Episode 8- I Want You

Before I met you girl I never knew my heart could dance,

I was just a broken record of one-night stands,

Until you came along,

With your beautiful song,

You saved me,

And now the funny thing about it,

There's no melody without it,

I found music when I found you,

So hear me when I say,

I want you, baby, ooh- Luke James, I want You

Spencer's POV

Slipping his phone into his pocket, Spencer took a tentative step towards Trina, his mouth open to explain, to say something that would take that wounded yet stubborn look off her face. The blood beat in his ears, sounding like a roaring, rain bloated river, and he swallowed past the lump in his dry throat. No quick words zipped to the forefront of his brain. He was drawing a complete blank.

Trina spoke up first, and Spencer's heart clenched in his chest like it was being squeezed into a fragile, shrinking thing by an unforgiving hand. She sounded so dejected, so vulnerable, as she said, "We shouldn't have done that. Any of it. You have a girlfriend."

Spencer shook his head almost before she finished her sentence, pushing his hair out of his eyes with a slightly trembling hand. If he hadn't given in to his urge to kiss her when he finally had the chance, he would have lost his mind. Had his impulse destroyed everything? His eyes were fixed on hers with a laser intense focus that made Trina's widen slightly. "I meant it when I said we're not together anymore, Trina."

He lingered in front of her, wanting to touch her, to ground himself with the feeling of her exquisite soft skin under his fingers, and comfort her in the process. Although struck with the almost unbearable need to show her that she had nothing to worry about, that Esme had been excised from his mind as cleanly as a wart being frozen off, he didn't know how. Would she believe him?

Hell, would he believe him?

Spencer licked his lips, closing his eyes for a second as strawberry lip gloss and Trina's lingering taste melted on his tongue, making his stomach tighten with desire. Then he opened his eyes to see Trina trying to put on a brave face, saw the sadness and the pain under her façade, and his guilt and self-loathing returned in a tidal wave.

Everything had become unraveled as soon as Esme called and broke the spell, ruining the magic moment they had chiseled out for themselves. Now there was a woman sized rift between them, like there had been so often as soon as Esme had shown up in Port Charles, and Spencer hated it.

"Yet she's still calling you, checking up on you." Trina tossed her head, the light winking on the little gold studs in her ears as she derisively added, "Maybe you should, I don't know, tell her that you're done with her, because she doesn't seem to realize it."

Her eyes pierced into him, mesmerizing him like always, although a harsh light gleamed in them. He placed a hand on her bare knee as gently as he could, knowing she would slap it away, but apart from a quick indrawn breath, she didn't flinch. Just kept staring at him, staring into him. It was unnerving and put Spencer on edge, unease swishing through him and making him exclaim, "I have! I told her at Wyndemere."

The memory of Esme's reaction, her not really taking his words seriously as usual, flickered into his head like a horror movie. Esme manipulating him into unwanted sex right before he went to Spring Ridge, knowing full well that his heart belonged to another, Esme wanting to take a shower with him despite him telling her that it was over…

Trina must have seen the thoughtful expression that flashed in his brown eyes because she sighed, folding her arms across her chest in a defensive warding off gesture.

"You sucked me in again."

Frantically, Spencer said, "Trina, I didn't. This isn't a trick. Believe me. She's the one who initiated the breakup in the first-."

He caught his mistake as soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth and clamped his lips together to stop himself, but the damage was done.

"And there it is," Trina chuckled, no humor in her laugh. Just a coolness radiating from her, the complete antithesis of their passion from just minutes earlier.

She made as though to stand up, but Spencer, his pulse beating like crazy in his neck, put both hands on her shoulders, the pads of his fingers whispering across her soft skin as he firmly but gently holding her in place on the side of the desk. Trina's eyes flew to his, that challenging spark that he loved glinting in their depths, but she was silent, just tilting her head at him in a gesture that Spencer knew meant 'talk.'

His mouth was dry as he said, "It's not what you think, and it's not what it sounds like." Frustrated at his inability to find the right words, he bowed his head in front of Trina. "Please, let me explain."

"Isn't that what you've been doing since you got here? Yet you very conveniently neglected to mention that one detail, that Esme broke up with you!" Her accusatory tone scalded him like he had been splattered with lava. As his throat worked with emotion, Trina continued, her voice cracking miserably in the middle of her sentence. "You made me believe that you had left her on your own accord, but we all know-."

Drawing in a deep breath, Spencer quietly interrupted her. "Trina. Remember when I came to visit you before I went to Spring Ridge?"

"Will you ever let me forget?" Trina's lips twisted in a mocking smile. "You're bringing it up quite often."

Her mouth was still open, and Spencer knew she was about to continue talking, but she shivered as he pressed a finger gently against her parted lips to stop her.

"Musa mea." The saying, long forgotten from one of his Latin classes, stumbled out almost without him realizing, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized that his subconscious had chosen the perfect pet-name for Trina, his masterpiece, work of art. His muse. Her eyes flicked to his as he spoke, guileless and confused all at once. "Listen to me, please. By that time, I had already made up my mind to leave Esme. But I was going to be in the same facility that she was interning in, and I know how- vindictive- she can be. I decided I was going to tell her once I got out, but she beat me to it. For the past month- longer, I've been thinking of nobody but you."

Slowly, softly, he dragged his finger past her lips, tracing a path past her neck and down her arm until his fingers encircled her wrist. He brought it up to his lips, locked eyes with her, and kissed the inside of her wrist, feeling the shivering breath she took as his lips touched her skin again.

