I hadn't been this nervous in a long time. Not since the day a year and a half ago when I sat in front of Nick Fury's office awaiting my fate for losing control of my powers. This time I was sitting in front of another important person's office. Secretary Alexander Pierce, the head of the World Security Council. I nervously smoothed out the imaginary creases in my skirt, grateful that the dark grey material didn't show up the sweat from my palms. Part of me really wanted to walk away from this and let someone else deal with it. But, I was the only member of STRIKE Team Delta capable of having this meeting right now.
Clint had been discharged from hospital a day after my arrival in Germany. In a move that surprised the hell out of everyone, Laura had told him to come to Kentucky and she wouldn't take no for an answer. I'd been staying with them for the last ten days as well, enjoying the peace and quiet of the farm while I recovered. Natasha and Jared had come and gone due to still being needed at work. Today's meeting couldn't be put off. Clint was struggling with headaches and having the energy to do simple tasks, so he was in no condition to come today. Coulson had been left in the dark to what this meeting was actually about beyond that I needed to be here for it. He hadn't been allowed to come up here with me either. Rumlow and Evans were sitting on either side of me looking calm and composed.
Nothing had really sunk in for the mission yet. It almost felt like it had happened to someone else and I'd simply stood by and watched it. My own long-ass debrief was nothing but one long blur. I don't even remember what I'd actually said during it. My mind would replay things like Gibson's death over and over again in my dreams. When I woke up, I felt nothing but an odd sense of detachment about it. I'd been emailing Andrew and even I could tell he was concerned about my lack of feelings about this mission. I was expecting Coulson to send me to Andrew's office once I was done here. There had been so much happening that Riley's anniversary had gone without me thinking about it until I was about to fall asleep that night. The next day it had sunk in and I'd crawled into a bottle of Riley's favourite bourbon and was drunk by 10am. I barely remembered the rest of the day but all of us, including Laura, had woken up with a severe hangover the next day.
"Stop."
Rumlow's firm command and grip on my leg jolted me from my wandering thoughts. I'd been bouncing my leg and apparently Rumlow had gotten sick of it. On the other side of me, Evans shot an exasperated expression at me. No one was chatty or happy about this meeting this morning. Evans looked like he hadn't slept in days and Rumlow wasn't looking much better. It wasn't just this meeting both of them would be stressed about. Everyone's funerals started happening this week. Cobb's funeral was tomorrow in his hometown in rural Michigan. I hadn't wanted to go to it but Mom's gentle suggestion of it giving me some closure would help in the long run made me pack a bag. I'd fly out with Evans and Bravo team after this meeting today.
The only person yet to come home was Sam. His operation had been successful in putting his humerus and shoulder back together. He'd get to keep his arm and have months of physiotherapy. However infection that had started before he got to hospital had knocked him on his ass and he still wasn't well enough to make the trip home. His family was still with him which at least made up for being left behind. Natasha and I talked to him every day on the phone since texting was too hard for him. He was miserable and in pain but I'd like to think it cheered him up. At least a little bit.
"Secretary Pierce and the World Security Council are ready for you."
I jumped at the sound of the assistant's voice. I really needed to start paying attention today. While Coulson was tolerant and more than understanding about my lack of attention span, I doubted Pierce would be as forgiving as anyone else.
The stitches in my side were due out in a few days. There were horribly itchy and made every movement uncomfortable. Standing up was an awkward twist of my body to try and avoid as much pain as possible. The only comfort was that Evans wasn't much better at balancing on his crutches either. Even Rumlow looked stiff and sore from whatever injuries he'd picked up along the way. We must have been quite the sight getting out of the chairs with our various injuries. Pierce's assistant kept a straight face, standing patiently with the door open while we all limped our way into the office. The ceiling to floor length windows in the office was the first thing to notice as you walked into the room. You could see all of DC from up here. I didn't get a lot of time to gawk at the incredible view. The man in the room cleared his throat and walked towards us.
I'd seen plenty of pictures of Pierce but it was still strange to meet the man in person. He was my height with a slight build and a weathered face. There was no mistaking the authority he held around himself. The man oozed with an easy confidence as he greeted the three of us.
"Thank you for coming Agents, please sit."
Someone had the good sense to have chairs already waiting for us. As we sat, glass screens rose up from the ground in front of us. I'd be warned about this already. It was a sophisticated video system that the World Security Council used to communicate with ease. It made them look like they were sitting in the room with you. Rumlow and Evans both looked uninterested in it. I couldn't stop staring at the people on the screen came to life. SHIELD really did have some awesome technology.
Malick was the first to introduce himself, not that he needed to. But I knew this would all be recorded and made sure everything was done by the look. Next was Councilwoman Hawley, the only woman in the room. She caught my eye and gave me the briefest flick upwards of her lips. It didn't do a lot to put me at ease, though it made me feel like I may have an ally if this all went to shit. The other three people were Councilman Singh, Councilman Rockwell and Councilman Yen.
