I get a little bit crazy baby,
Every time you call my name,
My heart beats a little bit faster,
After,
You are in my arms again,
Can't try to fight it,
Won't even try to hide it,
Emotions falling down like the rain,
I can't find the words to explain it,
Ain't it,
Crazy how I fall,
Every time you call my name- Javier, Crazy
Spencer's POV
Spencer's fingers were interwoven throughout Trina's, he could feel them tightening around her delicate ones almost desperately, and he wanted her. Not the way he had wanted Esme before arriving in Port Charles and meeting his destiny, his future, not even close. He wanted Trina Robinson because all he had to do was look into her upturned eyes and a rush of longing streamed through him, heating his ears up and making him jittery all through his body, and it pissed him off that he couldn't have her and turned him on at the same time, because, what if, maybe...
His emotional and physical relationship with Esme had always been uneasy and quick, and he'd ended up burying his need in her willing body, a patina of self-loathing encircling him after he had scratched his itch… But Trina… he couldn't treat her like that. He wouldn't.
No, he yearned for Trina the way he wanted water on a thirsty day, a few quick gulps to take the edge off his want, before taking his time and making sure that both their cravings were filled. With Trina, he wanted to savor her, ensure that he was catering to her every desire as she deserved, something base and instinctual, a calling from his heart to hers, and the desperate urge to do that right now was surfacing in him, almost taking control of all his motor functions.
The way her eyes flicked up to him as his roughly uttered, off the cuff words stumbled out of his mouth made him hot from the tip of his toes to the crown of his head. Her full lips, parted again, made him want to close the distance between them like he had wanted to do on many occasions, but he held firm this time, his blood boiling in his veins. Soon, maybe. Hopefully.
"Is it even worth it for me to ask why?" Trina asked, and he had to drag through his thoughts to remember what they were talking about. The good thing was, she hadn't made a move to pull her hand away. Her palm rubbed against his, warm, smooth, and deliciously close. Spencer looked at her, and he burned for her. "Or are you just gonna chicken out again, like you did at Spring Ridge when you said you would always wonder?"
She whispered the last part, her gaze holding his for a trickle of heartbeats. Spencer nibbled on his bottom lip, flailing for a response. Their conversation at Spring Ridge had been yet another showcase of how good they had gotten about not talking about the important things. Or rather, at how good he had gotten at it.
He swallowed, his Adam's apple dipping, trying to find the correct tone and way to answer her. "You're right. I did chicken out, but Esme was around." Trina jerked back as he mentioned Esme's name, but still her hand didn't leave his. She trapped him with her eyes, the golden glow of the lamp throwing her face into irresistible relief. Spencer cleared his throat before telling her, "I didn't want to say anything that would set her off."
"Because everything you do revolves around her and her feelings, to the detriment of your friends, right?" Trina said, a sardonic smirk playing about her full lips.
Thoughtlessly, Spencer leaned in, wanting to kiss the smile off her lips, needing to taste her with a sudden urge that made him shaky. It was a terrible impulse, and he knew that, but he had always been a spontaneous person, and being so close yet so far from Trina was making him feel like he had taken several shots of moonshine to the head.
She flinched back, snatching her hand out of his, and gave him a baleful glare, shuffling away from him until she was leaning against the large frame of an ugly ass painting. Her hands folded defensively over her front. His arms jerked involuntarily towards her, but he shoved them behind his back. Steady, steady. The moment passed. It always did. But still he hoped that he would get another chance. It had to happen, it was inevitable, like drawing a breath. Next time, he would kiss her for real.
"You don't know her like I do. She's- troubled." It was all that Spencer could think of to describe Esme, and it wasn't enough, judging from Trina's reaction, a scornful laugh. Still, Spencer pushed on. "She can't stand competition."
Trina raised an eyebrow, snorting out of her nose. "How am I her competition?" she asked derisively, and Spencer had to take a step back, his breath a fractured whistle in his throat. She had to be faking. There was no way she didn't…. And yet, looking at her, his eyes roving anxiously over her perfect face, he realized that Trina wasn't lying. She really didn't understand why Esme hated her.
