Summary: There's a reason why no dark guild will kidnap ALL of the Fairy Girls…

Pairings: Some Gray/Juvia, implied Alzack/Bisca, but generally just lots of friendship feels.

Author's Note: Sorry for not replying to your reviews earlier but according to Fanfiction they didn't exist when I tried to reply this morning. Thank you all, however, for giving me over NINETY TWO HUNDRED reviews!

Natsu's head was killing him.

It was a heavy, nasty, pounding sensation that jolted him awake and made him groan as a wave of nausea hit him. At first, he thought Erza or Laxus had knocked him out again, but he couldn't remember the fight, so he then tried to think back to the night before where he must have drank himself silly only to remember….

"THE GIRLS!"

"'Bout fucking time, Sleeping Beauty," Gajeel grunted, "It's been four whole hours since you were knocked out by that arsehole and his minions went off with the girls."

"Why didn't you try to stop them?!"

Everyone turned to glare at Natsu. They were all bruised and battered round the edges, Freed's arm was in a sling, Droy was clumsily trying to stitch a bad cut on Jet's leg, and Alzack was still unconscious.

"We did," Laxus growled, "but obviously they got the better of us."

"Then why are you still here?!" Natsu demanded. "We should be out there looking for them and hunting the arseholes that took them down before paying them back a billion times over."

"What the hell do you think we're doing?!" Gajeel snarled. "Smelling the roses?!"

"Might as well be!" Natsu snapped back.

"Why you little-"

And thus started the first of many, many, many arguments. No one could agree on anything. Natsu wanted to rush in head first and rescue his friends and bring Lucy home, Laxus and Freed were firmly on the 'do some actual investigating and making an actual plan' team and instantly started to butt heads with Natsu. Everyone soon started to take sides, and then they started the blame game, Gajeel felt it was Gray's fault that Juvia was so easily taken, Jet and Droy blamed Gajeel for Levy's kidnapping, and Elfman blamed everyone for his sisters' capture.

It would take five separate brawls, and Alzack shooting the ceiling with a firm threat that if he didn't have his wife and daughter home by sundown he'll start shooting them, to actually leave the guild building in pursuit of the kidnapper's scent.

…..it would take another twenty seven arguments, four hundred seventy three snide comments, and Alzack fingering his gun threateningly a thousand and twenty one times, before they actually find the compound the girls were being held in.

"Is it just me," Bickslow commented idly as Gajeel knocked out the last two guards, "or is security here just shit? I mean surely after kidnapping some of the most powerful mages you'd have better guards to keep them that way."

"Why are you complaining?!" Alzack snapped impatiently. "It just means we can save the girls much more quickly."

"Actually he has a point," Freed said defensively, "they could be luring us into a false sense of security."

"We can take them," Natsu pounded his fists together, "now stop standing around and let's get on with actually res-EEK!"

Natsu had pushed past Freed and the others and kicked the doors to the great hall of the compound open and was immediately greeted by one of the most terrifying sights he had ever seen in his life which caused him to scream like a girl.

"What is it?" Gray asked worriedly. "Did…..holy shit!" he yelped as he took in the horrific sight that caused Natsu to tremble beside him.

The room was a mess with tears and blood and general destruction, the victims were on the floor weeping as they were inflicted with the worst torture imaginable, and lazing on the throne (why did bad guys always have a throne? Natsu thought idly), with their legs propped up on a sobbing, behind their gag, victim was….

"You're late," Erza drawled as she kicked her 'foot stool' away and stood up, the poor man that had been tied up and gagged let out am muffled yelp of pain and sobbed all the more against the stone slabbed floor, "we were beginning to think you were never going to rescue us."

"….did you even need rescuing?" Laxus managed to find his voice.

They were all too buy watching in horror as the girls were having a drunken party while doing each other's make-up and hair, all the while making their kidnappers weep, and to make matters worse Lucy just swigged from a sake bottle before passing it onto Wendy, which all meant they were drunk.

Oh dear God no!

"We did at first," Erza shrugged, "but then it had been half an hour and we all got tired of waiting for you lot to show up and decided to just save ourselves."

"Then why are you still here?!" Freed cried out. "Do you have any idea how worried we have been?"

Erza shot him a deadly look and the green-haired man instantly paled and hid behind Laxus. Although privately all the boys agreed with Freed they all decided it was best to say nothing at all or else.

"So you mean to say," Gajeel said eventually, "that we had battled through great dangers for nothing."

"What great dangers?" Erza snorted. "We took out all the security eight hours ago. What do you think these guys are?"

The boys all wilted at Erza's dismissal of their rescuing attempts and would have probably have sunken into proper depression if Gay hadn't suddenly be attacked by a blue blur.

"GRAY-SAMA!" Juvia squealed excitedly as she flung her arms round Gray's neck. "You have rescued Juvia from horrors unknown," she said dramatically as she fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously, "How can Juvia thank you?" she purred.

"Erm," Gray said as he tried (and failed) to ply Juvia's arms off his neck, "I haven't really rescued you from anything. You and the others seem to have everything all at hand."

"That's not true at all!" Juvia protested sweetly. "Gray-sama has rescued Juvia from the torture of the Brazilian Wax that Cana-san wanted Juvia to go through."

Gray choked and spluttered to death at that as he was bombarded with perverted thoughts that he did not need. The others guys either choked or actually sank into depression as the only horror they were able to rescue the girls from was Cana's botched attempts of a Brazilian. It was a real blow to their masculinity. After all they had still been chained up when they had been kidnapped and had the decency to let the girls rescue them.

"Please….." one of the kidnappers croaked as they clung to Laxus' coat, "save us….." they pleased. "We promise to never kidnap a girl again just for the love of God rescue u-ARRGH!"

The kidnapper collapsed onto the ground as his body jerked all over the place from the electric shock Laxus gave him. "No one," Laxus growled, "touches my coat but me."

"Laxus!" Mira giggled. "Stop being such a grumpy pants and come celebrate!" she then shoved a bottle of sake in his hands and held up another one to a scowling Gajeel. "We just took down another dark guild. It's party time!" she cajoled them.

The boys all glanced at one another, apart from Gray who had Juvia sobbing over his unconscious form and bloody nose, and then all shrugged.

Why the hell not? They deserved a party.

When the Magic Council barged into arrest a particular dark guild known for kidnapping they were incredibly surprised to find every member running towards them and eagerly holding their hands up to be restrained…

…..but then they caught sight of the half drunken, still partying, Fairy Tail members and just took pity on the dark guild as they started handing out the shock blankets and hot chocolate they brought for the kidnapped victims to the kidnapers instead.