Summary: Inspired by an episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun, when Romeo develops a crush on Lucy things get chaotic….

Pairings: One-sided Romeo/Lucy, Natsu/Lucy, and some general friendship feels.

Author's Note: Thank you all for giving me over EIGHTY EIGHT HUNDRED reviews!

Romeo had been having a rather crummy day.

First he woke up to find his Dad passed out in the landing, with a pool of his own vomit. Romeo had cleaned it up, managed to shuffle his father into bed, and had to sort out his own breakfast in a house that had no food…..again.

Then, of course, he had a day where he was either insulted by people his own age, patronised by those older, and milled around with nothing to do because for some reason he wasn't allowed on a job on his own but Wendy-nee was.

The injustice of this made him snap at Wendy-nee's soft inquiry of concern which then caused Charle to huffily declare him 'immature'.

It was quite frankly the last straw.

After snapping at everyone, snatching something from Natsu-nii (that he should not have had), Romeo happily stormed out of the guild building with his chin held up high.

He then promptly made his way towards the only safe, quiet, place that he could have a few moments to sulk before someone found him …..Lucy-nee's apartment.

A little reluctantly (because if Natsu-nii had what Romeo had in his hands then Lucy-nee was going to be cross), Romeo lifted his hand and knocked on Lucy-nee's door.

"Who is it?"

He winced at the very infuriated tone Lucy-nee barked. "It's me," he called out nervously.

The door opened and he steeled himself to be yelled at or have Aquarius hose him out of the building altogether. Instead, much to his everlasting relief, he was greeted by Lucy-nee's soft smile and warm eyes. "Oh Romeo-Kun!" she cried out as he opened the door wider. "Come in."

"Hi Lucy-nee," Romeo smiled awkwardly as he stepped in. Lucy-nee closed the door behind him and he was instantly overwhelmed by her musky, flowery, perfume. It was really nice, and he briefly wondered if this was what Natsu-nii meant when he said Lucy-nee always smelt so nice. "Erm," he blushed slightly, "I came by because you seemed to have left this in the guild."

He held up a notebook that clearly had 'The Property of Lucy Heartfilla – Do Not Read Natsu!'printed in bold black letters on the front.

Lucy-nee's face creased up in a frown. "You mean," she said through gritted teeth, "Natsu had stolen it, didn't he?"

Romeo looked pointedly at the floor. He didn't want to lie to Lucy-nee but he didn't want to get Natsu-nii into trouble either. "Well…"

"And he read it out to everyone as well," Lucy-nee continued furiously, "didn't he?"

"…..Yes," Romeo admitted.

"Urgh!" Lucy-nee shrieked furiously as she stomped her foot. Romeo bit his lip and did his best not laugh. He had never seen a Fairy Tail mage stomp her foot like that before. It was….cute. "God that man is so immature!" Lucy-nee raged.

"Well he's not really…yes," Romeo had attempted to defend Natsu-nii but honestly in this case it was a hopeless cause. Especially when Lucy-nee shot him a pointed look that he couldn't argue with. "Yes he is," Romeo agreed more confidently and loudly.

"God!" Lucy-nee groaned as she covered her face. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Well you shouldn't be Lucy-nee!" Romeo cried out. "It was really good!"

Lucy-nee peeked out from beneath her slender fingers hopefully. She looked really cute and sweet, a bit like a bunny, and Romeo wondered if this was why Gajeel-nii called her Bunny Girl. "Really?" she asked hesitatingly. "You don't think it's a bit….unimaginative, I mean, it is a fictionalised version of my own life."

"All novels are fictionalised versions of something in an author's life," Romeo reassured Lucy-nee, "people write what they know and sometimes, especially in our case, the truth is rather unbelievable."

"You're right," Lucy-nee smiled, "that is very insightful of you Romeo-Kun."

"Well," Romeo scratched the back of his neck and smiled bashfully, "I've read a lot of books and a lot of books about the authors of those books. Levy-nee's library is filled with all sorts."

"I've never pegged you as a reader."

"Well," Romeo said embarrassed, "when the kids your own age think you're too weird, and your friends are all too busy working or doing adult things, there's not a lot to do by yourself."

Lucy-nee placed a comforting hand on Romeo's shoulder and squeezed. It was all warm and tingly and Romeo felt his cheeks burn. "I know how you feel," she said gently, and for the first time since an adult had said that, Romeo actually believed it, "I had no friends growing up and the adults in my life were too busy for me as well. I took great comfort in the family library."

"Really?!"

"Yes," Lucy-nee smiled sweetly. Her head tilted to the side so there was a cascade of blonde hair flowing down her neck. It was very distracting in the light for some reason. "Though admittedly there were more non-fictional texts on magic and business and the law rather than a thrilling novel."

