, approaching me and smiling that seductive smile. —Much more than usual. —he kisses me on the cheek.
His comment makes me smile.
—I can't get used to seeing you looking so elegant. —I tell him as I hold onto his arm.
—From now on you'd better get used to it. Ready?
—Yes.
The ride in his car takes less time than I expected. I have no idea where the gala is until I see him take the bridge to Long Island.
The black doors leading to the Mansion open as soon as Christian parks in front of them. He doesn't even have to show the invitation. The gravel road winds around until the car comes to a stop in front of a huge mansion with ancient architecture. And just as I feared, there are hundreds of paparazzi and journalists waiting for all the guests to arrive. But I know they are mostly here for Christian.
—Are there always so many journalists and photographers at these galas? —I ask him, impressed.
— Normally there are less, but today is different.
—And they let them in?
—Well, it's always good to have a little promotion and a few photos among New York's high society, it doesn't hurt. But don't worry, they have certain limitations at the gala, they won't be able to get everywhere.
Christian gets out of the car and closes the door. I see him smile as he walks around to my side. The cameras are snapping away.
He opens the door and holds out his hand to me. I hold onto it and step out to face the blinding flashes. Christian closes the door and hands the key to the valet. The reporters keep throwing questions at him that he ignores. But then they ask him one that makes him stop.
—It's the second time we've seen you with her. Who is she?
And even I, turn to him waiting for the answer to this question. Who am I? The girlfriend, the lover or a friend. I know I asked him not to label our relationship, but I think it's time to do it.
—This beautiful woman who is with me tonight is responsible for my return to fame. She is my sister's assistant and I consider her a good friend. —and with those words my whole world collapses and my heart crumbles.
I had hoped she would say I was his mistress. That at least partly defines our strange relationship. I never hoped he would say I'm the girlfriend, that's too hard. Can I get any lower tonight.
The smile I wore tonight is dulled. I'm on the arm of the man I love, but he definitely doesn't love me. Desire is not love. That is becoming clearer and clearer to me.
Christian leads me into the courtyard of the mansion where the gala is being held. As a waiter passes us, Christian picks up two glasses and holds one out to me.
—Thank you. —I tell him as I drink the glass in one gulp.
—You don't want to get drunk, do you?
— I am sorry. —that's exactly what I want.
I don't think I can make it through the night without a little alcohol in my system.
—Come on, I'll introduce you to some people. —he says as he pulls my hand into the crowd.
Christian introduces me to several acquaintances, politicians, athletes and celebrities. But I instantly forget their names. My mind is not exactly on the party. I can see Elena in the distance giving directions. Next to her an older lady. Christian directs me there and stops next to them.
—It's about time you arrived. —Elena says scolding him.
—Are you going to start?
—I don't want any quarrels between you tonight, okay? —the older lady proclaims, looking at both of them alternately and then stares at me. —And this beautiful young lady, who is she? —she asks as she looks me up and down.
—Mother, this is Ana, remember? —she answers, introducing me to her mother.
—Oh right, Elena's assistant. You look beautiful tonight, my dear.
—Thank you. —I answer with a cordial smile.
—If you'll excuse me, they need my attention. —Elena leaves and leaves us with her mother.
Christian's mother stares at me with narrowed eyes and then looks at Christian.
—Did she come with you? —she asks as he stares at him.
—Yes. —he replies firmly.
—Is she your girlfriend then?
—No. We just have a relationship.
—A relationship? I don't understand these terms these days. You should settle down and have a girlfriend and get married, it's about time you gave me some grandchildren. —she says to him as I get even more depressed.
This just confirmed it more. He hasn't even introduced me to her mother as anything more than a friend with benefits. And it's disappointing. Christian has disappointed me.
—If you'll excuse me, I need to get some air. —I tell them as I let go of their arm and walk away from them.
I can't deal with this. I thought it was going to be completely different. I walk away from the hustle and bustle and the essence of the gala to the coast. The sea air will perhaps clear my mind and my thoughts.
I return to the party a few minutes later. The air has refreshed me, but I am still disappointed in Christian and what I mean to him. I look for him in the crowd and find him in the distance chatting. I set out to go in search of him, but first I need something to drink that isn't champagne. I make my way to the bar and sit down while I wait for the bartender to wait on me.
—What would you like to drink?
—A Coconut Grove. —I ask.
—Right away. —he replies as he starts to prepare my order.
Then someone sits down next to me. I turn around briefly, it's a woman, blonde and with a slender figure. She is wearing a very elegant red dress that fits her slim body. I don't know her personally, but I know who she is even though we have never been officially introduced. She is Francis Britania, the famous model. And Christian's ex-wife.