"Agent Rumlow, if you'd begin with your debrief please," Malick instructed once the introductions were done.
I'd already heard all of this before. I forced myself to concentrate as Rumlow retold how his team has been ambushed as soon as the last man was on the ground. The enemy came from all angles and managed to divide the team in all the chaos. Jones and Tucker had both been killed in the ambush and the others had been captured. From there, Bravo team and Alpha team had managed to pull the remaining men together and retreat for the house they'd been in. Along the way the woman and children civilians had fled to them for help. With all radio contact dead and the enemy sending constant waves of men to attack them, they'd had little else to do except defend their position. It wasn't until I showed up dragging Clint with me that things had turned in our favor. Unlike the other debriefs, Rumlow didn't shy away from glowing praise about my efforts, not only to save Sam but to get the radio and eventually go on to kill Aldon.
It was embarrassing to hear Rumlow speak so highly of me to some of the most powerful people in the world. There were a few raised eyebrows but they council mostly kept a cool professionalism about them during the whole thing.
Evans debrief was similar. The only difference was he hadn't been able to do much once they reached the house due to his ankle. He'd made it up the stairs and that had been as far as he could make it on his broken ankle. Thankfully he didn't add to the praise of what I'd done. I might have died of embarrassment hearing it a second time.
"Agent Lyngley," Malick turned to me once Evans was done. "Your debrief, please."
Here we go again. I took in a deep breath and started to replay the events from when I had the missile lock on me for the first time and how close it'd come to being blown up.
"Excuse the interruption," Rockwell spoke up, cutting me off before I got to the part where to EPM went off. "How was it you were able to avoid the missiles when the other pilots couldn't?"
"My fighter pilot training kicked in," I said honestly. There was no other explanation for it. "These are the exact situations I trained for. The Quinjet has similar maneuverability like an F-22 so I could trust that I could fly it as defensively as I would in a fighter jet. It was that training that saved our lives."
If only there had been training on what to do in an aircraft without ejection seats. The terrifying free-fall to the ground was something I never wanted to experience again. I suppressed a shudder just thinking about it. I doubted I'd ever been so afraid in my life again. I cleared my throat, pushing it all from my mind and kept my nonchalant expression firmly fixed. I continued with the debrief, going through what had happened when the enemy had found us in the Quinjet. One thing I had left out of everyone's debrief was my struggle when I first tried to get Clint and I out of the Quinjet. Everyone was telling me I was a hero for saving Clint. All I could think about was those horrible few moments where I didn't think I could. Where I was ready to sit there and give up because I wasn't strong enough.
"It says here in the debrief that you carried Agent Barton to safety," Hawley asked when I'd paused to take a breath. I'd gotten up to the part where I'd found the first house and dumped Clint on the bed. "No offence Agent Lyngley, however, Agent Barton seems to have quite a weight difference between you. How is it you carried him so far?"
"Sheer fucking determination," I said bluntly. I hadn't meant for the curse to slip out. There was no other explanation for it. If someone had told me, someone, my size had carried a guy like Barton for miles I would have questioned it too. Next, to me Evans snorted quietly under his breath.
No one corrected me at my terminology. Hawley nodded and the rest of the room stayed quiet, letting me continue with my story. Debriefs like this were easy. It was facts nothing else. No one twitched at my description of ambushing the few men, stabbing them and using my power to kill the last one. Except for some minor clarifications, the rest of my debrief went uninterrupted. It all felt very anticlimactic after I'd built it up in my head. It was nothing more than another debrief, nothing I hadn't done before. The Council thanked us and with that, all begin to power down their screens. I glanced at Evans who gave me a small lift of his shoulders. He seemed as perplexed as I was at the run of the mill debrief.
"Agent Lyngley, I'd like to speak to you alone for a few minutes please."
There was no room for me to decline Pierce. Evans and Rumlow both looked as surprised as I was at me being asked to stay behind. I looked to Evans for some moral support, hoping he'd offer to stay with me. I really didn't want to be in the same room with Pierce.
"In private," Pierce added firmly. It was odd how Pierce could keep such a pleasant expression on his face while giving me an order.
Fuck it, there goes my plan of having Evans hold my hand.
"I'll wait for you in Coulson's office," Evans offered, giving me an apologetic look. I caught the meaning behind those words quickly. No doubt Coulson would want to hear every part of what happened with this private meeting.
I stood there, feeling awkward as Rumlow and Evans left the room. I didn't know whether I should stay standing or sit back down. Pierce was being quiet until the door clicked shut.
"Please, sit." Pierce extended a hand towards the chairs we'd just been sitting on. He walked over to the bar, picking up an expansive looking decanter filled with an amber liquid. "Can I get you a drink?"