"Oh so that's why your narrative is a little dry!"

"Excuse me?"

"S-S-Sorry!" Romeo stuttered. "I didn't mean to insult y-"

"No, no, it's all right," Lucy-nee waved her hands in a hushing gesture, "it's just…..Levy-Chan keeps saying they're good but I'm pretty sure she was just saying that, and Natsu only laughs, and Happy is rude just to wind me up, it's nice to get some honest constructive criticism. What else do you think I need to improve on?"

And before Romeo knew it he ended up spending the next two hours discussing Lucy-nee's writing, various novels that they had both read and loved, and the theory of one of Fiore's classical playwrights and what his soliloquies could have meant.

For the first time in…..well forever, Romeo was actually spoken to as an adult and treated like a normal person. Lucy-nee listened to him, thought him intelligent, and witty, and she had such a lovely twinkly laugh that he had never heard before. He could have talked to Lucy-nee all night but unfortunately he was still only thirteen and soon enough a yawn escaped.

"Oh look at the time!" Lucy-nee exclaimed. "I've kept you up almost all night! You must be exhausted."

"I'm okay," Romeo's lie was immediately unveiled as another yawn forced its way out of Romeo's mouth, "but I suppose it's best I leave now and get some rest."

"Yes, you probably should," Lucy-nee stood up and began to show him to the door, "Would you like me to walk you home?"

"No thank you," Romeo yawned again, "I know my way and no one ever bothers me. Thank you for this evening, and the hot chocolate, Lucy-nee. It was nice talking to you."

"It was nice talking to you too," Lucy-nee smiled radiantly, "you're very mature for your age. I found your conversation to be fascinating."

"Really?" Romeo flushed happily. "You think I'm mature?"

Ha! Take that Charle!

"Yes, very much so," Lucy-nee said solemnly, "Good night Romeo-kun."

It was then an idea, a sudden wish, made itself known to Romeo and he paused at the door "Could you do me a favour?" he asked hesitatingly.

Lucy-nee tilted her head curiously. His eyes were fixated with her hair again. "What is it?" she asked in concern.

"Could you call me Romeo?" he asked. "No honorifics. I feel….that we're good enough friends now for that."

"Of course!" Lucy-nee said brightly. "But only providing you call me Lucy."

He had no problem with that. After spending such a wonderful night with her, seeing her pretty smile, being spoken to like her equal, hearing her laugh, smelling her perfume, Romeo most certainly no longer saw Lucy as a sister.

"Sure," he smiled back.

"Goodbye Romeo," Lucy said softly.

She looked so pretty in the dim light and her voice was so nice and sweet, and suddenly Romeo's heart jumped a beat as his stomach fluttered.

There was only one conclusion with such a feeling.

"Goodbye," Romeo replied dreamily, "Lucy."

As the door closed behind him Romeo knew that he was in love with the beautiful blonde girl that loved books.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

The problems with being in love with Lucy came in the shape of a pink-haired Dragon Slayer.

You had to be blind, deaf, and stupid or just completely oblivious to not realise that Natsu-nii had feelings for Lucy. He always acted like a little kid desperate for attention when he was around her and whenever she wasn't looking he would shoot her that fond look.

So if Romeo could get past the age barrier, which after not only that first conversation when he realised his feelings for Lucy but the many they have had since and lunches and the days out in Magnolia they had spent together made him think he could, then he to consider Natsu-nii's feelings on the matter.

There was a code to this sort thing…..apparently, according to his father and Loke.

And so, after three weeks of soft sighs and fluttery feelings in his stomach, Romeo steeled himself to finally find out if it was okay with Natsu if he could court Lucy.

For some reason spending an afternoon battling Vulcans was quickly becoming more and more appealing.

"Hey Natsu-nii?" Romeo approached the pink haired Dragon Slayer hesitatingly. "Could I ask you something, about Lucy?"

"Sure," Natsu-nii mumbled round a mouthful of chicken. Both Romeo and Gray-nii screwed up their noises in disgust as Natsu-nii finally swallowed the horrible, chewed-up, mush. "What's up?"

"Erm…." Romeo said nervously, "you see…..it's like this…..Are you and Lucy dating?!" he blurted out.

Gray-nii threw his head back and laughed. "Nice one, Romeo!" he smirked.

"Oi!" Natsu-nii snapped, looking a little hurt. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you wouldn't know how to date for shit," Gray-nii responded instantly, "there's no way you could be a boyfriend to anyone let alone a girl like Lucy."

"I could so be her boyfriend!" Natsu-nii argued. "Better than you. No one would want a naked pervert as a boyfriend."