In a voice so small Spencer had to strain his ears to hear, Trina said, "I want to believe you, but you've burned me before, so many times. Are you actually telling me the whole truth this time?"

"Um-." Still grasping her hand in his, Spencer knew he had a deer-in-headlights expression on his face, because he wasn't telling her the whole truth. There was something he was keeping from her, and he didn't know what her reaction would be once it was out, but he knew he needed to tell her.

Inclining her head to the side, Trina looked at him askance, drawing her brows together. "Really, Spencer? What was the point of all this tonight? Why come here expressing your feelings if you're not going to be completely truthful?"

"I don't want you to get mad…" Spencer said, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. God, he was nervous. His trial was nothing compared to the rollercoaster of emotions he had gone through since seeking Trina out tonight, and it seemed it wasn't over yet.

Trina leaned forward and poked Spencer in the chest, hard. "That's a definite way to make me mad, Spencer." He shot her a sheepish grin which made the tough look in her eyes melt. Hope flickered lightly in the pit of his stomach as Trina continued, her voice softening, turning caring. "Speak. I know there's something you're not saying."

"I don't know where to start," Spencer said truthfully. How could he tell her that, despite holding a torch for her, he had slept with Esme?

Trina's sweet smile warmed his entire body and infused him with bravado, and he took both of her hands in his, running his thumbs over her knuckles as she said, "At the beginning?"

"I had sex with Esme."

The words fell out of his mouth as heavy as bricks, and he could almost hear the sound they made clattering around him. Everything that had led up to this was all his fault. Spencer Cassadine, with his gift of ruining everything he touched.

Trina's fingers tightened in his for a quick second, but her face was completely blank, and all she said was, "Oh."

"It was the day before I went to Spring Ridge, and I was scared. I didn't know what to expect when I went there. She was around, and she- we- there's no way to talk about this without it sounding like a bad mistake," Spencer found himself babbling.

He pulled himself to a stop before he could dig himself deeper, and waited to see if Trina would say anything. One thing he was sure of, he would wait the whole night if he had to. For Trina, he could wait forever, just for her forgiveness, for her mercy.

Her dark eyes were calmly gazing at him, sizing him up. Spencer felt like she was seeing through him, past his physical form to whatever made him Spencer Cassadine, weighing the pros and cons, measuring his mettle. He tried not to fidget, or drop his eyes from hers. Something pivotal was happening, and he knew that Trina was balancing the scales and making her decision.

When Trina finally spoke, for the first few moments, Spencer didn't know what she meant. "Do you think that?"

He frowned, then his brow cleared as things fell into place again. "That it was a bad mistake? Of course, yes!" Spencer nodded fervently, thoughtlessly adding, "It was the first time we'd been intimate since-."

Trina shook one hand out of his grasp and held it in the air in a stop gesture. "The last thing I want to hear is any talk about your sex life, Spencer." She rolled her eyes to the ceiling, and, to Spencer's shock, uttered a small, genuine sounding chuckle. "Even though I guess I did ask." Her eyes were serious as they slid towards him. "Were you going to tell me- ever? If I hadn't- I don't know, pressed the issue?"

"I was. Maybe not tonight, but I would have." Spencer swallowed hard. His words came out raw, vulnerable, almost too earnest to his own ears, but it was exactly how he felt inside. "I don't feel anything for her anymore, Trina. I haven't for a long time."

Trina heaved a sigh. "That's what you keep saying, but-."

"I know," Spencer cut in hurriedly, his old recklessness streaking through him. What did he have left to lose? "And I promise you, I'll make it up to you. I want to be with you. I've wanted to be with you from the first time I saw you, right there."

He jerked a thumb behind him, and Trina looked over his shoulder, her eyes narrowed speculatively. Spencer knew she was reliving that fateful first meeting before they found themselves caught up in each others gravitational pull, unable to stay away from each other, not wanting to try.

They stared at each other, Trina Robinson, and Spencer Cassadine, once again dancing towards each other like twin stars, and Spencer waited.

Slowly, a teasing smile spread across Trina's face, and Spencer's heart skipped several beats. Somehow, he had passed the test. Trina had found him worthy, and he felt like he would burst with joy.

She leaned forward, and Spencer took a step towards her, shortening the distance between them, as he always would whenever they were together. Spencer had a grin of his own on his face as Trina caressed his cheek, asking in that cheeky tone she had perfected, "Before I was covered in fake blood, or after?"

Spencer pressed up closer to her, and sucked in a breath as she wrapped her arms around his neck, looking up at him through her eyelashes. He dropped his head and brushed his lips tantalizingly over hers, prompting a little sigh from her.

"Before, during, after, when we met in the park, when we were at the pool, at Wyndemere… it's always been you, Trina." He slid a hand onto her knee, slowly spreading her legs so that he could fit between them, hiking up the hem of her dress once more. "Can I kiss-?"

His question was cut off effectively as Trina's lips slotted against his, and they were kissing again, and that feeling that burned through Spencer's body? It was love.

Author's Note- This chapter threw hands with me, guys! I had to rewrite it three times, then I realized that it was missing something and had to split it in two- y'all don't want to know (if anyone actually reads these rambling ass author's notes, you are my hero lmao). Anyway, I think I've got everything figured out, so now this fic has an additional chapter. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for reading and commenting and engaging with it, I love all your responses so much! Xoxo!