(So, you're sad) about the moment, you lost your love (Damn)
You couldn't see her leaving (You were gassed)
And that's sucks don't it, cause God yanked the rug (Damn)
And holding your heart, will not help you breathe
Sooner or later, it all comes crashing down (Crashing down) – N.E.R.D., Sooner or Later
Spencer's POV
His grandmother was the one who swung open the door, wrapping her arms around him in an exuberant hug. But even as Spencer hugged Laura back, the soothingly familiar scent of her perfume easing the tense knot in his stomach as he squeezed her tight, his eyes were glued on Esme.
She stood further into the living room, and as their eyes met, she tilted her head to the side so that her dark hair cascaded past her shoulder, one hand clutching her suitcase handle. When they were in France, at school, he used to love running his hands through her silky locks while they cut class to go fool around in the many acres of fields on the school grounds. Judging by the self-satisfied smirk twisting up her lips, Esme knew that all she had to do was toss her head, sending her sheaf of dark hair flying, and he would be all over her.
Not anymore.
Now, the thought of doing anything intimate with her made Spencer feel corrupted in some way, despite spending a month without sex. At Spring Ridge, Esme's repeated requests for conjugal visits had been denied, and even though he tried to put on an upset front whenever Esme vented about it, Spencer's heart always fluttered a little with relief every time the prison officials told Esme no. Esme used sex as a bargaining chip, anyway, a tool she kept in her arsenal and wielded whenever she needed to get what she wanted out of him. Obviously, she wasn't blameless in this, because he had also used sex as a way to make her change her mind and see things his way. Once in a while. Was celibacy the reason his head was so clear? Spencer thought so. He knew exactly what path he was going to take now that he was out of prison, and he was going to start by living up to the potential Trina said she saw in him. He smiled internally, a spark of pride warming him inside like a sip of whiskey. It had been a long time since he'd had a clear idea about how he intended to act, instead of impulsively and spontaneously doing things that ended up harming others. It was time to let go of what was holding back from being a better person, and that was Esme. He wasn't hers anymore. Whatever preternatural hold she'd had on him… it had slowly disappeared the longer he stayed in Port Charles.
The longer he had gotten to know Trina.
Esme's smile faded into uncertainty as Spencer continued to look at her coolly over Laura's head, and it was almost as though she could tell what he was thinking. He knew it was impossible, Esme was no mind reader even though she'd quickly picked up on the glaring fact that his feelings for Trina were never as platonic as he claimed. While he had been lying to himself about the way his heart stuttered erratically against his ribcage every time Trina glanced his way, Esme was making mental notes about how he couldn't stop smiling or making jokes whenever Trina was around, and storing them away for further use. One thing about her, she was as observant as a hawk. He wondered if she knew that he was on to her, that he knew she was behind the sex tape leak. All he needed was a way to prove it, but in the meantime, Esme was the enemy, for outing and humiliating his friends, and for trying to pin everything on Trina.
His jaw tightened, reflecting on the hurt and shocked look that had flitted across Trina's face when Esme had stormed into the rec room at Spring Ridge, asking her how she dared show her face after what she did to Spencer's friends. Spencer was going to make her pay, because the stalking, burning Ava's car, and all the other stunts he had pulled with Esme didn't come close to this. But blaming an incident of revenge porn on a sweet, innocent girl who's only crime was being so smart and badass that she had captured his full attention without meaning to- Spencer didn't intend to let Esme get away with it.
"Welcome back home, Spencer!" With one final squeeze, Laura stepped back, still holding on to his upper arms as she surveyed him, beaming cheerfully. "Let me look at you. A month at Spring Ridge hasn't hurt you at all."
As Nikolas closed the door behind him, Spencer stepped further into the room. "All except make me a convicted felon." A cynical smile snuck onto his face, and he was powerless to stop it. His grandmother meant well, but she wasn't the one who had been stuck in the facility for a brain numbing thirty days, taking the fall for Esme's car burning antics and reduced to playing chess with a serial killer who communicated by blinking. Caustically, he added, "l guess I'll be serving sandwiches and drinks at Kelly's for the rest of my life."
Stepping forward, Nikolas cut in placatingly. "Worry about your future later. Let's take a moment to celebrate your homecoming." He grasped Spencer on the shoulder, but Spencer barely even felt the pressure of Nikolas's hand. All of his focus was on Esme. "I've made reservations for a nice family dinner at the Metro Court, for 7 tonight, so you have plenty of time to get ready." Nikolas turned to Laura. "Mother, I hope you and Kevin can make it."
"I don't know about Kevin, but I will definitely be there," Laura proclaimed, a sunny smile brightening her face. She glanced at Spencer, and her cheerful expression faltered. "Spencer, is everything okay?"
