Summary: Inspired by an episode of Full House. Everyone is entertained as they watch Bickslow struggle with two broken arms.

Pairings: Thunder God Tribe friendship, Mira/Bickslow friendship, implied Bickslow/Lisanna, and some implied Laxus/Bickslow friendship.

YouTube Prompt: Fairy Tail tribute to 'Photograph' by Nickleback.

It was a rare, quiet, day at the guild as majority of the members were out in search of rent money. Mira was enjoying the silence as she cleaned the bar when Freed and Evergreen suddenly walked in looking worried.

"Welcome home!" Mira greeted cheerfully but as soon as she caught the concerned frowns on Freed's and Evergreen's faces, her smile fell. "What's wrong?" she asked anxiously. "Did something happen?"

"Kinda," Evergreen shrugged, "is Wendy home?" she asked quickly.

"No," Mira said, definitely worried and concerned now, "she's gone on a job with Natsu, Lucy, and the others. They won't be back for another few days."

"Crap!"

The fact that it was Freed who swore really set alarm bells going off in Mia's head. Something bad must have happened because Freed really wasn't prone to swearing. He was a truly rare specimen….a Fairy Tail gentleman.

"Why?" she pressed. "What happened?"

"Erm…." Freed nibbled on his lip, "Bickslow sort of had an accident."

"What kind of accident?!" Mira shrieked.

"Nothing life threatening," Freed said in a tone that wasn't at all reassuring, "just-"

It was then when the door was suddenly kicked open and Mira dropped a glass (which shattered on impact) and gasped, horrified, as she caught sight of Bickslow's injuries. Bickslow walked in robotically as both of his arms were set in front of him in matching, bright, white casts.

"Thanks for waiting for me!" he spat out sarcastically. "So nice to know you care."

"Thanks! Thanks! Thanks!" his babies chanted behind him nastily.

Evergreen rolled her eyes at that. "You were the one that kept insisting you didn't need help," she pointed out impatiently, "and that you were fine."

"And I am!" Bickslow protested.

"Oh my God, Bickslow!" Mirajane cried out. "Are you all right?!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Bickslow snapped impatiently, "it's just two broken arms. There's no need to fuss."

"No fuss! No fuss! No fuss!"

"But your arms!" Mira shrieked as she gestured at the two stiff limbs in white plaster. "You can't do anything with them like that!"

"Like hell I can't!" Bickslow snarled stubbornly. "I'm a Fairy Tail mage, I'm part of the Thunder God Tribe, and I eat impossible for breakfast and shit it out on improbability. Nothing can hold me back."

"Thank you," Freed said primly, "for that lovely mental image."

"You're welcome," Bickslow grinned childishly, "now then can I have something for lunch and to drink?"

"I thought you can do anything," Mira said dryly, "that you eat impossible for breakfast and shit it out on improbability."

"Yeah…"

"Well then," Mira said with false cheer and pleasantry, "you can make your own lunch."

"Fine!" Bickslow huffed. "I'll show you!"

And with that he marched right into the kitchen, shouldering his way through the door, Freed, Evergreen, and Mira all exchanged concerned looks before they shrugged and followed. Already they were greeted by the sight of Bickslow opening the fridge with his teeth.

"Oh boy…" Freed murmured. "This is going to be painful to watch."

There was an extremely painful moment where Bickslow spent ages staring into the fridge as he tried to nudge items out with his fingers.

"Jesus, Bickslow!" Evergreen snapped. "Just let us help you!"

"No!" Bickslow spat out defiantly. "I. Can. Do. This."

Evergreen rolled her eyes as Bickslow slammed himself against the fridge hard enough to allow half the contents of the fridge out into his arms, and all over the floor, which caused Mira to wince.

(Undoubtedly she'll be the one doing the cleaning later.)

Bickslow staggered across the kitchen, desperately trying to cling to his food, one packet of cheese hung out of his mouth. His teeth dug into the plastic before he spat it out onto the counter.

"You can keep that," Mira informed him.

"Well then," Freed said flatly, "you have your ingredients out on the counter now how do you propose to make your meal without the use of your arms."

"I have a mouth!" Bickslow declared. "I have a tongue." He stuck his tongue out to make his point. "And I have my teeth!"

"Teeth! Teeth! Teeth!"

"You know what," Mira said blandly, "You can keep all of that." She gestured uselessly at the food sprawled out on the counter that would undoubtedly all end up in Bickslow mouth for some reason or the other.

