Summary: Inspired by an episode of Melissa and Joey. Lucy uses a spell on Natsu to make him her dream man….
Pairings: Mira/Laxus, implied Natsu/Gray, implied Gray/Guy (all in Juvia's mind), some past mentions of Natsu/Lisanna if you look at it like that, Gray/Juvia, implied Gajeel/Levy, Alzack/Bisca, parental Alzack/Asuka, Erza/Cake, Cana/Booze, lots of general friendship feels, and Natsu/Lucy, of course. When is there not Natsu/Lucy?
YouTube Prompt: Crack video with any pairing to 'Damnit Janet' from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
"Hey guys!" Mira chirped cheerfully as, for a very rare day, the entire guild was home for the day. "Guess what I brought today!" she waved a little bag in front of everyone. "You'll never guess!"
"Jewellery?"
"Food?!"
"Sexy underwear?"
"Hair dye."
"I don't care."
"No, no Natsu we don't all think with our stomachs, Macao, Wakaba, I'd never show you my underwear, I don't dye my hair, and Laxus," Mira pouted, "it'd be nice if you paid some interest in what I like."
"Meh," Laxus shrugged.
"Oh well!" Mira trilled brightly. "Your attitude will change soon enough because I brought this – tada!" Mira pulled out a small, flat, box that looked absolutely insignificant. "This is a special spell. It cost thousands but was well worth the money."
"Ooh," Cana said, "What does it do?"
"It turns a guy, any guy in the world, into your dream guy!" Mira said ecstatically "Only for a few hours but still!"
"Really?" Evergreen said sceptically. "Are you sure it's not a con? That sounds….tricky."
"Not at all," Mira smiled, "all you need to do is focus on your dream guy and press the button, and it hey presto! For a few short hours you have your dream guy. Here, I'll show you," Mira aimed the box at Laxus, "Turn Laxus into my dream guy!" she commanded.
A beam of light shot out and hit Laxus. Everyone gasped and gawked as Laxus' hair suddenly slicked back, his clothes transformed into a tuxedo, and a bouquet of red roses appeared out of nowhere.
"My love," Laxus said in a cheesy, out of character, voice, "allow me to romance you with moonlit dinners and dancing under the stars."
"Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!" Mira squealed delightedly as she flung the spell aside and threw herself into Laxus' arms. "Let's go now before the moment is gone."
"As you wish."
Everyone stared in horror as they watched Laxus sweep Mira off of her feet and carried her out of the guild.
It was so unnatural…..
"That's freaky as hell!" Natsu yelled. "Laxus isn't Laxus anymore!"
"I think we should cast the spell on you," Gray said, an evil gleam in his eye, "and then maybe we can have some peace around here."
"You want me to turn into your dream guy?!"
Natsu looked like he was on the verge of vomiting up his lunch while the guild around them all snorted, sniggered, or in Happy's case really tried to hide their giggling.
"NO!" Gray's eyes bulged out of his head. "I meant that one of the girls should turn you into their dream guy and then maybe you'll final have some manners and be quiet for once. God," Gray said disgustedly, "why would I want to make you my dream guy."
"Ah!" Juvia gasped, distraught, "Gray-sama has a dream guy! Juvia is no longer the right gender for her beloved Gray-sama. How will she cope?!"
"I DON'T HAVE A DREAM GUY I WAS JUST MAKING A POINT!" Gray bellowed. He then coughed and smiled sheepishly. "What do you say, ladies?" he said a bit more calmly. "Want to make Natsu your dream guy and give us all some peace."
"But Gray-sama," Juvia fluttered her eyelashes, "Juvia's dream guy is you, why would Juvia turn Natsu-san into Gray-sama when she can have the real thing?"
"Erm…"
"It would be too weird and uncomfortable," Lisanna shrugged, "I don't like Natsu that way to even turn him into someone I like."
"I don't think turning Natsu into my dream guy will make things any quieter," Levy said nervously as she glanced in Gajeel's direction, "in fact I think it might destroy the guild building."
"Eh," Gajeel shrugged, "I got on all right with my Edo-self. Salamander might be more likable if he was me."
"I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS YOU!" Levy flushed bright red. "YOU'RE SUCH AN ARROGANT PRAT!"
"Gihihihihihihihihihihihihihi," Gajeel smirked, "you like it."
"Hmmph!"
"I don't need to turn Natsu into my dream guy," Bisca said as she wrapped her arms round Alzack's own arm, "I'm married to him."
"And Asuka is too young to have a dream guy," Alzack added sternly.
"As is Wendy," Charle jumped in before Wendy could open her mouth.
"I do not think it is wise for me to turn Natsu into a man made out of cake," Erza said sagely, "I may end up just eating him."
"…."
"…."
"…."
The long silence was deafening to the point that they could hear the wind outside blowing against the window as everyone shuddered while they all tried to suppress the horrific imagery Erza just caused their minds to imagine.
"…I don't have a dream guy," Cana said eventually as she gulped the last of her wine, "just a dream vintage."
"Why would I want a dream guy?" Laki agreed. "When I can just leave a string of broken hearts instead."
"It's no one's effing business who my dream guy is," Evergreen scowled, "and if you try to stick your nose in it I'll turn you into stone."
Kinana said nothing as she merely buried her face behind a tea towel and refused to answer. With all the girls making it clear that they weren't going to turn Natsu into their dream guy any time soon, everyone's eyes immediately flickered towards Lucy.
"What?" she blinked. "What are you all look…..oh no!" she shook her head as realisation sunk in. "No, no, no! I am not turning Natsu into my dream guy!"
"Good!" Natsu snapped. "Your dream guy would be boring."
"What was that?!"
"Well he'd be nerdy, and read all day, and all polite, and nothing interesting about him at all."
"He would not!" Lucy flushed pink. "He would like adventure!"
"Yeah right," Natsu scoffed, "I know you Luce, do your worst. It'll be so boring that I'll fight back to myself in no time."
"All right then!" Lucy scowled as she snatched up the box. "I'll make you into my dream guy and we'll see who the boring one is." She pointed it at Natsu and concentrated on all of her romantic dreams, "turn Natsu into my dream guy," she said clearly.
The beam of light shot out and smacked Natsu in the chest. Everyone leaned forward, interested to see what changes would befall Natsu and…..were instantly disappointed.
"Is the spell broken?" Happy asked. "Natsu hasn't changed at all."
"That's not true," Levy observed, "he's now holding a plate of chocolate covered strawberries and the latest novel by one of Lu-Chan's favourite authors."
Lucy went even pinker as everyone's eyes widened at the implication, Natsu looked incredibly smug, and Gray looked disgusted. "Your dream guy is Natsu with a side order of chocolate covered strawberries?!" he gagged. "God and I thought you had taste, Lucy."
"Shut up!"