Esme's face settled into a pensive sulk, a look that Spencer knew very well. She was plotting her best course of action, whether she should be simpering and sweet, the perfect girlfriend welcoming her boyfriend home, or go on the offensive and start whining about how unappreciated she felt, and how unfair Spencer was being to her. Her hand clenched and unclenched around her suitcase handle, a telltale sign of agitation. Spencer groaned silently. Her constant manipulations and cunning deviousness exhausted him on a normal day. Today, he could feel the negativity flowing off her in waves, and he didn't want to engage.
Clearing her throat, Esme said, "He's just wondering why I'm still here." Her voice wobbled, a thread of hurt laced through it, and Spencer raised an eyebrow in anticipation of her act. Here we go. "Don't worry, I was just leaving."
Unappreciated Esme versus unfair Spencer it was, then. Spencer crossed his arms over his chest, watching and waiting for the Esme act to convince his father, at the very least.
Sure enough, Nikolas spread his hands palm up and asked Esme, "What do you mean?" with genuine concern in his voice.
"Unfortunately, I won't be joining you all for dinner." She gestured towards Spencer, who resisted the suddenly overwhelming urge to roll his eyes at her little 'woe is me' act. If this was all she had learned in theater class, she needed to ask for a refund. "Spence has made it clear he no longer considers me a part of his life." Back straight, ponytail swinging, she took a few steps forward, pulling her suitcase behind her. "I'm leaving."
Biting his lip to stop the laugh that threatened to escape his throat, Spencer decided not to say anything about the fact that Esme had conveniently packed only one suitcase, despite the fact that their shared wardrobe was filled with her clothes and shoe boxes. She knew that Nikolas wasn't going to allow her to go anywhere. Even if he did, where was she going to go? She had no money, not from her trust fund, at least.
Her eyes wide and worried as she looked between them rapidly, Laura asked, "Would you two like a little time to talk this through?" She touched Spencer's arm. "I mean, you don't have to rush on our account."
"l apologize for springing dinner plans on you without checking first," Nikolas told Spencer sincerely, and Spencer nodded. It wasn't the dinner that was bothering him. "But, Esme, I'm sure Spencer wouldn't mind if you joined us. We all shared Spencer's ordeal at Spring Ridge." Esme's eyes were bright with crocodile tears as an oblivious Nikolas moved towards her, speaking in low tones like Esme was a kitten who was easily startled. "You, especially. After all, you visited him practically every day when he was there and I'm sure Spencer appreciates it."
Spencer scoffed loudly. He couldn't help it. All eyes in the room turned to him, and he said, "She only visited me every day because she's interning there."
And because she's obsessed with Ryan Chamberlain, he thought, but didn't say.
"That's not true, you know that's not true, Spencer." Her voice weepy and slightly unsteady, Esme blinked back tears. "None of your other friends visited."
Shrugging, Spencer replied, "Joss and Cam are dealing with the fallout from the tape, but Cam showed up, and Trina came to see me."
As soon as he mentioned Trina's name, his voice softening, Esme's eyes narrowed into a glare.
"Once," she said, almost spitting out the word with venomous rage. "To return the book you gave her, and accuse me of making and releasing the tape. Funny how your loyalty is to the people who hurt your girlfriend the most." She paused for dramatic effect, and brushed a tear from her eye. "Sorry, I mean ex girlfriend."
Nikolas's eyebrows shot up past his hairline as he listened, completely taken in by Esme's antics. "Ex? You two have really broken up?"
"We're not on steady grounds." Pressing her lips together in a show of strength, which made Spencer grin at how fabricated her every move was, Esme continued bravely. "Spencer has made it clear that he doesn't trust me. His beloved Trina has poisoned him against me."
Laura frowned, shaking her head in negation. "Trina wouldn't do that, she's not that type of person."
"You should have seen her when she visited Spencer at Spring Ridge." Esme let out a harsh laugh that was devoid of humor. "She was so furious and aggressive towards me."
Spencer put out a hand to stop her talking immediately. "Here you go with the exaggerations, Esme. And I was the theater kid." He stepped closer to her, close enough to look into her eyes and see the insecurity and anger swirling in their dark depths. For a second, she stared defiantly at him, but then her gaze dropped as he calmly said, "Admit it, you're intimidated by Trina, and you view everything she does as a threat towards you."
"That's not true!" Esme's voice cracked, but this time it was for real, and a wintry smile touched the corners of Spencer's lips. Why should she have all the fun?
Stepping in between them to defuse the tension, Nikolas placed a hand on Spencer's chest and gently pushed him back a little. "Guys, please."
"I hate to see you two arguing," Laura said, wringing her hands together. A wave of remorse swept through Spencer. Taunting his ex wasn't exactly being the bigger and better person he was trying to be, and he didn't want his grandmother seeing this. "This is supposed to be a happy day, and God knows we don't get many of those around here. Can't we just shelve this discussion until later, and have a nice, friendly dinner to celebrate Spencer's return home?"
