Episode 5- Rehab

Cause anytime that you needed me I'd be there,
It's like you were my favorite drug,
The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way than I was using you
But now that I know it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta wean myself off of you

And I never gave myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the way you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame - Rihanna, Rehab

Trina's POV

Looking back on that fateful evening, Trina supposed she should have known that her day, which started out perfectly, would take such a drastic left later on. Whenever Spencer Cassadine was involved, things always seemed to go sideways.

And the crazy thing was, Spencer shouldn't have even been in the picture! Trina had her day planned out to the last detail. Attending her final two classes at PCU, going to work for a few hours to wrap up some last-minute things at the gallery, and then her much anticipated art show slash dinner with David Montez.

Trina wasn't sure who was more excited for the last part of her day, her mother or Ava. Both had squealed with delight and excitement when Trina had mentioned that her classmate, who was also going on the Paris exchange trip, had asked her to go to an art exhibition event which doubled as a fancy three course dinner.

"We need to go dress shopping as soon as I'm off work today, honey," Portia had cooed, smoothing Trina's hair away from her brow. "None of the dresses you have are fit for a fancy date- it's probably a black-tie event, right?"

Giggling, even though Portia's excitement was bordering on extreme, Trina protested, "It's not a date, mom!"

But Portia was hearing none of it. And when Ava came to join them for lunch, Portia spilled the beans, and Trina felt like it was prom night preparations all over again. Portia found a grown and sexy dress for her, a red, glittering one that hit Trina right above the knee and hugged all her curves. Ava showed up at the gallery with a pair of silver heels which fit Trina perfectly. Both women agreed that Trina needed to make room in her schedule for a hair/makeup/nail's session, and after her last class, Trina was at the spa being pampered. She had to stop by the gallery for a few hours after that to sort through some paperwork, and she went at it with single minded intensity as Ava chirped gaily about the fun Trina would have in Paris.

"I can't believe that you're leaving for France in just three days," she kept repeating whenever she passed Trina's desk. Trina knew just how Ava felt- she couldn't believe she had decided to take the leap herself. But after the debacle at the cabin, the release of the sex tape, and the subsequent coldness between her and Joss, Trina came to realize that her place in Port Charles, in the lives of the people she called her friends- was on shaky foundations, and staying there, being in the eye of the storm that she could feel was about to erupt, wasn't going to work for her. She needed a break from the constant events that kept happening to her and around her, and the Paris trip was the perfect chance for her to see different sights, settle into a new groove. The perfect chance to rid herself of her Spencer and Esme problem.

As soon as the thought of Spencer trailed into her mind, Trina clicked her pen against her notebook almost angrily, puffing out a frustrated breath. She had walked out of his life in a very dramatic fashion, but it appeared she couldn't stop memories of him from intruding into her thoughts at the worst times.

Like when David had asked her if she wanted to be his plus one for the art exhibition dinner that he had scored a ticket to. While he was telling her that the artist was one of his favorites, Trina's mind was back in the park with Spencer, when she'd thought he was Victor, excitedly chattering to him about her favorite impressionist artist as he gazed up at her with a doting look on his face … And even tonight, when she was changing into her dress after Ava left for dinner, smoothing it down over her flat stomach and smiling at her reflection in the gallery restroom mirror, her first thought was about how the last time she had gotten dressed up to hang out with a guy, he'd ended up having a girlfriend.

"Enough," she told herself sternly, glancing at the clock on the wall as she stood up. It was almost 7pm, and she was getting antsy waiting. David was picking her up from the gallery at around 7:30pm, something he had insisted upon because he wanted to check out the new collection Ava had just received. Trina had also bragged that Jerome's Gallery was one of the best art galleries in the state, and David had laughingly agreed to see if she was right. She liked David, he was funny, kind, and he respected her. Their budding friendship felt good to her, even though she wasn't about to jinx tonight by calling it a date. One day at a time.

After getting off the phone with Ava, Trina noticed that one of the paintings on the far wall was crooked. Stuffing her phone into the tiny cross body clutch that hung by her side, she crossed the room to fix it, and froze as she heard an indrawn gasp behind her. Her hand dropped immediately to her bag, fumbling with the clasp as she reached for her pepper spray, heart rate spiking up as adrenaline tore through her. Just as she was raising her hand, getting ready to pivot on her heels and spray the intruder right in the face, she saw a familiar face reflected in the glass covering the painting.

Spencer.

