Summary: Inspired by an episode of Death in Paradise. Erza's guide to romance is a disturbing one….

Pairings: Gray/Juvia, implied Elfman/Evergreen, Gajeel/Levy, Erza/Jellal, and general friendship feels.

YouTube Prompt: A Gray/Juvia video to 'Starstruck' by Rainbow.

Gray strode into the guild wearing an incredibly, ridiculously, love-struck facial expression. If the guild didn't know better they would have suspected Juvia of drugging him with love potions but the fact was Gray started dating Juvia on his own accord two months after the final battle with Zeref.

(He had declared his love immediately after being released from hospital and therefore there would have been no time for Juvia to drug him which only needs to be stated because the likes of Bickslow and Natsu keep making jokey suggestions that sends Juvia into tears.)

"You look revoltingly happy," Gajeel commented, "I take it things went well with Juvia?" he asked this in a dangerous tone that suggested that things had better gone well or he would end up using Gray's face as a cushion for his fists.

"I have you know," Gray said indignantly, "that things have been going amazingly well. Juvia has been awesome. She made a delicious and romantic dinner last night, candles and rose petals and everything else you can think of, before she presented me with tickets for us to go away. 'to celebrate our two month anniversary' she said, and then," Gray smugly held up a beautifully wrapped box that was covered in a blue bandanna decorated in seashells, "she makes me this awesome bento for lunch today."

"It is a very manly and romantic gesture," Elfman agreed with loud approval, "Juvia is the MAN!"

"She's a woman you idiot," Evergreen muttered.

"Gihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi."

"What are you sniggering about?" Levy poked Gajeel in the arm. "Elfman isn't that funny."

"Nah, not him," Gajeel rolled his eyes, "Him!" he pointed at Gray. "He is so screwed."

"I am not!" Gray cried out. "Why would you say that?!"

"Well think about it," Gajeel said impatiently, "that was your two month anniversary, right?"

"….right," Gray said slowly.

""Well how are you ever going to top that?" Gajeel asked nastily, "You have your three month anniversary, your four month, your fifth month, your sixth, and then Valentine's Day, White Day, Easter, Christmas, her birthday-"

"Oh God!" Gray paled. "I will never be able to top whatever romantic gesture she makes. You know she makes them daily? Last night wasn't even our two month anniversary in her head. It was some ridiculously high numbered day."

"Screwed," Gajeel smirked.

"It is very unmanly to not make a grand romantic gesture," Elfman said sagely, "especially one that does not top the last one made."

"Really?" Evergreen muttered darkly. "Then why don't you make one?"

"Men!" Levy snapped in exasperation ignoring Elfman's stammers of defence. She shifted in Gajeel's lap so she could glare at him properly. Her glare darkened when Gajeel merely smirked down at her with amusement. "Why does everything have to be a competition with you lot?"

"Just how it is," Gajeel said patronisingly, "Shrimp."

Levy's cheeks puffed out angrily at that as she opened her mouth to retort. "Well Levy," Erza interrupted her before she had a chance to snap something nasty at Gajeel about how he can be incredibly unromantic because he was giant metal arse, "to be fair, you must remember what the ancients said about the Art of Love." Erza paused in the polishing of her katana and held it up in the light so she could admire its shine. "Once you have secured the battlefield you must then massacre the enemy."

Everyone blanched at that as they imagined the very worst and then shuddered simultaneously in empathy for Jellal.

"Erza," Levy sweat-dropped, "that's the Art of War."

"Huh," Erza murmured thoughtfully, "oh well," she shrugged, "at least I know Jellal will be faithful to me."

And with that she walked off happily towards Jellal and violently slammed her lips against his.

"Urgh," Gray said uncomfortably, "at least now we know why Jellal hasn't been able to walk recently and why he won't let Wendy heal him."

At that everyone shuddered again.

"Poor Jellal."