Esme chewed on her lip, before hesitantly saying, "I would love to, but only if Spence..."
Her voice trailed off and she shot Spencer an utterly fake imploring look.
"Please, Esme, come along," Laura said warmly, as Spencer glanced at her, confusion working through him. Since when had his grandmother even tolerated Esme? Before he could reflect further on the subject, Laura was talking to him, reaching up to touch his cheek. "Spencer? What do you say?"
Puffing out a disgruntled breath, Spencer gave a slight shrug. "Sure. Whatever. I need to get ready, and obviously that hinges on Esme coming with us for dinner."
Esme's face worked, and Spencer was the only person who caught the flash of anger that slipped through her tearful façade.
"Excellent," Nikolas said, clapping his hands together once as he decided that the matter was settled. "The whole family will be there. Ava, Victor…"
Laura glanced up in shock, her hand flying up to her throat. "Victor?!"
"ls that a problem?" Nikolas asked, an air of confusion surrounding him. Spencer wasn't as confused, he could read his grandmother quite well and always noted how tense she was in Uncle Victor's presence, almost squirrely.
Trying on her game face, Laura said, "Well, l think you both know that Victor is not my favorite person."
"Mother, l hope you'll still join us," Nikolas entreated, his eyes pleading with her silently as well. "It wouldn't be a family celebration without you."
On tenterhooks, Spencer waited for his grandmother's response. If she refused, that meant he would be in the company of both Esme and Ava tonight, with only Victor as a buffer. That was his idea of hell.
A tremulous smile on her face that didn't quite reach her eyes, Laura patted Nikolas on the shoulder, and Spencer's whole body relaxed. "Since we're celebrating my grandson, of course I'll be there."
"Perfect." Nikolas smiled before turning to deal with the elephant in the room. Spencer watched narrowly. He had an idea of what was about to happen, and he wasn't disappointed, or surprised. Nikolas was team Esme, after all. "Esme, you should unpack. I don't know what time the dinner will be over, and- do you even have anywhere to go tonight?"
Shaking her head with indecision written all across her features, Esme said, "I was thinking about maybe renting a room…" Her eyes strayed to Spencer's, and he returned her look impassively. Her face fell, and she told Nikolas, "I'm not sure, I just know that Spence has made it clear that he wants me gone from Wyndemere."
"Well, luckily, I have a say in who stays here, and I'd like you to stay at Wyndemere as our guest," Nikolas told Esme in a tone that brooked no argument.
"But-," Esme started, and Spencer grumbled so loudly that Laura shot him a warning look.
Ignored Spencer's outburst, Nikolas focused his attention on Esme and said, "No arguments. You're staying here, and that's an order."
Spencer fleetingly wondered what Ava would have to say about that. A lot of cussing and some ultimatums, he assumed.
Esme clasped her hands together and gave Nikolas her biggest, prettiest doe eyes. "Thank you, Mr. Cassadine," she said fervently.
Nikolas smiled back at her, and at that, Spencer was over it. How his father couldn't see that he was being taken for a ride by Esme was beyond him, but unfortunately, he knew that if he tried to tell Nikolas about how Esme was a manipulator, Nikolas wouldn't even listen to him.
"I'll be back once I'm showered and dressed, father, grandmother," he said, and Esme's gaze flicked towards him, sizing him up. He stared blandly back at her before picking up his duffle bag and walking out of the living room. He could feel Esme's eyes burning into the back of his head as he entered the hallway. Light footsteps followed him, and he turned, bracing himself for a battle of wits with Esme, but to his surprise, it was Laura.
"So, Trina gave you the gift back?" she asked, her face filled with compassion.
Nodding, Spencer stared at the toes of his sneakers. The pity in Laura's eyes was too much, it made him want to spill his innermost thoughts and feelings about Trina to her because she would understand. But he couldn't tell anyone. Not yet. "Yes. She made it clear that we're no longer friends."
Saying it aloud for the first time was painful, the reality of that moment replaying itself in Spencer's mind again in an endless loop.
"Really?" Spencer looked up just in time to see Laura's forehead wrinkle into a frown as she continued, "She seemed so excited and grateful when I gave her your gift. I did give it to her on Valentine's Day, but I know she didn't think about it as a romantic gift after I explained that I was meant to give it to her earlier."
Pushing a hand into his hair, Spencer cryptically muttered, "That was probably the best day to give it to her." After all, it didn't make a difference anymore, did it? Trina had given the book back and exited his life without looking back, and thinking about it made him want to throw something. He sucked in a breath, trying to control his helplessness over the situation. He was going to get her back. He had to. "But now- things are pretty much ruined."
"Spencer… What happened? Between you and Trina?"
Spencer's hands closed into fists and he tried to regulate his breathing as he replied, "She wanted me to dump Esme."
