Summary: Inspired by an episode of Soul Eater. Elfman's therapist regrets encouraging poetry…
Pairings: Some implied Strauss sibling feels and other family/friendship feels.
YouTube Prompt: A parody lip-syncing to 'Summer Lovin' from Grease. Any pairings and any characters.
Elfman Strauss looked incredibly out of place in the tiny, clean, twee office of his therapist. His gigantic body spilled out of the arm chair as he uncomfortably tried to fold himself in. the uncomfortableness of it all did nothing to help his nerves as he anxiously glanced round the room and sweat poured down his face.
"Now, Elfman," his therapist said kindly, "how are you this week?"
"Fine! Good! Great!" Elfman spluttered out quickly. "Everything is wonderful because I AM MANLY!"
"Now Elfman," his therapist said chidingly, "what have we discussed about you hiding how you truly feel under what is perceived to be masculine?"
"Erm…." Elfman mumbled shyly, "….not to?"
"Exactly!" his therapist said enthusiastically. "There is nothing wrong to be in touch with your feelings or your artistic side and you shouldn't have to hide your feelings and interests under all of this bluster because you want to be perceived as strong. Plenty of people are strong without being manly and muscular."
"I know," Elfman said quietly, "but it's hard."
This was why he was in therapy. He had been in a Magical Council meeting in regards to all of his destruction in some recent jobs as the Magical Council debated exactly how much he owed and how he would pay it back when one councillor said something incredibly snide and unmanly which set Elfman off and….well it took twenty Rune Knights to drag him into the prison cells and a lot of negotiating from to get Elfman off with community service and a court mandated therapy session.
"You have only been in therapy for three weeks, Elfman," his therapist said gently. Elfman nodded. He was incredibly aware of this. Three weeks and his therapist had yet to jump out of the window, or submit a list of complaints against him, or anything else that could cause any trouble. It currently made him a favourite of Master's. "You cannot expect a rapid change. The fact you have managed to admit your problems and are currently working on them is great progress and you should be proud of yourself."
"I try to be," he murmured.
"You should be!" his therapist said firmly. "Now then have you given my assignment of getting back into writing poetry any thought?"
Elfman used to a great lover of poetry, still is but it was something he kept more private nowadays, and his therapist had suggested that writing it again could help him process his feelings. Help him with his insecurities and his grieve over Lisanna…
"I have," Elfman admitted shyly, "and I have written something. Would you like to read it?"
His therapist smiled at him. "I would indeed!" Elfman grinned back and hastily pulled his poem out from his jacket pocket and handed it over. His therapist smoothed the crinkled paper out and immediately began to read.
It happened so dramatically that no one could have missed it.
The therapist's smile instantly faded into nothing as their cheerful demeanour grew gloomier and gloomier until a dark blue aura of despair and depression seemed to hung over them.
"I have lost the will to live," his therapist murmured. Elfman's jaw dropped horrified at the sudden, unprofessional, and uncharacteristic announcement. His therapist then got up, opened the window, and stepped up on the window ledge. "GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!"
Elfman let out a horrified yell and tried to jump up but it was too late….his therapist had jumped out of the window.
(Fortunately the Magic Council had predicted this was a possibility and Elfman's sessions had been held on the ground floor but still…)
"HOW COULD YOU?!" Master bellowed furiously that very night. "You were doing so well, Lord knows you lasted longer than Natsu -" Natsu's indignant yell of 'Oi' was completely and utterly ignored. "- and yet you still made your therapist jump out of the window. Why?! Why do you brats insist tormenting me so?!"
"It wasn't my fault, Master!" Elfman said pleadingly. "All I need was my poetry assignment. My therapist read it and then….well….decided to jump out of a window."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Master snapped. "Poetry can't make people suicidal. Let me read that," he impatiently snatched Elfman's poem out of his hands and quickly scanned the page. Instantaneously he choked as his face turned blue with depression and despair. "I now no longer wish to live," he mumbled as he suddenly dropped the poem.
Elfman's jaw dropped open as the small, elderly, man then suddenly crawled into a corner and began to rock back and forth.
"Master!" Mira spat out disgustedly. "That's not funny at all!" she picked up the poem and glowered at the corner where Master was still rocking back and forth like a child or a crazy person. "I'm sure Elfman's poem is a very love…..I too no longer wish to live," she mumbled as her fiery spirit died out after reading the first two lines.
She joined Master in rocking back and forth in the corner.
"Hey!" Cana yelled out cheerfully as she drunkenly staggered towards Elfman. "What's with those two losers?" she asked as she jammed a thumb in Master's and Mira's direction. "What crawled up their arses and died?"
"My poetry apparently," Elfman said miserably.
"Ah come on!" Cana said cheerfully as she patted Elfman on the back. "It can't be that bad. We all remember the bird sonnet." She then picked up Elfman's poem and began to read it. Her wide grin slide off of her face as she suddenly sobered up and wrapped her arms round herself. "I have now lost the will to live," she murmured.
And then she also joined the others in rocking back and forth in the corner. The dark, gloomy, aura of despair was beginning to overcome the usual partying mood of the guild. Soon enough the entire guild had read it and ended up huddled in the corner together as they despaired the loss of enjoying life.
Gray even started to put on extra layers of clothes because he wanted to hide under something while Natsu looked uncharacteristically lifeless, and Erza stopped eating the cake she had been nibbling at while she read Elfman's poem as Levy loudly declared she would never read again. They all ended up in the corner together after reading the poem. Even Laxus…..though it was really hard to tell because he hadn't said anything and looked very much the same.
"MY POETRY ISN'T THAT BAD! " Elfman roared indignantly as the insult became too much. "Is it?!" he asked doubtfully. No one answered as they had all lost the will to live and the gloom and doom aura began to get to him. He picked up his poem and read it again….
"I too have lost the will to live!"
It was a quiet night in Fairy Tail as everyone huddled in the corner together and rocked back and forth….until Natsu accidentally bumped Gray's shoulder and the pair of them snapped out of it long enough to start a brawl.
Then everything went back to normal.
Well, not everything, Master had to then enforce a ban on Elfman ever writing poetry again. It was something the entire guild agreed on unanimously.
A real first in Fairy Tail history