She is
by
Sakura-chan Master of the Clow
Track 02: White T-shirt

Disclaimer: I do not own any original characters from CardCaptor Sakura. They belong to the beautiful members of CLAMP. I also don't own any of the songs or lyrics referenced in this fanfiction. All belongs to the brilliant writer, composer, singer-songwriter, poet, and artist that is SHINee's Jonghyun and all those who helped create the album. However, the storyline for this fanfiction is all mine–inspired by the album "She is" itself, of course–so please no copyright.

~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~

It's been about three months since Sakura moved in with me. One would think I would have advanced somewhat in confessing my feelings to her again; sadly, no. We're still only friends. The reason? It turns out it's even more nerve-wracking trying to confess to the love of your life the second time around than the first. I can't believe my 11-year-old self had more balls than the current me.

Would today be the day? I've been thinking about it all day during work. Yes, I work; only part-time, though. Do I need to? Probably not; my family could easily pay for my expenses. However, I don't want them to–I want some form of freedom. Working was another thing I had to fight the Elders to let me do. They only allowed it if I didn't let my grades slip, hence only the part-time. It's not anything extravagant. I work at an English conversation school and am a freelance business interpreter for English, Mandarin, and Cantonese.

On the other hand, Sakura works at a café–no, not a maid or themed cafe, though that would be very cute–more of a tea shop, really, near our home. A friend she met at school—Akiho, I believe was her name—asked if she could help out until they could get some new hires. Being the kind friend she is, Sakura agreed and has stayed on since. It's a charming shop, and their desserts are the best I've had so far. I've gone to pick her up so much that I'm sure her co-workers must think I'm her actual boyfriend; they always give me a cup of tea while I wait for her to finish her shift. They haven't asked me, so technically, I haven't confirmed nor denied it. However, I would like to confirm it. I just have to confess my feelings again and, hopefully, she will accept them.

I was mentally preparing myself for when I got home. It's Saturday, and I had an early morning shift. Unfortunate, but at least I get to get out by lunchtime. I quickly found out that Sakura and I are foodies and usually make plans to eat out on weekends—we take turns during the week or cook together—as we like to explore different restaurants and cafes in Tokyo.

We have gotten closer as we learned and adjusted to living together. It was a much easier transition than when I was living with Meiling. Not that Meiling was hard to live with…but splitting up the house chores has helped a lot. And I get to enjoy Sakura's cooking; it's a win-win. She's always saying my cooking is better, but I like hers more. However, I like it best when we cook together. I feel like I get to know her better the more I find out what kinds of food she likes or dislikes. Plus, she looks adorable in the apron Tomoyo made for her. There are instances when I think she might like me too, like when I notice she puts more thought into her outfit when we go out—not that Sakura needs to, she looks cute in just about anything—but perhaps I'm only giving myself false hope.

Before I know it, I'm in front of our door, and I have not even thought about what I would say to her. I planned to tell her on the 100th day since we moved in together, only a few days away. However, I'm still not sure how I would go about it. Sighing, I key in our code and wait for the click, signaling it opened.

"I'm home," I call out.

I smile as I hear Sakura call back, "Syaoran-kun, welcome home!" I would never get tired of coming home to her sweet voice. Already, I can't wait to see her. As I remove my shoes, I hear her humming a tune from the living room, which I noticed she does whenever she's cleaning or cooking. Every time, a small "wow" escapes my lips. Moreover, I instantly forget my worries as my feet follow her soothing voice.

As I got closer, I planned on telling Sakura to wait a bit while I shower and change before we head out. But, instead, I stop in a panic when I see her folding clothes, two neat piles beside her on the couch, the TV playing an idol weekly music show in the background. This usually wouldn't be cause for alarm; it's what she's folding that stops me in my tracks.

In her delicate hands…are my boxers.

Sakura looks up, noticing me in the room. "Syaoran-kun, how was work?"

"Uh, great," I say. Sakura's folding it so neatly as if it were second nature. How could this not phase her? I suggested we do our laundry on separate days specifically for this reason. I better tread lightly. "You uh…did laundry today?"