"Crap!"

As Gray-nii went in search of his clothes (for the fifth time that morning alone), Romeo decided to push the conversation back into its original direction. "So are you….interested in Lucy?" he pressed gently.

"No!" Natsu-nii turned an interesting shade of pink. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?!" he whined childishly. "Happy says it all the time, Mirajane and Lisanna kept saying it today even though Lucy kicked me out and took away my scarf." He pouted at that and Romeo was relieved to finally understand why Natsu-nii looked particularly naked today even though he was technically fully dressed. That scarf seemed to be integral to Natsu-nii's identity. "I'm nowhere near interested in her right now," he crossed his arms huffily.

"Good!" Romeo grinned. If Natsu-nii was uninterested then there was no longer anything holding him back from pursuing Lucy. "That's great."

"Damn right it is!" Natsu retorted angrily.

"I'm glad."

"So am I!"

And that was when an awkward silence fell upon them. Romeo couldn't keep his manically happy grin off of his face as he day-dreamed about asking Lucy out while Natsu-nii seemed to moodily pick at his five spice chicken.

A snicker suddenly filled the air and they both turned to find Gray-nii was back and half dressed. "What?" Natsu-nii snapped sulkily

"You're an idiot," Gray-nii observed cheerfully, "but don't worry so is he," at this he jammed a thumb in Romeo's direction.

Romeo would have been offended by he wasn't paying enough attention to what Gray-nii said for it really to sink in.

If he had he would have realised that Natsu-nii had been lying and was most certainly interested in Lucy.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Romeo's first clue that Natsu-nii had been lying about his feelings for Lucy arrived in Natsu-nii himself who actually knocked on Lucy's door later that evening.

Yeah, Romeo knows how shocking that is, after all everyone has heard of Natsu-nii's preference for Lucy's bedroom window, and it was the first sign that Natsu-nii had come to grovel.

And if he had come to grovel then it meant he was more interested in Lucy than he had let on earlier. After all, Natsu-nii never grovelled unless Erza-nee had him at sword point.

"Hello…" Romeo narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the gobsmacked Natsu-nii. "What do you want?" he demanded to know.

Natsu-nii's jaw slammed shut and he fixed Romeo with his own suspicious glare. "Where's Lucy?" he said coldly.

"The kitchen," Romeo replied stiffly. "What do you want?" he repeated.

Natsu-nii pushed through the door despite Romeo's attempts to shut it on him. His jaw was locked furiously, his green eyes were blazing with something that quite frankly terrified Romeo, and his hand had curled into a fist.

Natsu-nii wasn't an idiot.

Oh sure, on an average day he was as thick as two planks of wood, but when he was fighting for something, he had a shrewd and cunning mind, and caught on a lot quicker than their enemies would like.

And now this was a battlefield as Natsu-nii has quickly come to the conclusion that Romeo has only belatedly realised…..they were in war over Lucy.

Natsu-nii moved fast. He grabbed Romeo by the scarf and shoved him, hard, Romeo was going to have bruises on his back for weeks. "What are you doing?!" he hissed furiously.

Romeo defiantly met Natsu-nii's eyes (what? He was a Fairy Tail mage after all). "I'm being happy for the first time in my life," he said simply, "I have met a woman who likes to know what I'm thinking, who doesn't judge me, and-"

"And is too old for you!" Natsu-nii interrupted angrily.

"Age doesn't mean anything," Romeo argued, "It is only a number."

"It won't work."

Romeo's own jaw locked at this. "I make her laugh Natsu," he said spitefully, he dropped the brotherly honorific purposely. After all they were now equals contending for a lady's hand. "And she likes it."

Natsu-nii dropped Romeo immediately. "You shut your foul mouth!" he snapped as he pointed dramatically at Romeo.

Romeo smirked at that. "She says she never laughs as hard with you," he taunted his new found rival.

"Grr!"

Romeo wisely took a few steps back as Natsu-nii looked like he was going to murder Romeo any second. He glanced at the kitchen door but Lucy was still too busy pottering around and humming to herself to notice the drama going on in her living room.

He had to buy himself some time, and so he asked; "What are you doing here anyway?" rather rudely too.

"I….came to get my scarf back," Natsu-nii said weakly.

There was an element of truth to it (as his neck was still naked and the white scale scarf could be seen tucked away on Lucy's bed) but it wasn't the actual truth.

Romeo laughed disbelievingly.

"This is me you're talking to," he reminded Natsu-nii. He grew up watching and imitating Natsu-nii. He knew the Dragon Slayer better than nearly everyone else. "You just can't stand to see her happy," he accused Natsu-nii furiously.

