Summary: Zeref's curse in a modern day setting…..the little voice in his head gets louder and louder until one day he snaps. Warning, plenty of dark themes including attempted murder and attempted suicide.

Pairings: Brotherly Zeref/Natsu, parental Igneel/Zeref, implied parental Igneel/Natsu, mentions of Igneel/OC, and implied Zeref/Mavis.

YouTube Prompt: I know I have prompted 'My Skin' by Natalie Merchant before for some of the female characters (Lucy, Juvia, Cana, Mira, and Erza) and I still stand firm that it's well suited for a tribute for any of them but recent revelations from the Manga prove it's a perfect song for Zeref and Mavis.

It starts of as a little voice in his head.

You're not normal, it whispered ominously, and they know it.

At first it never bothered him. He ignored it easily as his mother, all smiley, and golden, fawned over him and his genius. He was three years old but could read books aimed for six year olds and she was so proud of him.

It really didn't bother him when the voice whispered nagging-ly as he met Igneel Dragneel, his mother's new boyfriend. He knows, he knows, he knows you're not normal, the voice sang mockingly as Igneel crouched down and shook Zeref's hand before he then suddenly ruffled Zeref's hair and declared him adorable (urgh, he still does). And it was easy to ignore the voice as he stood solemnly at his mother's wedding as the ring bearer, and it continued to be easy as he watched his mother's belly grow, and plans being made for his new baby brother or sister.

Then Natsu was born, so loud, so cheerful, and so unbelievably sweet as he blinked up at Zeref with his dark green eyes, and the voice began to bother him.

You're not normal like him, you're so dark, so cold, and so evil.

"Shut up," he whispered, "shut up."

And insane! The voice sang gleefully. Who are you talking to?

Zeref's mouth tightened as did his hold on his brother who squirmed in his lap. Natsu was now ten months old and had pink hair, a mix of their mother's blonde and his father's red, sticking up on end. Zeref buried his face in his brother's hair and drowned the voice out by taking comfort in his baby's brother's presence.

Then his mother died.

Cancer, the greatest tragedy in every family these days.

He was seven years old and had just watched his mother deteriorate from the kind, loving, full of life, person into this little wisp of nothing with empty eyes as an infection during her chemo swept her away from him.

Natsu was two and kept crying. He wanted Mummy, he missed Mummy, where was Mummy? Igneel forgot to feed himself half the time and was so focused on taking care of his wife that he wasn't really there. And so Zeref took over soothing and comforting and caring for Natsu, all the while the voice in his head got louder and louder.

Can't cry can you? Your own mother is dead and you're not crying. What sort of monster doesn't cry at his own mother's funeral?

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Zeref screamed back silently as he stood there watching the coffin being lowered into the ground. His lips pursed, his hands clenched into fists, and his face deathly pale. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You know nothing! Nothing!

I'm you, the voice purred back, I know everything.

Zeref shuddered and that was when Igneel placed a hand on his head. "It's going to be okay," he murmured, "everything will be okay."

Of course it will, for him, the voice said nastily, he doesn't have to deal with a monster anymore. There's no reason to keep you.

Zeref's mother had been an only child, her parents dead, and the father of her first child had walked out on her a few months after Zeref's birth – because he knew what you are! The voice said often enough – and therefore the only family Zeref had was little Natsu.

"How can it?" Zeref mumbled. "I don't have a home anymore."

"Of course you do," Igneel murmured as he shifted Natsu in his arms in order to free one and wrap it round Zeref's shoulder, "you will always have a home with me. You're my son."

He's lying, the voice said immediately, he's just binding his time and looking for a legal way to get rid of you.

The voice persisted, loudly, for the next few years. The older Zeref got the more obvious it was that he was different from all the other children. He didn't like to play games. He was smarter and freakishly quick at answering teachers' questions. He was too quiet. Too neat. Too weird.

He didn't have any friends.

Apart from the girl with jade eyes that smiled at him in class.

"You got plenty of friends!" Natsu said stubbornly. "You got me, and Gajeel, and Wendy, and all of my friends think you're the coolest. They all want to be your friend to."

Liars, liars, they're all lying because they don't want you to know that they know, the voice sang viciously, they know there's something not right with you. Little children are perceptive.

"Play a game with me," Natsu insisted, "stop doing boring old homework and play ninjas or pirates with me."