"Yosh!" Bickslow said confidently. "Watch and learn, kiddies. Daddy is going to make a sandwich without any hands."

Freed pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to prevent a migraine while Evergreen rolled her eyes again and Mira wondered if anyone would actually care at this point if she just knocked Bickslow out with a broom.

Bickslow successfully managed to pull out two, pre-sliced, pieces of bread without any hassle but the first problem arose when it came to opening up the butter. Everyone watched, in agony, as Bickslow kept trying to bite the lid and yank it up. It took five tries but he managed it and then it came trying to butter the bread…..everyone grimaced as Bickslow shoved his face in the butter pot and licked the yellow slab repeatedly.

"Couldn't' you have tried to make something simpler?" Freed cried out exasperated. "Like a bowl of cereal."

"I wanted a sandwich!"

"Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich!"

"Well," Freed said prissily, "for all of our sakes, couldn't you have a dry sandwich? You're not getting anywhere trying to butter things with your tongue."

"You're just jealous," Bickslow said, his voice muffled by butter, "because your tongue is nowhere near as awesome as mine."

"I…don't even want to think about responding to that," Freed shook his head.

Much to everyone's relieve, Bickslow stopped attempting to butter his bread and just pulled out a slice of ham with his teeth and dumped into on a slice of bread, he then tore of a lot of lettuce with his teeth and spat it out over the ham, and then bit a huge chunk of cheese before doing the same again, he then carefully nudged the other slice of bread on top of it all with his nose.

"Tada!" he stood up proudly. "One sandwich without hands. Now to eat…it…." He trailed off hopelessly as realisation sunk in.

He couldn't pick up his sandwich.

And even if he could, he would never be able to bring it to his lips because his arms were permanently held in a certain position which didn't allowed movement.

In other words….he was screwed.

Evergreen snickered. "Are you sure you don't want any help now?" she asked, her eyes bright with amusement.

"No!" Bickslow gritted his teeth. "I can do this!"

And then much to everyone's horror he dove down on the sandwich and started eating like some sort of wild, crazed, animal.

"Oh my God!" Evergreen shrieked. "That's revolting!"

"Bickslow!" Freed scolded. "A wolf has better manners than you, hell, even Natsu has better manners than you right now."

BANG!

Enough was enough, Mira slammed a hand down on the kitchen counter that caused everyone to jump, and all of them to pale as they saw the crack in the tile beneath her palm.

"Look at yourself!" Mira spat out disgustedly. "It's a good thing Laxus is away right now or he'll be ashamed." Actually apart from the initial stab of concern because, you know, Bickslow broke two arms, Laxus really wouldn't have cared but saying that wouldn't have been effective at all. It was times like this Mira needed to play the Laxus card whether or not it was true. "You look like a filthy animal and you're being bloody stupid," she carried on furiously, "Would you please stop making a mess, sit down, and let me make you a sandwich like I would if you haven't had two broken arms."

"Okay…." Bickslow sighed in defeat as he slumped in depression, "I might need a little help."

Mira smiled warmly and patted Bickslow's shoulder comfortingly. "That's what we're here for Bickslow," she said softly, (extremely pleased that she can now put the kitchen back to order and not have to witness such a horrible scene ever again), "we're family, remember."

"….does this mean Lisanna can give me a sponge bath?" Bickslow asked hopefully.

"Only if it's in a puddle of your own blood," Mira replied sweetly.

"…You know what," Bickslow laughed nervously, "Freed gives good sponge baths already. I don't need to ask Lisanna for that particular favour."

And that was how Bickslow ended up enduring days and days of being completely patronised as Freed and Evergreen took care of him. It more than made up for the kitchen's destruction as Mira got to watch Bickslow sulk in his chair, full on pout, while Freed held a spoon at his lips.

"Here comes the train," he cooed, "open wide, Choo! Choo! Choo!"

"Choo! Choo! Choo!" Bickslow's babies chanted evilly.

Bickslow grumbled but begrudgingly opened his mouth and allowed Freed to shove the spoon in his mouth. Everyone sniggered into their drinks as they watched this routine go on over and over again.

It will never stop being so entertaining.

"So," Cana murmured into Mira's ear, "has anyone told him that Wendy had come home two weeks ago?"

"Why?" Mira smirked. "This is far too entertaining to stop."