Natsu-nii's jaw dropped open at that. "What?!" he cried out bewilderedly. "That's not tr-"

"You better not break her heart," Romeo interrupted, "or I will break your neck."

Natsu-nii looked shocked, then amused, and then mildly annoyed. He stepped close to Romeo and Romeo pushed up to his tip-toes so they could glare at one another properly. "Are you threatening me?" Natsu-nii asked in a dangerous tone.

"No," Romeo said stiffly, "it's a promise."

Romeo then punched Natsu-nii.

Natsu-nii, not having expected it, doubled over temporarily as he moaned slightly. His pain did not last long and immediately shot up and grabbed at Romeo. The pair of them tussled for a bit, smacking and pulling, and kicking one another as they rolled over the floor.

Romeo was strong, fiery, and could beat a guy twice the size of him…but Natsu-nii was that times a hundred more and, unlike Romeo, had real experience in fighting in life or death situations.

He got the upper-hand far too quickly than Romeo would like to admit.

And, having been goaded, was utterly vicious in his victory.

He kept a tight grip on Romeo's hair and slammed Romeo's head against Lucy's coffee table. "How do you like this?" he growled and banged Romeo's head against the table again. "Does," and again, "that," and again, "feel," and again, "good?"

"What is going on?!"

Natsu-nii froze in bashing Romeo's head against the table as Lucy came in with a blazing fury that only Erza-nee could match. Her mouth was set in an angry line, her eyes sparked furiously, and she looked on the verge of brutally murdering Natsu-nii.

Natsu-nii promptly let Romeo go and the boy quickly scrambled away as fast as possible before Natsu-nii changed his mind.

"Roughhousing?" Natsu-nii offered innocently.

Lucy didn't believe him.

Instead she turned to Romeo and reached out to check his forehead. "Romeo," she murmured softly, "are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

Romeo looked up at her with his best innocent, wide-eyed, near tears, look that he had perfected from Mira-nee. "My big brother hurt me!" he said piteously.

Lucy dropped her hand and whirled round furiously to face Natsu-nii. "Natsu!" she hissed. "I don't believe you!"

"Lucy," Natsu-nii whined childishly, "if you only knew what was really go-"

"I don't care!" Lucy interrupted angrily. She marched to her front door, yanked it open, and pointed to the landing. "Get out!"

"But he started it!"

"GET OUT AND STAY OUT!"

Natsu-nii fixed Lucy with a miserable, completely heartbroken, look. "If that's what you want," he mumbled as he ducked his head to look at the floor. He glanced up hopefully but Lucy turned away and refused to look at him. It seemed to utterly crush Natsu-nii as he turned to look solemnly at Romeo. "Promise me you'll be good to her."

Romeo nodded wordlessly.

And then Natsu-nii slumped out of the apartment while trying to catch Lucy's eye which she avoided by glaring at the carpet.

They both looked miserable.

The door closed on Natsu-nii and Romeo felt a lump swell up in his throat as Lucy moved around the apartment lifelessly as she cleaned up the mess Romeo and Natsu-nii had caused. They had, somehow, managed to shatter one of her vases.

Lucy sighed hopelessly.

"Well I suppose I can get another one the next time I rescue a southern village from a rampaging griffin," she mumbled to herself, "I mean surely there would be another rare ceramic vase on another job with Na…." she trailed off and carried on cleaning up the pieces.

Romeo quickly came to the conclusion that not only did he have no chance at all with Lucy but he was a grade-A arsehole to break two of his friends' hearts. "I shouldn't have come here tonight," he said numbly.

"No!" Lucy cried out as she grabbed hold of Romeo's shoulders. "You're welcome here anytime."

And he believed that….but only as the little boy who had nowhere else to go and as a dearest friend…..not as a partner.

"Lucy….." he gathered up all his dignity and courage. "Sit down."

Lucy obeyed immediately and sat on the edge of the sofa. She looked up worriedly. "What is it Romeo?" she asked sweetly.

Romeo went down on his knees so he could meet her eyes properly. "Listen, you're really sweet," he said reassuringly, "but it's not going to work out." Lucy frowned in confusion. "Besides we both know that there's a guy out there that is stuck on you."

"I have no id-"

"Shh!" Romeo placed a finger on Lucy's lips. "Don't speak," he said just a little dramatically as he caressed Lucy's soft, plump, lips with his finger. Lucy's eyes widened as they went cross-eyed. Her dark pupils were focused with a mild horror on his finger. His trailed it away and used his whole hand to cup Lucy's cheek. "Just let me remember the way you look right now."

Lucy's mouth dropped open but Romeo had already pulled away and melodramatically swept out of the apartment with his head held up high.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"