"You know." His voice hitched in his throat, because Trina was scowling at him, but she was also tilting her face up towards his, and he could feel her sweet breath on his nose as he closed the distance between them yet again, unable to help himself. He clenched his hands into fists by his sides, resisting the almost unbearable urge to trap her against the wall and just… He tried to calm himself down, but his voice shuddered out of him as he said, "You've got to know."
Trina froze for a second, and he knew that she had read the sincerity in his voice. But she pressed her lips together stubbornly and said, "I don't think I know anything when it comes to you, Spencer. Not anymore."
"We were never just friends, Trina. It's always been more complicated than that with us, and I think everyone knows." Hesitantly he reached out, wrapping his hand over Trina's, and heaving a relieved sigh when she let him touch her again. She gave a quick glance down at the skin-to-skin contact, and he saw her swallow hard. It imbued him with courage to say more, to maybe say what had been on his mind since their fateful first meeting in the gallery. "Esme was threatened by it."
Trina tossed her head, sending her curls swirling around her head with the sweet scent of spiced honey. "Well, she doesn't have to be threatened anymore, does she? You chose her over our friendship. I wish I could say I was surprised, or disappointed." But disappointment, even hurt, roughened her voice, and Spencer felt that ache of guilt rise up in him. "But she's all that you care about, and that's fine."
His heartbeat pounded in his ears as he stared down at her, caught in the anguish that seeped onto her face. He had never meant to hurt her like this, but thanks to his inability to let go of someone who was wrong for him, who was dragging him down and hurting the people he cared most about, he had done just that. He had to make it right.
"No, Trina. Don't you think for one second that I don't care about you." The words poured out of Spencer's mouth in a rush as his thumb trembled over the pulse point of her slim wrist. "You mean more to me than you will ever know. You just met me at a very strange time in my life."
Her eyes, dark and beautiful, gazed into his for a dazzling moment, before hardening into flints. Sardonically, she said, "That's the understatement of the century!"
"I wish I could just rewind time. Back to when I was Victor to you. Things were simpler between us then."
Spencer's voice came out low, almost a whisper, as though he was talking to himself, remembering how easy their banter had been, back when Trina thought he was Victor and had flirted effortlessly with him.
Shaking her head, Trina exclaimed, "No, things weren't! You still lied to me, and made me lie for you! You do all these things without thinking of the consequences of your actions, or the trouble you can get the people you're involving in your mess." Her voice cracked, and tears shimmered in her eyes, but she blinked them back with an effort, adding, "You are selfish and proud of it, and I can't feed that anymore."
The words stung Spencer, even though he knew they were true, and he deserved to hear every single last one. But hearing them from her hurt, because all he had ever done was use her and let her down, and she had still been there for him until the Spring Ridge visit. If she stuck to her guns and renounced his friendship for good- he didn't see any way back from that.
"I don't want you to feed it. When you're honest with me, it makes me grow as a person. I need that to make me better." He paused. He hadn't intended on sounding so desperate, so needy, but there it was. His throat was dry but the words, almost a plea, tumbled from his lips. "I need you, Trina."
Trina jerked her hand out of his like his fingers burned her, staring at him with suspicion and another look he couldn't decipher imprinted on her face. Another head shake. "No. You're doing it again. You're taking my kindness for weakness, but I'm not going to fall for it again. Whatever this- thing- between us is, it's over." She jutted her chin out stubbornly, turning away from him. "I don't want to be that person for you anymore, Spencer. Go and find yourself another emotional blanket."
"You're not- I've never intended to treat you as my emotional blanket, Trina, and if you felt that way, I'm truly sorry." The guilty ache was almost physical, eating through him like a fever. "But you can't back out like this. You liked me at one point, didn't you?"
He didn't think she would reply to his slightly teasing question, and he was mentally hitting himself over the head for even asking it when to his shock, she did, her voice thoughtful. "I did care about you. And even though everybody was always talking about the bad things you did, including me, I also never lost sight of the good things that you did for me, like comforting me when I heard about my mother's affair, or throwing the party for me at Wyndemere."
Her soft tone, and the way she glanced at him, warm and tender, made his heart leap into his throat.
