Entry #004: Too Far Gone

Wednesday, March 12th

9:17 A.M.

I paced back and forth around the den.

Waiting to spend the whole day with Andre.

I couldn't wait!

All I could think about last night was spending a perfect day at the beach with him.

Without Jade or the mere thought of her.

*A musical chime plays on my phone*

It was Andre!

Please don't let him cancel. Please don't let him cancel!

Hoping that he wasn't cancelling our plans, I answered my phone.

"Hello?"

{Hey, Tori. I'm gonna be a little late. I'll be there around 10.}

"Oh… okay, see you when you get here."

{Bye.}

"Bye."

Sitting down on the couch, I tried to calm myself down by watching some cartoons.

He was just going to be a little late. At least he called this time.

All I had to do was sit and wait.

"Just be patient, Tori. Just be patient." I told myself.

I hated feeling like this.

The tension was killing me.

And only five minutes had went by.

"Ughhh!" I grunted, leaving the den and going up to my room.

Jumping on my bed and grabbing the nearest pillow, I screamed into it.

I couldn't understand it.

I'm usually better at being patient than this.

I once had to wait an extra five days for my purple clutch bag to be delivered to me.

Sure, on the fourth day I nearly threw a brick at the window, but I got over it.

"Why is it so hard for me to be patience about this?" I asked myself, turning over.

"It's cause you love him."

Jumping up, I was surprised to see Trina standing at the doorway.

I could have sworn that she had left the house earlier.

"Trina! What are you doing here?"

"I left my phone, so I came back to get it." she explained, "You still waiting for Andre?"

"Yes, and it's killing me!"

"Duh, it's cause you love him." repeated Trina, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Uh… no, no I don't." I lied, sitting up, "We're just best friends."

"You're lying. You smile a lot when you lie."

Dammit, she was right. I could feel myself smiling.

Sighs

"Okay, maybe I do have a have small crush on him." I lied.

"Only a small crush?" Trina questioned, obviously not believing me.

"Fine! I'm in love with that boy." I sighed, falling back on my pillows.

"I knew it, I could see this coming from a mile away." laughed Trina, checking her phone, "Don't know why you're stalling on telling him though."

I'll admit, it was weird hearing Trina talk to me like this.

Every blue moon, she would say something encouraging…

This was one of those moments.

"If you could just see how you two react with each other… it was obvious that there was something more there." she continued, putting her phone back in her pocket, "That's why you should go for it. Cause sooner or later, someone will get at him."

It was all true.

I knew what Trina was saying was right.

If I didn't make a move on Andre, some other girl would jump at the opportunity.

I still had Jade to worry about, so I didn't need other girls to compete with.

"You're right! I can do this! He's just my best friend that I've grown to love. I shouldn't be afraid to make a move on him. Thanks, Trina." I cheered, as I hugged her.

"Wait!" Trina yelled.

"What?"

"Do you have $20 on you? I'm a little short on cash."

And so ends this touching moment.

10:01 A.M.

DING! DONG!

It was time.

Exhaling, I was prepared for the moment that was about to come.

The parents were away.

Trina was gone.

It would be just the two of us.

No interruptions.

God, I hope this works.

"Sup, Tori." Andre smiled, as I opened the door, "Are you ready to go-"

Right there at that spot, I kissed him.

Lip-lock action.

I wanted him and nobody was going to stop me.

Was my approach a little... forceful?

Sure.

But I just wanted him so badly, and I was tired of waiting.

"Tori… wow, uh… where did that come from?" he beamed, astonished by what just happened.

"I'm tired, Andre. I'm tired of hiding my feelings for you." I stated, looking deep into his eyes, "I want you… and I need to know if you want me too."

"Tori…"

"Yes?"

This was the moment.

I anxiously awaited hearing Andre's answer.

Completely confident that he would say that he loves me too.

"I… I like you, I really do." he uttered, walking over to the piano, "But… I don't like you in that way."

…

Wait... What?!

Was he joking?

He had to have been joking.

Was all of this real?

Why was this happening?!

"You don't think of me that way?" I asked, walking up to him, "Why?"

"Tori, I've only liked you as a friend. That's how it's been since day one." he explained, although he looked slightly confused for some reason, "I've always felt that it was the same with you. Strictly friendship."

"But what about the chemistry that we have? There's obviously something more between us! I can't be the only one that feels it!" I insisted, trying to make him understand.

It was at that moment that I notice that Andre kept avoided eye contact with me.

"Look, Tori. Can't we just go to the beach? We're gonna miss-"

"No, Andre. I want you to answer me first." I demanded, standing in front of him, "At least give me a good reason why you can't see us together."

After a brief moment of silence, he spoke.

"I can't."

"You can't?"

"Look, I don't have time for this." he snapped, walking towards the front door.

"Yet you definitely have time for Jade." I responded, tearfully.

Turning around, Andre asked, "What does Jade have to do with us?"

"Everything! She's getting too close to you, and she knows that you have a crush on her. Something could happen!"

I really didn't expect for things to go this way.

Sighs

Why couldn't things have gone smoother?

Andre looked agitated when I said this, "Wait, do you actually think... that I would cheat with Jade? That I would actually betray my best friend?"

I really couldn't answer.

I just couldn't.

I was so distraught from all that was going on.

Why couldn't this all be over?!

After another brief silence, Andre spoke again.

"Is that what you really think of me?" he asked, looking disgusted, "That I would even think of doing such a thing? *scoffs* Then you obviously don't know me at all."

Hearing him say this, I realized too late that I was making a terrible mistake.

As Andre walked out the door, I cried, "Andre, wait. I'm sorry! Andre, please!"

"Don't call me and I won't call you." he replied, getting into his car and driving off.

What did I do?!

I took things too far.

Why didn't I tell him that I didn't believe that he would cheat with Jade?

God, why couldn't I just speak up?

Leaning against the door frame, I slowly slid down onto the floor.

I easily began crying heavily.

Just hoping that all of what happened was just a dream.

But it wasn't.

It was all my fault.

My fault.

I took things too far.

The perfect day… ruined.

My best friend… no more.