I try to ignore her presence, though it's impossible. And apparently she is willing to engage me in conversation at all costs. This is the last thing I needed today.
—I didn't know Christian was seeing anyone. —she says as I try to ignore her. —But it can't be anything serious, he's never been one for long-term relationships. —I wasn't planning on spending my time with her, but I think she needs some clarification.
I turn to her and look at her with a frown. I don't know who she thinks she is, but I'm not about to let her talk to me that way about me or Christian. I know I have no claim on Christian, least of all because our relationship is only intimate, not sentimental.
—Our relationship is very serious. —I lie to her as she raises an eyebrow and smiles.
—Don't tell me. Has he already asked you to marry him? No, he hasn't, he hasn't even asked you to be his girlfriend.
—The kind of relationship we have, it's none of your business or anyone else's. —I answer her furious.
—You're right, I'm not interested in the relationship you have with him. In fact, I know perfectly well how it will end. I know him perfectly well. I know that with fame he will start to change. That, with the return to active sports, his character will become more violent and that sex will take a back seat because training will take up most of his free time. And he will need someone who is used to that world as well as he is.
—You're wrong. You don't know him at all. —I don't think Christian is like that.
—No dear, you're the one who doesn't know him. How long have you been with him, a month at least. I was with him for over 4 years and I know he told you that our marriage was for convenience for both of us, but what he didn't tell you is that we both enjoyed everything together. Yes, the sex was the best part, but I think you know that already. —she tells me with a laugh. —Yes, Christian is an animal in bed— I clench my fists at my side. I'm getting angrier by the minute. —So a word of advice, and don't take this the wrong way. Don't fall in love with him. It's not worth the risk. He's never fallen in love with anyone and he never will. He's not that kind of relationship man. —she stares at me. —But I think it's too late for you now. I'm so sorry. — she gets up from the barstool and gets ready to leave. —One last piece of advice, let it go before you suffer much more. —she says to me before she leaves.
The waiter brings me my drink and I just sit there, thinking about everything I've just been told.
—I've been looking all over for you.
His voice doesn't improve the situation or how I feel. But I try to hide it, at least for the duration of the gala.
—I was thinking about, things. —I reply with a smile.
—Let's go to the table, I have to go upstairs with my mother to give the gala speech. —he says as he holds out his arm.
Christian leads me to the table and says goodbye to me with a smile as he goes in search of his mother. I sit there with my drink looking everywhere, but nowhere specific. A few minutes later a couple sits at the table, but I don't pay much attention to them. All my attention is on the platform where Christian, Elena and his mother get on. Christian smiles at his mother and hands her the microphone.
And for the next fifteen minutes, she welcomes and thanks everyone for their generous donations to the cause. When the speech is over, they step off the platform and make their way to our table. Christian's mother sits next to the man sitting at the table, Elena next to me and Christian between me and his mother. Christian's mother starts talking to the man but I ignore the conversation.
—Are you okay? —Christian asks me in a whisper.
—Yes, why do you ask?
—Because you seem distant, as if you were somewhere else. —I don't answer him, but he notices that something is wrong with me. —Always the truth, remember.
—I thought it was just about sex.
—If there's something wrong with you, I need to know.
—You could have at least warned me.
—Warned you? —he asks with a frown.
I'm about to answer him, but his mother's voice interrupts us.
— Let's see when one of my children decides to give me a grandchild. —Christian's mother says as she looks in our direction and he smiles at her.
And then the auction begins, to which Christian gives his full attention, completely ignoring my presence. And the words of his ex, begin to sink deep into me. So I concentrate on drinking my drink only.
—The next piece is a donation from Christian Grey. It's a Mercedez AMG-GT R from the Black series. The car is brand new. We started the auction with a starting price of three hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars.
I had no idea that he had donated a car, but it is a very nice gesture that he has supported the cause in this way. So I decide to pay attention to him.
The bidding goes up to five hundred thousand dollars and then, to the surprise of the only bidder there, the man sitting at our table increases the bidding to six hundred thousand dollars. This is getting intense. I can see his wife sitting next to him staring at him in shock that he bid on the car.
—What! I'm just supporting the cause. —he replies as everyone at the table bursts out laughing.
We all laugh except his wife. I think he has gotten himself into serious trouble. They exchange a few words which I don't pay attention to. But which in the end make her smile at him. And then his wife does something incredible.
—Seven hundred thousand. —she raises her paddle and increases the bet against her husband.
I hold back my laughter. I didn't see that coming.
—Seven hundred thousand dollars, gentlemen. Anyone for more? I hear seven hundred and twenty-five!
A few seconds pass in which they exchange glances. The level of complicity between them is incredible. They don't need to talk to each other, with just a look they tell each other everything. And that makes me think, that's the kind of relationship I want to have with someone.
