Summary: Inspired by an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Cana drives her therapist to drink….

Pairings: Some general family feels if you squint.

YouTube Prompt: Fairy Tail tribute to 'If Today Was Your Last Day' by Nickleback.

Cana would say that she couldn't believe she had been given court mandated therapy sessions to tackle her drinking problem….but considering she had recently encouraged her court mandated AA group to go out and party and it ended in a riot that destroyed half the city they were visiting, she would be totally lying.

She actually surprised this hadn't happened sooner.

At sixteen years old, Cana had been drunk more times than anyone could count, caused multiple bar brawls, riots, drank many pubs out of business, and charged the Magical Council with her bill five times in the last year alone. Drinking problem was probably an understatement at this point.

So here she was, in a stuffy office, with some old guy that was a complete stranger to her, and expected to spill her guts about her problems by order of the law.

Yeah….no, she was so not going to do that.

If she couldn't tell her own father that she was his daughter or the man that raised her what has really been bothering her in the last eleven years or any of her friends that she's feeling a bit blue today, then there was no way in hell she was going to tell a strange old man with a big beard, glasses, and a clipboard a single damn thing.

"So tell me, Cana," her therapist said in a soft, soothing, voice. "Why do you drink?"

"Well I suppose," Cana said flatly as she carefully masked any emotions from her face, it's "because I witnessed my father brutally murder someone."

Her therapist choked on his own spit at that. "What?!" he yelped.

"I was ten years old," Cana said as she focused on the wall behind her therapist, "and my father was arguing with his business partner. I was supposed to be asleep you see but the loud voices woke me up and I went down stairs to see what was wrong. I peered through the crack of my father's study just in time to see his hands reach for the antique clock on his desk…."

Her therapist had stood up midway, horrified and trembling, and Cana really fought off the urge to smirk when she saw him shakily pull out a brandy decanter from his desk and pour out a drink for himself. This encouraged her to go into full detail of a brutal, bloody, murder and the trauma it had caused as she watched her therapist drain glass after glass.

He was obviously not expecting a breakthrough like this so quickly nor had he obviously been trained to deal with this sort of situation whatsoever.

"….and then after we had buried the body, my father made me vow to never speak of this again," Cana said solemnly, "we burnt out clothes, washed the blood off of our hands, and pretended as if that night had never happened. But to this very day I still hear the tick-tocking of that antique clock from deep in the woods where we had buried it besides the body. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick…..tock."

Her therapist shuddered before he drained another glass and slammed it onto his desk. "That's deeply unsettling," he confessed….and then something must have given her away because his eyes narrowed slightly behind his glasses and he asked; "was any of that true?"

"….No."

And with that Cana burst out laughing and would have continued to do so until she wet herself if the Rune Soldiers from the Magical Council hadn't burst in that very moment. It was then she realised that she had poured so much attention to every detail in her story that she had been talking for almost five hours and that had deeply concerned her assigned council guard that escorted her to therapy and he fetched some re-enforcements. The Captain took one look at the therapist, and the empty glasses of bandy, and one look at a very sober Cana and came to the conclusion that Cana was in fact -

"Untreatable!" Cana shouted delightedly as she held up her official Magical Council Certificate for everyone to see." See that!" she said smugly as she waved it in Natsu's face." I am untreatable. Try to beat that, you suckers!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME!" Master bellowed furiously from across the room. "THERAPY ISN'T A GAME!"