"No, thank you," I said, sitting back down. It was 11am, far too early to be drinking, even by my standard. In case my firm refusal sounded rude, I quickly added. "I'm not allowed to drink with my antibiotics."
Pierce took my explanation with a tolerant smile, pouring himself a drink. It felt like an eternity stretched out as the amber liquid filled up the glass. I forced myself to sit still keeping a neutral expression on my face, despite my inner turmoil. I was at a loss at why I was here by myself and why the World Security Council wanted such a simple debrief.
"When your file slide across my desk about 18 months ago, I couldn't help but to think to myself that we were going to have a serious problem with Jared's younger sister," Pierce said, walking over to his desk. He casually leaned against, his intense gaze falling on me. "Then I began to question Fury's sanity with allowing Coulson to have you in STRIKE Team Delta."
Where the hell was this going? It was no secret that a lot of people questioned Coulson's decision to have me on STRIKE Team Delta. Hell, a lot of people questioned me even being in STRIKE. It was an odd place to put a fighter pilot.
"However, beyond the unauthorized incident in Pripyat, you record is starting to look rather spectacular," Pierce continued, pausing briefly to take a sip of his drink. His gaze never left me, even while drinking. "An agent with your skill set is rather unique."
Pierce had a point. Rumlow had said it himself before Paris, that I was versatile. The perfect blend of Natasha and Clint along with my powers gave me a very different skill set. I'd never be as good as Natasha or Clint at what they did, however, I could easily hold myself up and add a little of my own flair to it.
"I normally don't meddle in the affairs of things such as personnel within teams, however, this has come as a request and considering the circumstances, I believed it warrants my attention," Piece said smoothly. "Agent Rumlow has requested you to be allocated to Alpha team, several times, and denied. I'm offering you a more senior position on Alpha team."
No training would have been able to keep the surprised look off my face. Rumlow must have used up every favour he had to get this to go so high up. Coulson was going to be fucked pissed when I told him how over his head Rumlow had just gone to get his own way.
"You'd be allocated a higher clearance level, the pay rate would go up with it," Pierce kept speaking, obviously not expecting an answer right away. "You'd get more missions along with autonomy on picking any solo ones that come your way. Alpha team gets triple the amount of mission than Delta. You'd actually be able to do your job instead of waiting for those carefully selected missions and simply tagging along because you're their pilot."
Wow. I was very taken back by the assumption that I sat in the Quinjet doing nothing on missions with Natasha and Clint. Pierce couldn't be more wrong.
"I'm perfectly happy where I am. I don't need to change teams." I didn't even have to think about the answer. There's no way I'd want to change teams. I trusted Natasha and Clint with my life. I couldn't say the same about being on a team like Alpha. While I appreciated the skill of the guys on Rumlow's team, I'd be lost in the crowd of them all.
I don't think Pierce expected my answer to be so quick. It was his turn to raise both eyebrows at me in surprise.
"I do have the authority to order you onto a new team." Pierce covered up his surprise smoothly. "I firmly believe that you would shine without being in the shadow of Hawkeye and Black Widow."
Something clicked in my head. It wasn't just my skill set that Pierce wanted. It was the fact I did follow orders. I didn't go against the grain like Clint and Natasha. With my own unique skill set and the ability to follow orders, I was the perfect little solider for whatever Pierce wanted. Instead of being surprised, I felt a few bubbles of anger make their way to the surface. This must have been brewing since before Paris. No wonder Coulson and Rumlow hadn't been exactly friendly towards each other.
"I also have the ability to pick up a piece of paper and write out my resignation," I said stiffly. "Colonel Rhodes would be more than happy to finally snap me up."
That was a gamble on my behalf. I had no idea if the offer from Rhodey from last year would still apply. Even if it didn't, it's not like I'd be short on job opportunities. One word to Pepper and I'm sure she'd make a position at Stark Industries for me. To be honest, I didn't have to work. The money Riley left for me was more than comfortable enough for me live on for the rest of my life.
Pierce didn't look upset or surprised at my snappy retort. He stood there, taking another slow sip of his drink, a smirk playing on the edges of his lips. There was something about him that made me extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't just his position of power, it was something else. I couldn't put my fingers on it but my instincts were screaming at me not to trust him.
"Is that all, Sir?" I put on my best resting bitch face, trying to look as bored as possible with this conversation.
"If you change your mind, all you have to do is say the word," Pierce said smoothly. "You're dismissed Agent."
I left as fast as my aching body would allow me. The burst of energy was short lived, I only made it to the elevator before slumping against the wall. I didn't want to deal with this right now. It was one more thing I had to bury in the pit of things I didn't want to think about. That pit was starting to get very full. I could feel all the guilt I kept burying struggling just beneath the surface. I was doing my best to hold it off for a little while longer.