And he knows especially, the voice whispered sinisterly, one day, Natsu Dragneel will be your doom.

"SHUT UP!"

Natsu froze, he was seven years old and way too used to getting his own way. Zeref never once raised his voice to him, even when Natsu was at his most annoying and frustrating and stupidest, and now Zeref had screamed at him when all Natsu wanted was to play games with him.

"Natsu," Zeref whispered, shame filling him quickly, "I'm so sorry. I…..I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," Natsu mumbled, "you're busy. I get it."

"No," Zeref fell out of his chair onto his knees and yanked his brother into a tight hug, "no. it's not that. I'm just…..I'm just stressed. Eton is harder than I thought it would be."

Zeref was offered the opportunity of a lifetime despite his freakishness and he half regretted accepting it as the voice got louder and louder the further away from Natsu Zeref was. He worked so hard and so much and he was so lonely for all his efforts. None of the boys wanted to be his friend which had prompted this whole incident on his visit home for Easter.

"Then come home," Natsu said childishly, "come home for good and then we can play every day."

Yes come home, the voice agreed, so he can make sure you don't do anything bad.

"I can't," Zeref shook his head, "one day you'll understand. Now, what is this about pirates? I thought you get sea sick?"

The change of discussion distracted Natsu as Zeref knew it would and it worked for years. Zeref got to know Mavis better on his holidays, the pretty jade-eyed girl who was secretly just as damaged as he was, and it helped to ignore the voice in his head when he held her hand and played games with Natsu.

There was a time where Zeref thought he finally got rid of the voice.

And then it happened.

Natsu was twelve and restless, and eighteen, stressed about university, the voice came back tenfold and Zeref was willing for any distraction possible. Listening to Natsu splash about in the local outdoor swimming pool while he re-read his favourite book was supposed to do that.

It wasn't working.

"ZEREF!" Natsu bellowed. "ZEREF! COME ON YOU WEIRDO! STOP BEING SO BORING AND COME AND PLAY!"

He knows, he knows, he knows, it's become too dangerous, the voice whispered hastily as Zeref closed his book and stood up, he's going to tell someone, he's going to tell Igneel, they're going to lock you up. He's too dangerous.

He reached the end of the pool and sat down, Natsu swam up to him and grinned up innocently.

You have to do it. You have to do it before he tells someone, the voice said maliciously, kill him.

Zeref put a hand on Natsu's head and pushed it under water.

Kill him.

Five seconds.

Kill him.

Ten seconds.

Kill him.

Fifteen seconds, Natsu was beginning to flail about in the water.

KILL HIM!

Twenty fi- Zeref's eyes widened and he gasped as he realised just exactly what he was doing. He let Natsu go without a second though and Natsu bounced up above the water, spluttering, and gasping, and wheezing.

"Oh my God!" Zeref cried out. "Natsu! I'm so sor-"

SPLASH!

Natsu had grabbed hold of Zeref's ankle and pulled him in. the cold water felt wonderful against him and for a brief moment Zeref felt soothed for the first time in weeks as he pushed back up onto the surface and was met by Natsu's radiant grin.

"That's more like it!" Natsu grinned. "Now you're having fun. Come on! Water fight!"

And he splashed Zeref in the face. Oblivious to exactly what just happened. Zeref blinked as Natsu splashed again before he attempted to smile and splash back. But it was just going through the motions. Natsu was having fun and Zeref tried to do the same but he couldn't. He couldn't

Because he had just tried to kill Natsu! He had just tried to kill his brother! How can he act like nothing had happened when he finally acted like the monster the voice had accused him of being?!

They went home, Natsu was still chatting and babbling excitedly, while Zeref felt the gnawing horror grow in the pit of his stomach. The voice was finally silent but only because he finally gave into what the voice wanted all this time.

That's right, the voice purred quietly, you finally admit it. You're a monster. And now you have given yourself away entirely to your brother. If he didn't know before, he knows now, and he's going to tell! The voice sang horribly. We got to stop him for good this time. Got to kill him before it was too late.

"No!" Zeref trembled. "I won't do it!"

"Well fine, Jeeze!" Natsu rolled his eyes, "it was only a suggestion. How about we order pizza instead?"

"Huh?"

"Zeref?" Natsu eyed him suspiciously. "Are you okay?"

Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!

"I need to go to the bathroom!" Zeref blurted out.

