I have no way to leave here. I've come with him, and the only possible option is to wait for people to start leaving and for someone to take pity on me and return me to the city. I can't take an Uber, because I've been so stupid that I haven't left with money, I didn't think I'd need it to get back.

So, I hide on the side of the house and wait to see if someone leaves and can give me a ride back to the city. When I feel some footsteps, I become alert, but when I see who it is, I go back to hiding. Christian comes out with the man who was at the table with us and they both leave in Christian's car. I better go somewhere else; I can't stand here all night.

So, I walk down the zigzagging road and sit down on a bench behind a hedge in front of the tennis court. A perfect place for no one to see me. And there my tears begin to fall uncontrollably.

—Excuse me, are you, all right? —a sweet voice speaks next to me.

I wipe my tears a little, but I know it's impossible to hide what's happening to me, so I answer.

—No. I'm not. —I confess as I feel the woman sit down next to me.

—What happened? —I don't think she cares about my situation, much less my private life, but I need to talk to someone.

I look up as I wipe away my tears. And then I recognize her. She's the same one who bought Christian's car.

— Your husband just left. —I tell her between sniffles.

—I know. I worry about you right now. Do you want to tell me what happened to you? —she asks as she opens her purse and offers me a wipe.

I take the wipe and wipe my tear-stained face.

—Men are assholes. —I reply as I stare at her.

—I think I understand why you say that. You had an argument with your boyfriend.

—I wish I had. —I answer her and she looks at me without understanding. —I mean, he's not my boyfriend and yes, we argued exactly for that reason. How can a person desire you and at the same time not be able to define what you are for him?

The woman next to me smiles a little.

—I understand you perfectly. The problem is that sometimes men are such idiots that they don't realize what they have in front of them. And that's our job. To make them see what they have and stand to lose.

—I have no idea what else to do, I don't think he will ever love me or confess his true feelings for me. If he has any.

— Your situation reminds me of my husband. At first, he said he only wanted to protect me and nothing more, but his feelings for me were so intense and so deep, that he had confused them. And every day he shows me that he loves me madly.

—How did you get him to confess his feelings to you? —I need to know how to get Christian to confess his feelings to me.

—It was a little complicated, but I could tell he had feelings for me by the way he treated me, looked at me and protected me.

This gives me a lot to think about. Christian at the club is very overprotective, plus, in his own way, he's always been looking out for me. Like when he rescued me from my drunkenness. Plus, he has proven to be very possessive of me since the beginning of our relationship. And also, jealous. I know all this shows that he has deep feelings for me. And I need to come up with some way for him to realize how he feels.

—I think you need to make him see that he can really lose you.

—I was thinking exactly that. —I replies with a slight smile.

—Do you need a ride into town?

—Thank you. The idiot hasn't even noticed that I have nothing to go back to.

—Men. —she replies as we both laugh.

We walk to her car and I sit in the passenger seat.

—I'm Ana, by the way. —I tell her with a smile.

—Mia. —she replies as she starts the car and we drive out of the mansion.

On the way we continue to talk. Mia and I are so much alike despite the age difference between us. When she pulls up in front of Christian's apartment, I take a deep breath. I still have no idea what to do.

— I hope you can bring him to his senses, Ana.

—So do I. Thanks for the ride.

—You're welcome.

After exchanging numbers, I get out of the car and walk to his apartment. Here I go again to pick up my car and belongings. I greet the concierge who lets me in without even asking where Christian is. As soon as I enter the apartment I go straight to the room. And instead of picking up my things, I plop down on his bed and start crying like I never thought I would.

Again.

But I need to pull myself together. I need to do what Mia advised me to do and make him see that this time he's really going to lose me. So, I gather all my things and then settle into bed to wait.

I have no idea what time it is when I feel Christian's voice calling me in the distance. I don't plan to answer him. I feel the bedroom door open. And I know it's him, but I don't want to see him after what happened. It still hurts.

—Ana, we can talk.

I don't answer him and pretend to sleep.

—I know you're awake, please. There's something important I need to tell you.

I sit up in bed and turn to him. And when I see him I jump out of bed and run to meet him.

—What happened to you? —I ask him when I see his shirt with blood on it and the knuckles of his left arm shattered.

I touch his torso and cheeks to check for further damage, but it's definitely only been to his hand.

—Nothing important.

—What do you mean, nothing important? Your hand is shattered and part of your arm.

—I've already been seen by a doctor, and it's fine, nothing's broken. Just some cuts that have already been sutured.