Of course, seeing even just a reflection of him didn't have any calming effect on her racing heart, and Trina had to take a second before she spoke to him. The mood he was in made it no easier to engage. If he had been his normal, teasing self, Trina would have known how to handle it. But this Spencer, flirtatious with more than a hint of earnestness, he infuriated her and excited her at the same time, a juxtaposition of emotions that she never could understand. Only Spencer brought that out in her. Only he could joke around with her about cookies one moment, then ask, with pain in his voice, and in his gentle brown eyes, "Why didn't you tell me you were going to Paris when you visited me?" the next.

She stared at him as his wounded words echoed in her ears. The hurt look on his face- it was enough to make the hard, icy exterior she'd built up to withstand being around Spencer's charm thaw a little. He could lie about many things, but whenever they were alone together, he wore every emotion on his face for her to see, and for whatever reason, her going to Paris- it was crushing him.

"Who told you-," she breathed, before rolling her eyes with a sigh as the obvious culprit came to mind. "Let me guess, Esme heard? I bet she didn't miss the chance to gloat about me leaving, huh? Since she thinks I'm not only the third wheel in Joss and Cam's relationship, but she also thinks I have an inappropriate relationship with you."

The words spilled out of her unchecked, and she wanted to snatch them back as soon as they were out. Perching herself on the corner of her desk, Trina twiddled her pen between her fingers to avoid looking at Spencer. She didn't want to see his reaction to her outburst. Lately, it seemed all she was doing was blurting out her innermost feelings around people. She'd done it at the cabin, at Spring Ridge, and now here.

The lowered tone of his voice made Trina glance up, as Spencer ruefully murmured, "Actually, my grandmother is the one who told me. And Ava as well." He gazed at her, eyes trailing over her face in that distracted way he had. His lips twitched in a soft, lopsided smile that made Trina wonder once again if he knew how those looks made her feel, warming up her skin and making her nerves sizzle. "You knew when you came to Spring Ridge, didn't you?"

"Yes, Spencer." She turned away, unable to look into his unhappy eyes for a second longer. Why was it always so difficult with him? The hold that he had on her feelings- it was so unfair. "I've known since last week."

Spencer blew his dark hair out of his eyes as Trina's gaze sidled back towards him, unable to help herself. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked her plaintively.

"Because it doesn't matter." Spencer's throat worked as she continued speaking, her voice ringing with honesty. "It doesn't make a difference. I need to leave Port Charles for a few months, and this is the perfect opportunity."

Taking a cautious step towards her, Spencer asked, "But what about Joss? And Cam? They're going through this sex tape thing, they need you."

"No, they don't," Trina said mournfully, shaking her head.

Licking his lips, Spencer took another step closer, drawing Trina into his powerful gravitational pull. She tried not to hungrily watch the way the tip of his tongue traced his lips, mentally fanning herself as he said, "Trina…"

"It's been weird between us ever since the tape dropped." She shrugged, trying not to think about how strained things were between her and Joss. For the last week, she'd been sleeping at her mom's place, in her old room, because she couldn't stand the tension at the dorms. "Maybe getting some space between us is a good thing."

Spencer's brow creased into a concerned frown as he asked, "Weird how? Joss is your best friend; you tell each other everything."

"Not everything. There's some things I had to keep from her, as you know." She shot him a pointed look and he had the grace to flush. Trina fought against the sudden flare of endearment that rose up in her. He could be so human, so sweet, and wasn't that the reason she was always drawn to him, even though she knew that nothing could ever come of it? "And things have been off between us since the cabin. After I admitted that her and Cam getting together…" Her voice trailed off and Spencer's shoulders tensed as he looked at her. She pressed her lips together before adding, "You know what I said, I don't need to repeat it."

There was no need for them to revisit that embarrassing, awkward night.

"But you were drunk. You didn't mean to say that."

Trina looked down at her hands, her pink nails gleaming in the soft light. "Drunk words are sober thoughts, or so they say."

"So, you still have feelings for Cam?" Spencer asked hotly and Trina glanced up in surprise at the sudden jealousy in his voice.

"No! I love him as a friend! I'm just-." She paused, a heavy sigh escaping her before she said, "Everyone says I'm always the third wheel in their relationship, and they're right! Maybe that's why it took them so long to sleep together- I was always around, and I didn't realize how much I was infringing on their privacy."