It was no surprise to find Coulson's office door open. I kicked it shut behind me, feeling a small bubble of anger make itself known again. The door slammed with a lot more force than was necessary, causing an eyebrow to be raised from both Evans and Coulson.
"Rumlow went over everyone's heads and straight to Pierce to try and get me on his team," I announced with a scoff. I threw myself down into the chair in front of Coulson's desk. "Pierce threatened to make it an order so I told him I'd quit if it happened."
Coulson didn't look the least bit surprised at my news. If anything it seemed to add to the lines of stress that were permanently etched on Coulson's face right now. I couldn't begin to imagine the amount of pressure Coulson was under after this mission. It was one shit show after the other. He'd done an amazing job at keeping me and Clint shielded away from the worst of it.
"Rumlow has wanted you from day one. His ambitions knows no boundaries," Evans spoke first, offering a shrug at the news. He was sitting next to me, his busted leg up on another chair. "Fury is going to be pissed. Rumlow was told no last week from Fury and now he's gone over Fury's head to Pierce. Rumlow needs to learn he doesn't get to throw his personal connection to Pierce around because he doesn't get his own way."
The confusion must have been clear on my face because Evans added for my clarification.
"Rumlow saved Pierce's daughter a couple of years ago. It was a suicide mission and Rumlow managed to get her and the agents who volunteered to go with him out without any causalities. STRIKE Team Alpha's leader was killed a few months later and Pierce promoted Rumlow above everyone else, against Fury's recommendation. It's why Alpha team gets a lot of missions directly from the World Security Council without going through SHIELD channels."
There was my explanation on how Rumlow had some pull to get that meeting arranged today. It also explained why Pierce told me I'd be able to go on more missions. The pieces of the puzzle of today were rapidly falling into place. Alpha team sounded like the World Security Council's private hit squad. I remember Peggy Carter saying all those months ago that Rumlow could be ruthless. I'd just gotten a small taste of that.
"I thought we'd put all this bullshit behind us," Coulson said with a heavy sigh. "Kari, I'm sorry you got dragged into this. This means you'll probably get pulled in front of Fury sooner rather than later. He wanted a meeting with you anyway. I was stalling him for as long as possible until you were feeling better."
I'm sure he did. I felt my shoulder sag from the weight of all of this. I didn't want any of this. I just wanted to heal up and get back to work. Getting back to work had helped me heal from Riley, I was hoping it would do the same thing with this mission. If I was busy, I didn't have the time or energy to think.
"It's fine." I forced a smile on my face, feeling anything but fine. "Am I allowed to fly this afternoon?"
I didn't miss the concerned look that Coulson and Evans exchanged. I braced myself for the disappointment that was about to come. I didn't blame them. I'd essentially brushed everything off like it was nothing. I was still expecting Coulson to tell me to go see Andrew before I did anything else.
"Sure." Coulson's answer surprised the hell out of me. "Do you want a co-pilot?"
"Nope, I'm good." Something tugged on the inside of me. A nagging little voice in the back of my heading saying the real reason I didn't want a co-pilot was I didn't want to have to carry someone else to safety if we crashed again. I pushed that little voice back into the black pit where I was keeping all my other emotions. Cracking a joke should make things work even more in my favour here. "Not unless Evans wants to learn to fly."
My plan worked perfectly. Coulson's lips curled up into an amused smirk as Evans pulled a face of disgust. A few years ago there had been a push for the STRIKE leaders all to learn how to fly for some reason. Evans hated those few flying lessons he had to do before the idea was scrapped. When I found out I'd had a lot of fun teasing him about it.
"Get out of here." Evans playfully swiped at me.
He missed by a mile but it actually made me feel the smile on my face was real, not plastered on for the sake of normality. I did as I was told before anything else could change Coulson's mind about letting me fly.
I stopped by the locker room to get changed, grab my bag and made my way to the hanger. As usual, it was busy down here. There was always people flying in and out at all times of the day and night. The Quinjet's needed a lot of maintenance like most high powered aircraft, meaning there was always technical staff on hand. As it was, someone was still fiddling with the engine on the Quinjet I was taking today. The mechanic gave me a polite nod as I approached but otherwise didn't stop to speak to me. He would have been on a tight schedule to get my Quinjet ready to take off in the next half an hour. I left him in peace and wandered into the Quinjet.
For the first time since the mission, I was alone. It was an odd feeling. Even at the farm with Laura and the kids, there was always someone around. Laura had taken some time off work so she could be there for me and Clint. When the kids weren't at school they would hang off me. I didn't mind in the least, it was good to see them both. Cooper was struggling in maths with school so I'd been spending time helping him with his homework. Lila always wanted to ride Princess Penelope and spend as much time as she was allowed out in the paddock with her. When the kids were at school, there was always something for me to do to help Laura out around the house. Now all I had to do was sit here and wait until I could do my preflight. I stowed my bag and eased myself down into the pilot seat.
