Christian bows his head. It's the first time I've seen Christian cry and talk like this, devastated by what happened. And in those moments all I can think of is to comfort him. To hug him tightly and tell him that it wasn't his fault, but I don't think he feels the same way. He wipes the tears from his face and then looks up again.

—Leyla never got over the loss of our son. As the days went by, she started acting strange. Sometimes I would find her stroking her belly and talking to herself. She never let me touch her again. I asked her to see a specialist and get treated. She was diagnosed with psychological disorder and highly dangerous. According to the doctors the time she was unconscious, during the shibari, in addition to the trauma she suffered, would stay with her permanently. There would be days when she would be better than others, but over time it would only get worse and she would eventually need medication. I talked to her in one of those moments of lucidity and she agreed to be hospitalized to be controlled and treated. I went to visit her once a week, except when the doctors told me she could not have visitors because of her aggressive state. And then one day I got a call, she had escaped. More than ten years have passed since then and I have never heard from her again. Most likely she died, alone and with no one to take care of her.

—And you? Have you managed to get over it? —I ask quietly and I'm afraid I'm not going to like the answer I'm going to get.

—No, I haven't. I don't think I'll ever get over losing my son. It was my fault for being so rough with Leyla and for not noticing that the wetness between her legs was not normal. That will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I get off the couch and sit across from him on the floor.

—You can't take the blame for your son's death, she was partly to blame for not realizing something was wrong.

— Maybe so. But I was the one who ended it all, the one who filled her with bruises and with my rudeness I ended up killing my son.

— That was actually caused by her. She is the one who should have stopped you and didn't. She is the one who is to blame, not you. If she had told you something was wrong, I know you would have stopped, wouldn't you?

—I thought her screams were of pleasure, not pain and that's why we continued, she never stopped what we were doing.

—Then you are not to blame. So, stop blaming yourself for something you can no longer change. Yes, it is very difficult to lose a child, let alone an unborn one. But you can't go on living drowning in guilt for something that wasn't entirely your responsibility. You must get over it once and for all and try to restart your life. It's best not to make the same mistakes again and learn from them.

Christian stares at me.

—After that I never had any serious relationship again. I told myself I would never fall in love again. I couldn't make that mistake again and hurt the person I gave my heart to. And you know the rest, my marriage to Francis was not for love, it was by mutual agreement. We fucked of course, but that was the only thing we had in common between the two of us. The primitive desire that consumed us. Nothing more.

—Have you told anyone else about this?

—You're the first and only person who knows Adam's story. Yes, that was the name my son was going to have.

—You need to talk this over with someone else Christian, you need to tell them so they can help you.

—You don't know how hard it has been for me to tell you all this. Just remembering it makes my heart twist with pain and suffering. —he confesses as he rests his hands on my thighs.

—You can't keep so much pain inside you, that's not good. People need to share their pain with someone else so it is more bearable. —I tell him while I caress his cheeks and lift his face. —You must tell everything to the psychologist, so he can help you.

—I know I have to in order to have a normal relationship with you, I need to, I don't want to lose you, not again. I can't lose the person who made me experience the best orgasm of my life.

Did I hear right? Are we talking about sex now?

—The best orgasm of your life! —I ask in amazement.

I never imagined that his best orgasm was experienced with me. I barely have any knowledge about sex, and he is an expert on the subject.

—I don't know why you're surprised, the hot tub was intense, very intense. I never imagined that giving you control like that would make me feel ecstatic.

—Why didn't you say anything at the time?

—I was overwhelmed by the moment, I had never in my life felt anything as intense as what you made me feel and that scared me a little. Partly because I wasn't sure what my feelings for you were.

—Someday you will be? —I ask him quietly, but I know what his answer is going to be after everything he has told me.

—After the conversation I had with Daniel today, I think I have a much clearer idea. —he replies with a slight smile.

He leans to the side, picks up a box on the coffee table and hands it to me.