Sakura nodded happily. "It was my day to do it, but I didn't have much, so I decided to wash yours too; I hope you don't mind." Sakura grabs a shirt, lays it flat on her lap, and begins neatly folding it.

"I don't mind but…" I could feel my ears grow warm. "You're not embarrassed?"

Sakura turns to me and tilts her head in confusion. "Why would I be?" I don't even know how to answer her. "Ah, don't worry, I did laundry plenty back home. I promise everything washed safely."

"Th-that's not it." She absentmindedly picks up another one of my boxers. I turn my head; my face must be as red as a tomato. "I mean, it's not embarrassing folding…men's clothes?"

"No, not really. I did my brother and father's laundry all the time," said Sakura. I hang my head in my palm; she's obviously not getting it.

"What I mean is…picture you finding me folding, say your bra, completely unfazed since I did laundry for my mother and sisters."

"That would be—" Sakura pauses mid-fold; I can practically see the wheels turning in her head. Then, she covers her face in her palm as she realizes what I mean.

"Hoeee! I-I'm sorry, Syaoran-kun. I just wanted to help you out a little bit."

I smile. "I know, I'm not mad," I say softly. "I was just…surprised." Very surprised.

"How about we finish together?" Sakura suggests shyly from behind her fingers.

I smile, place my bag down on the single armchair and take a seat in between the pile of clothes she made on the other side of the couch.

"Let's leave each other's undergarments to their rightful owner."

"Deal."

We get in comfortable silence, and soon enough, Sakura softly starts humming along to the music playing on the TV. I smile and sneak glances at her. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about her today makes her look even more stunning. She is dressed casually in jeans and a loose-fitting t-shirt; her hair is slightly messy like she hadn't yet combed it. Still, she looks as beautiful as ever. The lighting in the room changed somewhat, and I gulped.

I see.

It is nothing. It's just a white t-shirt, but the glimpse of her silhouette provokes my imagination in that one second. How does such a simple outfit make your body stand out even more?

I have to look away before my imagination goes elsewhere. But I feel it, like gravity; my eyes are pulled and locked on Sakura and that white t-shirt.
We quickly finish, and as I gather my pile, I tell her about my previous plan of showering before we head out. Sakura nods happily as she neatly places her now folded clothes in the laundry basket.

I make sure to turn on the cold water to cool myself down. I need it. Even in casual clothing, Sakura looks way too cute. I finish, and I'm staring at my closet for what feels like a solid minute. I could also wear jeans and a white t-shirt, low-key insinuating what could be with couples clothing and drive off any passing eyes that are sure to stare at Sakura in our outing. More importantly, would my white t-shift have the same effect on her as hers does on me? I'm tempted to try it out, but would this be too bold of me?

I figure it can't hurt anything and decide to match my outfit with hers, throwing on a light open buttoned jean jacket over my t-shirt in an attempt not to be too similar. As I step out in the living room, Sakura, still watching the idol music show, is dancing along to the routine as if she were a member herself. As if it was passing by, I saw her smile as she danced. Like clockwork, I'm reminded how much I've already deeply fallen.

Look at those chic eyes. I grin to myself. Those idols have nothing on my Sakura. My Sakura…

As if she heard me calling, Sakura turns and notices me. She smiles in embarrassment. It's not like it's my first time catching her dance; it's her major, after all. "Y-you ready?"

"Only if you are," I tease.

Sakura laughs. I feel satisfied in making her laugh; I always want to see her happy. She quickly turns off the TV and pads across the room to my side. I smile when I see Sakura grab her black combat boots as I finish putting on my own. We ended up matching all the way.

"So," I say as we exit the building, "anywhere in particular you want to go eat today?"

Sakura puts a finger on her chin as if to think. Then, she brisks ahead of me enough to turn and face me, walking backward. "I heard there's a good ramen place that opened up near the station."

"Let's go there then," I agree instantly.

She turns and falls back into step with me, pulling out her phone, and searches the ramen shop to show me their menu.

As I'm leaning down to get a better look at her phone, the sun peeks out from behind a cloud above. I catch my breath. The spilling sunlight makes her shoulder line shine even more.

Baby, you're so dazzling.