Sometimes I think when I thought my world couldn't get any crazier it always did. There were so many ups and downs in my life. I could scarcely believe I was three months away from being in SHIELD for two years. This time last year I didn't think I'd be able to imagine a future without Riley in it. Now I was a whole year after losing him. He'd now been gone longer than I'd known him for. Sometimes I wondered what life would have been like if he'd lived. Pripyat would have certainly been interesting. I don't know if Riley would ever forgive Jared for what he did. I'm pretty sure Riley would have been encouraging Clint to break every airspeed possible after Odessa when Clint borrowed, as he still put it, the Quinjet to get to me and Natasha. This last mission certainly would have been a lot more horrifying. If it had been Riley in Cobb's shoes, I still would have lost him in the end.
I sighed heavily, shaking myself from wandering thoughts. Wishing for things to be different wouldn't change anything. It was too painful to start treading down that path. I was trying to avoid my emotions, not add to them. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen. It had been on silent most of the morning and the text messages were piling up. Jared, Natasha and Clint all wanted to know how the meeting went. Mom was asking if I wanted to stay in New York for a few days after the funerals were done. It was also a not too subtle hint that she wanted me home for my birthday. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was planning something for our 25th birthday. Laura had sent me a stern reminder to take my antibiotics. Gareth was asking how my day was going. It was a good distraction to reply to everyone while I waited for the mechanic to finish his work on the Quinjet. A small bit of normality as I sat here with my feet up on the control panel tapping away at my phone.
The mechanic finished as soon as I'd hit send on my text back to Gareth. I could do a preflight on the Quinjet in my sleep. Today there was something soothing about running through something so mundane as a preflight. By the time I was done, Bravo team had started to gather in the back. Everyone was quiet as they got themselves settled. There was nothing fun about what was to come. Most of the guys still looked as stiff and sore as I felt. Despite saying he didn't want to be my copilot, Evans came into the cockpit and sat next to me.
"Coulson is worried about you," Evans said bluntly as he buckled himself in. "So am I."
"I know." What else was there for me to say? I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy and I was only delaying the inevitable by pushing all these emotions away. "None of this feels real yet. Like it happened to someone else."
Evans face softened immediately at my confession.
"Have you been sleeping?" Evans changed tactics. "You know you're welcome to stay at my place instead of where ever you're hiding."
"Sleep is one thing I'm getting right now. Barton needs…" I trailed off, not sure how to put this. There was no easy lie to say we were hiding in Kentucky with his ex-wife and two kids. Instead, I lamely finished. "Space."
"Mmm, I bet he does." Evans casually lounged back in the co-pilot chair. "I do know about that new safe house of his and what's in it. How was the other day?"
I wasn't surprised. I got the meaning behind Evans words loud and clear. It would make sense someone else would know beyond Coulson. If something ever happened to all of them, someone would have to be a back up plan. Evans asking about the other day would have been for Riley's anniversary.
"I was drunk by 10 am." I wasn't proud of it. Drinking to drown out my feelings weren't going to help anything. I didn't even like bourbon. "I barely remember it. You?"
"I think I was drunk about an hour after you." Evans gave me a wry smile. "Abby sent the kids to her Mom's place and joined me."
"You may end up with child number three out of this," I said in a poor attempt at teasing. It had the desired effect and got a small chuckle from Evans.
"I don't think I was in any shape to try anything like that." Evans shook his head. "I'm not as young as I used to be and bourbon doesn't agree with me like it used to."
"Poor old man," I teased. This was a welcome bit of normality. Evans was turning 45 this year and was struggling with the downhill gallop to becoming 50. "Do I need to get some viagra to keep Abby happy?"
"Listen here you," Evans teased me straight back. His stern face did nothing to hide the amused twinkle in his eye as he waggled a finger at me. "I am more than capable of giving my wife a good time without any assistance. I'm 44, not 144."
The bubble of laughter coming from me felt odd But good. Maybe, just maybe I'd be able to get through all of this without a huge emotional fallout. I had such a good group of friends for support.
"I'm going to take you up on that offer to stay at your place when we get back," I continued the teasing, even though I was being serious. "Give your poor old bones a break from your toddler."
"Oh good," Evans said with a smirk. He tapped his crutch against the brace on his leg. "She keeps forgotten that Dad has a sore leg and keeps wrapping herself around me. I think I'd prefer her kicking me in the nuts than grabbing my broken ankle."
I winched on Evans behalf. Lila had forgotten about my ribs and jumped on me when we were sitting on the couch the other night. I hadn't been able to do anything more than lay there trying to breathe through it for ten minutes. Even Lila feeling bad and offering me the last cupcake had done little to stem the agony.
"I feel your pain." My hand came up to touch my still tender ribs. "I got launched on the other night."
