Self Control- A Sprina Fanfic Chapter 1: Episode 1- I Miss You, a general hospital fanfic

Self Control

A #Sprina fanfic based on the General Hospital super couple Trina Robinson and Spencer Cassadine, that absolutely nobody asked for!

This is a reimagining of the night Spencer came home from the "country club." Instead of the pregnancy plotline which went nowhere, what if Spencer went to visit Trina in the gallery before his welcome home dinner?

Disclaimer- I do not own the characters or likeness of any General Hospital characters, some of the dialogue from the Wyndemere welcome home Spencer scene has been taken from the show and remixed.

I came to visit, cause you see me like a UFO,

That's like never,

Cause I made you use your self-control,

And you made me lose my self-control, my self-control… Frank Ocean, Self Control.

Episode 1- I Miss You

The words don't ever seem to come out right,

But I still mean 'em,

Why is that?

It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel,

But I still need to,

Why is that?

I miss you, like everyday,

Wanna be with you, but you're away- I Miss You, Beyoncé

Spencer's POV

His 30-day sentence at Spring Ridge was up.

Spencer Cassadine was finally on his way home, but, lounging next to his father in the back seat of the car Nikolas had hired to bring Spencer back to Wyndemere, he felt more stressed than he had been at any time during his stint in jail. His whole body was wired, thrumming with nervous energy, and it wasn't from the revolting coffee he'd had for breakfast. He definitely wasn't going to miss the Spring Ridge food.

From the corner of his eye, he watched as his father ended a quick, murmured phone call before sliding his phone into his shirt pocket and glancing over at him. Quickly, Spencer schooled his features into what he hoped was a neutral expression, but his father's forehead was still creased with concern. Spencer guessed that Nikolas incorrectly assumed that Spencer's anxious finger tapping on his leg was due to nerves since he was about to see Esme for the first time after their breakup, as she was still at Wyndemere. Thanks to Esme, Nikolas probably knew all the sordid, probably highly dramatized details of their fight, and Spencer didn't bother to correct him. He knew that his father would be staunchly on Esme's side, and he didn't feel like arguing exactly why he had the gut feeling that she was the one who had taken and leaked Cam and Joss's sex tape.

If Spencer was being honest with himself, and that was surprisingly difficult considering how scattered his feelings were, he would admit that he actually hadn't given Esme a second thought from the moment she left, her parting words hanging in the space between them, the emotional rift that separated them as large as the Sahara Desert.

No, his mind was firmly on someone else, had been for days, and he sighed to himself as he stared unseeingly out of the window while the car peeled smoothly away from the curb. When he closed his eyes all he saw was Trina Robinson's face, and he had replayed their last encounter so many times that he had practically memorized the way her full lips had tightened resolutely as she looked him up and down. The reproach in her eyes burned through his defenses, laying him bare for her to see all his flaws, and her final words to him dripped with pity, which was even worse than her being cold and distant-, "I hope you live up to your potential."

Up until that moment, he had been arrogantly sure they would be able to work things out like always. They always argued, then he would pour on the charm and have her rolling her eyes and trying not to smile at whatever random thing he was saying that popped into his head. It was their thing, and Spencer enjoyed their verbal sparring, maybe a little too much. There was something unbelievably fascinating about how her eyes flashed when she came from left field to one-up him, tossing her head a little so that her curls brushed over the gleaming skin of her shoulders, a smug smile twitching at the corners of her lips…

Their little tiff at Spring Ridge was supposed to have ended in the same way, blowing out like a candle flame, because they were two people who couldn't stay mad at each other for long, they were too drawn to each other to even think of not talking for an extended period. But not this time.

If only Esme hadn't been there...

As soon as she finished speaking, Trina had turned smartly on her heel and exited the room without a single glance back, leaving him with all the breath knocked out of him. Spencer hadn't even been able to admire the subtly sexy way her hips switched under her skirt as she departed, which he tried to do every time she walked away from him. She left him gripping the book he had gifted her like a life raft, the only thing left that connected him to her, because it wasn't a bluff, she was really walking out of his life. Thinking about her and the way they had left things hurt more than he expected, a constant ache of regret settling in the pit of his stomach and refusing to let up. He couldn't bring himself to believe that it had already been three days.

Three days since their world rattling argument at Spring Ridge. Three days since she had shoved the art book, the one he had scoured countless bookstores to find, into his hands and stormed out of his life, taking all the hope and happy thoughts he had left. Three days, and he hadn't heard a word from her, even after losing his Cassadine cool and double texting, calling, and even sending her a dm or five on her Instagram page. So much for him not using social media- when it came to trying to make amends with Trina, nothing was off limits. And it all seemed to be in vain, because as Spencer settled back in the cool leather seats of the luxury car, he tapped his phone screen morosely. It was mostly out of habit, he had given up hoping there would be a notification onscreen from the only person he wanted to hear from.

Three days ago, Trina Robinson had walked out of Spencer Cassadine's life, and the bottom had dropped out of his chaotic world. But now that he was finished with his Spring Ridge sentence, he was back in the real world, and it was past time for him to get his girl. He didn't even allow himself to consider what he was going to do if he couldn't get her back into his life. Living without Trina was an outcome that he wouldn't be able to handle, therefore he refused to think about it. He hadn't even known her for a full year, yet it seemed he had always known her, like she was the soul he had been unconsciously seeking his whole life.