Sakura's green eyes suddenly lock onto mine; I realize she's waiting for my response. "I'm sorry, what is it?"

Sakura giggles. "What's with you today, Syaoran-kun? You're kind of out of it."

How can I not? "You look so pretty." Ah, shit, did I say that out loud?

"Hoe? Do you think so? I didn't do anything special, though."

I see the light pink tint paint her cheeks. Is it because of me? Well, if I'm going to confess to her soon, I told myself before, I had to make feelings for her be known bit by bit. So I haven't shied away from giving her compliments at any chance I get. And this time is no exception. "Your casual style makes you look even more special."
"You think so?"

"Without a doubt."

Sakura hides a smile behind her hair as she looks back down to her phone. The crimson tip of her ears poking through gave her away. A small "Thank you" meant only for my ears were spoken.

~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~

When we arrive at the ramen shop, we get seated at one of the booths near the corner. We place our ramen order as well as a couple of appetizers. Even as we wait for the food to arrive, we plan to stop by our current favorite boba shop on the way home.

The topic shifts to choreographies she'd like to film together. When Sakura first moved in, she asked what the 3rd room was for if only Meling and I lived there. It ended up being a training room of sorts for us—it was left practically empty other than a few wooden swords and other martial arts weapons we trained with hung on the wall and padding on the floor. We've since moved the padding to only half the room, installed mirrors across one of the walls, and converted it into a dance practice room for Sakura to use.

Sakura is studying to be a choreographer. Her dream is to direct a concert or make original choreography for her favorite idol group—any idol group really, but preferably her favorite if possible. The choreographers she looks up to, the most recent being Koharu Sugawara and Rino Nakasone.

In the three months we started living together, she succeeded in bringing me into the world of K-pop and idols. I was vaguely aware of it before, again living with four sisters, but I have a newfound respect for it through Sakura. Those dances, let me tell you, are not easy. Dancing, in general, has become a new hobby for me; I even joined our college's dance team with her; and if I get to do it with Sakura, even better. We started recording ourselves to see the improvement and make a reel for her in the future. I'm sure she sees the improvement in herself; I can see confidence in herself has increased when she's dancing. The few videos we posted so far have taken off. In general, I found that the fans of the genre are very passionate.

Sakura's eyes light up when the appetizers come in. Her eyes scan the table, unsure of where to start. I smile and pick up a steamed gyoza, dip it in the sauce and hold it out for her. By now, she's gotten used to me wanting to feed her and happily leans over.

"Is it good?" I ask.

Mouth stuffed Sakura only smiles and nods enthusiastically. She takes picks up a gyoza herself and reciprocates the offer. I grin and happily accept. Ah, already I can tell the food here is fantastic.

"It's good, no?" Sakura asks. It's my turn to nod, mouth full of food. "Hey, Syaoran-kun, I've noticed you've been smiling a lot more recently."

I have? Well, seeing Sakura every day is something to smile about. "I feel blessed and happy, that's all," I answer honestly. "Why, is it weird?"

"No, not at all. I'm happy to see you smiling more but, are you…okay? With us living together, I mean."

"Yeah, I am," I say softly. And then I panic. Could it be I'm the only one who is enjoying living together? "Are you?"

"Of course I am," Sakura says a bit too quickly.

There's something that's on her mind. "Then what brought this on?" I ask gently.

Sakura stuffs another gyoza in her mouth. I patiently wait until she's ready to talk again. "I-it's just that…Tomoyo-chan mentioned something to me the other day."

Oh great. This could either be something good or bad. Good, I hope. At least Daidouji always gave the impression of supporting my feelings for her best friend. I better tread carefully."What is it?"

"She mentioned, well more like reminded me, that it might be hard on you living with me."

"Why would that be?"

Sakura paused and bit her bottom lip. "Well, um…I never got the chance to give you an answer all those years ago. I thought you might have forgotten or something. We continued as friends all these years."

Oh, I think. I guess we're doing this today.

