Summary: Inspired by an episode of Rush Hour. Natsu has no idea what is or how to be a wingman…

Pairings: Gajeel/Levy, crack implied Gajeel/Natsu, actual Gajeel/Natsu friendship, implied Gajeel/Lily friendship, and some implied Gajeel/Juvia friendship.

YouTube Prompt: Fairy Tail girls, or more specifically Erza, tribute to 'So What?' by Pink.

Gajeel needed romantic help.

Which was not something he liked to admit but after five times trying to ask Levy McGarden out on a date and failing epically due to his own stupidity or the interferences of Jet and Droy, Gajeel was a pretty desperate. He had already asked Lily but the black cat refused flatly and immediately.

"I am not stupid enough to get myself tangled in your love life, I'd like to enjoy what's left of my nine lives in peace," Lily deadpanned, "if you need help so desperately ask Mira. This is exactly the sort of thing she lives for."

Gajeel said he was desperate but he wasn't that desperate.

So after much deliberation of his fellow male guild members, Gajeel came to the horrifying realisation that the closest to a best friend and ergo wingman, he had was…..

"Salamander!" he barked as he approached the messy, loud, pink-haired Dragon Slayer. Natsu turned and greeted him with a stupid grin and a casual 'what's up?' that Gajeel promptly ignored. "Listen," he grunted quickly, "The Shrimp is on her way to the guild. and will be here any second, I need you to do me a favour, and be my wingman."

"Sure!" Natsu chirped cheerfully. There was a beat of silence and then - "What's a wingman?" he asked bewilderedly.

"….You're kidding me, right?"

Natsu's face screwed up with further confusion. "Why would I kid?" he asked in a tone that was strongly suggesting that Gajeel was being incredibly stupid right now (and boy did it sound like an invitation to be punched). "I'm a legal adult now."

"You…I…..urgh," Gajeel growled as he rubbed his temples in attempt to get rid of the headache Natsu had caused. He had little time and patience to deal with this stupidity. "Look," he snapped impatiently, "a wingman is a friend who has his guy's back and helps him with the ladies."

"Oh," Natsu blinked and then he suddenly grinned widely. "Well I'll definitely have your back," which Gajeel believed without a jot of doubt, "but I don't know how to help you with the ladies," which sadly Gajeel also believed without a jot of doubt. God he was desperate. Natsu's face screwed up in disgust. "I don't need to kiss anyone or something do I?"

"No!" Gajeel barked. "All you have to do is talk me up to the Shrimp and make me look good."

"Oh, that's going to be really hard," Natsu said childishly, "You don't look at all good."

Gajeel's forehead twitched as his jaw clenched and his hand curled up into a fist. "Are you asking for a knuckle sandwich?!" he bellowed into Natsu's face. Natsu opened his mouth and Gajeel could just tell something incredibly stupid was going to come out of it and immediately held up a hand to silence him. "No, don't answer that!" he snapped. "I don't have time to fight you and give you the beating you most definitely deserve, Salamander. Just tell the Shrimp subtly how desirable and sexy I am and how she should date me, all right?"

"Ah," Natsu's eyes widened with realisation. "Gotcha!" he grinned.

"Good," Gajeel grunted. "Because here she comes now."

Levy walked in with her head buried in a book, she looked up and glanced around before her eyes landed on Gajeel and a beautiful, radiant, smile, and she immediately headed in their direction. "Hi Gajeel," she greeted him warmly, "hi Natsu."

"Shrimp," Gajeel grunted.

"Hmmph!" Levy huffed as she puffed her cheeks out angrily. She purposely turned her back to Gajeel and looked intently at Natsu. "What's up Natsu?" she asked, choosing to ignore Gajeel.

"Nothing much," Natsu shrugged. "I just thought that you should know that Gajeel Redfox is the most desirable and sexy man I know."

In typical sod's law, this was when the entire guild decided to fall silent, and therefore everyone heard Natsu's loud, proud, proclamation. Several people's eyes widened, Macao and Wakaba and Cana all choked on their drinks before they broke down sniggering. And everyone else's jaws dropped open in shock.

Gajeel face palmed.

"…right," Levy said awkwardly, "….that's good to know," she murmured, "I hope you two are very happy together."

And then as quickly as she could without looking like she was running, Levy rushed to the other side of the room towards the girls.

"There you go!" Natsu grinned stupidly as he held two thumbs up. "Nailed it."

"No you didn't, you idiot!"

Next time, Gajeel decided grimly, I'm going to ask a pot plant to be my wingman.

Something told him he would get more success with a silent, brainless, pretty plant than he would with Natsu Dragneel as his wingman.