Spencer's head started shaking in denial before Trina could finish her sentence and she halted, embarrassed. Another speech, she was on a roll. "No. Trina- the only person who has said that is Esme, and it's just her being malicious and trying to get into your head. Joss and Cam don't think of you like that."

He sounded reassuring, a sweet smile on his face as he spoke in a rush, hands waving as he tried to convince her that she wasn't the annoying tagger on, and Trina's heart filled with appreciation. It was reasons like this, when he was being considerate and thoughtful with her, that showed her the man he could one day be. Even though in this case, he was wrong, his defence of her touched her soul in a way that only Spencer could.

"But I think of me like that. I'm always on the outside looking in, so I think it's time to go somewhere I fit in with other people and don't have to worry about being sidelined. Joss and Cam will be fine without me. They have each other."

There. She had said it, the real reason she had decided to leave Port Charles. Trina was sick of being pushed aside and being used to further other people's narratives. Going to Paris was her way of putting herself first in a world where she was always viewed as the last choice.

There was no reason for Spencer's voice to sound so unbearably expectant or make her heart skip a beat as he asked, "And us?"

"Us?" Trina stared at him, her brows raised in uncertainty. "There is no 'us', Spencer. There never was, and after that visitation with you at Spring Ridge, you know exactly where I stand." Her hands shook slightly, but she still squared her shoulders, looking Spencer directly in his hopeful eyes. It was time for her to put a stop to this senseless conversation, or they would spend their time just talking in around the main issue as all of their conversations had been of late. "Don't you have a celebratory dinner to go to? It's why Ava left early. Or are you going to make everyone wait for you because you had the urge to come over here and talk in circles with me?"

A mixture of defiance and sheepishness warred for dominance on Spencer's face and Trina bit back a reluctant smile. There was no reason for him to be this cute. "I couldn't sit through the dinner without seeing you first."

Trina stilled at Spencer's hushed confession, her mouth suddenly dry. He tugged nervously on the cuffs of his dark maroon button up shirt, his cheeks flushed with pink but his face was determined. Yet Trina felt her guard rise, and she steeled herself against Spencer's charisma. She wasn't going to let herself fall for the same old lines again.

"Well, now you have. Great!" Trina threw her arms in the air in a casual 'there you go' gesture, and Spencer sulked, hands stuffed into his pants pockets as she coolly added, "You can leave."

Coming around the desk and approaching Trina, Spencer asked, "What can I do to fix this? I hate-." He stopped, and Trina's breath caught in her throat at the stricken look on his face as he yanked a hand through his hair. "You being mad at me is the last thing that I want."

"I'm not mad at you, don't flatter yourself. There's nothing to fix, so go and have dinner with Esme and your family." Trina meant to sound dismissive, but as she glanced up she was suddenly aware of how close Spencer was to her and her voice came out in a whisper. She could smell a hint of his cologne as he stood over her, and a shiver slid down her back as his warm hand brushed hers. Her fingers witched under his touch, and she said, "Have you ever heard of personal space?"

Spencer backed up a step, but his hand remained covering hers, fingers caressing her knuckles in a way that made a sudden longing burn through her. Their eyes met, ensnaring in a way that never failed to make Trina feel breathless, and Spencer's voice was unsteady as he asked, "Tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to leave, Spencer."

It was a lie. And judging by the way Spencer was studying her, a knowing twinkle lighting up his eyes, he knew it too. Goosebumps prickled on her skin as he slid his hand past her wrist, fingers lightly skating along her skin to cup her elbow tenderly.

His voice was little more than an urgent whisper as he breathed, "No, you don't. And you know it. If you really wanted me to leave, I would be gone right now. You've never been scared to let me know how you feel." His gaze was serious, so intense that she struggled to meet it. "So, I'll ask you again, Trina. Tell me what you want me to do to make this up to you."

"Be honest with me about your feelings for once." The words just seemed to fall out of her mouth, but as soon as she heard them, she knew that she was right in saying them. Spencer flinched, and his hold on her elbow tightened for a brief second, before relaxing. "Why are you here, for real? After what happened at Spring Ridge..."

Her voice trailed off, but Spencer was ready to fill in the silence. His smile was bashful, and Trina's heart ached. Did he have to look so handsome when he smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners and a flash of a dimple appearing in his cheek? It made her feel so weak for him, despite knowing that nothing could ever happen.

"I know what you said at the country club, but I'm still where we left off. And we always seem to get interrupted when we try to talk."

By Esme.