I pull away from him. This was not the reaction I should have had as soon as I saw him, but I couldn't help but worry about him. So, I pull myself together and go in search of my bags.

—What are you doing? —he asks me when he sees me with my bags on my way to the living room.

—What does it look like, genius? I leave.

—Ana listen to me; we need to talk.

—There's nothing more to say Christian. You've made it quite clear. I'm just a sex toy for you, nothing more. — the words I am saying to him, they hurt me, but he needs to be told them to see if he will react.

—It's not like that, and you know it.

—No, I don't. How is it then? I'll stay in love with you, risk my heart and my feelings and what will I get in return, sex, nothing more.

Christian doesn't speak, so I walk to the door and open it.

—Ana. —he says to me in a pleading tone. —Please don't leave. —he begs me as he stares at me.

—The only way for me not to leave here is for you to tell me how you feel about me. —I shout desperately.

Christian looks at me and looks at the suitcase, he knows I am serious and that I will leave.

—You can close the door and give me five minutes. That's all I ask.

I look him in the eyes and then lower my gaze to his shattered hand. I close the door, put down the suitcase and sit on the couch.

—You have five minutes.

Christian comes to me and sits on the floor in front of me in a submissive position. I didn't expect this. Not from him. And not at this moment.

—There are things from my past that you need to know that I haven't told you. Things that when you know them, you will never want to hear from me again.

—Christian, I'm not interested in your past, I'm only interested in the present and the future.

—You need to know what happened in my past, only then you will understand me.

—All right.

—I told you that I hurt someone in my past, but I never told you who that person was to me. She was my first love, the only woman I ever loved and the mother of my child.

What! I didn't expect this. Christian has a son! I go to say something, but he raises a hand stopping me.

—Let me finish please. When I met Lea, we were both young and had absolutely no idea about anything. She was looking for someone to subdue her and I was just starting out in that world. So, we met and together we began to experiment. Over time my feelings for her became more intense and we even became engaged. Finding someone who has the same taste in sex and shares your passions is very difficult. We loved each other very much and showed it to each other all the time. Then one night the accident happened. I had only been in the BDSM world for two years; I had never done shibari. On our anniversary I decided to surprise her by making her one. And on top of that I gagged her. But it all went wrong. I had no idea that something so simple, apparently, would turn into a nightmare that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Christian pauses. I can see a conflict of emotions pass across his face.

—I don't know exactly what happened, but I know it had to do with one of the restraints and me not paying attention to his body's reactions. I abused my position of power and she ended up full of dislocations, unconscious and with a radial nerve injury. I never touched another rope after that. When they were attending to her injuries we discovered she was pregnant.

Christian smiles slightly at the memory of what he is telling me, but I don't know why I have a feeling that this story didn't end very well.

—And then the nightmares started. I had to change my BDSM practices to ones that were safer for both of us. But even so, I couldn't avoid the nightmares that began to torture me. At first, they were mild and I would wake up sweaty and agitated. I began to worry when the nightmares turned into night terrors and she was the one who paid the consequences. The first few times I would wake up on top of her, almost suffocating her. She even had to hit me on one occasion to get me to let go. We talked about sleeping apart, that this situation was getting out of control and could hurt her and the baby. But she convinced me that nothing was happening. She even confessed to me that at that moment when I was choking her, she got excited. When she was about eight months pregnant, the nightmares had all but disappeared as she had given up BDSM practices due to her condition. And then that night, that damn night the disaster happened. I relived again what happened during the shibari session. And I began to despair of waking up. When I did, I was on top of her, with one hand on her neck and the other between her legs. I reacted by pulling my hand away from her neck, but she shook her head and asked me to continue.

I can see tears starting to fall from Christian's face. I don't think I want to hear this part anymore as I can already imagine it.

—Feeling the wetness between her legs and that she wanted me in that instant of desperation, made me blinded and not pay attention to anything else. I pushed my way between her legs and possessed her the way I liked to do it, the way we both liked to do it. Her screams only made my arousal increase. And I forgot about everything until we both stopped screaming and I fell exhausted and surrendered in bed next to her. The next morning, I woke up in a slimy puddle of slightly yellowish color and a strong smell. Leyla was in a lot of pain under her belly and we rushed quickly to the hospital. I didn't even notice the bruises on her body until we got to the emergency room. She even had bruises on her bulging belly. They wouldn't let me pass as they carried her into the lounge. Several hours later a doctor came out and stopped in front of me. Apparently she had already had several days of premature rupture of membranes (PROM), leaking fluid, and that night she lost all the remaining amniotic fluid. My son did not survive.