—The gentleman doesn't bet anymore? —asks the organizer in the man's direction.
He shakes his head, he's not going to bet against his wife. And this gesture says a lot. He loves her madly. You can see it in the way he looks at her. And she loves him.
—Seven hundred thousand going once! Seven hundred thousand going twice! Sold to the lady in black! Congratulations! The owner of the car will send you the keys and the address where you can pick up your new car. —the organizer congratulates her.
—Congratulations on your new car! —I congratulate her with a smile.
—Thank you! I can't wait to get it for the first time. —she answers me with a big smile.
—You can pick it up whenever you want. —Christian replies as he takes an envelope out of the inside pocket of his jacket. —There you will find the keys and the address where you can pick it up.
—Thank you very much. —She answers him very cheerfully.
—And we have arrived at the last piece of the evening, gentlemen. I know you all must be looking forward to this moment. Our last auction is courtesy of Daniel Cooper. —He points to our table. — A week at Palm Residence, Coco Privé, in the beautiful and paradisiacal Maldives. —behind the screen, images of the island residence begin to appear. —We start the bidding at forty thousand dollars.
The images shown on the screen are breathtaking, anyone would want to vacation there. And then all the paddles start to rise, each one bidding a little more. Everyone wants to go on vacation there and is vying for the price. Only the highest bidder will get it. Five minutes later, the sum has risen to two hundred thousand dollars.
—Anyone will give more!
—Three hundred thousand! —Christian shouts and I turn to him in awe.
—Ladies and gentlemen, three hundred thousand dollars for an unforgettable vacation! Anyone for more! Three hundred thousand going once! Three hundred thousand going twice! Sold! Thank you all for your donations tonight, continue to enjoy the evening, in a few minutes dinner will begin to be served.
Christian smiles at his triumph and then I wonder, what does he need a vacation there for? And much more importantly, who is he taking?
I have to stop thinking about everything his ex told me. That's not good for me. They start serving dinner, but I don't pay attention to anything, I barely eat any dinner. And Christian is so distracted, he doesn't notice anything. When they announce that the winners can come in to make the deposit, Christian apologizes to me and goes inside the house.
I don't know why I came here tonight. I thought I was going to have a nice evening, but everything is going from bad to worse. I get up from the table and decide to walk around, I need to clear my mind to talk to Christian later. I think he has a lot of explaining to do.
I don't know how much time elapses as I stroll near the pier breathing in the soothing smell of the sea again. Nor do I know how many drinks I've had. I only know that I feel bold and uninhibited. Ready for a conversation.
—I've been looking for you for a while, I thought you had left. —he whispers behind me, but I turn quickly, avoiding his hand making contact with my skin.
If I let him touch me, I'm lost and I know that everything I have to tell him will remain in the air and I won't resolve the internal conflict I've had since I came to this gala. When I look at him carefully, he has taken off his jacket and blazer. He only has his shirt tucked in at the elbows. That he looks this sexy makes it even worse. But I need to get it all out of my system and make things clear once and for all between us.
—Do you ever plan to label our relationship? —I blurt out.
—Why do you need me to do it?
—Because I need to know that I'm not just another woman who will parade through your bed.
—Who were you talking to? —he asks with a frown.
—That's not important.
—Yes it is, I'm sure Francis put things in your head. You should ignore everything that jealous bitch told you. She just wants to have me back, she never agreed with the divorce and the only thing she is trying to do is to hurt us to separate us.
—She didn't say anything that wasn't true. She's right about a lot of things she said.
—Like, for example.
—That you've never fallen in love and you never will because you're not that kind of person. Are you going to tell me that's not true? —Christian remains silent, admitting with his silence what he cannot confess. —Why haven't you introduced me to your mother and sister?
—They already know you, why should I introduce you to them?
— You really are an imbecile. Have you told anyone that I'm your girlfriend? —Christian thinks to himself. —No, you haven't because I'm not to you. I'm just someone you have a mutually agreed relationship with.
—You know it's not like that. Our relationship is much more than a sex arrangement.
—So what am I, Christian? Because I couldn't even tell your ex-wife who I am. I couldn't even tell her who we were.
—Ana!
—Ana my ass! Get your life together and then when you decide if I'm part of it you come looking for me. Because I can't stand being the only one who risks her heart in this anymore. —I've already said it, I think this is enough. I can't stay here a second longer. Christian tries to grab my arm. —Don't you dare follow me! —I yell at him as he freezes in place.
I turn and walk away. If he really has feelings for me, I know he will stop me, I know he will come after me ignoring what I just told him and stop me from leaving. But he doesn't. And as I walk out of the mansion tears well up in my eyes as I confirm what I feared. Christian doesn't love me, never has and never will.