As soon as her name slipped into her mind, Trina felt her walls slam up like a shield. What was she doing, having this tete-a-tete with Spencer, especially after what his girlfriend had said about her? Where was her self-esteem, her self-worth? Why did she always let Spencer disarm her like this?

She looked up at him, trying her best to force a neutral expression on her face. "Speaking of interruptions, where's the wicked witch of Paris? Lurking behind a corner?"

Spencer sucked in a shallow breath. His hand dropped from her elbow and Trina stamped down the disappointment that tried to rise in her at the loss of contact. "That's beneath you, Trina."

"Considering what Esme's done to me and my friends, she's lucky that's the worst I'm calling her." Trina got to her feet, grazing past Spencer as she sidestepped him, so close his breath puffed against her ear. "Now, since you have nothing to say, I have a date and he's picking me up soon."

She turned just in time to see Spencer's face settle into dark glower. His voice was icy as he asked, "A date? With who?"

"None of your business." Trina let out an incredulous laugh at his audacity, and she warningly waved a finger in his direction. "You don't have the right to ask that."

Spencer ran a hand over his face and let out a long grumble before composing himself. "I apologize. Seeing you like this- you look amazing." He spread his arms, then let them drop to his sides. Helplessly, he added, "It's making me- you make me… I don't even know how to say what I want to say, Trina."

"That's nothing new," Trina muttered, but she couldn't help the giddiness that spread through her at Spencer's unforced compliment, making her feel almost lightheaded.

He started to pace up and down in front of her, hands behind his back and a moody gloom surrounding him. "I hope this guy deserves to be in your presence." Spencer stopped and eyed her somberly. "Is he worth it?"

"What does it matter to you?" Trina crossed her arms over her chest tilting her chin up at him. "I mean, here you are, in my presence. Are you worth it?"

Spencer mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Probably more than him." When Trina scoffed, Spencer asked, heatedly, "I mean, who is this guy, anyway? Where do you know him from?"

"He's in my art history class. In fact, we're paired up for our trip." Her old excitement about the evening came back and she smiled, clasping her hands together like a perky Disney princess. "There's this impressionist art show that we're going to of a really obscure artist, and he knows all about his styles- everything. He's very knowledgeable about art, even more than I am."

Scoffing derisively, Spencer said, "I doubt that. Probably just read up on your favorite artists when you talked about it, just to try and impress you."

"Jealousy isn't cute on you."

"So, you think I'm cute?" A trace of his arrogant grin touched his lips, and Trina narrowed her eyes into a glare that screamed 'seriously?' He raised his arms and patted the air placatingly. "Okay, fine. How can I be jealous of someone that I've never even met?"

Deciding to ignore the question which was said in such an envious manner that Trina got second-hand embarrassment, she said, "You know what? I'm glad I'm going out with David." Spencer frowned, his jaw tightening at Trina's words. "He's been nothing but nice to me, and I know he won't make me lie for him, and cover for him or any of the things that you made me do."

"But you still did that for me, so you can't put the blame completely on me," Spencer scowled.

Trina's temper flared at the nonchalant way Spencer said this, passing on the blame for his actions to her once more. Her nostrils flaring, she exclaimed, "What was I thinking, imagining you would ever take accountability for what you've done? I covered for you, so I deserve to be blamed for trying to help you, going against every fibre in my nature to help you, putting myself and my future at risk? Only to be hurt constantly by you?"

She was shocked to find herself blinking back hot tears as she glared up at Spencer, who looked mortified at her outburst. Her throat felt raw and dry, and she swallowed hard, trying to will herself to calm down.

"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it!"

Sighing, Trina wearily said, "So how did you mean it? Because you have a very warped way of explaining yourself, and I simply don't have the time to listen to your excuses. I have an art show to go to."

"Did it ever occur to you that you hurt me too?" Spencer's voice was small, broken, and when he stepped up to her, Trina saw tears gleaming in his eyes too.

Pure sarcasm tinged her tone as Trina said, "Oh, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Spencer! I'll be more considerate in the future."

"I'm not joking. When you walked out on me in Spring Ridge, you broke my heart." He reached out, took her hands in his, and Trina let out an involuntary breath as he laced his fingers through hers. "I thought I lost you, and losing you is the one thing I can't face."

Author's Note- This chapter was becoming WAAAAYYY too long, so I had to cut it in half which seems like a regular occurrence for me, I am far too wordy lmaooo. I hope you enjoy it, more soon! Thank you for all the love, I appreciate it and love you all 💚💚💚💚💚