"Well, since it appears that you have..." Laura shrugged lightly, her voice trailing off.
"We're just- it's complicated. Well, maybe not complicated, it just hasn't sunk in yet for both of us." Spencer took a step back until he was leaning against the wall, resting the back of his head against the wood paneling. His voice was distant as he found himself making the same old excuses for his toxic relationship with Esme. Old habits died hard. "We've been together for a while, and I'm really all she has, since she has no family, but- our differences have become too obvious, and we've been drifting apart for a while."
Laura fixed him with one of her shrewd, warm looks, reaching to take his hand in hers. "Ever since you showed up in Port Charles without her, I'm assuming."
"Something like that." He hated the defensive note that wound its way into his voice, but he couldn't help it. "I know I'm the reason she came to Port Charles, and we've done some terrible things that hurt people, but- this is going to be rough, living with her here." With Nikolas giving Esme and open invitation to roam Wyndemere, Spencer was preparing himself for arguments, passive-aggressiveness, and just plain discomfort. "I thought I could have a quiet night on my first night of freedom, think things over, but I guess this is my penance for the bad things I've done. I should probably move my belongings out of the room we shared."
Wyndemere had plenty of empty bedrooms, Spencer would find another. He had no intention of being in close proximity with Esme for longer than necessary, especially on a day like this, when his nerves were ragged, and his feeling all jumbled up and raw.
"Well, honey, if you want a quiet night to get your thoughts in order and figure out your next steps, I can get you a room at the Metro Court for a few nights. Just so you can spend some quality time alone and get your head on straight."
Spencer's mouth dropped open, surprise leaping through him as Laura made her generous offer. He shook his head, almost in disbelief. "Grandmother, I can't possibly ask you to do that for me."
But, oh, he hoped. Alone time at Spring Ridge wasn't the same as real alone time, and he needed to be in a neutral environment and think hard about his next steps.
"You're not asking me. I'm offering." Laura's smile was proud, and she reached up to pat Spencer on the shoulder. "You've obviously been doing some introspection and you're ready to make a change. Maybe you can't do it here, with your ex hanging around. Pack a bag after you get ready, and after dinner, just go to the front desk and tell them who you are. They'll have your room waiting for you."
A smile, maybe the first genuine smile in days, crept onto Spencer's face, working muscles that hadn't been used in a while. It felt good. "Thank you, grandmother. I really appreciate it."
He enveloped her small frame in a hug, and was startled to find tears smarting at the back of his eyes. This was the first selfless gesture someone had made to him in so long.
"I'm glad to have you back, Spencer." Laura stepped back, a sad smile tugging on her lips. "And I'm sorry you've lost such a good friend. Trina obviously cares for you very much, as evidenced by our talk when I gave her the book. But maybe some space will do you both some good."
"I don't know how we're going to have any space if I'm making restitution at the gallery where she works. But that's not such a bad thing." In fact, he was looking forward to it more than he was letting on. Trina wasn't going to be able to ignore him in person. Before long, they would be exchanging their familiar, flirty banter again, but this time would be different, because he was single, and he was determined to make up for lost time with Trina. He wanted to build something real with her, and although he knew it would take time for her to trust him again, it was all in sight. Time was the one thing he had. "Working with Trina will give me a way to make it up to her anyway I can."
Puzzled, Laura looked at Spencer for a moment before a look of understanding dawned on her face. She slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand. "Oh, of course, you wouldn't have heard the news!"
"Heard what news?" Spencer asked. A tingle of unease worked its way up his spine.
Apologetically, Laura said, "Ava tells me that Trina leaves for her spring and summer exchange program at the end of the week."
Her words threw Spencer into a turmoil. His heart froze into a cold icicle, and goosebumps rose on his skin. He stared at his grandmother, sure that he had misheard.
"What?"
His voice was low, choked out of his suddenly tight throat, and barely audible to his own ears.
Hesitantly, Laura frowned at his immediate reaction. "I thought that's what she went to Spring Ridge to tell you."
"No, she- the end of the week?" Spencer's lips trembled, and a rush of blood to his head made his cheeks feel flushed, but the rest of his body was cold with shock. This was all wrong! "Where's she going?"
"Paris if I'm not mistaken. Apparently, it was a last-minute decision, and she was lucky enough to get the last spot in the art history program."
Paris... The word echoed in Spencer's head as he stared bleakly at Laura. He thought he would have time to win Trina over again, but she was slipping from his grasp again. I could have taken her to Paris. We could have gone together...
The sound of rolling wheels on carpet roused him from his shock, and Esme's perky voice asked, "Who was lucky enough to get into a program?"
Author's Note- Thank you for all the love for the first chapter! Please enjoy this one – sorry it's so long!- and let me know what you think 💚💚 comments and kudos are always welcome! More soon 💚💚