While we were speaking, I'd eased the Quinjet out into the sun. Air traffic control gave me the clearance after a few minutes of waiting. I thought the feeling of the jet rumbling to life under me might have undone me. I felt nothing but the usual thrill as we took off into the clear blue sky. This was another thing that felt good. The Quinjet steady under my hands again.
"They must be getting big now," Evans mused with a smile as we climbed to altitude. "I haven't seen them in a long time. How're things with his girlfriend?"
"Strained." The smile on my face fell a little. "She invited him down there and I hoped it would help things. It doesn't seem to be doing anything to help though."
Laura had been amazing while we'd been hurt. But she still treated Clint with a detached coolness, like he was her patient. Clint didn't say anything or push Laura beyond what she was willing to talk about. He seemed content just to be there with her and the kids. So I didn't push, even though I desperately wanted to.
"It's a hard life we lead as STRIKE," Evans said with a sympathetic smile. "There's been times where the job has driven a wedge in my marriage. It has to be even harder for them because of his past. Give it time. It's only been a few months."
Mom had said the same thing when I talked to her about it too. Laura had her reasons and I had to respect that. It didn't make it any less frustrating though.
"You're a good friend for trying to fix it though," Evans continued, reaching over to give my hand a small squeeze. "I'm sure they both appreciate it."
I wasn't sure about that. I think Laura got frustrated with the meddling me and Natasha were trying to do.
"By the way," Evans smile turned into a mischievous smirk. "Gareth seems nice. You certainly like them muscly, don't you?"
"I am amazed you managed to hold off teasing me for this long." I barely resisted rolling my eyes at Evans. I knew part of this was trying to put me in a good mood and keep me distracted for any potential disasters. Even if it hadn't been the timing, Evans wouldn't have been able to help himself with the teasing about Gareth. I wasn't surprised they'd met in Camp Cooke. Gareth had mentioned he'd run into a few people and was able to put faces to names now. "Did you threaten him, like Sam did?"
"No, you'd be pleased to know I was incredibly civil to him." There was no teasing from Evans this time. He actually looked serious. "I think he's good for you. Besides, anyone who can get along with Alexi is a winner."
"He is good for me." There was no denying that. Gareth was exactly what I needed right now in my life. He was a good friend, being there if I wanted him and able to keep his distance when I didn't. "I appreciate you not threatening him. Sam told him if he ever hurt me no one would find his body."
"Please, like Sam would be able to get his hands on him first," Evans said with a snort. "He'd have to wait in line behind Jared, Romanoff, and Barton. If there anything left of him after that, it's my turn."
"I have this feeling everyone would be disappointed. Because Coulson would be like a ninja, swoop in and there'd be nothing left of him before the rest of them caught up," I said with a laugh. "No one would ever suspect him."
That got a good laugh from Evans. I had a feeling Evans needed a little bit of normality as much as I did right now. I couldn't begin to imagine the amount of paperwork that this mission developed. Along with notifying far too many families that their loved ones had been killed. It would have been a rough time for him.
The rest of the flight was spent with Evans and I talking about nothing in particular. It was a relaxing way to spend the flight to Reed City, Michigan. It was only a small rural town. STRIKE Team Bravo had nearly filled the only hotel in town. I was lucky to get a room to myself because most of the guys had to double up. We were landing at a private airstrip about ten minutes out of town. The advantage of being in a small town was there was no lack of people wanting to help out right now. It was also the downfall of a small town. Everyone knew Cobb and no doubt his death would have hit the community hard. I knew Cobb was the youngest of three siblings. His parents ran the gas station in town.
After I powered the Quinjet down, I went to grab my bag but found it missing. Nick had it swung over his shoulder as he walked down the ramp. Beside him, Andy had two bags over his shoulder too. I knew the well worn one was Evans usual bag. Next to me, Evans was grumbling under his breath as the sight in front of us. His grumbling didn't last long as people started to greet the STRIKE Team at the bottom of the ramp. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Evans straightened up, as much as his crutches would allow him and put on a brave face for the world to see as we disembarked.
I hung back as people began to greet Evans. I felt very out of place as people who were obviously related to Cobb came forward. I closed the ramp of the Quinjet as an excuse to stay out of the crowd, lingering like I was checking something on the hydraulics on the ramp. As unwell as Clint had looked this morning, I wish I'd taken him up on the offer to come with me to the funeral. It would have given me someone to talk to while Evans was busy. While I was pondering how long I could take before it looked obvious I wasn't doing anything here, my name got called out by Evans. I had no choice but to walk over and stand with the two people he was talking to.
"Gary, Trish this is Kari," Evans introduced me as I walked over. "Ryan's parents."
Of course they were. Cobb looked very much like his Dad. They were the last people I wanted to talk to right now. Before I could say anything, Trish stepped forward and gave me a hug.