"Oh, so you knew that party was thrown purely for your benefit?" he asked, matching her soft tone, a ghost of a smile on his face. He could feel the energy between them like lightning, pulling them together to the point of no return. And how he yearned to reach that precipice, to just take the leap with Trina in his arms.
Trina rolled her eyes, her lashes fluttering prettily. "Yeah, because you told me." She grew serious, gazing at him. "You do sweet things like buying the book of an artist I admire after paying attention to a throwaway comment I made, and coming to apologize before you left for Spring Ridge-."
"I wasn't just here to apologize, even though that was the main thing-," he started, his heartrate drumming faster.
She put up a hand to stop him. "Let me finish, please. You have a good side, and I've seen it in action. That's the part of you I cared about, and wanted to do better. But I also don't want to keep going in circles with you, having you treat me like a place holder because I know that no matter what, you don't hold me in the same esteem as you hold Esme." She sighed, and suddenly Spencer realized what that other, haunted look on her face was. It was resignation. "I get it, because she's your girlfriend, and should be the most important person in your life, but I deserve more than being constantly pushed to the sidelines whenever she's around. I can't be the person waiting around for something that will never happen."
"But what if-?" Spencer asked, not sure what he could say, what he could do, to make Trina understand how deep his feelings for her were. How he was falling in love with her.
Rolling over him relentlessly, Trina said, "And it's obvious that nothing will ever happen given how things went down at the jail when you hid behind double entendre's and metaphors about art instead of saying what you really wanted to say. Every time you're around Esme or every time she's in the vicinity you change and you're not the same person that I thought I knew." A profoundly sad expression slipped onto her face, and it broke Spencer's heart. "And defending you isn't helping, because I know you have the ability to change, but you just don't want to."
Spencer's body went cold, feeling like he had jumped into a bathtub filled with ice cubes. The finality in her voice shook him to his core, and he could barely manage to choke out, "Are you giving up on me, Trina?"
"I can't hold you up anymore, because now I'm sinking too. I lied to Jordan when you snuck out of Spring Ridge, something that could get me in trouble." Her lips tightened, and she wrapped her arms around herself like she was also feeling as cold as Spencer was. "I don't have the connections, privilege you do, I can't afford to get into trouble. Whoever walks the path you're on walks alone."
Through numb lips, Spencer heard his voice like it was coming from far off. He was begging her, and he didn't care. He would get on his knees if it meant that Trina wouldn't give up on him. "What can I do? I can't lose you. You make me think I actually mattered. Most people don't look past my name, or what I can do for them, but you did." His eyes smarted with tears as he continued. "You were my friend without expecting anything from me in return. And it means everything to me, Trina."
"You always make things so hard, Spencer."
He leaned in closer, breathing in her scent, his heart roaring in his chest. Startled, her eyes flickered up to his, wide and confused. "What we have is special. I can't let that go. I- I don't want you to leave." His hands dropped onto her shoulders. She was trembling like a leaf, and so was he. "Don't go to Paris, Trina."
"You couldn't even drop your girlfriend, who has been ruining lives since she got here, yet you want me to drop my trip to Paris for you? You've got some nerve, Spencer," Trina sneered, shaking his hands off. She scowled up at him, and he stared back, shame cutting into him.
"Esme and I aren't together anymore."
It was subtle, but Spencer noticed the look on her face before Trina smoothed over it into a look of neutral indifference. His heart thudded. Hope. "You're lying."
"No. After her flareup during your visit, we broke up. She's moving out of Wyndemere. We're done." Trina's head titled up at him, a simple question floating in her eyes- really? Spencer nodded empathically. "We've been done for a while, to be honest, but we never really made it official."
Spencer could feel Trina's shallow breaths ghosting against his face as she asked, "And now it is?"
"Yes, Trina. I'm single," he said, and a weight rolled off his shoulders. Admitting it to Trina, the only person who mattered, was freeing.
Her reaction was- unexpected. Smirking sarcastically, she patted him on the shoulder lightly. "Good for you."
"And that's why I had to come talk to you tonight. I find it so hard to explain how I feel about you," he admitted, a rueful grin on his face as she raised an eyebrow in growing disbelief. "Every time we talk, I'm always skirting around it."
Not this time.
A throaty, sexy laugh bubbled out of Trina, and she raised both hands in a stop gesture. "Spencer, please. Whether you skirt around it or not, it changes nothing."