—I hope you'll forgive me for being a jerk. —he says as I stare at the box wrapped with a ribbon.

I place the box on my lap and untie the ribbon. Inside is an elegant and beautiful black rose. I open the box and pull the rose out from inside. I caress it and its petals feel like velvet.

—You're going to need more than a rose for me to forgive you for everything you've done to me.

I stand expectantly waiting for an answer. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I stare at him and lose myself in his intense blue gaze.

—I love you Ana and realizing that has made me afraid. Afraid of making the same mistakes again and doing something I shouldn't have. But I know that not confessing to you how I feel about you has been the biggest mistake I've ever made. I didn't want to confess what I felt until I knew the depth of my feelings. Whether it was just sexual connection, chemistry, attraction, friendship, affection. I already know that my feelings for you go much deeper than that. They are so intense that realizing them makes my heart pound in despair. Realizing how I feel about you, makes my life light up and take on shades of color that I didn't see before. You bring brightness and joy to my life. And I don't want you to be away from me. The distance makes my feelings intensify. I promised myself not to fall in love again and realizing that I am has been unexpected for me. Forgive me if I have been slow in confessing it to you, but I didn't want to create false illusions with unknown feelings to which I couldn't put a name yet.

Tears run from my eyes at his confession of love. This is the most romantic and beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me in my life.

—Why are you crying? Did I say something you didn't like? Shit! I knew I shouldn't have... —I interrupt him by hugging his body before he gets even more exasperated.

—You didn't say anything wrong, you said everything I've wanted to hear for a long time and more. I love you too Christian, and your words were beautiful. Thank you for reciprocating my feelings. —I cling to him even more.

I am happy right now. I am the happiest woman on earth and nothing and no one is going to take that away from me.

—Should we reconcile? —he asks as I laugh against his chest.

—I didn't know you needed a reason to have sex. —I reply, pulling away from his chest and staring into his eyes.

—And I don't, but I've heard that reconciliation sex, in particular, is the most intense. —he says as he brings his face dangerously close to mine.

—I don't think that applies to you. —I reply with a smile. —With you, sex is intense wherever it takes place.

—Then you don't mind if I take you on the carpet right now, do you?

—I'm all yours.

Christian presses his lips to mine. After several days without sex, I must say the clothes lasted us quite a while. Barely five minutes after our mouths touched, Christian has already unbuttoned my dress, pulled it over my head, and tossed it onto the couch. His shirt has suffered the same fate and lies on the coffee table. He quickly ditches his shoes tossing them across the room and pulls off his pants at an incredibly fast speed.

—I didn't know you were so quick at stripping. —I comment as I can't help but laugh.

—I'm even faster at bringing you to orgasm. —he replies as he starts to leave kisses on my belly. —And I'm going to prove it to you, so there's no doubt about it. —he tells me as he reaches my sex.

—I have never doubted your sexual abilities. —I tell him with rapid breathing.

—And I don't think you'll start doing it now. —he replies before quickly pulling my black lace underwear down and ripping it to shreds.

He gets rid of the pieces of fabric and his mouth comes quickly over my sex. But he stops right there. I can feel his breath on my clit and this only makes me more anxious.

—Is something wrong? —I ask him when I see that he doesn't move or even touch me.

—Do you know yourself? —he asks me suddenly.

I sit up on my elbows to look at him as I answer.

—I don't think I need to know myself anymore, I know myself well enough to know that I only need you.

Christian smiles wickedly at me.

—How about one last lesson? —I don't really think this will be the last, Christian always has something to teach me when it comes to sex.

—All right. —I agree.

—But this lesson, you'll have to give it to me. —he says, making me sit up suddenly.

—Me to you?

—Yes. I need you to teach me how to love you. I need to learn how to make love. That's something I've never known how to do and I think you must be an expert in slow, sensual lovemaking.

—I think I told you that you weren't into slow and sensual. —I remind him as he gives me a half-smile.