"Sakura," I call softly. "If you have any doubts, I should make it clear that I'm still in love with you. My feelings for you are not something I can forget so easily. If anything, they've grown every day and more as we started living together. Before I knew it, you became my space; my whole world revolved around you. I want to know everything about you. Your likes, dislikes, what makes you happy, or things I can do to make you smile when you're sad. I want to be someone you can lean on."

Saying all this in a ramen shop is not as romantic as I imagined when reaffirming my love, but I mean every word.

"That being said," I continue. "I'll understand if you don't feel the same, and I won't force my feelings onto you. If you're happy with the way things are now—happy just being friends—I'll respect your feelings, and we'll continue what we have now for as long as you'd like to live with me. Your happiness is also mine."
Sakura's green eyes widen. Her eyes thoroughly check mine, which are tied by hers checking to see if my sincerity got through. I see a sparkle form in her eyes.

"I," Sakura begins and pauses. "I feel like I should apologize to you, Syaoran-kun."

My heart sinks. The small hope I gave myself that perhaps, perhaps she might like me back, weighs down on me heavier than I ever imagined.

Despite my inner turmoil, I can only hear Sakura out as she continues. "I'm sorry. I should have told you I lo— really like you too sooner."

Wait. What?

"You…like me too?" I echo. It sounds improbable even to my ears. Just a second ago, I was preparing to bury these feelings into the most profound, darkest depth of my heart. But now…she likes me? She really likes me?! My eyes thoroughly check hers, they're tied up by my eyes. My heart feels as if it's being squeezed to its limit.

"I wanted to tell you before you left for Hong Kong, but I never got the chance to. I tried again when you came to visit that one summer, but so many things kept interrupting me that I could never find the right time. I wanted to find the courage to tell you my feelings face to face just as you did, but in the end, it didn't work out. Before I knew it, our relationship through phone calls and letters fell back into friendship, and I didn't want to ruin that. I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than lose you altogether."

Damn it. Is it possible a heart can burst from happiness?

"But, I like how things are now, too," Sakura continues. "I don't know if I can shift our friendship to something more so suddenly. I mean, what if we start going out and then you have to leave. It'd be like losing you all over again and I can't—"

I slide into her side of the booth and gently cup her head in my hands. "Hey, it's okay," I say softly, my thumbs wiping the tears spilling from those gorgeous green eyes. "I'm here. I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't my choice to leave Japan; I fought to come back to you every single day until the very end, even when I wasn't sure if you felt the same. All I knew was I wanted to be with you, in any way, shape, or form. I promise I won't leave you so suddenly again. I'll take any opportunity to show you my feelings for you are true. And when you're ready, we'll take that next step together."

Sakura placed her hands over mine, her eyes pleading. "Pinky swear?"

I grin and hook my pinky with hers. "Pinky swear."

Sakura buries her face into my chest. All I can do is hold her, stroking her head as she calms down. "Thank goodness," she sighs, and I smile.

We stay embraced like that. Finally, I can hold her as something more than a friend in my arms. Finally, I can tell her I love her over and over again. Finally, I don't have to hide my feelings for this sweet girl. Sakura pulls back when she feels calm enough.

"Ah, I messed up your shirt!"

I look down. It's only a bit crumpled. A few tear stains, too, but it'll dry soon enough.

"Don't worry about it," I say, picking up a napkin and gently dabbing her face dry. "It's just a shirt. I'd much rather focus on something positive right now, like you returning my feelings."

Sakura, this time buries her face in her hands, inciting a laugh from me. Again, she's just way too cute.

"Don't mind us. We're just reaffirming our love to each other," I tell the waitress who came by to drop off our ramen bowls.

The waitress winks in response. "I'll leave you to it."

Sakura peeks out and looks around. Thankfully we were seated in a corner away from everyone. "I'm sorry, I caused a scene, didn't I?"

I chuckled. "Don't worry; you only caused a scene when we first walked in."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't notice all the guys staring at you as we walked by?" Sakura shook her head. "I told you earlier, didn't I? You look stunning today."

"Hoe. But, it's not like I'm dressed up or anything."

"Getting all dressed up has nothing to do with it." I grin, combing back a messy strand of hair behind her ear. "It's your white t-shirt."

~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~

Chapter published January 23, 2022