"It changes everything," Spencer exclaimed, his voice sincere even though Trina continued to look at him with a mixture of doubt and frustration. "Trina, I need to say this. I came to Port Charles to break up my father and Ava. I never planned on running into you, but when I did, you changed my plan completely. I couldn't stop thinking about you." From the very first time that he saw her brown eyes, he wanted to know more, and the more he knew about her, the more his self-control slipped. "And I know I did terrible things, but you really did influence me to be a better person. And when I came to say goodbye to you before I went to start my sentence- I was going to confess everything. I was going to be honest about how I feel for you, Trina."
Trina laughed again, but now there was a hint of pain, of sadness in her eyes. "Seriously? A few days before I leave the country for months, you decide to come and tell me that you're single, which I don't care about, and that you're ready to be honest?" Another chuckle as she shook her head, putting her hands on her hips. "You must think I'm gullible as hell to fall for this."
"I can't help how I feel for you, Trina." This was it. Spencer felt like he was standing on the brink of something huge, and what he said would change everything. There was no going back, not for him. And he didn't want to go back. He was a Cassadine man, that was true, but he was different from his father, and he intended to be as honest as he could with the girl he loved. "I think I fell for you when you hit me with that remote, and things just snowballed from there."
He could feel himself smiling, even though inside he was scared as hell. Trina's face was like a mask, he couldn't read her thoughts. But when she spoke, her voice was as cold as the surface of Mars. "This is not happening." She wouldn't look at him, even though he stood so close to her that only inches separated them. "You need to leave."
"I've been denying my feelings for you for months, but I can't keep doing it." His voice was so fierce that she finally did glance at him, and the confusion, hope, and exasperation he saw fighting for dominance on her face made him optimistic enough to say the next part of his speech, something he had been holding on to for months. "I'm in love with you, Trina Robinson. And I know you have feelings for me too."
The exasperation won, and she tried to shoulder past him, but he stood firm, trapping her between him and the wall. "I can't do this. Get out of my way."
"You and I are not finished." Her lips parted as they stared at each other, and in that moment, Spencer knew that he had reached the limits of his already shaky self-control. There was only one way that this conversation could end, and with the flash of heat in Trina's eyes, she knew it too. "Look me in the eye and tell me that you feel nothing for me."
Defiantly, Trina pooched out her bottom lip, and Spencer groaned. Did she have any idea what she did to him? "You'd just say I was lying."
"And I'd be right." He ran a finger down her cheek, past her throat, trailing over the pulse point in her neck, feeling her heart rate jump wildly under his soft touch. His voice was urgent, almost breathless. "Your heart is racing. Your pupils are dilated. You feel what I feel."
Her body thrummed under his touch as he slid his hand over her forearm, her silky soft skin whispering under his palm. "Because you're pissing me off, you idiot! And I've asked you to leave multiple times, but if you won't, I will!"
Trina shouldered past him half-heartedly, and made the split-second mistake of looking up at him, and whatever she saw on his face made her stop in her tracks. The moment felt like it stretched on forever, trapping the duo in their little pocket universe, Trina's eyes blazing with fear and desire. Then she started to move past him again, but Spencer grasped her wrist. She gasped, her eyes finding his and locking, oceans of unsaid words, unspoken feelings swirling through their gaze. It was now or never.
Spencer jumped off the cliff.
"Please, Trina," he said in a strangled whisper, using his other hand to cup her cheek and tilt her chin up towards him. She turned towards him willingly, and Spencer's body filled with exaltation as he saw her eyes flutter closed, seconds before he leaned down to press his lips against hers.
Author's note: *maniacal laughter* This is what we (yes, even me!) have all been waiting for, and we here *inserts twerking gif*! Thanks for the love, brace yourselves for the next chapter which is sure to entertain from both POV's! My only ask is for y'all to go listen to the song this chapter is loosely based on by Javier (link in my tweet- it's beautiful!) *more maniacal giggles* Sorry, just cracking up that I managed to get Sprina to kiss before the show, yet I've been holding back on this fanfic for months! I hope you enjoy this during the Sprina drought we're going through on the show 😭😭💚