Summary: Inspired by an episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun,Natsu brags about Lucy in bed much to Lucy's mortification….

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, Erza/Jellal, and implied Natsu/Happy/Lucy family feels.

Author's Note: Thank you all for giving me over EIGHTY FIVE HUNDRED reviews! And also thank you for the phenomenal response to the last chapter especially to the guest reviewers. I'm glad you all enjoyed it.

The problem with Natsu's rivalry with…..well everyone, is that it touched every point in his life. His battles with actual enemies turned into competitions with Gray and Gajeel, eating a meal turned into a eating contest, once Natsu and Gray even had a sleeping contest to see who could sleep the longest and snore the loudest (Lisanna was not impressed to be forced into judging that one, she liked to sleep too, you know).

So it really shouldn't be such a mortifying surprise that Natsu had turned their sex life into a competition as well.

(Though, God, she really wished he didn't.)

"…it doesn't matter how good Lucy is with her mouth," Erza said scornfully (causing Lucy to spit out her drink as she just walked up towards her, Jellal, and Natsu), "she would still have nothing on my Jellal."

"Erza," Jellal mumbled, his cheeks bright pink, "don't…"

"After all," Erza bragged, "Jellal used to work in public services which means he doesn't stop until he gets the job done."

Jellal buried his face into his jacket looking like he was wishing for a quick, swift, death to spare him this torment while Lucy just spat out her drink again.

(At this rate she was never going to enjoy her vanilla milkshake, Damnit!)

"Yeah, well," Natsu said flustered (because that was way too much information about his pseudo-big sister's sex life), "Lucy is a writer which means her sex is incredibly creative!" he said smugly. "just last week she devised a role play where I was this Demon Lord and she was my virgin sacrifice, I got to chase her round the bed and-"

"NATSU!" Lucy shrieked as she tried to cover Natsu's mouth with her hand. She succeeded for only a second before Natsu merely plucked it off and kept her hand in a steely grip. "Don't tell them that!" she hissed, her cheeks almost as red as Erza's hair.

"I don't know why you're being so prudish," Natsu sniffed, and then he smirked, "especially since you're such a hellcat between the sheets."

"Natsu!" Lucy groaned in embarrassment. "I am not!"

"I think you're just making it up now," Erza said, "Lucy is too proper for that sort of stuff."

"No, it's true!" Natsu insisted. "What Lucy does to my back with her nails is art," he bragged as he shot Lucy a look of devotion that in another time, if he was not advertising their sex life to the world, she would have allowed to quell her anger. Instead she just glared back. "Here," Natsu let go of Lucy's hand and began to pull his jacket up. "Look."

"No!" Lucy cried out, mortified. "Natsu," she grabbed hold of the tail end of his jacket and tried her best to tug it back down. Natsu, unfortunately, was stronger than Lucy was and it became a very much one-sided tug of war to keep his shirt from going any higher. "Stop it!" she wailed.

It was too late though.

Erza and Jellal got a full view, if extremely brief, of the angry red little crescent marks on the top of Natsu's shoulders (before Lucy managed to cover them up) and certainly could see the deep scratches that trailed down his shoulder blades to his mid-back.

"Jesus Lucy," Jellal murmured in awe, "you really are a hellcat."

Erza ducked down to observed the horrendous, persistent, scarring on Natsu's lower back. "What on earth were you doing to cause that?" she asked as he prodded the marks.

"That," Lucy said disdainfully, "was not me. That was Happy's doing."

Erza and Jellal turned blank, slightly horrified, facial expressions to Happy's direction.

"What?" Happy looked up from licking his paws. "Why shouldn't I use Natsu as a scratching post?" Happy asked indignantly. "I'm the only one that is actually a cat in this family."