Summary: Inspired by an episode of Friends. Newly pregnant, Erza discovers that she can no longer stomach cake or anything sugary. Instead she has a new, horrific, craving….
Pairings: Erza/Jellal, Mira/Erza friendship, and Erza/Cake.
YouTube Prompt: Crack video to 'Superstitious' by Stevie Wonder.
When Erza announced her pregnancy, everyone in the guild inwardly wept and prepared themselves to walk on eggshells round the redheaded swordsman. They had no doubt, at all, that she would become more temperamental and murderous throughout her pregnancy, and they (Natsu and Gray especially) would suffer the consequences.
No one had expected that Erza would become so gloomy and depressed that they could virtually see the grey clouds and dark, blue, aura of depression around her. Erza literally put a dampener on the atmosphere that morning she walked in, her head hung down, and her body language entirely shut off as Jellal followed in with worry and concern etched in his face.
"Good morning Erza," Mira said cheerfully, "Good morning Jellal."
"Morning," Erza mumbled as she slipped onto a stool at the bar and immediately slumped all over it. "Is the day over yet?" she asked sadly.
Mira's cheerfulness instantly faded for a look of concern. "What's the matter?" she asked.
"Erza's morning sickness has kicked in," Jellal explained, "and now she is finding it hard to keep her breakfast down."
"Oh dear," Mira said, "don't worry. I know just the thing! Nothing has ever perked Erza more than a slice of my Strawberry C-"
"NO!" Erza gagged as she clutched her mouth. "No cake!" she cried out from beneath her fingers. "Nothing with sugar in it! I can't bear it."
"…."
"…."
"…."
"….Holy shit," Macao said eventually, breaking the silence that fell upon all nearby members who heard that. Mira still looked stunned, Cana had frozen with her mug mid-way to her mouth, Wakaba's cigar popped out of his mouth, and several people were glancing out of the window for any stray flying pigs. "Has the apocalypse arrived or something? Erza has never refused a cake or anything with sugar in it."
"It's the baby!" Erza wailed. "The baby hates it! I can't have my usual cake and hot chocolate for breakfast because the smell of it makes me want to vomit! And so far! So far! Nothing else has been appetising. Nothing strawberry related! No meat! No pies! No delicious, sweet, snack-y food. Nothing! I have become incapable of eating as everything makes me want to vomit!"
"There, there," Mira patted Erza on the back, "it'll be all right. I'm sure we will find you something you can eat."
"What's the point?" Erza moaned. "When I cannot be with the love of my life, there is no reason to want to eat."
"But you are with the love of your life," Jellal pointed out irritably, "I'm standing right here and our baby should be reason enough to want to eat. So you can nourish it."
"You're my second love," Erza said dismissively, "cake has always been my first, and without it my baby will never receive the nourishment it deserves."
And with that, Erza slumped back in a depressive posture all over the bar and sulked over not being able to eat cake while Jellal sunk into a corner as he too fell into a deep, dark, depression. Once gain having to cope with the fact he will always come second to cake.
(He was beginning to really resent cake now.)
After what felt likes hours, ticking by at a frustratingly slow speed, Mira walked out of the bar with a big plate to give to Wendy when Erza suddenly perked up, sniffed the air hopefully, and begin to drool slightly.
"What is that delicious smell?" she asked dreamily. "It smells so good, and more importantly it doesn't make me want to barf, and therefore the baby likes it."
"Well, it's either the roast chicken," Mira said as she titled the plate so the chicken could be near Erza's nose, within seconds Erza wrinkled her nose and shook her head abruptly, "or," Mira quickly turned the plate around, "it's the steamed vegetables."
"Yes! Yes!" Erza gasped excitedly. "That's it! That's what smells so good! That's what the baby wants me to…" she faltered slightly and instantly Erza's delighted facial expression changed into a horrified one as she went so pale that Mira could see a tinge of green in her skin. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Erza screamed so dramatically that people on the other side of the country jumped out of their skins and looked round wildly to see what could have caused such a horrific noise. "NOT VEGETABLES! WHY?! WHY IS MY BABY DOING THIS TO ME?!"
"If you ask me," Laxus muttered darkly, "your child is being responsible and taking care of you. It's making sure you catch up on all the vitamins you missed out growing up when you ate cake instead."
"Well no one asked you!" Erza snarled. Mira placed down a plate of freshly steamed vegetables in front of her. It was a melody of bright colours, mostly green, from the carrots, the swede, the broccoli, the peas, the beans, the sweetcorn, and even plain, boiled, potatoes. Erza drooled and involuntarily dived a fork into the vegetables and started to shovel it into her mouth. "Mmm…..oh that's delicious….that's lovely….that's – WHY?!" she wailed tears suddenly springing down her cheeks. "Why is my baby trying to poison me?!"
Laxus rolled his eyes at that.
"Erza, sweetie," Jellal said bravely, "it's just a few vegetables, and it's only a few months. You can survive that, can't you? After all you survived being tortured, and almost being murdered, many, many, ti…."
Erza turned round slowly with the darkest, most terrifying, expression on her face that Jellal suddenly found himself incapable of speaking. Natsu and Gray caught sight of this expression and immediately screamed and ran out of the guild before they could be murdered (half certain that Erza found out they had been fighting moments before). "Don't." Erza sad in the iciest voice in the world. "Ever. Touch. Me. Again. I will never forgive you for this. This is your fault!"
She then turned back and continued to stuff her mouth full of vegetables as Jellal turned deathly pale and was on the verge of collapsing completely as the words I will never forgive you for this rang through his mind repeatedly…
But then Laki walked in, oblivious to the drama that went on before, and ordered cake which immediately sent Erza into a sobbing fit as she flung her arms round Jellal's neck and wept into his shoulder.
Everyone started to cross the days off on their calendar and prayed that the next six months went quickly…