"Thank you for bringing our boy back home," Trish's voice was choked with emotion.
A hug from Cobb's Mom was the last thing I was expecting. I thought I'd be ignored for most of this. Here I was, the centre of attention where I really didn't want to be. Trish hugging me didn't go unnoticed by anybody. I could feel a lot of eyes on me.
"You're welcome." I awkwardly hugged her back. Thankfully she didn't hold on for too long. Trish must have sensed how uncomfortable I was and let go a second later. Gary stepped forward and shook my hand.
"It's a pleasure to put a face to the name," Gary said with a strained smile. I inwardly cringed thinking about all the things Cobb must have said about me as I shook his Dad's hand. They were being very gracious to me considering Cobb and I never got along.
Evans quickly stepped in and saved me from anymore awkwardness. It didn't really help because after that it was a never ending line of people introducing themselves. I was stuck talking to someone whose name I'd promptly forgotten and he wanted to chat my ear off. I was never so glad when Evans discreetly grabbed my arm and steered me towards a car.
"We've been invited to dinner," Evans said lowly as we walked over to the car. "You're more than welcome to make any excuse you want to get out of it if you want."
"I'm tired." It wasn't too much of a lie. My energy levels were pretty shitty right now. "I'm going to sit around in my underwear and eat pizza in the peace and quiet."
Evans nodded, looking a little envious himself of being able to brush off the invitation. Tomorrow was going to be full on. I needed every bit of energy I could muster to get through it. The drive into town I spent gently deflecting Trish's attempts to get me to come to dinner. This was already awkward enough without me spending time with Cobb's parents. Gary was quiet throughout the drive and I didn't miss him glancing back at me in the rearview mirror all the time. I was very grateful when I was dropped at the only hotel in town, grabbed my bag off Nick and went to my room.
The room wasn't much. A bed with a small ensuite. The TV looked older than me but it was all clean and functional. I was happy to kick my shoes off and collapse onto the bed with a muffled groan. I was tired and sore. I really needed to find some food and take my drugs. I had learned the hard way these particular antibiotics weren't good on an empty stomach. The hotel only offered room service for breakfast and there weren't many places to eat in town. Thankfully the only pizza place in town delivered. Judging by the harassed sounding worker, I wasn't the only one to be ordering pizza to the hotel either. It only took another minute for someone to knock on my door.
"We've ordered pizza and have beer," Nick's voice was muffled through the door. "Don't make me come in there and drag you out."
"I'm naked," I called back. "If you open that door, I will beat your ass."
It only made Nick bang on the door harder. I could hear barely contained snickers of laughter on the other side. I sighed, knowing full well they wouldn't leave me alone until I came out. None of Bravo team had seen me since the mission, besides me flying here today. As tired as I was, I got to my feet and got my shoes.
"You're a pain in the ass," I said as I flung the door open. Nick and Andy were both on the other side, looking insanely pleased with themselves. Judging by the slight falter of balance from Nick when I opened the door, I wouldn't be surprised if there'd already been some drinking started.
"Yeah, but we're your pain in the asses." Nick flashed me a charming grin. "Come on, pizza and beer. We haven't seen you in ages. The hotel owner said we're welcome to use the pool and barbecue area as long as we clean up after ourselves and no one skinny dips."
At least most of Bravo team were house trained. There wouldn't be any problems with them cleaning up after themselves or this turning into anything wild.
"It's like twenty degrees." I shivered as I pulled my shoes on. "Who'd want to skinny dip in this weather?"
"Dumber things have been done before," Andy pointed out, giving Nick a look. "Like people deciding to cannonball into a half frozen pool."
I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes to cover my amusement. Dumb things like that were done on a weekly basis throughout the STRIKE teams. At least most of the time the testosterone fuelled antics from Bravo team were funny. They didn't tend to get into as much trouble as the other STRIKE teams. I made sure I had my key before closing the door and let Nick and Andy lead the way.
Everyone seemed happy to see me as I walked into the pool area. I got hugs from everyone as I walked around to get a beer. Despite not wanting to be sociable, it really was good to see everyone again. Once I got my beer I wandered between the small groups everyone had congregated in. Guys wanted to know how the meeting had gone this morning, how Barton was coping and the usual catch up. It was an easy way to pass the time until the pizza arrived.
"And I have one for Kari who I was told would be down here," the guy delivering the pizza's had to raise his voice to be heard over the noise.
"That's me." There were times it was good to be tall. A distinctly feminine voice amongst the sea of men never hurt either. I wove my way through the muscly bodies to get my meatlovers with extra everything on it. The guy holding the remaining pizza looked vaguely familiar. He couldn't cover his start of surprise as he looked at me.
