Summary: Happy shatters another cat cliché….after all, why should he catch a rat when Erza can handle it?

Pairings: General friendship feels

YouTube Prompt: Erza tribute to 'Violator Girl' by Black Stone Cherry.

It had been a typical day at the guild, brawls, loud noises, laughter all filled the air until an earth-shattering scream silenced everything, and then, to everyone's surprise, Mira jumped onto a table clutching her skirts.

"OH MY GOD!" she screamed again, looking utterly terrified, "A RAT!" she pointed down at a small, furry, brown thing that caused Levy to scream, Gray to yelp, and Elfman to back away hurriedly into a table. "HAPPY, GO GET IT!"

Happy barely lifted his head away from the fish he was gnawing at. "Why me?" he whined. "Why not someone else?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A CAT!"

Happy raised an eyebrow at that. "And?" he drawled out in bored tone.

"CATS CHASE AND EAT RATS!" Mira screeched. "SO GO FETCH!"

"I thought you said I was a cat," Happy teased, "so why are you giving me a dog order?"

"HAPPY JUST EAT THE DAMN RAT!" Levy squealed as she clutched Cana for support and comfort. The brunette was clinging back just as tightly as she held up one card ready to shoot the vermin. "IT'S WHAT CATS DO!"

"Not me," Happy said snottily, "we've been through this before, remember? I have standards, and I'm not chasing after dinner unless it's the finest and most expensive salmon you can find."

"Goddamnit!" Gray cursed. "Natsu stop spoiling your cat. He's becoming a snob."

"Happy can do whatever he likes, Snow-cone!" Natsu retorted. "If you want the rat gone so badly why don't you do it yourself, huh?"

"You know what, maybe I will," Gray snapped, "Christ knows that I'll do a better job at it than you."

"Oh yeah?" Natsu said sceptically. "I bet I'm better at rat catching that you are."

"Pfft!" Gray snorted. "You'll only burn something to the ground and the rat will get off Scott free, while I can imprison it and-"

"Fire is better!"

"No, Ice is!"

"Fire!"

"Ice!"

"Fire!"

"Ice!"

"Fire!"

"Ice!"

"Fire!"

"Ice!"

"Fire!"

"Ice!"

"I DON'T CARE WHICH ONE OF YOU DOES IT!" Mira interrupted furiously. "JUST ONE OF YOU GET RID OF THAT RAT!"

"Never fear," Erza said calmly as she transformed into an exterminator's uniform, and then pulled out a huge cannon that looked as if it belonged on a tank or something, "I have this matter at hand."

Everyone immediately took several steps back…..

No one is entirely sure how the guild building was still standing once Erza, charred on the edges and missing parts of her clothes, finally dropped the burnt out carcass of the rat, but it was….

Happy returned to his fish, unbothered by the whole thing. After all fish was much tastier and more interesting than some weird furry thing.