"Okay, whatever," Natsu shrugged, "you big weirdo."

Zeref ran up the stairs, almost tripping over some of them, before he rushed into the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and firmly locked the door. Hiding isn't going to help, the voice said, he knows, he knows now, you gave yourself away, and now he hates you.

"Because of you," Zeref whispered, "you made me do it."

But I am you.

"I know," Zeref said shakily as he stared at his reflection, "I know."

Kill him, his reflection said, and then, much to Zeref's horror, his eyes turned an evil, twisted, red and purple, kill him before its too late.

Zeref took hold of the razor.

That's it, his reflection smirked, kill him.

"I will," Zeref whispered, "I will kill the monster."

And with one sharp movement, before the voice could speak or do anything, he slashed the razor across his own throat.

"ZEREF!"

The voice screamed and gurgled before darkness finally silenced it for good.

Such darkness.

It was like being back in the swimming pool where all the air escaped from his lungs as he drowned and yet he felt serene, relaxed, and entirely soothed….

And then a bright light woke him up and all he could see was dazzling white. Dear God, did he actually make it to heaven? "Am I…." he croaked, "Am I dead?"

"No," Igneel sighed in relief, "no you're not though you certainly gave it your best shot."

The world came back into focus and Zeref realised he was lying on a hospital bed. His neck felt tight and restricted with the bandages round it, everything smelt clean and sterile, and Igneel hovered over him fear and worry etched into his face.

"Hey," Igneel tried to smile, "you gave us a fright, kiddo."

"Wha….what happened?"

"Really? Shouldn't that be my question?" Igneel raised an eyebrow. His snarky look vanished almost instantly as it appeared as he ran a hand through his hair. "What happened, Zeref? What made you so miserable to….to….to…were you being bullied?"

"No," Zeref rasped.

"Everything fine with Mavis?" Zeref nodded, his throat hurt too much for him to talk. "Is it….is it your mother?" Zeref shook his head. "Are you….are you…..happy at home?" Zeref nodded once more. "Then….why?"

"I tried," Zeref's throat groaned in protest as he spoke, "to kill Natsu." Igneel froze. There was no words that could describe the look of horror on Igneel's face. "The voice," Zeref explained, "the voice told me too."

It was all a blur from there.

Zeref couldn't remember what Igneel said but he can remember the surprising feel of his arms around him as Igneel murmured something in his hair. And then Igneel spoke to the doctors and soon enough it was whirl of one doctor after another, one psychiatrist after another, and Zeref was soon moved into the psychiatric ward until the scabs along his throat cleared away to a scar.

By then they sort out his medication and he has been given a diagnosis.

He has schizophrenia.

The voice has finally been silenced but it didn't change the fact that it had been right the entire time. He was different. He was freakish. He was a monster.

He was a danger not only to himself but the people around him. He was a danger to Natsu. He might be considered stable, he might no longer hear the voice, but he isn't stupid. One day the medication won't be enough and the voice will come back. One day he might not be able to stop himself.

So he doesn't go back.

He has Igneel pack up his things and makes his way straight to Oxford without a second look back. He refuses Igneel's pleas to come home, ignores his attempts to comfort him, and outright hangs up the moment Igneel mentions Natsu. He burns all bridges with Mavis, the one he once thought he could walk the same path with.

She tried to be there. She tried to visit. She tried to take his hand but he pushed her away and the moment she said 'I know how it feels to-' he cut her off with a nasty laugh. She might be just as dependant on tiny pills as he was to regulate her moods but she was only ever a danger to herself and not to anyone else. Her highs were too high and her lows were too low, if she stopped taking her medication she could almost get herself killed by being too reckless and careless, and she could almost get herself killed by not eating or sleeping or doing anything to take care of herself.

She doesn't hurt other people.

She's not a danger to anyone else.

One well-placed insult from him and their relationship crumbles entirely. All she has left him with is bittersweet memories and the searing pain on his cheek.

With Natsu, he cuts himself completely.

He doesn't talk to him, he refuses to see him, and he forced a promise out of Igneel that Natsu would never know the truth.

Zeref stepped out onto the narrow, windy, old-fashioned streets of Oxford, the lid of his pill bottle cutting into his hand as he gripped onto his new lifeline that he has rattling in his pocket.

He was going to do whatever it takes to protect Natsu from the monster within him.

Whatever it takes.