"Wow, you are not what I expected," the delivery guy recovered quickly as he handed me over the pizza. There was a small hesitation as he held onto the box for a moment longer than necessary. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
I looked at the man in front of me, my curiosity piqued. He was obviously a relative of Cobb's. It wasn't hard to give in and nod my consent. He motioned for me to follow him, obviously wanting this conversation in private. I put my pizza down with a warning glare at Bravo team not to touch it.I held back a smirk of amusement as the man in question suddenly found a lot of eyes watching him carefully. The scrutiny from Bravo team would have made anyone uncomfortable. I could see the tension in his shoulders grow tighter as we walked out of the pool area and to the side.
"It's like having fifteen overprotective brothers," I said in a way of apology as soon as we were clear. "They always seem to forget I can beat their asses quite thoroughly."
The man in front of me had a small laugh. I could see his eyes on me as he looked me up and down. It wasn't a stare of checking out my body or anything inappropriate. He was curious more than anything else. He was wearing a wedding ring so I doubted this was him trying to get my number or something else ridiculous.
"I'm Blake, Ryan's oldest brother," he said, sticking out his hand in introduction. "It's nice to put a face to the name."
I shook his hand with a small smile. A nervous flutter appeared in my stomach at the apprehension of where this was going.
"I didn't see you when we arrived," I said tactfully, dropping my hands into my jacket pocket. It stopped me from fidgeting.
"No, I had to open up the shop," Blake said, looking as uncomfortable as I was feeling. "I'm the manager of the pizza shop."
"Ah." I couldn't think of much else to say to that. I decided to cut straight to the point instead of standing here trading small talk. "What can I help you with?"
"I know…" Blake started before trailing off with a frustrated huff. He took in a few deep breaths, closing his eyes briefly before starting again. "The shit Ryan did was very classified I know that. But no one will tell us what exactly happened except that he died in the line of duty and you were able to bring him home. You and Ryan hated each other. Believe me, I know how much of a difficult asshole he could be. I'm just having a hard time believing that you're being painted a hero by bringing him home when you two couldn't be in the same room together."
Ouch. I had to give it to Blake, it took some serious balls to come out and say that. I took in my own deep breath, trying to find a way to put this into words. I couldn't come out and tell his brother exactly what happened. But I hoped what I was about to say would give him some closure.
"It was his dislike of me that saved everyone," I began, swallowing back the lump in my throat. Aldon stabbing Cobb was seared into my mind and I would never forget it. "A nasty rumor that Ryan so vehemently believed is what gave me a chance to do what I needed to do to get out of there."
Blake's eyes filled his tears as I spoke. His jaw tightened at the mention of the rumor. I had no doubt some of those words had made it back here.
"Men can be quite simple creatures. Egotistical maniacs or not they can still be played." I felt my skin crawl as the memories of what I did to distract Aldon came back to mind. I unconsciously rubbed my arms, like it would brush it away. "If it had been someone besides Ryan brought in for questioning, my plan wouldn't have worked."
Understanding lit up in Blake's eyes at my evasive answer. I couldn't give him any details but he'd be able to put some vague picture together.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save him." My voice cracked on my apology. This time I was the one who had to take a few steadying breaths. "I know we didn't like each other but I had a lot of respect for him. Ryan was the hero, not me."
Even though I thought he was the biggest asshole to walk the Earth, there was a very good reason Cobb got put into Riley's position nearly straight out of the Academy. He was a brilliant marksman. I'd seen him do some shots that even made Clint raise an eyebrow in surprise. Everything would have been different if it had been someone besides Cobb being brought to Aldon. I wasn't sure I'd be standing here if had gone any differently.
"He'd never admit it but I'm pretty sure the respect was mutual," Blake said with a strained smile. There was a long pause as Blake's adam apple bobbed up and down. "Thank you. I should probably get going."
Without saying anything else, Blake turned around and left. I felt every barrier I'd put up to keep my emotions in check start to shake. The bricks and mortar I'd built so carefully around my emotions to keep them in check threatened to crumble right there and then. I closed my eyes taking in a few deep breaths. I couldn't lose it now. I had to keep my shit together for a few more days. I pushed it all away, straightening the barriers in my head and forced a smile on my face. I'd made it this far without falling apart. I could keep going.
I had to keep going.
Authors Note
This was a tough one to get out! Sometimes writing action with explosions and death is so much easier to emotions.
While I'm here, I want to send out a big happy birthday to kira shadow wolf! It's after midnight there now so I can post this and it actually be your birthday there! The joys of living in Australia and being a day ahead of everyone else. You were one of my original reviewers and those first few chapters seemed like a life time ago. It's crazy how far its come.
To everyone else, thank you for your amazing reviews! I was cheering a few chapters ago about breaking 500. This afternoon I'm sitting on 599 and still blown away by the love these last few chapters have received. I hope everyone enjoys the breather for Kari as everything starts to slow down around her for a little bit.
Until next time.