"You're being uncharacteristically quiet," his father remarked, breaking the silence as the car purred down the winding road leading into Port Charles. "I thought that you'd be happier that your sentence is over. One less thing to worry about."

Spencer shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "I am happy," he lied, knowing that if he told his father that his stomach was tied in knots of regret and frustration, he might get hit with a lecture about how he should be grateful. God knows he had heard every variation of the grateful, privilege, lucky speech over the past few weeks. "It just feels weird, being out and able to do what I want without any rules."

"In moderation, of course," Nikolas said, his tone slightly chastising. "After all, thinking that you can do what you want with impunity is what got you into this mess in the first place."

Spencer's jaw clenched at his father's words. Did he think he didn't know that? Wasn't that one of the many things Trina had accused him and Esme of doing, slinking around, leaving presents for kids? "Of course," he muttered, swallowing past a lump in his throat as he lost himself in how Trina had sounded in that moment, the intensity in her beautiful brown eyes, and the inflamed passion in her voice that always got him more than a little turned on. After a month without sex, just envisioning Trina's face in his mind was enough to make his pants feel tight.

"And you will be starting your restitution to Ava sometime next week, so you'll probably be too busy to get up to anything- inappropriate," Nikolas continued, completely unaware that Spencer was daydreaming about Trina.

Not entirely a PG-13 daydream either. Talk about inappropriate. He wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his sweatpants, eyes closing as he remembered how her body had looked in her turquoise bikini during the summer. Slim yet curvy, touchable smooth brown skin glowing with health, and dark eyes sparkling with humor as she gave back as good as she got. In the beginning, when things were easier between them. He would flirt shamelessly; she would shoot him a feisty retort and it would take all of his self-control to hold himself back from pushing her up against or on top of any available surface and kissing her senseless. And, the one time his self-control had wavered, up on the parapet at Wyndemere, and he was about to throw caution to the wind and kiss Trina's soft looking lips, leaning in as she looked up at him with a flash of heat and desire in her eyes that told him she wanted to taste him as badly as he did her, Esme had popped up like a Jack in the box from hell. And all of his plans had gone to pieces.

With a sharp inhale, trying to steady himself and clear his brain, Spencer tuned back into whatever his father was saying. He didn't want to think about how he had been close to the explosive kiss with Trina that he had been imagining since seeing her in Ava's gallery for the first time, right before she tossed a remote at his head, or Esme, or their stalking plan. He would be seeing Esme soon enough, and he wasn't looking forward to rekindling their argument from Spring Ridge.

Belatedly, Spencer realized that Nikolas had finished speaking and was waiting with his head cocked to the side for Spencer to reply.

"Sorry, father, I was wool gathering."

Shifting in his seat, Nikolas repeated, "What are you most excited about doing first?"

"Taking a shower and changing into my regular clothes," Spencer said immediately, pulling at the hoodie he had pulled on in the morning. He wasn't opposed to casual clothing, but after wearing sweats for a month straight, he just wanted to put on one of his khaki pants/blue shirt ensembles. Trina had liked his outfit from the failure of a party he had thrown, maybe he could wear that to the gallery on the first day of his restitution. Any chance he got to impress her; he was taking it. "Also, getting a haircut."

He ran a hand through his dark hair, which was decidedly shaggier. Just a trim, some styling gel, and it would be back the way he liked it. Once he was looking and feeling more like his normal self, and once Esme was out of Wyndemere, his sole plan was to reintegrate himself into Trina's life. It didn't matter how he did it, if he had to book the Metropolitan Museum of Art afterhours so that just the two of them could wander around, pointing out their favorite pieces…

Actually, that was a pretty unique idea. He nodded to himself, his mind racing with the logistics as he gave himself a mental pat on the back for coming up with such a clever plan. All he had to do was get her to accompany him to NYC somehow, and everything else would fall into place. Thoughts about him and Trina walking around the deserted museum, hand in hand, discussing art, buoyed his mood as he took the launch to Spoon Island with Nikolas, who was also deep in thought. The trip over the water was a smooth, silent one. Unfortunately, when the front door of Wyndemere opened and Spencer caught sight of who was standing beyond it, his happy thoughts flew out of his head completely.

Author's Note- So, I was watching some YouTube clips of Spencer and OldTrina's first and last visit (😭😭😭) at Spring Ridge and a thought popped into my head- what if Spencer went to visit Trina in the gallery after he left Spring Ridge? And here we are, with my first fanfic! I'm just creating a wild ass 'what if' scenario in my head because Sprina got me in a chokehold and won't let me go until I write something! I don't really know much about GH, I only watch it for Sprina, sometimes I just watch YouTube clips instead of the actual show, or read the recap live tweets on Twitter (shout out to the recap people who keep me in the loop!) and I use context clues A LOT so please go easy on me! This is heavy on Spencer's POV. Also, do you know how fucking hard it was for me to write this without substituting ebola, escargot, escandale, etc. for Esme? 😂😂😂 I had to go back after I finished just to make sure I didn't slip. I hope you enjoy!