—I feel like it's something I need to learn, so I can control my body and what I do with it.

—Hum. So, you want me to show you what sex is like without being rough, without binding, without blindfolding, without owning me.

—Exactly. I think it would change the meaning of the word completely. We wouldn't just be fucking anymore. And that's exactly what I want.

This is intense. Does he have any idea what he's talking about?

—You're not drunk, are you?

—I'm quite sane.

—You know that for that you have to have full trust in me, give up control or share it, listen to the other person's body and only do what that person asks you to do.

—I know. I will let you take the pace of sex. If you want slow, we'll do it slow, if you want harder, that's how you'll have it. We'll do whatever you say, however you say, wherever you say.

This sounds interesting, but not exactly to be put into practice on the carpet. So I stand up and start walking, with my heels still on, towards the bedroom.

—What are you waiting for. —I shout at him without looking back.

I can feel him get up and run to catch up with me. I stop in the middle of the room and turn to him. He is completely naked. His impressive erection is throbbing and clamoring for attention. I sit on the edge of the bed and lift one leg towards him.

—Start by getting rid of my heels. —I ask with a smile.

Christian reaches over, grabs my leg and undoes the straps while caressing my ankle as he goes. As he removes the shoe, he directs his lips to the instep of my foot and begins to kiss it. The contact sends an electric shock throughout my body all the way to my throbbing sex. His lips move up my leg until they reach my knee. He lowers my leg to the floor and repeats the same procedure with the other. I see he learns quickly.

I crawl to the center of the bed and beckon him to join me. He climbs onto the bed and I push him until he is lying down. I snuggle against his body and direct my hand to his member.

—Have you ever cuddled? —I ask curiously.

This is something we all did in our adolescence, in our early sexual exploration.

—I was never one for cuddling, I liked to get straight to the point.

—Today you're going to learn how to cuddle. —I reply with a smile as I hold his member in my hand and begin to stroke it slowly.

But he doesn't move his hands from where they are, so with my free hand I take one of his and direct it towards my sex.

—That's where it belongs. I know you told me you didn't like me doing this to you because you lose control when I touch you, but guess what, I go crazy when you do it too and I've learned to control myself. So start practicing. — I tell him as I move my hand up and down his entire length.

—Do you know what it means to give a black rose? —he asks as he caresses my naked, sweaty body after several hours of catching up.

—I don't know, but I imagine you're going to tell me.

—It means that you love the person in the purest and most devoted way possible. It means eternal and true love. It means security, trust and emotional balance. It means that you are mine forever.

—It has a very deep meaning. Where did you learn that?

—Someone told me about it while bringing me here.

—The same person who advised you to confess your feelings? —I asked curiously.

—I think I should thank him very much for his help, not only for helping me understand my feelings, but also for helping me with my hand.

—I guess so. —I answer with a smile.

—By the way, how did you get back here? Forgive me, I didn't even realize you didn't have a way back. —he tells me in a pleading tone.

—Let's forget what happened, besides, with what you just did to me with your mouth, I think I forgot why we had an argument. —I answer him while we laugh out loud.

—How did you get back?

—This is going to sound funny to you, but Mia, the wife of the one who helped you was the one who brought me back.

—Really! —he replies in amazement.

—Yes, we talked a lot and she helped me understand you better.

—Does she know me?

— No, but she does to her husband, and from what we talked about her husband and you are a lot alike. -especially when it comes to denying feelings.

—Yes, I think I noticed that while we were talking at the bar.

—Bar? —I ask while I look at him raising an eyebrow.

—I needed those two drinks and also to vent to someone.

—Talking helped you. —I confirm.

—Yes.—he whispers as he slowly strokes my hair.

—I think we should thank them both.

—And I know exactly how to thank them for everything they did for us.

—Will you tell me what you're planning?

—You'll find out in due time, first I have to make some calls to prepare everything.