Summary: Lucy starts up a swear jar….

Pairings: Natsu/Lucy, implied Parental Lucy/Nashi, implied Parental Natsu/Nashi, Natsu/Gray/Lucy friendship, implied Nashi/OC, and implied Nashi/Ur.

YouTube Prompt: Trailer mash-up with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

Having a child opened Lucy's eyes to a lot of things and one of them was the fact Natsu swore. A lot. Like all the time.

He did it so casually when he was describing his day, or furiously when he was insulting Gray or Gajeel or Laxus, or when he was frustrated with something, or when he was excited about something (usually an impending battle with Erza or Laxus), or even when they were in bed….actually that last one wasn't a problem, she would be rather put out if she couldn't induce him into babbling nonsense and swear words, but the point was. He did it all the time.

Which was not a good thing when their child was at the age where she can comprehend language and was beginning to talk herself.

Lucy was already languishing in disappointment with the fact that Nashi's first word was Happy instead of Mama, she didn't want her daughter's second word to be a rude one, and it wouldn't surprise her if that happened. She heard all about Romeo's first word and there was no way she was having that incident repeated with Nashi's second word.

So she invested in the biggest jar she could find and cheerfully carried it in the kitchen with the brand new, hand-written label, declaring it for what it was.

Natsu chose that moment to accidentally slice his finger as he chopped an onion for their dinner. He hissed at the slight pain. "Shit!" He swore before he placed his finger in his mouth and sucked on it.

Lucy nudged his arm with the swear jar. "That'll be one jewel, please," she said primly.

Natsu blinked at her, his finger still in his mouth. "Wha…?" he mumbled.

"You swore."

He took the finger out of his mouth. "So?" he asked confused.

"So," Lucy said righteously, "you swear all the time and I am putting a stop to it! I will condition you out of this habit Natsu! One jewel in this jar each time you swear."

"Okay," Natsu said bewilderment still written firmly across his face, "….why?!"

"Because we have a daughter to consider now," Lucy said firmly, "and I will not let her grow up with a mouth of a sailor."

"She won't have a mouth of a sailor, she has your lips, sort of, they're a bit thinner than yours." Any other time Lucy would have swelled up with affection and adoration for her husband simply for the fact that he spent that much time observing both her and their child's face but this wasn't any other time. For starters, Natsu's grin totally told her that he was teasing her, and for another, he didn't get what she was trying to say and that just furthered her frustration. "Besides, what does Nashi have to do with charging me for swear words?"

"I'm hoping that bankruptcy will encourage you to stop swearing."

Natsu snorted at that. "I don't swear that much, Lucy." She raised a disbelieving eyebrow at that. "You swear too!" he snapped defensively.

"Not as often as you do," Lucy retorted back, "and I know when to hold my tongue in the right situation. I learnt to never swear in polite society the hard way," she shuddered at the memory.

"Why?" Natsu asked curiously. "What happened?"

"Aquarius washed my mouth out with soap," Lucy shuddered again, "I still have nightmares about it."

Natsu grimaced and pulled Lucy into a bone-crunching, breath-taking, embrace as he nuzzled her neck comfortingly. He did that every time she talked about her childhood, and Lucy had to confess, she didn't quite get why sometimes (like right now) but she revelled in the affection.

That is, until she started to smell something burning….

"FUCK!"

"That will be another jewel in the jar," she said instantly as Natsu rushed to the hob where he had left his attempt of dinner to burn.

Natsu replied with a string of muttered curse words….Lucy was beginning to think she should have invested in a bigger jar…..

…..and was promptly proven correct by the end of the week. Natsu was terrible at censoring himself and this was leading to a few arguments over what was considered a swearword as he tried to fight for his right to use 'bloody'.

It wasn't just Natsu in all fairness, all of their friends soon found themselves victims to the swear jar if they dared utter a curse under Lucy's roof.

(She didn't try it in the guild building as Mira tended to keep everything censored there whenever the children were in and no one would ever dare cross Mira…)

"Man," Gray whistled as he stared at the jar, completely impressed, "to think if you started that back when you had your own apartment then you'd never need to work to pay your rent."

Natsu scowled at that. "Shut up, you icy prick!" he growled.

"Jewel in the jar, Natsu" Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Oh come on, Luce!" Natsu whined childishly. "Prick isn't a swearword!"

"That's another jewel."

"But-"

"You do realise this is a massive waste of time, right?" Gray drawled. "You're going to spend years charging that idiot each times he curses and anyone else under this roof, and still, somehow, that moron will screw up and your baby will swear."

Lucy thrusted the jar under Gray's face. "That's one jewel for you too," she said flatly.

"Oh come on!"

But in the end Gray was proven right….it was fourteen years down the line, and Lucy's swear jar accumulated so much money that it could have easily replaced doing jobs as their main income (if it wasn't for the fact Natsu was the one contributing the most to it), when Nashi was showing off her new dress for a date.

(Natsu complained that she wasn't old enough to date which Lucy ignored and then he complained that this new boyfriend who he had never met wasn't good enough for Nashi…..which Lucy sort of agreed with.)

Ur had been innocently showing a new Ice Make move when he 'accidentally' (Lucy had her doubts, she was half certain she saw him aim), shot off an ice javelin and tore through Nashi's dress, exposing the back of her knickers.

"…oops?"

"UR!" Nashi shrieked, her face bright red, her eyes sparking with fury, "You-"And then she launched into such a violent stream of swearwords and curses that made even Gajeel blush bright red. "– pig!" she finished triumphantly. And then she saw everyone's faces and turned a deathly pale colour as she slowly glanced over her shoulder at Lucy. "Heh," she laughed nervously, "Hi, Mum!"

Lucy immediately turned away and walked straight out of the guild building. It took forty five minutes for her to numbly, but hastily, get home, pick up the swear jar, and return to the guild building with it.

"Erm," Nashi sweat-dropped (her backside now covered by Natsu's jacket), "I….err…don't think I have enough money to cover…."

SMASH!

Lucy dropped the jar and it shattered to pieces, allowing all the money to roll out and cover the floor. It was a very impressive amount of money and everyone's eyes bugged out at the sight of it.

(Natsu looked worried because he was half convinced Lucy was having a mental breakdown at her failure to keep Nashi from swearing.)

"Drinks are all on Natsu," she said calmly.

Everyone slumped in relief…..and then promptly cheered as they scooped up the money and began to order what they like.

Natsu, however, just swore.